crzy4dabroncos
@crzy4dabroncos
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 5 · Topics: 2
Pisces woman needs help dealing with a Taurus man
This isn't a astrological sign thing more so than it's just a difference in communication which ties into what you think and feel you deserve in your relationship and upholding that standard not just with him but with any man.
Do you feel you deserve to be ignored? Is being ignored a deal breaker for you? What do YOU feel about how you're being treated and what are YOU going to do about it because you see it's not really about him and his choice to ignore, it's about how his behavior effects you and what you're going to do so you can be happy, if you're seeking a resolution with him then you won't get one, you won't be happy but if you take the reigns into your own hands and do something to make sure you're content and happy despite his little boy behavior then he stops being a little boy and meet you half way as an adult male.
Instead of you pulling teeth to get him to talk instead go find something else to focus on, stop playing mommy by coaxing the truth out of him, instead go take care of yourself and allow him some space to learn OR HIMSELF THROUGH HIS OWN ACTIONS that if he ignore you then he can't have you.
He's not really hurting you, he's hurting himself b/c every woman he ignores be it you or the next girl he'll be LOSING his woman due to his own poor treatment towards you or any woman for that matter. He has to LEARN FOR HIMSELF that his behavior isn't aligning itself with what he truly wants to have which is a relationship with a beautiful woman but if you sit there asking and coaxing and passively begging him to open up well you are ENABLING this behavior to continue, the way you enable is you PAY ATTENTION to the very thing you don't want, he gets to ACT BAD/BE BAD and he gets MORE ATTENTION instead of LESS ATTENTION thus he quickly learns if he ignore you he can get MORE instead of less and therefore the behavior continues b/c there is no incentive to stop ignoring you when he's getting more of what he craves which is more attention, more control and power over your happiness thus if he's getting more, more attention, more compassion, more understanding why stop.
Your role in this is to back off, leave him alone thus he'll quickly learn that if he's ignoring you he won't get more he'll get less and the incentive to stop ignoring you to get more of you becomes his priority, no longer is he ignoring you b/c he'll learn doing that puts him in a losing position.
Change how you react and respond to his ignoring and most likely he'l
Do you feel you deserve to be ignored? Is being ignored a deal breaker for you? What do YOU feel about how you're being treated and what are YOU going to do about it because you see it's not really about him and his choice to ignore, it's about how his behavior effects you and what you're going to do so you can be happy, if you're seeking a resolution with him then you won't get one, you won't be happy but if you take the reigns into your own hands and do something to make sure you're content and happy despite his little boy behavior then he stops being a little boy and meet you half way as an adult male.
Instead of you pulling teeth to get him to talk instead go find something else to focus on, stop playing mommy by coaxing the truth out of him, instead go take care of yourself and allow him some space to learn OR HIMSELF THROUGH HIS OWN ACTIONS that if he ignore you then he can't have you.
He's not really hurting you, he's hurting himself b/c every woman he ignores be it you or the next girl he'll be LOSING his woman due to his own poor treatment towards you or any woman for that matter. He has to LEARN FOR HIMSELF that his behavior isn't aligning itself with what he truly wants to have which is a relationship with a beautiful woman but if you sit there asking and coaxing and passively begging him to open up well you are ENABLING this behavior to continue, the way you enable is you PAY ATTENTION to the very thing you don't want, he gets to ACT BAD/BE BAD and he gets MORE ATTENTION instead of LESS ATTENTION thus he quickly learns if he ignore you he can get MORE instead of less and therefore the behavior continues b/c there is no incentive to stop ignoring you when he's getting more of what he craves which is more attention, more control and power over your happiness thus if he's getting more, more attention, more compassion, more understanding why stop.
Your role in this is to back off, leave him alone thus he'll quickly learn that if he's ignoring you he won't get more he'll get less and the incentive to stop ignoring you to get more of you becomes his priority, no longer is he ignoring you b/c he'll learn doing that puts him in a losing position.
Change how you react and respond to his ignoring and most likely he'l
Tiki is always awesome.
My way of thinking is:
Good dog = gets the treat (The treat being You. Your attention & affections etc..)
Bad dog = NO treat. (You pay him NONE of the above. Until he comes back to his senses)
Rinse & repeat as necessary.
Simple.
My way of thinking is:
Good dog = gets the treat (The treat being You. Your attention & affections etc..)
