Do Aqua men need reassurance?

Ok, im back with my ongoing issues with my aqua man LOL. My aqua man and I got into a fight in mid December and I hurt his feelings. We didnt talk for 2 months then I send him a V-day package and a B-day card. I tell him how im sorry and im ready to fix what I messed up. Well I went to visit him and the time we spent together was good but I really dont know where we stand. I know he was in a relationship with a girl who cheated on him then he got engaged to another. He then went overseas for a year to return to a cheating fiance. He will not open up to me and I know he is back to the first girl because I found some evidence. Anyways I think it might be me that is the problem. Knowing that he likes his space, I dont call but about 2 times a week(when we are together) and I dont really treat him like a significat other meaning baby this and baby that(my reasoning is he will initiate it when he's ready). My question to all of you is does an aqua man need this to know that im am exclusively into him. Do I need to call all the time, do I need to be dedicated to his life(be overly interested in whats going on in his life)? Another issue is that everytime we get into it its like he's back to the first ex, he throws he in my face when we get into it. Whats you opinion about this, does it sond like its a cry for affection or like a need thats not being met or does it sound like she's the one he wants to be with and I am just like a back up.

Another question, do you guys like it when your girl calls you baby and stuff like that if it a natural flow, they dont sound like they are forcing it, and they show more emotion?

Your the greatest Primegen! I dont think she will do it this time though. I think she was impatient and moved on and then he had no choice. He felt betrayed by her but I dont think its was so much cheating. Now the fiance is gone and he is back and forth with her. I just dont understand where I stand in all this. Humm........

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Dont' do it. If you try to tell him how you feel. Or express yourself. HE"Ll RUN! Your man acts just like mines. and I went through the same things! You'd think since I'm a Aqua I'd know.

Aqua men don't like buttery relationships. They don't like the baby this baby that unless their doing it. Basically don't do it untill he does. Things have to be done on his terms. When it comes to aqua men, you have to adapt to them they wont adapt to you.

Aqua men do tend to go back to the ex tho. alot. Basically because they don't like starting over. And usually are stuck on their ex's. And also, to him your his ex too. So keep in mind the way he's doin you, he's doin the other girls the same. It's like he's picking or something. He'll come back to u, gaurantee! but then he'll leave again. And this will contiuously happen until he's made his pick. You are a plan, probaly. but the other girls are too.

Also he probably scared of committment like all the rest of the aqua men. U hurt him and although he probaly forgave, he hasn't forgotten. Aquas live in the past alot. He remembers that you hurt him and it probaly replays.

I hurt mines and I thought he was over it but about two months later he brought it up in an argument and got really upset and I knew it was still bothering him.

My advice too you. Is be there for him, but treat him like a friend, not a lover. you can't just jump back like that. you can't ease yourself back to being his girl. You have to wait. Go with the flow. However he wants the relationship to be he will get it there without you even realizing it.

Thanks keishnb! So how does it work with your guy? How did you ease your way in there. I always tell him I dont call him because I dont want to get on his nerves, he tells me he wouldnt talk to me if I got on his nerves. He totally shuts me out of everything though, should I call more often? Should I try to include myself in his life? He wants to start a restaurant and has been reading books and educating himself. I bought him a bottle of champaign to open on his opening night as a gift. Should I like tell him im working with him researching, saving money, scoping out design for it.

Hello Aqualady

I don't know your full history with this man - so I can only comment on what you have revealed to us. My opinion has nothing to do with his birthsign.

This 'relationship' seems pretty one-sided. It seems as tho you are ready to jump through hoops to get him to want to be with you. He seems caught up in himself and likes to play his exes (and you). You should ask yourself why you want him so badly. Someone who cares about YOU wouldn't act like this.

Alice
x

ps - Do you know that his exes really cheated on him? Some people use this convieninent excuse about exes so that they appear to be blame free - he could also be telling them the same about you.

Hi Alice,

Well last year during his birthday i went for a visit an found 2 cards from both of the exes. Ex#1 was saying how much she was sorry and she wishes she could go back an fix all that she had messed up. I read a card from Ex#2(the fiance) which was around fathers day that said something along the lines of no one would every take his place and she would always love him.

I honestly think his heart is broken in a way because he is so sensitive I also think the he had some good times with ex#1 and I dont know where it stands. I constantly tell him if he doesnt see me in his future just tell me but he just tells me that it takes time and after all that he has been through is going through and is soon to come he doesnt think it fair to involve me completely until its perfect meaning me moving in and getting married, stuff like that.

I really dont know though. I think he's not ready to let the ex go or something, like I say I really dont know.



Primegen....this is where most women have no clue how to go about it so they use an extreme which really makes them look foolish and certainly doesn't lend one to open up.

This is a real problem for me. I dont get to see him for a while then after our long stary away I just cant help it I feel like I have to get it all in again before its over. Very EXTREME!

