Scorpio's Secrets

Would you tell someone you were newly dating your deepest secret? Especially if it isn't something that would seem or look very favorable in their eyes about you and could potentionally have them question your integrity, morals, etc.? Is it a meaning of trusting them enough? Test or tatic to scare them away from you in case you're getting too close too fast? Or, hope they will end it if you aren't interested enough?

Why would we make ourselves so vulnerable so quickly ?

Yeah, that would be a good way of saying it LOL

@ Fw, I can totally relate as a Cancer with not telling even my closest relationships all of my feelings, let alone everything about me. In time it may come out, and dependent on the situation and only when the trust is built enough. And only when I know I will not freely be judged by them without understanding me deeply enough first.

In rel to the question, if they told you that was their deepest secret? Is that as a gauge then, of the other person? Not quite sure the reason. Why leave yourself as ScorptT said, vulnerable, to someone so quickly. I can't say I would, especially if I knew it was a huge regret let alone not something I would freely share on my own accord about something that could be viewed as lack of morals and of poor character. Not how I perceived it, but generally speaking of a vast maj? Yes.

QS, that's how it was took. The trust was there with me enough that they would confide that. But also where it was confided after a situation where somethings were not fully devulged (lied about), and it came to light in a bad way where I could have ended any wants or desires to continue to date let alone want anything ever to do with them again. Not only did they feel disappointed in themselves but that I should be disappointed in them and should want nothing more to do with them or ever talk to them again. They left the decision to me. It was during that same conversation when they confided their secret which they live with constant regret and nothing they can do to change it. It was then where I felt I could trust that everything they had said was all of the truth concerning the matter in question. It was the only deciding factor in my eyes in having anything more to do with them and felt they told me so I would know that everything they said was the truth, there wasn't any more lies, and their way of saying not only could they trust me but that I should trust them. Within a few days the matter in question is what they and as a reason to longer continue dating but wanted to remain friends. So it now makes me wonder, why would they have confided it if they themselves planned on ending it and not knowing what decision I had come to.

**what they said/used as their reason to no longer continue dating, but wanted us to remain friends.

This was within just a few weeks of us talking (long talks, and about anything and everything) and doing things together. Before that, I only knew of them but any time I had seen them in the past I would always find them watching me or staring at me. And they admitted they had been for years, even when I never realized they were anywhere around let alone within my immediate presence/view.

Sorry about the confusion, makes sense when I'm typing away what's in my head LOL Plus, I hate to get into too many details cuz of the internet LOL

The guy in question is who lied to me, and I had put two and two together the person he lied to me about who was with us (a female) on part of our a weekend date...double date, first I had met her. It was obvious by her behaviour more had gone on between them, or she had feelings etc. Very uncomfortable in my gut, I went on my instincts and said they would probably be together but for reasons they couldn't be. He said probably. Uncomfortable enough, and by hurt and disappointment I would leave and come back and didn't say anything. At one point she touched him in a flirtatious way. When we left, I basically cut the whole situation down to size, and did not mince my words. I didn't yell or accuse anything BUT I said it the way I saw it and he agreed and admitted more had went on between them and came very close to sleeping together and at the last minute stopped, but he has no feelings for her they just are very close friends (and for good reasons in my eyes of why they would be) he went on to say she was out of line, it was disrespectul, unfair to everyone involved and planned to talk to her.

I had no intentions of seeing or talking to him again because he outright lied about them before our date, plus they see each other very frequently for business reasons. I'd be a fool to want to get involved, but too if she didn't know her boundaries and he didn't set them, then it would continue in my eyes with her. I wasn't about to make him end that, or choose, nor did I want to really tell him that in my eyes I felt she was jealous of he and my relationship, because as he said this was the happiest he had been in a long time. Nor did I tell him what I was picking up on from her, because I felt he wouldn't believe me because he feels she only views him as a friend. It was after all of this was discussed, but within the same conversation, where he told me this secret. And said "there, now you know my deepest and darkest secret too." Even after we discussed this all, apparently he didn't like the way I handled it by leaving and coming back during the date, even though he said right after this fiasco of a date, that I should've went off and thanked me for not. But used it as his reason to end it. I have a feeling they talked, she made me out to be the bad guy and advised him to stop seeing me. SMH.

