he spent the night........

Some one please help me with the latest piece of this puzzle. Just a little background. My aqua friend and I have had a friends with benefits relationship for far too long. Ive expressed to him in so many words that I want more and that I have feeling for him. Sometimes I think he knows this other times I think he's not catching on or thinks I may be pulling his leg. Anyway, he came to visit about a week ago. I had a few drinks and was feeling very relaxed and told him just how special he is to me. The night ended in my bedroom and he spent the night. In the two years weve been kicking it off and on, he'e NEVER done this. Not only did he sleep over he held me the whole night. The problem is I talked to him once the day after and since I haven't heard back from him. Ive sent him an e-mail, called twice and left two voicemails and nothing. What gives? I'm not going to call or e-mail anymore but this totally confuses me.

Starfish, I kinda figured that was the reason. He just needs to get himself together. I thought maybe he would need a day or so. Not a full week. I really miss him and don't want to lose the connection we had the night that I saw him. Do you think he will re-appear as if it never happend or will we pick up where we left off? I know you can't rush aqua's but man its been long enough. I'm ready to move forward.

come on...fwb women never hardly get real relationships especially if she's the one doing all the emotional leg work, this guy is scared out of his damn mind, he's hoping she will forget about it, cool off and keep giving him free sexual encounters, he may even be slightly annoyed that she's pressuring the hell out of him, relationship is not part of the fwb deal, she's shifting into a new direction and it's most likely not something he's attracted to especially when fwb is supposed to be an easy sexual fix, not a longterm relationship with all the hard emotional stuff. I don't see a problem with her expressing her desire to have more but the problem comes in when she keeps giving him sex in hopes of him deciding to take her on as a girlfriend, she's setting herself for a whole bunch of disappointment.

I'm not disagreeing with anyone here but I just see it a bit differently, the distance is and can be a man's way of taking a time out to check in with his emotions which can be a very good thing, most likely doesn't like her enough to be with her longterm so he's stalling.

If you want him stop having sex, move on for a little while give him time to figure things out, sex has a huge pull on a man, he won't want you in terms of love and relationship but he won't want to give up easy sexual relations with a woman either so he says nothing in hopes you will let it go...He's trying to figure out how to please you without giving too much of himself away.

Aqua's have commitment issues, not so much in we are cheaters of the zodiac but we love our emotional, mental freedom from others, we have to have a good reason to commit to someone and it has to be reasons of our own, can't be convinced through sex and love, it has to be something else that makes us want to go there with another person.

Tiki I appreciate your interpretation even though that's a hard pill to swallow. If he doesn't want more I can deal with it. I just hate that he can't just be upfront with me and say it. But i'm not going to chase him. I don't have it in me to do that.

His actions says it, he's telling you his answer non-verbally, your not a guy so of course you wouldn't know that on some level he's saying no that's not what I want....

His actions speak volumes, his actions is the answer but like most women including myself we want definitive yes and no's and unfortunately it doesn't work like that with most men especially immature men. You have to make this choice on your own unfortunately so you have to decide to continue being his FWB which I don't think is realistic since you are sure you want more of a real relationship and because you want more FWB isn't really going to be satisfying nor is it going to work for you anymore or you can continue to wait and hope he changes his mind but most of us know sex most never sways a man to get involved deeper with a woman in a longterm relationship, he has his own reasons to give more and if he's not giving you more then he hasn't found his reasons to go beyond fwb which is another no I don't want what you want yet or you can move on, find a new fwb or a new longterm relationship and cherish what you had with him and this is the most effective action IMO because it forces him to stop thinking about himself and give you a proper relationship, time away from him and you moving on will strike panic to the core and most likely pull him to stop his selfishness and give it a go.

Since your the one wanting more not him then you have the burden of deciding what your going to do for yourself, it's the responsible thing to do, he's not going to help you with that b/c he's not the one whose attempting to change the dynamics from fwb to committed.