AquaLady....perhaps the problem is not with your Aqua man but maybe with you? Why is this situation okay with you? What are you getting out of it that makes you feel good about yourself? If he is not ready to let go of the ex's why are you around? Why are you not with someone who is available to you? By reading your posts it almost seems as if you enjoy being second...waiting for him, letting him call the shots for your life - why? You, lovely one do NOT deserve any of that - nor should you be treated that way. AquaLady, you do not need to do anything to make a relationship work - only be yourself and if that is not good enough then get your beautiful self outta there. DO NOT ever compromise yourself to please a man, the relationship will not work nor will they respect you.

"do I need to be dedicated to his life?" you mean do you need to become his puppet? Oh HELL NO girlfriend! Sounds like he has two other "puppets" he can play with...move on sweetie - this clearly is not working for you. You deserve so much better!

Forgive me if I sound a bit harsh, I don't mean to be. I just wish women had more confidence in themselves so they would not end up in these type of situations and then again....it is all a learning experience.

My best to you Aqualady....😉

Hmmm.... I know your right. Its just he is my first love. I didnt learn about the others until later. When I met him there was so much sadness inside him and thats what does it for me........making him happy. I cant help who you love, he was my first and he is the only one that accepts me for me.....no one else understand me. I dont like being the "puppet" as you say, its just me to be understanding and supportive I think I have some issues too(mother hen syndrome). I know I should've given up a long time ago but its hard and I dont like holding on, it hurts really bad. I tried to let him go but it hurt me so bad that I was hurting him I gave in and went back. I dont know maybe I try to move on again. 😢

Yes AquaLady, first loves are very special and they do somehow find a place in our heart which can be difficult to "let go" of. I do not feel that we need to always let go of that person unless of course there is emotional/physical abuse involved but maybe move them to another place for now. Focus on you. Find out why you feel that you are attracted to men who are sad and why do you feel that it is your job to make them happy? Honestly, men who have this "sadness" thing going on can also be "vampires" which can suck the life out of you - as you feel that you need to constantly give of yourself to keep them happy. What happens when you no longer can supply that "happy" need for him? What happens next? It is HIS job to make himself happy.

He is not the only one who accepts you for you - you just think that is true...many others do accept you and love you for who you are. Please do not believe in that phooey. "I know I should have given up a long time ago." This is not about "giving up" but rather HONORING YOURSELF and your needs. It hurts really bad because you are not being true to yourself. Do not worry about hurting him or allowing him to make you feel guilty about moving on....focus on YOU AquaLady and find yourself and your happiness.

Moving on is a good thing ....🙂

Another thing before I forget......... He doesnt know that I know he runs back to her thats our secret, I really dont have concrete proof just know(he would say im just suspicious and insecure). As far as he knows I dont know much of anything, im just this girl who he doesnt understand why I love him so much. I dont really comfront him because I felt like I wouldnt be there for no reason he would just cut me off(this is also what he says). I am trying to give him time to decide what the deal is and since I cant see myself with anyone else this is the reason I stick around.

Freebird.. I dont mean dedicate my life to him in that regard. What I mean is supporting him like "wifey", just showing him that I have his best interest at heart. Will he truely not respect me? Isnt life supposed to be different? Charish someone who loves you unconditionally? I dont know maybe this will make me bitter enough to start doing guys like they deserve.... on the other hand if it was any of you guys(generalizing sorry) you would be saying "If you truley loved me you would have patienct"(this is also what he says).

I know I need to leave him b, and I dont want to seem to be defending him. This is just what goes on in my head. I just want you to see it from where im seeing it then make the judgement from there.

Sorry, it took me so long to post that I missed your post. You are like therapy. Whats your fee? Primegen you too, you have been my therapy for about 8 months now. 😄

AquaLady...you are funny! No fee required - we are all here to share our experiences and you have the choice to take what you feel is helpful to you at this moment in time. All relationships are good and you are meant to be going thru this at this time. It is through the gifts of relationships that we find out who we really are - what works for us and what does not.

Only you know in your heart what the truth is for you - and this is where your choices will emerge from. If something is not working, it is your responsibilty to make the change - not the man.

"I am trying to give him time to decide what the deal is." This decision is not up to him. You are giving away your power to him. YOU decide what YOU want and go from there. You wait for him honey you just may be waiting forever - he has you on HIS string, his time line. Why? because you are letting him.

"just showing him that I have his best interest at heart." What you need to be showing this man is that you have YOUR best interest at heart.

"If you truly loved me you would have patienct." What he is doing here is getting you to feel guilty - letting you know that HIS needs are more important than yours. What this also does is lessen your self respect for yourself - loosing your self esteem. Love doesn't say this type of thing only a person who wants to CONTROL someone will say this.

"I know I need to leave him." well then, trust your knowing and believe in yourself...honor your knowing. Cherish YOU AquaLady.

As I have said before, ultimately you need to follow your heart as this is your experience, a lesson for you to learn and learn you will because this is what life is about. You will be fine, you will grow and someday you will also share your wisdom with others who are on a path of confusion. 🙂