Taurus Men- Can you help me understand this?

I just got into an altercation with my love. I'm trying to understand his end, but I really don't. Any thinking you see that makes sense, I would appreciate clarification cause I'm quite confused.

Long story long:
There was a girl that he hooked up with before we were dating, in another country. This is very unlike him, he's had few partners, is pretty religious, very relationship oriented. Fast forward, we are dating, this girl is constantly posting love songs on his page. I see it, but ignore it. He always had some sort to female fan club. Finally he confides in me about what happened, and how he feels so bad about it, but was clear to the girl that nothing could happen with them. (he wasn't feeling it) And she was a bit obsessive/delusional. Well he told me all this, and I was just a good friend to him. Understanding and advising him, unbiasedly. This brought us closer. And he's a sweet guy, very honest/sincere. Fast forward, as she continues to post things on his page, I get a big annoyed/feeling territorial. So he's sensing this. Finally I just blocked her bc I don't wanna see that, and figured he would sort it out in his own slow way.

He called her once to explain, she didn't understand. Now yesterday his mood was off. He said he was overwhelmed with school and 'stuff' I find out later he called her again to explain things: Basically we can't be together. I'm sorry, i don't feel that way about you. I should have never been intimate with you. And: I'm with someone else. He didn't tell me this till the end of the night. Then he said "I did what I needed to do/" And I was like, "What was that?" He was like can you just trust me on this one and leave it alone? I was like I do trust you but I want to know. What I loved about our interaction, is we are good friends before lovers and both secretive in nature- but share everything and trust each other. So the fact that he was putting up a wall made me feel awful. Then he was like I feel like it's between her, god, and me. And he was like, just like when she asked about you, I didnt mention it bc it's between u and I. I think that's just bs rationalizing honestly. And it just threw me off balance. I got upset and said, well this is not the kind of relationship I want so if this is what you want you might not want me. If you want a submissive chick that you can be secretive with ITS NOT ME. I want a partnership with trust and no secrets. He was like I want to be with you, this isn't the case...but the

vibes were SO OFF between us at this point. Basically the train was going so we had to part. He left me with, "I think this is a small thing we will get over. I love you." I just said ok, bye. He really hurt my feelings. knowing him, I'm sure he does have the best intentions. But I don't appreciate the application. He said he was trying to protect us and me from all of this. Basically he blocked her online. And she's in another country, so this is essentially removing her from his life. I trust the things he says, and I know he's with me, and she's a non issue. I was just hurt that he didn't feel he could talk to me about it. But it probably wasn't personal. Regardless it made me feel bad.

Later he texted me " I am sorry for today. I am still struggling with myself and entrusting my issues and problems to anyone. i wish you a restful night. Good night." I just feel confused and off balance about all this. It sucks too cause I'm going out of town in a few days, and this was really left field. We were doing (and prob are underneath this) quite well. But it made me feel suspicious, bc I really don't wanna be in the kind of relationships where things are hidden in the sake of male dominance..ie. "just trust me on this." bs. I'm more of a team player, lets put our two heads together and figure it out. Or just sharing and listening. Anyways. Does any of this make sense to anyone? Sorry for the babbling, but I'd rather do it here than with him.

Your lack of understanding my view, does not help me understand his. In fact it seems accusatory. " Maybe he wants to respect the heartbreak of the other n doesn't want to go into details." Maybe. And this is noble, I suppose, but why would you hide this from your dear friend and lover? We have never had this problem, except in the very beginning. I'm frustrated because it feels like steps backwards.

I am a details person. He knows this. He mentioned something about not wanting me to analyze it. But I feel like he already decided how I would react, which is unfair. The conversation could have gone like this: I did what I needed to do. What was that? I blocked her online. Okay. Soooo what did you have for dinner?

Instead it was this awkward thing. And I thought we were past all this garbage 😢

Posted by Impulsv
If there is no trust there is nothing . He told you what he did n ended n ur the one . What more details do u want . Maybe he wants to respect the heartbreak of the other n doesn't want to go into details. From what I read I believe he did as he told you. I don't see a problem.

Actually, he didn't tell me. And this was the problem. He was all cryptic, which is just freaking weird. Then we I get upset and start to challenge the relationship, he then tells me. But at that point I'm less concerned with the answer, more concerned with the method/reaction. I wasn't holding the relationship over his head to push him to tell me either. I was being point blank honest in saying I don't want a secretive relationship. And I meant what I said too. I would walk from a good love for this reason.

