HEARTLESS

I had one of the worst nights in my life last night! Everything that could go wrong went wrong!

For those of you that know my story!

Last night was our company Christmas party! Went to pick up my dress at the dry cleaners and it was ruined! My car broke down in front of the dry cleaners and it would not shift out of park... I had to get it towed.

Sitting in front of the dry cleaner waiting for a ride I called aqua man! Tell him what's going on and we were talkin for as while and says he has to go so he could be ready for when Erica gets here! So the first thing I ask is why he didn't tell me he was bringing her to the Christmas party and then he asks me if he was supposed to tell me? I say I would think that you would tell me something like that! Why would you even do that? He goes on to say how they are just friends and not sleeping together and so on... Because he is going to another dinner party he tells me he's not going to show up to the Christmas party because he doesn't want to upset me!

What does he do? Shows up at the Christmas party with her! How embarrased was I in front of my two sisters when they walk up tellin me he is thee with another girl! How disrespectful is that? I could have would have brought another date but i'm the one
with the respect!

He calls me at 2:30 am and the first thing I ask is if he would have done that to her? Being that this is the girl he's known for 5 years that he has feelings for! He tells me that if I wanted to bring someone else to the Christmas party I could have he doesn't run my life and so on and I told him it wasn't about bringing someone else it is about respect! Since we have been dating and you layed this friend crap on me two weeks ago! He starts saying he has to go all of a sudden he doesn't want to talk about it any more! I wasn't yelling at him I am as calm as can be and just want to be heard out and make him understand me!and trying to understand him! I ask why we can't talk about it and why is he getting mad? He says becair I already made him feel bad! And how it wasn't his fault I didn't tell my sisters and so on!

To me the whole thing was just heartless and stupid on his part! My friend texts me later and tells me how the girl he was with was telling one of our friends how he has been trying for years and doesn't have a chance! I don't even care about that! It was just disrespectful and see he has no respect for me whatsoever not as a friend not as anything!

Honeygirl you have been told over and over about this assclown, I told you and you didn't listen, go back and read what I wrote you, didn't I say that he was playing games with you, I hate to say I told you so but I did forewarn you about this guy, women on these boards don't wanna believe me when I tell them the truth but I have no reason to lie, I know it's hard to believe men do this to women but I know they do because I used to be HER and I had to pull my head out of my ass and stop being in denial about it, once I did that everything changed for me and it can for all of us here at DXP if we stop holding on to men that don't wanna be held onto

I'm not suprised that he did that to you, that's what backpedal'n assclowns do. I'm sorry about your car and I am truly sorry you had to witness him being with another woman after the whole I just wanna be friends fiasco. Why would he wanna discuss his dating life with you, remember...your just a friend that he occassionally sleeps with and hangs out with so you can't accuse him of lying, the only thing you can do is ask yourself why you put up with it, why you allowed yourself to be victimized and what you can do differently. The next time a guy goes from 100 to 0 and throws the I just wanna be friends crap around, politely show him the door and keep it moving, I don't even discuss it, I don't say okay sure, I just move on, he's disrespecting you because you haven't beeing showing respect for yourself, stop talking to him....period, yes he will chase you and try to convince you it will never happen again, that's all part of the cycle, STOP BELIEVING in assclowns and give someone else a chance to date you and treat you right. If you allow him to stay in your life you can't complain about his bad behavior because you have officially become an ENABLER and assclowns live to keep enablers around them, it's a steady supply of low self esteem women that they seek to keep around.

Yes you did tell me Tiki and no I didn't listen! There are other guys that want to date me and no I don't let them!

I do ask myself and don't know why I allow it and don't feel that it has anything to do with a low self esteem! I know who I am and what i'm capable of! I hate the whole dating process... It's like I always get stuck and caught up in something when it,s a challenge for me I am so picky and choosy that when I do find someone i really like it is always a challenge it's like I just want to win!

trust me I have like four other guys texting me asking when we am I going to let them take me out but it's so easy with them that it's almost like it's a turn off! One hit looks at me like i'm a piece of steak everytime I see him! Last night every guy told me how I was the best looking best dressed girl at the party... It's like yeah yeah whatever!

I don't know what's wrong with me or why I allow this to happen to me!

What does he do? Shows up at the Christmas party with her! How embarrased was I in front of my two sisters when they walk up tellin me he is thee with another girl! How disrespectful is that? I could have would have brought another date but i'm the one
with the respect!

erm, I'm confused - what's the matter here? I thought you were friends only? ^^^sounds like guilt-tripping to me and something more going on.

Why did you not bring a date honeygirl? I thought you guys didn't tell people you were dating anyway?

We don't but there are a few of my friends that know...

And it's not guilt tripping it's about respect and you respect your friends if you care about them! And you don't say your not gonna do something out of respect and then do it anyway!

sorry but it is about low self esteem, you accepted a relationship on HIS TERMS not yours, your addicted to men that are players and women that are addicted to men that are players have self esteem issues, sorry honey I'm not trying to make you feel bad and put you down but denial is strong okay and your not going to admit that if you really truly loved yourself you would not subject yourself to piss poor half asses'd relationships...lemme tell you why your not attracted to the good guys, something I just educated someone else about today.