Bad dog = NO treat. (You pay him NONE of the above. Until he comes back to his senses)
Rinse & repeat as necessary.
Simple.
Change how you react and respond to his ignoring and most likely he'll have no incentive to ignore you again once he recognize you won't beg, you won't plead and coax and display hurt feelings he'll be forced to speak to you to HAVE YOU, it's his loss "the not talking" part of your relationship so HE'LL have to do something about his behavior to get the benefits of having you in his life.
Tiki: wow...you've given me a lot of food for thought. I was trying that approach the first time, but the 2nd time arise and it sting a little more now we're dealing with thus again (know the first 2 times I pretty much knew why he was upset, this time I can only guess....it doesn't make sense) but I'm trying to hold my head high and take the Hugh road
....take the high road. So I followed ur suggestion last night & he finally came around. Now do I bring up what happened or leave it alone?
Cuz it's only time b4 it happens again.....ugh....it's soooooooo childish! I know it's partly cuz of his past with other females he was with.....idk....I know it's something that I hafta give some REAL thought to. Like I said I live him to death, I can see a future with him, but not if this continues. Cuz we've talked about having kids in about a year & first, it's gunna be VERY expensive cuz we have to go thru a surrogate (I had a hysterectomy at a young age after I had my 2nd child) and what if thus happens cuz he doesn't like how I discipline our kid so he ignores me for 3 days (that's the average that it lasts), what's that gunna teach our kid?
LOTS to think about!!!!
Again, THANK YOU for the boost of confidence!
Cuz it's only time b4 it happens again.....ugh....it's soooooooo childish! I know it's partly cuz of his past with other females he was with.....idk....I know it's something that I hafta give some REAL thought to. Like I said I live him to death, I can see a future with him, but not if this continues. Cuz we've talked about having kids in about a year & first, it's gunna be VERY expensive cuz we have to go thru a surrogate (I had a hysterectomy at a young age after I had my 2nd child) and what if thus happens cuz he doesn't like how I discipline our kid so he ignores me for 3 days (that's the average that it lasts), what's that gunna teach our kid?
LOTS to think about!!!!
Again, THANK YOU for the boost of confidence!
Leave it alone, just let him come to you and talk about it, it's a timing issue as well, if the timing if wrong well you are back at square one, if the timing is right he'll open right on up to you. When the timing is wrong he'll shut down and it'll appear he's freezing you out and you'll turn into a needy mess trying to pull it all out of him, that's just not necessary, sometimes you have to learn how to let it go (for now) and approach it later, you also have to learn how to shift away from him when he's doing something YOU don't like b/c you've been making it all about HIM HIM HIM and thus he has no real incentive to care about you and your feelings, the nagging, pulling teeth, pleading, begging makes it all about him and he's learned from that if he behaves a certain way you'll make it all about him and his behavior.
When he's doing something you don't like and you want to preserve the relationship and keep it balanced and somewhat equal you have to walk away, tell him you love him, kiss him and go home or go hang with your friends but whatever you do don't sit there with him when he's stonewalling you, do not enable by trying to fix his feelings and fix his thoughts, DON'T DO THAT, it's not your job as his girlfriend to do that, it's his job as your protector to ensure you are safe, you are happy, and you are satisfied with him but if you take his role away by trying to protect him then the roles reverse.
It's going to happen again and again and again, you set up a pattern with him where you are the one begging, pleading, coaxing passively to get the truth of what's going on out of him so now it will take time to set up a new pattern, it could take days, maybe even weeks but the more you STICK with moving away from him when he's moody and ignoring the more he'll eventually learn HE'S LOSING, he's losing you, losing sex, losing affection, it's the "light bulb" moment that will change it all around, once he recognize that his behavior is working against him b/c he can't have you and stonewall at the same time HE'LL CHANGE ON HIS OWN, you won't have to do anything but you do have to behave a certain way to get the nonverbal message across.
When he's doing something you don't like and you want to preserve the relationship and keep it balanced and somewhat equal you have to walk away, tell him you love him, kiss him and go home or go hang with your friends but whatever you do don't sit there with him when he's stonewalling you, do not enable by trying to fix his feelings and fix his thoughts, DON'T DO THAT, it's not your job as his girlfriend to do that, it's his job as your protector to ensure you are safe, you are happy, and you are satisfied with him but if you take his role away by trying to protect him then the roles reverse.
