Taurus girl x Gemini guy

Hello! I (24 yo) could use another person's perspective... I'm having a hard time seeing clearly when it comes to this Gemini guy (25 yo).

We were FWB (more like f buddies) for 6 months. I was a bit hesitant to agree to at first but he was charming. He made it clear that he didn't want a relationship and I never tried to change his mind. Things started off good but I found myself trying to meet up with him more than he did with me. It didn't sit well with me so I decided to take a step back. He came back around and when we slept together again, the passion was reignited. Things would dwindle again. I'd try to initate but it'd bother me because he'd blow me off but I didn't complain until one time he left me hanging three times in a row. I told him maybe he should find a different buddy because it seemed like he was no longer interested. He said he was happy with our arrangement so I took a step back and realized that I needed to stop trying to control things because he's not my boyfriend. We'd continue to see each other and I felt like we had our good moments: we danced together, we showered together, he'd ask to see me, he'd make me laugh, and we'd cuddle after sex. There were times when he'd ask about other guys and he claimed to not be jealous. It felt like we were getting more intimate..like I was giving him apart of me. I tried to end things with him again but unforunately, I had a scare (which turned out to be okay) and maintained contact with him. We saw each other again and it felt different, in a good way. It was my favorite night with him. He gave me gentle kisses on my forehead and stared deep into my eyes. After that time he asked for a break and I let him have his space, but he was confusing me because he didn't want to have sex because he was lusting but didn't want to have a relationship? One night I needed a friend because I was stressed and he invited me over. The next day he messaged me saying that he felt like I was expecting him to be my boyfriend, he wanted to end things once and for all. He thinks I'm a nice girl and too good for him. He felt bad that we'd have sex and then just leave. I don't know what he meant by the last part. Then he deleted me.

I don't understand why he didn't talk to me or ask what I was feeling. He made a big assumption. I do want a boyfriend but I didn't know him well enough to know if I liked him that way. I didn't try to argue with him, I just let him go. Sometimes I get heated because I feel like he's punishing me for showing emotions. I'm human and I do have feelings, did he expect me not to feel anything at all? I know I'm not perfect and maybe I was too dramatic for him (too much push and pull) or I wasn't enough fun for him. I just feel like I should've done something better. Or maybe I'm thinking too much and it really has nothing to with me. I have no idea how he felt or if he cared about me. I want to talk to him but I think it'd be a bad idea. What are your thoughts? Do you think 6 months meant nothing to him? Is there a chance he could come back?

I think you have to be honest with yourself and reflect whether your arrangement was actually good enough for you or were you just settling in hopes that he would choose to be with you? Maybe he just felt he would hurt you so turned away? Just go look for another man. There's many out there.

Once you agree to fwb the games begin and the respect is gone. Never lower yourself to those arrangements.

@MadTwins80 Thank you for your perspective it definitely makes sense. I think you are right, he most likely didn't see me as "the one" because if he did, he would've treated me differently. I feel like an idiot now because I tried to be there for him when things were tough and I never forced him to talk unless he was ready... I thought men would want a caring woman. I guess I was wrong in this case.

@applecherrypie

I don't think the arrangement was good enough for me towards the end because I wanted to be wanted for more than my body. I think I'm scared of letting go because I developed an attachment over time and we always overcame smaller issues. I hoped that we could've worked through this too but he cut me off. I do believe it's over and I want to move on from him but I'm my own enemy because I'm thinking too much- like I'm trying to see every angle so I can understand what went wrong when I really need to accept that it's done.

@dillweed I do think it was good that he ended it. I agree he probably cared for me as a person to some extent. I’ve never heard of the term treetrunk buddies but I can imagine what it means. Yes, I do want a boyfriend but I am not in a rush to lock one down. I didn’t know this Gem guy well enough to say I wanted him to be my boyfriend that’s why I think he made an assumption. I could see the potential for something with him and got hopeful but never expected him to be in a relationship with me.

Posted by MadTwins80

Posted by laurellove

@MadTwins80 Thank you for your perspective it definitely makes sense. I think you are right, he most likely didn't see me as "the one" because if he did, he would've treated me differently. I feel like an idiot now because I tried to be there for him when things were tough and I never forced him to talk unless he was ready... I thought men would want a caring woman. I guess I was wrong in this case.

@applecherrypie

I don't think the arrangement was good enough for me towards the end because I wanted to be wanted for more than my body. I think I'm scared of letting go because I developed an attachment over time and we always overcame smaller issues. I hoped that we could've worked through this too but he cut me off. I do believe it's over and I want to move on from him but I'm my own enemy because I'm thinking too much- like I'm trying to see every angle so I can understand what went wrong when I really need to accept that it's done.

It's not personal, he most likely just wants to breeze through life without emotional attachments "weighing him down" . You probably didn't do anything wrong except enter a casual relationship with a gemini and expect it to ever be anything except casual.. if feelings develop he will run rather than get attached because he has a strong fear of becoming attached to the "wrong person" and feeling trapped and losing his freedom

What I'm saying is don't feel bad about yourself, with you two not being soulmates which if you were then it's unlikely you would have entered such a casual relationship to begin with. It's more about him just wanting to be free from possible entrapment which is how he will envisage/fear it

I don't think gemini men are very bothered about whether a woman is caring actually. Like he'll probably take your care and not be particularly grateful, especially if he's not in love with you. He wants someone to stimulate him not care for him. That's the way I see it anyway. Maybe when he is older but not at 25

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Thanks, I really appreciate your input! I’m honestly trying not to take it too hard/personal but I have my moments. Whenever I meet someone new, I am just being myself and I’m kind. Trying to put my best foot forward. As you have said, “He wants someone to stimulate him not care for him” maybe I didn’t stimulate him enough but what could I’ve done to do that? Like me asking him more questions?

It's very rare fwbs will turn to more.... both people have to be on board for it to happen and that is rare.

For me, it did turn into more but its been like 5 years and there was a year we didn't see or talk to each other. In the begining we were both on the same page(or so I thought) and I was the one who cut off contact due to personal reasons and thought it would be best. For months he would try to get me to talk to him then he went completly silent and I fig he gave up until Aug 2019 he reached out again and for some reason I finally responded and Im glad I did because he has turned into not just my best friend but my companion... and I come to find out that his feelings for me do run deeper then I had thought and he is a completely different person towards me then he was when we first met.

He is not my first fwb I have others and none of them worked out. Either it was short lived or one of us got feelings and the other didn't or there wasn't clear communication as to what the situation was.

Sounds like he has made it clear as to what he wants. Yes, he is nice to you and was willing to be a ear when you were having problems but I think that would be anyone because he isn't a souless bastard and you guys are intimate... and sometimes that is confusing to us women because we are wired differently. The fact that he blows you off should be evidence to him not always wanting to be with you. If there is one thing I have learned over the years is that when someone really wants to be with you, nothing will stop them from seeing you(within reason).

If you dont want a boyfriend that is ok. But if you want someone to be intimate with when your horny its best to find someone who will be clear with you when communicating...set rules...and make them clear... keep personal talk about each others lives to a minimum.

Thank you everyone for your insight!

I was too into my head about this. This has been a learning experience for me. I wish I did things differently but I cannot change the past. Even though things didn’t work out with him, I’m grateful for the experiences I had with him.

Y’all are great!