There is a chemical called oxytocin and another chemical pea chemical that is released with these charming players..

He's a liar, if you can just remind yourself that no NORMAL man does this then you will save yourself a bunch of grief, normal men don't say it they let there actions speak of how much they desire you, the words is to get the CHEMICALS in your brain *oxcytocin and pea checmicals* in your brain ADDICTED to his words, everytime he gives you a dose of admiration, everytime he says I want you, I miss you, I need you to be my girlfriend you get a dose of these FEEL GOOD chemicals, it's like a drug and your body is getting high doses of them EVERYTIME he says certain words and thus you will become dependent on the person that is releasing these chemicals in your brain, thus you become addicted to him and begin to believe the addiction is love because it feels like love and will begin to phase out every guy that can't create these chemicals in your brain, you will need him to feel good...

Then the rollercoaster ride begins, the yo yo back and forth crap begins, the guy that once said he completely loves you, wants you and gotta have you has CHANGED HIS MIND, he's just wants to be FRIENDS, he PULLS OUT, he ignores you and thus you begin to CRASH LIKE A DRUG ADDICT THAT NEEDS A FIX, you will seek him out to get a fix and he will not be found, he will become mean, cruel, he will ignore you and make you crash heavily, you will become confused, why is acting like this? Why does he just want to be friends? He said this and that and now he ignores me? You will feel it's love that your after but it's really the feel good chemicals that he released in your brain, you will become a love addict and then he will come back and give you a temporary fix a temporary high, he will apologize, say he meant it all, give you a bit of attention and you will associate that to being in love WITH HIM and then he will pull out again, ignore you, disappear and you will crash and then he will come back again feed you more effects of love and you will feel temporarily better and it goes on and on and on and on...this is the worse case scenerio, some women get out before it gets that bad

🙂
ok I see...........erm, no not really................

- this is a guy you haven't known for long right but work in the same office?

- saw him for a few months...told you his mind was with another girl, Erica, he has known for 5yrs so can you be friends only - you agree, right?

- for the office christmas party, he mentions he'll be attending with Erica few hrs before the party when you happened to call him, right?

- you sound your disapproval for this and he promises you he won't do it and you believe, why— isn't this the same guy that spoke about the future, and all of a sudden BAM, he said he has feelings for someone else?

- did you play the scene he would have to go through to fulfil this wish for you with a girl he has known for 5yrs which he addmitted he had feelings for?
- invites her for a party, then abruptly cancels when she get there for you—

- did you realise you had no right to ask him of this? imo.
and I also remember you said you didn't want it to be awkward in the office so you were gonna move on with your life...what happened to that?

- so now you tell me this is about respect but from where I'm looking in, it sounds like you want more from this whole set-up?

- so you don't like your relationships seamless? you want a challenge of someone whose mind is elsewhere?

Get off addict street and allow NORMAL men that aren't plugging into your brain a chance, these men are addictive and denial is very strong. stop the madness

did you play the scene he would have to go through to fulfil this wish for you with a girl he has known for 5yrs which he addmitted he had feelings for?- invites her for a party, then abruptly cancels when she get there for you—- did you realise you had no right to ask him of this

I didn't expect him to cancel shut because it was already up in the air wether he was gonna go or not because he was attending another dinner party before this one he had already said he might not make it!

I didn't ask him to do anything!

oh ok my misunderstanding from this I say I would think that you would tell me something like that! apologies.

anyways, to avoid rehashing the past and going through sematics, I'm with >>>> The heartless idea you have is the emotions you opened from the phone call to him. He is not interested in you, so do not let his life bother yours. Calling him was a mistake you can avoid next time. Go out with someone available. The awkwardness will disappear when you move on completely. Do not even think about him again as a possible future any longer.

Yes Z I got that loud and clear I got it all...

ok make sure you do or I fix it so that you do - you and him !

ROTFL@Z you and those emicons!! love em

If you got it, good. Leave it alone and try your best to clear your mind of him. Time is on your side

He won't be hard to get over! I wasn't in love with him...

saying and doing is 2 separate things, I don't feel your done with it yet, the pull of the wish, challenge and competitive thought to win is much stronger than reality....whatever you decide to do I will always be here to slap you back into reality lol

I'm tired of being the nice girl that cares about everyone elses feelings but my own! Like when he tells me how he cares about me and values our friendship he makes me feel like the stupid one for not being woman enough to set my other feelings aside to be his friend! Like I would just be uncaring! Or he'll say he is cautious and doesn't want a relationship with either one of us and say does it have to be that we are in a relationship in order for us to talk the way we do and laugh as much as we Do!

I'm seriously tired of being nice! So yeah i'm washing my hands of him!

I'm tired of being the nice girl that cares about everyone elses feelings but my own!
I don't know, sounds like you're treating people the way you want to be treated or would like to be treated instead of what the situation actually calls for and deserves.

