Unrequitted love is so painful 😢

I met my taurus friend back in College and we've been best friend for almost 5 years now. During my college year, I dated other guy and he would date other girls. We would give each other advice on relationship and support each other to do well in life. It wasn't until 1 and a half years ago that I started to have feelings for him.

My feeling for him grow and grow. I later confessed to him my feelings. He didnt say anything nor did he hint or suggest he also like me as well. However, my intuition told me he care deeply for me. I would joke and tease him about relation and said stuff like "if you ever get a gf, be sure she has the following trait (traits that I exhibit)." He then told me, " if I ever have a gf, she would have to be better than you, huh?". To which I thought he was hinting a future for us.

Through our series of conversation, I had assume our friendship might take it to the next level. We would chat everyday, tells each other stories and event going on in our life. All this time I was hoping maybe someday we will be together. However, I was wrong. It was all in my head. I assumed he would like me as much as I like him. He only cares about me and treat me with kindness because I am his good friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

It takes me awhile to realize this but he never did stated he likes me too. Yesterday was the day I realize that cold hard truth. While showing cares and concern for me when we hang out with his friends, he doesnt show signs that he want to move forward.

I also came to learn that he doesnt want to have kids or get married at all. Through such understanding, I realize what he value and what I value is not the same. It sadden me even more to know such truth.

My only cboice was to cut ties and move on OR just continue to bury my deep feelings for him and to remain good friends. Whatever decision I make, it will hurts. I didnt wanted to let him go, he is the only person whom I trust and cherish the most. He is also the bestest friend I ever had. Nobody know me well like him, not even my family members or other friends. Hence, I decided to continue on this miserable path to bury my feelings. Just living day by day without mentioning my emotion to him again. The path deeply pain me, I want what I cant have. I know for sure there wont ever be a future with him. It hurts to know such cold truth. It pains me right now to think about....



It really suck to feel this way. I've never had this kind of feeling for a guy before to the point it hurt so much....



The only thing I can do is to let it all out in hope it would make me feel a little bit better....