Hurt a Taurus' ego, help please :)

Hi guys, I've been reading the discussions on this board and this seems like the perfect place to come asking for advice, so here goes (and I'll try to keep it short).
I'm an Aries girl, he's a Taurus male, we met about 2 months ago and flirted like crazy on that night, but because I was after another guy that night (someone I had a NSA thing with), I turned down his invitation to go to his place. He left town the following day but we kept in touch online for the following one month and a half, sometimes flirting, sometimes just chatting about everyday life. Three days after he returned to town I was at a party with him AND the NSA guy - it just so happens they're friends! We'd been talking that day, agreed that there was sexual tension between us and promised ourselves that, even if we did meet that night, we wouldn't end up having sex together. Well, good intentions aside, I started flirting with him at that party and at some point he took me to another room and we (secretly) hooked up. My NSA guy noticed and left home without me. Naturally, I left home with the Taurus 🙂 To be fair, though, I did lay my cards on the table and let him know I'd been casually sleeping with his friend and did not want to get between them. He said he was fine with it and kept being very attentive and loving to me. We ended up at his place, had sex, slept, woke up, had sex again and then I finally left.
I was kind of hoping this would work out in a friends with benefits sort of thing, but he didn't call or anything for the following days. So on the third evening I texted him to let him know I'd like to spend the following evening with him, but his reply was that he wasn't sure about his availability and WOULD call me IF he was available tonight. I was a bit disappointed about it, since I thought I'd offered him plenty of "prior notice" so he could MAKE himself available... On the same note, when he didn't call that evening I texted him again to see what was up and when he told he was out of town I snapped. 😢 Told him I wasn't used to waiting for sex or begging for it and perhaps I'd been wrong about him after all... Surprise, surprise, he didn't reply to that! 😢
That was Wednesday evening. By Thursday morning I was already regretting it, mostly because I know he'll only be in town for about a month and a half and I'm sorry I spoiled my chances at having more great sex with him by snapping like that. Truth is, I really don't know what to do now... Please help 🙂

Wait..... So who got their ego hurt—?

Err... I've hurt the Taurus guy's ego by snapping at him? Or didn't I? I'm getting confused here. I mean, even MORE confused than before... All I want is to reestablish a good relationship with him so we can both enjoy some good NSA sex before he has to leave again. Only question is, how do I go about getting that? ....

Agreed Dreamer. Hehehehee. 😄


You categorized and therefore played yourself rebecca. And no Taurus alive is going to jump too when fingers are snapped. We just don't play that way.

"I was kind of hoping this would work out in a friends with benefits sort of thing, but he didn't call or anything for the following days. So on the third evening I texted him to let him know I'd like to spend the following evening with him, but his reply was that he wasn't sure about his availability and WOULD call me IF he was available tonight."


*smfh*

Ahhhhh yeh. Completely. ^^

Grrrrr.... I STILL don't understand! 😢 He'd pursued me for over a month and I had told him, more than once, that even when it came to casual sex I didn't want to rush into things because my number of sex partners was low (and it really is!) and I didn't want to increase it unless it was with someone really good, really special... He said he respected that and even that night when we were flirting and kissing I tried resisting, wondering (out loud, LOL), whether that would change things for us for the worst.... Of course, when he didn't call after the amazing sex we had had... it did cross my mind that maybe everything he had said before was just bullshit meant to get him into my pants....
Anyway, long story short, I couldn't just sit here and do nothing so I sent him a private message saying I was sorry about Wednesday and explaining most of my reaction was due to the fact that I wanted him so much, that sex with him had been SO good it made me lose control.... Just for the record, it takes a lot for an Aries to swallow her pride and admit she was wrong, I hope it does help - one way or another.
As for finding another plaything - I have more than one, but it's this guy I want and I want him bad!

"Three days after he returned to town I was at a party with him AND the NSA guy - it just so happens they're friends! We'd been talking that day, agreed that there was sexual tension between us and promised ourselves that, even if we did meet that night, we wouldn't end up having sex together. Well, good intentions aside, I started flirting with him at that party and at some point he took me to another room and we (secretly) hooked up."

^ Here.

"I did lay my cards on the table and let him know I'd been casually sleeping with his friend and did not want to get between them."

^ And here.


"So on the third evening I texted him to let him know I'd like to spend the following evening with him, but his reply was that he wasn't sure about his availability and WOULD call me IF he was available tonight. I was a bit disappointed about it, since I thought I'd offered him plenty of "prior notice" so he could MAKE himself available..."