Like when he tells me how he cares about me and values our friendship he makes me feel like the stupid one for not being woman enough to set my other feelings aside to be his friend! Like I would just be uncaring! Or he'll say he is cautious and doesn't want a relationship with either one of us and say does it have to be that we are in a relationship in order for us to talk the way we do and laugh as much as we Do!

He's saying this to put you exactly where he wants you...you know that saying talk is cheap, right...so I think it is really really cheap ! who would have thought that eh...

The point is he's a liar, he KNEW he had this chick on the side day one, he knew that he didn't start off with you as friends but yet when things seemed to get a bit serious he had to slap cold water in your face to wake you up from the dream he created, you seemed confused by it all but he was never confused, he knew EXACTLY what he was doing because he does it ALL THE TIME to unsuspecting women who believe in him, women who believe they found the ONE, he can't keep up that fake phoney mask so he eventually has to back pedal and wiggle his way out of getting to the next step of the relationship, he's not worth the effort honey, he really isn't, you will be the only one investing and he will watch you invest on the side lines, he will always say well I told you we are just friends, why are you acting this way? Why can't I have my cake and it too, the other woman DOESN'T believe in him, she doesn't fall for his phoney lines of love and thus she can't be conquered which means she will always play an important part in his life, she will be the girl that he could never have which makes him believe he's in love, he's invested tons of energy trying to capture her heart and he can't walk away from it. As long as this girl that he can't have is around, NO WOMAN will ever be able to have him because he's stuck on her which means he's more than likely commitment phobic and the other woman is a convienant reason not to get heavily involved with women that want him.

It's apparent you want more than friendship and it's apparent he doesn't want more than friendship with YOU so you have to disconnect or you will just end up hurting yourself even more and you can't blame him for it...you can only blame yourself for accepting his crumby ideal of friendship

I call him a liar because he came into it COURTING YOU, he came into it with this ideal that he wanted more only to throw in your face what his TRUE INTENTIONS was which is friendship, that's why you will never be able to trust men like this, his backward ass behavior made you believe in him and that to me deserves a good beat down, he's manipulative and he's a low self esteem NOBODY and thats what he doesn't want you to FIND OUT

He owed you nothing. This is a non issue IMHO. You all already broke up. Its not like he brought a random new girl, it was the 5 yr chick you know he's in love with.

He's a liar because in the BEGINNING there was no other woman and there was no talk of friendship, he was going with the flow as if things were fine and once the next logical step came up then he has the I just wanna be friends talk, AFTER spending tons of time with her allowing her to emotionally connect with him then it's talk of the other woman, then there's talk of friendship, I'm sure if he had been honest with honey and told her day one that there was some obstacles involved with dating him she would have been able to make better choices and gaurd her space as to not allow herself to fall for him in a way that she would get hurt, she wouldn't be on this roller coaster ride of a relationship, yet he hid those things and brought them up once he felt she may be catching feelings and men who do this is his attempt to manage her emotions and manage the relationship (control the direction of the relationship) on top of that he told her that he wasn't going to bring anyone to the party and he brought someone anyway, if he's not a complete liar then I don't what we call that, inconsistent liar

I call these men assclown liars because he has an advantage, he already KNOW he's UNAVAILABLE, he already know he is emotionally ill equipped to be in a relationship with anyone but that doesnt' stop him from chasing and pursuing women and top of that, the woman doesn't know that, she deems him acceptable based on how much time she spends with him, no worries, no problems, no signs that there is a problem and then out of nowhere it's the I just wanna be friends crap after he's done all the courting moves, honey can't be expected to not feel any feelings, people aren't objects, they can't just stop liking and loving someone...let's say he's not a liar, let's say he just failed to show his full self, he failed to show her who he really is...What do you call him?

Maybe she should have dug a bit deeper and maybe she was digging and maybe that's one of the reasons he stepped back...

LOL Fallstar! I just wanna help women, seriously I really do, I actually have been approached about writing a chapter in a friends book, I see women in pain and it stabs me in my heart, sorry if I sound redundant

You can lead a horse to water...

and do this



and get the bbq equipment out...

Well, some go by the saying, "The best things in life never come easy."

Who doesnt like being a "conqueror".


all in all...I concur...but a good relationship still takes work, not to the point of anguish and exhaustion, but work nonetheless.

A lot of us chase the ones we can't have, or chase away the one's we can. Relationships, the ones that work, aren't supposed to be a challenge or something to be conquered. They happen naturally without all of this drama. Some require more work than others, but this is ridiculous.

I haven't read thw whole story either but from what I've seen ... AG is right. Relationships aren't about "trying" to keep things together or working like mad to continue something thats not going anywhere. I believe people waste alot of time doing this to themselves.

I can say this because I was one of those girls at one point -- haha, I just tried to make things work with a cancer man that was clearly a womanizer. But I learned my lessons early I think, and I do have him to thank for this lol.

That and I slipped and fell on my backside one winter. lol, I think that snapped me back into reality.

LMFAO@BTW "ASSCLOWN" is my word. I stole it fair and square from Chris Jericho....

Dually noted d:

Show them that you can move on with your life.

I wouldn't show them anything but always have a last request for 'them'

lol @ Zena

LMAO@ Z exactly!