It would be SOO different if you two weren't already friends with benefits. It'd be different if you two were just platonic friends who were dating & who hadn't gone all the way yet. If that were the case, my response to your post would be completely different. BUT, this guy has been taking advantage of you for a long time as it is so him just up & disappearing after he spent the night isn't as surprising. I'm not saying that this guy just doesn't give a crap about you; he very well might. BUT, since you two have known eachother for quite awhile, I highly doubt that him just putting his head on your pillow and/or going to sleep at your house was the main factor in him realizing he had feelings for you, thus distancing himself as a result.

You two have been around eachother for a while & I'm sure that he's had the chance to get to know you very well and/or make the decision as to whether he sees you as long term potential. It'd be different if he slept with you AND spent the night at your house for the very 1st time; then I'd say it's probably likely that doing so activated a string of confusing emotions within him. But, if anything, all he did was spend the night. And I'm sure that if he had feelings for you, they would've come out a while ago, or atleast would've came out in a different setting. If this guy is used to being able to sleep with you and yet maintain all the benefits that come with knowing you, I'm sure that he didn't have a random epiphany just b/c he spent the night. And I say that b/c after all, it's not like you guys did anything that night that you've never done. The only new thing that happend was him literally placing his head on a pillow other than his own. If he liked you and/or realized he had feelings for you, it would've taken more than just him sleeping in your bed.

It is very possible that this guy could've awaken certain emotions involving you & became very distant b/c of the discomfort that often comes with those sudden realizations. But even still, this guy wouldn't necessarily disappear for LONG periods of time either. Most men that distance themselves make it a temporary thing b/c while they are afraid & need their space, they also know they can't disappear for TOO long, just in case they give the wrong impression. Most guys have their tantrum & space, BUT eventually make their way on back to the situation. If this guy hasn't yet, then I doubt he's very serious about you.

Maybe this guy realized that him sleeping over your house would probably send the wrong (and more than platonic) signal to you, thus his way of making sure that you don't start catching more feelings than he can handle, is to distance himself from you & use his distance as a way to make it clear that he STILL isn't ready for anything long-term. In certain cases, it's not necessarily what the guy is saying or is doing that counts/matters. Sometimes, it's necessary to focus on what he's NOT saying/doing, b/c sometimes a person's silence speaks louder volumes!

I'm not trying to be pessisimistic here, I'm just saying that typically when 2 people have crossed the "friends" line but yet haven't yet entered into a relationship after a reasonable amount of time, it's b/c they usually won't end up together. Once people get comfortable crossing that friendship line & once they actually STAY in the middle (not just friends but not together yet either), it's very hard to move forward from that line, the same way it's hard for them to downgrade back to being just platonic friends all over again. And I say that b/c the "Why buy the milk/cow" example applies to situations like this. This guy is already getting the best of you (in his mind) w/o the commitment, thus he's not necessarily going to stay around and/or invest in your or act the same way a guy that actually saw you as long-term potential would.

The fact that you've poured your heart out to this guy & told him what you've wanted, just for him to ignore that & continue sleeping with you after knowing that you've already attached your feelings says volumes about him. If he was smart, he would've either cut ties with you (even if just sexually) OR manned up & had that "Where is this going?" type of talk with you the min. you made it clear that you were starting to invest your emotions in this. If anything he should've done 1 or the other to protect himself, just in case situations like this (the woman eventually starts to question his motives) come about

Well over the weekend I had some time to think and reflect on the situation. I still haven't heard back from him and at this point i'm going to let this go. It still bothers me though. He was the one that persued me. He was damn near in love with me in the begining then I began to have feelings. This whole thing has me wondering if it was all an act. Guess i'll never know. I guess him giving me the silent treatment is his way of putting me in my place and letting me know he doesn't feel the same way. I think in his own way he cares about me but not in the way I care about him. Oh well.