^ Here again.

Posted by rebecca83
Grrrrr.... I STILL don't understand!

Alright, so let me break it down to you.. Sure he might be into you, pursuing you. At the very least I think its fair to say he was/is interested in you.. First you told him that you where having casual sex with his friend. For me, I'll never let a girl get in the way or risk stress to a friendship. That didn't seem to write you off completely to him but I bet it has given him a hesitation.. Second, you told him your into the casual sex thing by telling him that about his friend. You want casual? alright you got casual.... haha that means your by far 'not' his every breath, his every waking thought.. Don't expect to be. That said, I think its fair to say that you weren't his top priority, Even though from what you've wrote you felt you should have been.. So when you summoned him to your side, he 'casually' told you he 'would' if he had time....

"I thought I'd offered him plenty of "prior notice" so he could MAKE himself available."

haha If I get the whiff of someone who doesn't have the place 'telling' vs. 'asking' I have a strong drive to dig my heels in and maybe even do the very opposite with a big 'Oh yeah, well fuck you *grin' lol No, not the best approach but that's just the way I'm geared... lol ... So either you got him to dig his heels in, or you just weren't on his list of things to 'Do' lol.. He didn't make it.. That's fine, try again later.. But instead you dug yourself deeper, when you didn't get what you wanted when you wanted it. 'Your' ego got hurt. And you threw a fit...

"Told him I wasn't used to waiting for sex or begging for it and perhaps I'd been wrong about him after all"

lol I'd be very surprised if that message wasn't met with something similar to a "Alright, fuck you then" "Queen of the world..." thought on his part. haha, So in a nutshell where you might have just missed him last time because of the time he had for your priority level. You very well might have pissed it all away with your little tantrum...

Hope that helps...

Do you see now rebecca?

Guys, I do see your points and I do appreciate the help. If anything I've learned that not everyone can handle the blunt honesty I deliver all too often. However, you are missing some info mainly because I haven't made myself clear right from the start.
For one thing, the reason I told my Taurus that I had slept with his friend was because I knew they were drinking buddies and the chances of him finding out from his friend were quite high. I took my honesty to the extremes and also told him the number of men I'd slept with in general was very low, and that I picked them really carefully, since I didn't want one-night-stands but quality NSA sex... On that night when we hooked up and I told him about his friend his exact reply was "I don't mind that, I'm much more open-minded than you'd think"...
The other thing is I did write him a short apology to which he didn't reply, instead he switched to appearing permanently offline to me on Yahoo Messenger. I wonder why he didn't delete me from the list altogether? Also, he hasn't deleted me from his FB friends, nor does he sign out of chat if I happen to sign in... SO he's cut some of the communications off, but not all of them, which leaves me with a little bit of hope. Or is he just being considerate in a very weird, cruel kind of way?
Third, shortly after our conflict I started getting text messages and calls from a friend of his, who got my number from him, and who keeps asking me out...
I could just turn my back on the whole story and accept defeat... but what if I am missing out on something great? He was such a kind, careful, considerate, and gifted lover that one night when we slept together...

P.S. I've never even considered going back to sleeping with his friend again... or hooking up with another man, for that matter...

Posted by rebecca83
I texted him to let him know I'd like to spend the following evening with him, but his reply was that he wasn't sure about his availability and WOULD call me IF he was available tonight.

all that niceness was just a game to use you for sex, trust me maybe he will want to hook up again but most likely he won't, my taurus friend calles them after and makes fun of them, so unless you are a lowlife hoe cut all means of communication with him, he might be there for u, be ur bestie, act innocent, just to get it in, gemini scorpio and aries guys are better at it anyway, read my thread on taurus guys you'll be shocked


https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/taurus/what-you-need-to-know-about-taurus-guys-2650684/

oh, i think the reason you feel this way is because you've gotten emotionally attached, which isn't a big deal because that's what sex can do. but on his part, he's got what he wanted from you and doesn't feel the need to be courteous towards you, give closure or anything like that. which is pretty immature, but there you go.

you don't know if he has a girlfriend, if he's the hit and run type...not every man does the fwb thing. some just get off on sleeping with lots of different people. plus, he didn't agree to fwb. yeah, and the friend thing is another issue. usually, guys don't like sharing. plus, i don't like the fact his friend got your number from him. what's that about? did he ask you first?

i would personally cut off all contact from him, put it down to experience and find someone better suited to your needs. maybe he was 'a kind, considerate and gifted lover' but that doesn't make him a kind and considerate person.