My apologies, let me clarify:

I'm not concerned about cheating or anything with ANY other girl, her included. I'm frustrated that he didn't tie up loose ends and is slower in his process however. Women love him, why wouldn't they 🙂 He's beautiful. But I trust him and believe the things he says to me, we have a long friendship. And I know his heart.

That being said, he did not respond. What happened was he said he called and spoke with her and "did what he needed to do.." and he said this as if he had actually made a specific action. Curiously, I inquired what did you do? This is when he locked up and got all cryptic. I found that strange/upsetting. I felt as if he didn't trust me. Only after I was upset and plainly stated, I don't want a relationship with secrets and walls up, did he come forward and say I blocked her.

I am not going to end it. I love him. But I'm concerned, because if this is how he is, it's a major issue in conflict with my character. So I have my eye on this. Can you imagine if he did this with something like finances, or that is more closely tied between the two of us in the future? I'm not the kind of woman that will stand blind beside her man. And I let him know if this is what you want, go find another cause it will never be me.

I will talk to him, I just don't feel clear enough yet to do it. I still feel confused and upset. I don't nag him, so I don't think he would feel that..just thought I would have a negative reaction.

That made me feel caged, and I don't like to feel caged...so that pushes me away. I don't like when people presuppose my reactions because they are usually wrong and they don't give me a chance to be myself. Then he followed up with some statements like "You always...do this.blah blah. " And that's a major pet peeve because no one always does anything...and especially, I feel like : you've been dating me three months- you don't know what I always do..and I'm evolving so I may not do what I "always do" in a few months. And he misjudged me from the get go and was shocked how sensitive and loving I was when we started dating, so I think it's dumb that he is boxing me in again with misshaped opinions that are maybe just projections of his own insecurities! Really just pisses me right off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't help but wonder if he just feels guilty about it and so he doesn't want to talk about it. Maybe he thinks I will judge him and think he's no good. But I didn't judge him when he first entrusted me with this, so Idk why he would think that :/

Posted by Impulsv
Like u say think it's more about feeling guilty n the respect to not disrespect her heartbreak of "yeah I told her to get over me n get a life." I think it's speak of gentlemanly n he feels bad about it.
With that said once calm have a non accusatory conversation n express ur concerns.
I think he is just a good guy who doesn't like to hurt other n is uncomfortable for him.

Okay. Thank you. I will take that advice. And I agree, he is a good guy who doesn't like to hurt people. And it was very big of him to even call her to let her know, because he was trying to just stay silent and let it pass and saw that wouldn't happen so he had to step out of his comfort zone. And I also know he did it for me and our relationship as well.

I texted him in response to his apology text:
All we can do is the best we can do. this is how we become better. I adore you mucho. I'm here for you.


Now I just gotta let it breathe. Because I need space.

Soultalk I'm not jealous or pissed. I trust him and respect that he felt like he need to do that as he felt it was 'the right thing to do'.

Impulsiv, even thought everyone seems to think that I don't think that's true. I tell him all the time I love in a million ways. he feels loved. i cook for him, take care of him, forward thoughtful emails to him, tell him i adore him and that hes wonderful and i feel so blessed to have him in my life. support him.

when he told me he loved me, i was physically receptive, but quiet..i told him i'd said it to him a few weeks before, but he didn't hear me..and that i didn't feel ready to state it even though i felt that way. he understood and said i didnt have to. i believe him. he's very plain and says what he means and is steady with that.

now, he said it again (the third time in 2 days) when we were saying goodbye after fighting. I didn't feel he said it wanting any response, or was any resentment..as he texted me a few hours later. although NOW he may be feeling unsteady, and you know that can dig things up.

I'm not going to say it till if eel it's the right moment, i'm not going to say it for the wrong reasons. or bc i feel pressured or just bc someone said it to me. its a feeling and we both feeling and already know. i think if i said it to him, and he hadnt said it back everyone would be telling me, 'be patient. he's a bull they're slow. they don't say it in words.' and why am i not allowed to do the same.

Posted by Impulsv
Nope don't say it if u don't mean it or feel it's not right. He maybe understanding that ur not there yet. But understand that even though u show it, It's important for some to hear it. Check out the five love languages. I can be the type u can cook for me ect. But means not as much to hearing it. Ur love langue is acts of service so u think ur doing it right n showing. the problem is when we don't realize people are different n may need to hear the words.

I understand and agree. I prefer to show and say it and need both. I'm just not ready, but it will come soon. Thanks (:

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