Yeah just let it go. I know it hurts & that it's easier said than done, BUT remember that he isn't over there going crazy. So make things mutual. He's probably at home laughing it up & enjoying life. The LEAST you can do is do the same. Trust me, he's thought about it & made the DECISION to ignore you & not contact you. There's no way 2 people can go from completely adding another person into their daily routine to just randomly forgetting about that person, conveinantly after they spent the night. He didn't "forget" about you. He's making the choice to not contact you. And I'm sure he has his reasons, that he feels are valid. Either way, it doesn't matter b/c YOU are the only person you can contrl. Don't try to overanalyze the situation and/or drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the what's & the whys. Only he knows. Just go on about your business. A person that doesn't know your worth isn't entitled to any of your energy/thoughts behind closed doors

2yrs...!

I don't think this is a typical situation of an Aqua falling hard for someone, thus him taking a break & disappearing b/c he needs his "space." This guy has been around for 2 years! There's a GOOD chance that he's already seen about as much potential as he's gonna see. I'm praying that he saw potential in her WITHIN these 2 years they've been hanging out & dealing with eachother, vs. only b/c he spent the night & slept in the same bed with her.

It's the fact that she already told him what she wanted. She made that clear. And this guy made NO moves. In fact, he did the OPPOSITE & disappeared. Come on now, that's not how typical Aquas do people. I mean, I know that we can sometimes distance ourselves from another person b/c of the fear of getting attached, BUT then again it's not like we're complete idiots that will let a good thing get away either. This guy was perfectly aware of her needs b/c she made them clear. And he made the CHOICE not to fulfill her needs. He HAS to know that him disappearing like that would hurt her OR AT LEAST raise some suspicion on her part. The fact that this guy was willing to take that risk, says alot about him.

At this point, I don't even see this as being an Aqua thing. This is moreso about him being a regular man & conveinantly falling short the minute the woman reveals that she wants more than friendship. Once a woman puts it out there, THAT is when the man shows his true colors. Most men that weren't trying to enter into a relationship will SHOW a woman better than he can tell her that he's not ready. And while yes, Aqua men generally do put some "space" there during times like this, men in general tend to run like hell too. And they don't always run with the promise of coming back. This guy hasn't popped his head back into her life yet. The longer it takes for him to contact her, the more obvious it is that he is STILL NOT ready to fulfill whatever it is she's looking for.

So now this is on you. Him disappearing & literally not saying anything to you is not cool. There is a diff. b/w being an Aqua & just plain out being inconsistent. In a way, I respect that this guy ran like hell IF he only did so b/c that was his way of showing her that he wasn't ready for anything long term. I'd rather him break the ties now then continue to lead her on

Well my aqua reappeared. He sent an e-mail and seemed really upbeat and asked how Ive been doing. I don't know how to react. I know better than to ask about his dissapearance via e-mail. He probably woulnd't write back. I know I need to end the cycle but I want to invite him over one last time and ask face to face what's the deal. Any advice.

I asked some of my Aqua guy friends and even my bf to get a more accurate view about your situation. I think that you shouldn't not try to second guess what a man told you anymore. My bf said that in the past, he had quite a few interests and he'd tell them that he miss them and he didn't lie about that. He indeed misses all of them! He literally lied in bed to remembering all the girls he fancied when he was single and "played the field". He thought that he made it clear to them about what he wanted which were sleeping with them and enoying their companies. However, he never thought that it ended up quite confusing with the women would take that he wants a relationship with them. He did like them but it wasn't enough to create anything more as they wanted. If he wanted you, he'd say it loud and clear. Aquas do get ditant and disappeared for space but if they love you, they'd tell you loud and clear. If they want a future with you, they'd plan ahead as well and tell you about the plans they have for both of you and ask your opinions. This guy gave you nothing but random calls when he needs you to satisfy himself even you told him what you needed. He even disappeared after you told him about what you wanted. Come on, what more do you need to understand that he doesn't want a relationship with you? If you want to read hidden clues , please look into these. Stop projecting your own feelings onto him and telling yourself that he loves you but he's "scared of commitment". Really, a man will do anything to be with you if he does love you, including Aquas.