KingOfAries, I appreciate your input and I have read several of your posts, but it's hard to get a clear message across when your posts are littered with insults. Whether or not I choose to hook up with the guy again does not make me a whore or a saint, or stupid or smart... I make my choices and sometimes they are wrong, but I try to own up to them and deal with the consequences as best I can.
He has indeed been very nice to me and I have indeed bought into the nicety. I don't feel like he used me for sex, though, because the pleasure was mutual, I can assure you, and if anything I might have enjoyed it more than he did.
As for how good other signs are at sex - off topic, I know 🙂 - I've only dealt with a gemini who was great with words but it pretty much ended there and an Aries who rightfully earned his title of "sex god" 😛 But again, I try not to judge a person only based on their sign, whether it's about sex or something else. Anyway, point taken. If I ever hook up with the guy again I'll be some stupid lifeless hoe in your mind. I guess I can deal with that 🙂


nimbue, I agree that he's immature, he's only 21! but we'd been talking about this online and he kept complaining how girls his age were just stupid and silly and he didn't want the complications of a relationship, as he'd been in one for about 2 years and then shied away from long-term relationships... how he kept falling for pretty girls only to fall out of love when he discovered how shallow and immature they were... I know most of it was crap meant to impress me (and hey, it worked! 😄 ), but I did believe the part where he said he'd rather just have a fuck buddy than an actual relationship...

as for him sharing my phone number without my permission... that was downright rude and inconsiderate! just like you said he was as a person 🙂

anyway, I'm not exactly bitter about it and I do have another man in my life, again, outside of an actual relationship since I don't WANT a relationship... 🙂 but, in true Aries, I don't like to give up without a fight, I'm trying to make sure I'm choosing my battles wisely. Or at least learning some lessons in life...

i can understand the aries thing, about not backing down! but he's done you a big favour, let's face it, a fwb shouldn't be so much effort. what's the new guys sign?

and yeah, i swear men don't really mature till they're past 30?

nimbue, the new guy is actually my ex boyfriend... long story short, we dated for 8 years and then split because I can't offer him the family he wants and thought it would be fair to set him free so he can go looking for a girl who can really make him happy. four months after the split he came to me saying I was the only one who made him happy and while a relationship was still not possible between us - nor did I want one, to be honest - we agreed on a friends with benefits sort of thing, accent on the "friends". He treats me like a queen, we've agreed on being non-exclusive and we ARE emotionally attached to each other - it's the main reason why I can't get attached to any other man no matter how good he is as a lover.

he's a sagitarrius, by the way, and, strangely enough, sex with him has improved greatly since there's no longer the pressure of a relationship weighing on us... we agreed to do this for as long as we are both happy with it and so far we are, but we are limiting our time together to limit the risk of deepening the bond. sort of. THAT's not really working, lol 😛

out of respect for him I don't tell him about other men I've slept with or intend to sleep with, and he doesn't ask. that's mutual. 🙂

anyway, I've followed your advice, blocked his status updates on Facebook to avoid being reminded of him every day but without actually removing him from my friends... and switched to appearing permanently offline to him on Yahoo Messenger, which was our other line of communication. IF he ever tries to get back in touch, I'll decide on the spot how to deal with it. If not, I'll be at peace with myself, knowing, understanding, finally, that while snapping at him might have been a mistake in terms of ruining my prospects of hooking up with him again, it was beneficial long-term since it allowed me to avoid further frustration and disappointment 🙂

thank you for your kind words, they have contributed greatly to making me understand a very simple fact. I want him, but not badly enough to allow him to treat me like a rag, and that's the end of it 🙂

aww, your welcome! 🙂 i'm glad you were able to make a decision, i always think it's worse when everything's hanging in the balance like that...and yes, the facebook thing. i don't like deleting guys i've fallen out with off it because it seems petty? but i also hate seeing their stupid faces on my news feed so think i'll take a leaf out of your book...block status updates...ah, that's better 😄

Be honest with yourself. Why are you so pissed off?

Is it because he didn't jump to your words or is it because you feel rejected and are wanting something more?

^^ This has merit.

I took it as such, it's a good point. 🙂

And there again this brings up maturity level. Tantrums are not attractive in either young or old.
Choices made are not always wise, every action has a reaction and so on. And men and women both need to grasp that polishing yon corn filled coil does not make it a golden statue. On another note..if you present yourself as slore, don't be shocked when you're treated as such. Lil' public service announcement. 🙂