Me and the Sag man...

...have broken up 😢

We had an argument on Friday and on Saturday he wouldn't speak to me, he was making it clear it was over. He rang me last night, but I just said that I didn't think things were working out. I feel soooooo horrible; he was shocked, he thought we'd be ok. Things haven't been that great with us; we don't spend weekends together, he thought I was nonchalant about how I felt about him, but I was trying to not overcrowd him or nag him, I didn't know if he thought we had a real future together, there were a whole load of outside issues that were affecting him but he didn't want to really talk about them with me so there was always a distance between us, nothing had progressed in the 7 months we were together, it still felt like we weren't 'together' in a proper way, it was just dating and that wasn't enough for me.

He said we could work on these things, and even though I desperately wanted to say yes, we could work on them, there was something inside me that stopped me, I can't explain what it was.

I feel really bad, haven't felt like this over a split for about 5 years. His silence over this weekend made me re-appraise our relationship and in a sense I feel like I suddenly saw it for what it was instead of making excuses for it like I had been to my friends and family (we never spent time with our friends and family together, another thing that I wasn't comfortable with).

I hope I've done the right thing...

I think you absolutely did the right thing. If something switched on inside you and told you things weren't on the level, then they aren't.
If he gave you a bell and told you things were over then indeed they were in his mind, or he was bluffing. Either way, you did what was right for you.
Now, devote some time to yourself. Treat yourself right, hurt and heal.
I do wish men out there knew that our hearts are in the right place. We give them space, they equate it with rejection. We're up in their face, they weary of it. And just because a woman is silent, it doesn't mean she doesn't care. And it flows both ways. A bit of acknowledgement and praise goes far.

Thanks venusianbull, your reply means a lot 🙂

I definitely need a lot of time before I can even think about dating or being interested in anyone else. I'm so sad it had to end like this, but in a way I'm glad that I did end it rather than us trundling on. Before I left his house on Saturday he remarked that I was always so negative about us, but I see it as trying to tell him when I'm not happy with something. Last night he talked about changing how he was, but I told him that I didn't want that, that he shouldn't have to change (and neither should I) in order for us to fit together well and be happy. People can only change because of personal growth not because their partner has expressed that they are unhappy with an aspect of their behaviour. I ended it by saying that maybe we're just not the right fit together and that that was no one's fault. He agreed (he's always very logical) but he text later to say he loved and missed me and that he didn't want us to end and I felt like my heart was being ripped out.

I'm rambling now, sorry!

No need for apologies. 🙂 It's good to push it all out there. Just to unload hurt is cathartic. I'm sure you're bewildered, sad, and on the heels of that will come anger. I welcomed that when things fell apart for me, it was a clean burn and it sliced through the numbness fast.
I think what you told him was the absolute truth for yourself and how you saw the both of you in the relationship. That takes guts to be that honest.
Take the time you need to look at yourself in the mirror with head held high. When you're ready to come out swinging again you'll know. 🙂
The absolute best of luck to you! On your journey, no matter where it leads you.

Thanks for you comments purpledot, I appreciate what you're saying.

I'm still confused about what to do. I don't know what that means anymore. Normally if I end something I'll be sad but I'll know it's the right thing to do. In this situation I just don't know.

I'm gonna spend some quality time with my duvet, junk food and dvds for a few days and hope a light bulb pops up in my head letting me know the right way to go.

While I appreciate your point of view and situation purpledot, I'm going to stand by my posts. She felt something within herself that said the situation wasn't right. You should always trust your gut. If it says to beat cheeks, then you should. Nice to meet you and welcome. 🙂

Pfffffft. We're all Bulls here, if I got offended I'd get over it quickly enough. I am a romantic at heart, same as yourself. And I do believe that a good and strong relationship is worth striving for with everything you have in you. I do. Honest engine. But you cannot go by heart alone all the time. Every so often there's a twinge. Some bury it, ignore it, and pay the price weeks, years, and at times decades down the road. No one is perfect and waiting on someone to make you happy when deep down everything is screaming at you that you're miserable? That's no way to live. Being alone and lonely is one thing, with someone and lonely is just hell.
It is within each and every one of us to be strong on our OWN first. We cannot enter into any relationship, whether it's with family, friends, lovers, spouses, raising our children... anyone and be whole without being strong for ourself.

i'm new to the forum too and just wanted to echo that copperhead, you did the right thing. just because it hurts doesn't mean you made a bad decision. you said your relationship isn't progressing, that he's not spending time with you on the weekends, that you haven't met each other's families...so what's the point? this is one of those, "he's just not that into you" moments and even if he is, when/if he comes back, he will do so with the intent of rectifying the issues of the past.

i think taureans have a tendency to stay too long. we don't want to pressure and we want the real thing so sometimes we justify a slow/no-moving relationship with a "worth the wait" mentality. no, maybe it's not time to meet families yet, but should you be seeing each other more regularly on the wkds after dating 7 months, hell yeah!

it sounds as if he broke taurean rule #1 - security. without that, there isn't a future for you with this guy. better to realize that 7 months in than 70...trust me

I want to thank you all for your comments, they've all helped me in different ways.

While I understand that me and the Sag did share a wonderful love, right at the moment it isn't enough. As tubbyscubby says, and welcome by the way 🙂 Taureans need security. I absolutely crave it in a relationship. While I understand that relationships may not last forever, I cannot be with a man who cannot say that that is his intention at that moment. And I think I'd waited long enough to see if the relationship was moving forward; it appeared not to be in mayn key ways.

So I'm going to stick by my decision for the moment. We will see each other quite regularly because our social lives take us to the same places (which is why I'm avoiding them at the moment!) and I'm willing to see what happens when we do see each other. Usually I'm not that fussed when I see an ex again if I've let enough time pass. I'll see what happens with him.

Thanks again for all your advice and kind words.