@esheep, well it has gone from bad to worse and basically we both said our 'well wishes'. I finally had told him last week where I was picking up enough from her in what made me say that at the date, about that it was apparent they would be together. He had been doing his admitted MIA from me for a few days and since the last I'd heard from him via text. Words were said, etc. and so I said WTH, I'm defending myself when it comes to my character because I could have EASILY went off on both of them on the date, and I didn't. I handled it the best way I could by both out of respect and couth, and I wasn't going to make a fool of myself. But it wasn't him, but her. I had apologized twice before because I knew I had disappointed and hurt him before he knew why I kept getting up and leaving and felt very bad for him. I thought or understood from him that he completely understood and was fine. After a week of this, he told me he was sorry for it all, is no longer comfortable with this, hopes I find someone nice, I'm a nice girl and deserve the best. I told him I was fine with it not working (figured he couldn't have liked too much to just end it, and I don't beg or plead)that I hated feeling bad because it felt like my character had been questioned, wished him the best because he too deserved it and told him to take care. Next night, we both were supposed to be at the same event but I didn't know if he knew I was there and I hadn't seen him where I was at. Here he comes at the very end and with some gal and holding her hand. I could tell by his actions and her facial expression that he pointed me out to her, I actually thought it was completely planned by them it seemed so obvious, and then stands within clear view of where I'm at with his arm around her. I caught him a few times watching me from the corner of his eye and at one point I found him staring at me/watching me ...I looked at him, then at her, she sees he's watching me, and glares this 'he's mine!' glare...Not so funny at the time, but now I kind of chuckle about her glare. I kept my distance and did my thing, they left, so I waited a few minutes and stepped outside to get some air and have a cig after seeing that *hurt, sad, I really liked him*, open the door and there he stands with some friends and she's no where around. Stares me straight in the eyes, so I go the opposite direction a good distance away, and kept my back to him. And thats the last of it. FML and SMH

QS, ya know, I wondered about that too. 😢 I know Scorps aren't easily influenced, if ever, but I hoped if he was oblvious to it and she denied it, then maybe she could at least keep it done with us if she told him I wasn't the type of woman for him....ya know? And there's no way they can be together for reasons, but it doesn't stop feelings. I even told him that the day of the date, who would willingly want to get into a rel with anyone who had feelings for someone else, and if things changed, years down the line divorce papers are served. But he reassured me he didn't have feelings, it was more of knowing they couldn't that made it the wanting of (which I totally get and understand). We were supposed to talk face to face a week after it all happened, but never got the chance. He told me he didn't see it working with us two days before we were to meet. All of these convos were via text, but he wanted to meet up still if I felt like it and wanted to remain friends...I told him I understood, thanked him for his honesty but when I asked him why he still wanted to meet up,and yes it would be nice to know his reasons, he never responded. That's when I wondered if either they had talked and confessed to each other, but he didn't know how to tell me this so he kept silent, OR....the day of the date, I wondered if it was almost planned that way..for them to have their date, but have dates with them, yada yada yada, ...so the day he said it wasn't going to work, and when he ignored me asking why he still wanted to meet, I figured I was right it was their way of being together, and sent a text telling him how I felt, etc. and basically the whole thing was just a show and I didn't deserve to be pulled into his crap, I was a good person. No reply.(I didn't think he would, but wondered if maybe he thought we could hook up, so I asked the next day)he responds back on the day we were to meet that wasn't it (hooking up), but after seeing how I reacted he decided he didn't want to continue and that obviously I felt he was a terrible person by my last two texts. I about choked. I couldn't believe he would turn it against me so he either lied to me that he thought it was o.k., OR used it as an easy out. And from there, I tried defending myself because I don't want to be thought of by bad character, and then rest is history. I know in my heart there's a lie. I don't understand why he'd want to hurt me the other night with that 'new' gal, yet all the while watching me.

The first two words that popped into my brain before I even clicked on this thread when I read the description was "HELL NO!" lol It's taken 10 or so years for me to finally learn some of the tamer aspects of my Scorpio's bff's life, I imagine it would take another 20 to learn a deep dark secret haha! I love ya'll though 😛

@ ee...Oh no, none of this whole thing about the gal that was double dating with her boyfriend on our date is the actual secret he told me about. It's something completely different and not relevant to the date or her (and of course I won't say what it is 😉 lol ). It was AFTER the date and we talked about them is when he asked what my biggest regret was, so I told him...he then told me about his biggest regret and said "there, now you know my deepest and darkest secret too." So I took him telling me about this thing/secret as him wanting me to know that everything he had told me about this friendship with this gal at the date was all of the truth now nor did he have feelings for her either. Like I should trust him completely and in more ways than one.

Hello No
People have burned me so much
I would NEVER do that.
I leanred my lesson about ppl and trust.
dont mix them.

So for you Scorps, what reason would you tell someone then? What would be your purpose, hopes, fears, or desired result in telling someone? That would be the insight in my question, what would have made him tell me. To scare me off?

I text him a few nights ago and apologized if my texts trying to explain things last week came across insensitive to him or his feelings. I know I would've felt hurt and misunderstood if I were getting them, and told him that...and also that I would've liked to have told him in person but seeing he had a date I didn't feel it was the time to do so. And I wasn't interferrring with that or meaning to upset him more. And I knew he was a good person. He text back thanks and he wasn't upset, he hopes everything goes good for me. I thanked him for accepting my apology, told him something good that had happened for me that he knew I was having some problems with when we were talking-talking...he text back that was great and then ended it with good night.

Tonight I text him about a restaurant he'd wanted to try out, and I'd heard ppl talking about it and if he remembered the name. He text back, but his answers were nice but short. Didn't engage in anything more with me, or ask what I was up to anything like that. So I told him I'd have to research the name and would let him know the name if he went to check it out, he laughed.

Not sure if he's only responding and just being friendly so he isn't being jerky by not responding? If he keeps it short, I'll get the hint that he's only being friendly because he does think I'm "nice" but really doesn't care to talk to me and doesn't give a treetrunk if we ever do talk?