Maybe I'm Overreacting?

Okay.... so.... I've been dating this Sag guy now for a little over two months. Some of you know the deal here and know some of the issues that I've had/been having with him. So to summarize, I spoke with him about needing some space from him (not breaking up or anything, just some physical distance) and I also found out that my best friend told him last weekend that if he doesn't back off from me some and give me my space that he was gonna lose me. He doesnt know that I am aware of this conversation, however last week I told him that I was going to have a busy week getting ready for the Holidays and since he would be spending Christmas Eve at my house, maybe he should plan on spending more time at home so I could get some things done. So, last week we did not see each other Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. This is the longest we have gone without seeing one another.

Now, on to the topic.... We were on the phone Tuesday evening and I mentioned how I wish I would've bought a book for myself when we were in the book store Christmas shopping because since he had been going home more, I would've had time to read which is a past time of mine that has fallen to the wayside since he has been staying over so much. So, during my ride home from work on Wednesday evening, he tells me that I MAY have a surprise waiting for me at my house when I arrive. I'm puzzled and ask him what he has done? He says "it's nothing big, but I hope you see it." So, I ask where I should look and he tells me on my bed. WTF!!???? So, when I get home, I find on my bed, the book I was looking at along with a bag of my favorite candy and a note from him telling me to enjoy them. I know this is a really sweet gesture and that I should be happy about it... and I am.... however, I can't help but think about the fact that he came into my house without asking me or telling me that he was going by there!!!!! I feel completely violated. I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to hurt his feelings, I know he was being sweet and doing something great for me, but I feel like he invaded my space. He has been at my house without me a few times, but NEVER without me knowing about it. I wouldn't have cared had he asked me if he could stop by and pick up something of his, but he DIDN'T! My sister says to let it go, he obviously didnt think it was a big deal since he is there so much, but to me.... it MATTERS!!!

What do I do? Any suggestions?

i would feel violated and creeped out by this too.....he was being thoughtful and wanted to surprise you and since he obviously has a key to your place, he thought nothing of it.

maybe get your locks changed though.

wtffffffff

I hate to be a fence straddler, because I usually really feel strongly about things one way or another, but in this instance @ first blush I was like: "WTF!" But, on the other hand, if he has keys (which I'm assuming he does, unless he shimmied through your window), it's kind of giving him permission to enter. I'm not saying 100% across the board, but I can guaranfriggintee that if I didn't want somebody in my house when I wasn't there...I wouldn't give them a key. But, that's just me. I know people will say, "Well, he should have told you, etc" and I agree; however, when you give a person a key, they could pretty much be rummaging through your butter at anytime without your knowledge... I'm just saying.

Yea, this brings up an interesting point. Does he have keys to your joint or did he break in?

No, he does not have a key. He does however know where my spare is kept because he has used it before.... WITH MY PERMISSION. That is the difference here!

Posted by ?_uvis
well it made my eyes go big when i was reading it...

i assume it would have been safe on your front door...

to me yes this would be a big deal...

OMG!!! Exactly what I was thinking!

Okay, to answer multiple posts above, he is at my house a lot... more than I would like for him to be... part of the problem actually. Too much in my space all the time. I am sure he thought it was not a problem since I have allowed him there without me a time or two, but always I was on my way within a few minutes and I told him to go ahead and let himself in. So, he is very comfortable there, but I still feel VIOLATED! I also have roommates, so when I found out he had gone inside, I immediately asked him... "Oh, was anyone home?" to which he replied "Nope, not a soul!" I guess he didnt get the under-tone in my voice of irritation!!! IDK.... or maybe he did!

Posted by Jason2213
*pushes mental shock aside*

Bright Side: He meant well.

*bites thumb*

I know Jason. Thats why it's such a tough predicament for me. I don't want to upset him, but it was a bit over the edge for me.

i'd wait a couple days and see if he seems to get it...that you need space and that he made you uncomfortable. if not.....well it's all up to you really.

I don't know the man so take my words with a grain of salt...

If you had given me a key, then I would think it was okay...

But in this case, no key was given. Could he have been worried that if he left the gift on your front door, that it would have disappeared?

Posted by VirgoHero
I don't know the man so take my words with a grain of salt...

If you had given me a key, then I would think it was okay...

But in this case, no key was given. Could he have been worried that if he left the gift on your front door, that it would have disappeared?

Ummmm...... yeah, If I'd have given him a key, I wouldnt be upset either!

IDK... He's an absolute sweetheart, so I know he meant no harm, but COME ON!!!!!

Posted by trifles light as air*
i'd wait a couple days and see if he seems to get it...that you need space and that he made you uncomfortable. if not.....well it's all up to you really.

I have a feeling I'm gonna have to tell him.

Maybe I will just move my key to a new spot then he won't know where its at!

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
I am sure he thought it was not a problem since I have allowed him there without me a time or two, but always I was on my way within a few minutes and I told him to go ahead and let himself in. So, he is very comfortable there, but I still feel VIOLATED!

Ok, this changes the complexity completely for me. I would say "Nada, Zilch, Null, Void!" Do NOT violate someones home because you "know" where the keys are???? I have multiple friends that I know where their spares are, but I don't go traipsing through their homes without being invited. ONCE, I let myself into my friends house when she wasn't there (I have keys to her house), but I left her a note and explained that when I was there last, I left something important and it was close to my work place, so I went in, but I rang the doorbell first and DID leave her a note explaining, and of course called her too. While his heart was in the right place, it was a violation. Hell, I don't even go by a guys house that I'm dating without calling first; so, I definitely wouldn't be letting myself into their home if I "knew" where there spare key was...no matter how long we had been dating. It's a privacy issue...and I am very private, so yeah, I would have been pissed too LeoLady!

IM EXACTLY the same way USCTG. I would've NEVER go into his house without calling first, even though I know where his key is as well. I guess not everyone thinks that way though. It just seems a little rude to me as well. Especially since he knows that I have roommates and I am always consciencious of their space and their comfort. One of my roommates is my sister so she's a bit different, but I still ALWAYS tell her when I might be having someone go by there or come by even if she is not gonna be there. It's just the respectful thing to do. I WOULD NEVER enter someone's house... EVEN my PARENTS house without their knowledge!