It's going to happen again and again and again, you set up a pattern with him where you are the one begging, pleading, coaxing passively to get the truth of what's going on out of him so now it will take time to set up a new pattern, it could take days, maybe even weeks but the more you STICK with moving away from him when he's moody and ignoring the more he'll eventually learn HE'S LOSING, he's losing you, losing sex, losing affection, it's the "light bulb" moment that will change it all around, once he recognize that his behavior is working against him b/c he can't have you and stonewall at the same time HE'LL CHANGE ON HIS OWN, you won't have to do anything but you do have to behave a certain way to get the nonverbal message across.
I'm not sure why you 2 would be discussing babies, that's just not even necessary, no marriage no baby talk, unless he's cemented the deal as in put a ring on your finger, set the date then it's all just talk and this too could be why he's ignoring you, he's attempting to SLOW THINGS DOWN by ignoring you, there isn't really anything wrong, yeah he'll make something up but realistically he's scared and when a man is scared it's either a flight response (run/ignore) or fight response (you coaxing what's wrong out of him) which is his way of fighting with you.
You have children so cool it on moving ahead of him with the baby talk, even if he's the one bringing it up, try listening more rather than planning, men talk about a lot of things they don't mean, he may want babies but he may not want a baby with you given you have 2 kids already, it's misleading but it is what it is.
If his average ignoring is 3 days, well make it 4 days, out ignore him, you can't talk it out to resolve it, men understand actions not words, just out last him and he'll stop it or he'll eventually move on but all in all it's still his loss. You can't continue to allow him to LEAVE you/DUMP you whilst still being in the relationship, that's not fair to you, he's dumping you in the relationship for an average of 3 days, the only way that will stop is you do him the exact same way, if it's 3 days then make it 4, meaning if he comes back after 3 days don't answer and wait it out, he then LEARNS quite quickly that you're not going to be there when he comes back thus he has to change his game/routine up that benefits him and you or he's going to LOSE you, men in general hate losing.
This is how you deal with a man period, you can't be available for poor treatment b/c if you are available then he learns from YOU that he can neglect you/treat you poorly and you'll still be there, so something has to change on your end.
You have children so cool it on moving ahead of him with the baby talk, even if he's the one bringing it up, try listening more rather than planning, men talk about a lot of things they don't mean, he may want babies but he may not want a baby with you given you have 2 kids already, it's misleading but it is what it is.
If his average ignoring is 3 days, well make it 4 days, out ignore him, you can't talk it out to resolve it, men understand actions not words, just out last him and he'll stop it or he'll eventually move on but all in all it's still his loss. You can't continue to allow him to LEAVE you/DUMP you whilst still being in the relationship, that's not fair to you, he's dumping you in the relationship for an average of 3 days, the only way that will stop is you do him the exact same way, if it's 3 days then make it 4, meaning if he comes back after 3 days don't answer and wait it out, he then LEARNS quite quickly that you're not going to be there when he comes back thus he has to change his game/routine up that benefits him and you or he's going to LOSE you, men in general hate losing.
This is how you deal with a man period, you can't be available for poor treatment b/c if you are available then he learns from YOU that he can neglect you/treat you poorly and you'll still be there, so something has to change on your end.
Ultimately it's about self control. Are you willing and able to control yourself mentally, emotionally and physically so the relationship can move on a new more positive direction?
I know you think and feel it's about him and his behavior but it's not, it's about you and how you respond and react to his behavior, it's about you choosing to show up for the relationship even when you know he's treating you half ass and it's about the message he's receiving from you for behaving that way, it's about the message he's receiving from you each and every time you show up for the relationship after he's ignored you for 3 days. Understand?
It's not about him, it's about you.....
I know you think and feel it's about him and his behavior but it's not, it's about you and how you respond and react to his behavior, it's about you choosing to show up for the relationship even when you know he's treating you half ass and it's about the message he's receiving from you for behaving that way, it's about the message he's receiving from you each and every time you show up for the relationship after he's ignored you for 3 days. Understand?
It's not about him, it's about you.....
Posted by TAURUSbelle
Tiki is always awesome.
My way of thinking is:
Good dog = gets the treat (The treat being You. Your attention & affections etc..)
Bad dog = NO treat. (You pay him NONE of the above. Until he comes back to his senses)
Rinse & repeat as necessary.
Simple.
aint she! her advice is always on point.
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