How to get back at this MOTHERF*****

I am in love with a Aquarius man. He tells me all the time that he loves me and want to be with me, but his actions shows something different. I broke up with him about a month ago and went without talking to him for about 3weeks. Let me remind you that he contacted me first and told me that he missed me and wanted to get back with me once he gets hisself together. We spent last Friday and half of Saturday together then he left and went back to his mother's house. I went over to my friend house and found out some things that he had lied to me about. I called him and confronted him about the things that I heard, but acourse he denied it. What should I do? I love this man so much!

"Let me remind you that he contacted me first and told me that he missed me and wanted to get back with me once he gets hisself together. "



A reminder? Have you told us before and we forgot?


Or, is this a reminder to you so you won't forget that he was the one who called you, which is supposed to trigger a feeling in you to tell you that he must want you, for he made this attention effort in contacting ..... just in case your mind wants you to comprehend the truth of it = he lied to you and therefore is underserving.

Because you don't want to know that, that is too real .... so a reminder ... he contacted you first.


That doesn't make the lies go away, of course ... but, it allows you to fool yourself into thinking he really wants you.

I see what your saying..fact still remains that he lied to me. I just was wondering why did he call me if he wasn't ready.

Posted by mebeme
I see what your saying..fact still remains that he lied to me. I just was wondering why did he call me if he wasn't ready.

Ready?


Ready for what?



Do you think that terms of relationships are soley on the man? Does this mean that if he is ready to have you, if he is ready to want you ... then it is your place in life to accept your fate, as he decides?

wtf?

Ready for what?


Let me tell you something ....... if by ready you mean that he is ready to tell the truth, and so therefore you are willing to take him back ... then, this gives him permission to lie to you over and over again and over again .. because guess what?

Alls he has to do is apologize ... no big deal, is it? A simple, non-feeling reply to pacify you .. and he can do as he pleases.



I promise you ..... love doesn't make happiness, happiness makes love

Posted by mebeme
I see what your saying..fact still remains that he lied to me. I just was wondering why did he call me if he wasn't ready.

Can you not see that you lie to yourself?


You can see what I'm saying, but, fact remains, he lied to you. How does what I'm saying have anything to do with you defending your territory in being adamant about him lying to you. Do you think I was defending him?

How does the fact that he lied to you ... justify you sitting with baited breath waiting for him to be ready?

Can you not see how those two things are in contridiction of each other?

You can tell yourself that cold hard fact .. he lied.
Then wait for him to run to your arms saying he's sorry
And all is bliss.


Bliss ... really?

are you sure about that?

mebeme ..... here is what I see .. perhaps, my perception is askewed and many people think so, but, here is what I see happening here anyway ...


You love him
He tells you he loves you
You felt like how he acted towards you was different than how you think a man should if he indeed loves you
You broke with him because of this
3 weeks go by
However, you don't break up with him because you dont' want to be with him
You break up with him because you want to try and show him what life if like without you
And he should be heartbroken because you are gone
He calls, so you think he is ready to face how is suppose to act if he indeed loves you
You think he is ready to be in this loving relationship that you have wrapped around your mind
Why else would he call?
This is the reason you broke up in the first place, you wanted to give him a message by leaving him eventhough you love him
You now have an expectation that you think he is going to behave differently
Because he must have been ready to face this love unconditionally .. why else would he have called?
You two have a good time
You later find out that he hasn't changed at all
In fact, he has so not changed that he has lied to you
You now dont' know what to do to convince him of this love you two have for each other
Breaking up with him and showing him life without togetherness didn't work
Now what?
What tactic can you use to convince him of how is suppose to behave if he is in love?
You think you are confused now because the tactic backfired

When in reality .... your confusion was at jump .. when you had an expectation based around love and thought an expectation was supposed to be defined as unconditional.

YOU ALL ARE RIGHT!!!!! I'M THE STUPID ASS

Posted by mebeme
I am in love with a Aquarius man. He tells me all the time that he loves me and want to be with me, but his actions shows something different. I broke up with him about a month ago and went without talking to him for about 3weeks. Let me remind you that he contacted me first and told me that he missed me and wanted to get back with me once he gets hisself together. We spent last Friday and half of Saturday together then he left and went back to his mother's house. I went over to my friend house and found out some things that he had lied to me about. I called him and confronted him about the things that I heard, but acourse he denied it. What should I do? I love this man so much!

Well try a new approach, try loving YOU so much, loving you so much that you will not allow any one man to bullshit his way in and out of your life, you love you so much that you will never be a dumb ass again (dumb ass is your word not mine)

You have no proof if what you heard is true or not, you can believe the source depending on his/her credibility but their really is no way of proving it. Truthfully who cares, you shouldn't, your not a dumb ass for loving a man but if you are not taking care of yourself then you are mistaken about whose more important, he isn't that's for damn sure.

What should you do? Nothing, your needing to save him means he's already GONE and he's going to lie, he's going to cheat, he's going to be in and out because you have made him more important than YOURSELF, as long as you love him so much you will never be able to see the forest from the trees, you will remain lost in love, lost in pain until you stop caring so much about a man that isn't treating you the way you want to be treated, yeah he may be a liar, a cheat, no good lousy boyfriend but what does that say about you if you remain with this kind of man?

My suggestion is to let him go for now, he won't change in a couple of weeks, you can slowly allow him back in AFTER you have gotten back in love so much with yourself. Then you can decide if he's worth all your energy or a waste of time.

Well honey you might spend the rest of your life wondering WHY he did this to you? There's a lot of things that people in this world do that will never make sense. Why do people kill people? Why are people racist? Why do children get killed? I mean we ALL want to know WHY. But in your situation, does it really matter? Would it really make a difference even if you knew exactly WHY he lied to you? Either way, his reasoning isn't justified & wouldn't place the relationship in a win-win situation so at this point, try to stop focusing on the why b/c that's an answer to a question that you might NEVER get. We've all wondered WHY but when you finally look back, you realize that it didn't even matter. All that matters is that he DID lie to you & unfortunately, it's not uncommon for a man to play games with a woman just to act as if she's his world the next minute. Men will do this half of the time b/c it allows them to get away with murder while their woman is too busy wondering "why" instead of kicking him to the curb. Men have been doing this for years (and so have women).

IT's not about how HE feels about you & how much he calls & contacts you. It's about how YOU feel. Let's say he calls you b/c he can't let you go. Well that's all good & well but one thing he ALSO can't do is be honest & truthful with you either. So either way, it's a lose-lose situation. Don't put all of the power into his hands b/c if you do you'll end up leaving more heartbroken later than you are now. The best game to play is NO game. So don't even worry about trying to get back at him or play mind games with him b/c we're all grown enough to know that eventually it all backfires. His plan to lie to you backfired on him, didn't it? In fact, he was so dang on shocked that it backfired that even when he got caught up he STILL couldn't be truthful. So remember that. If you really want this man then let him go until he's ready to be the man you need him to be. And sure, you might be waiting for a hell of a long time but atleast you won't have to feel like the "dumb" one who can't seem to let go of a "dumb" one.

And get back at him for what? Will that even change the fact that he lied to you & hurt you because of his betrayals? It won't. If anything, you'll be more frustrated that you had to waste energy trying to prove a point to him & trying to figure out something that just wasn't meant for you to figure out. Honey, when someone hurts you, that's not code for stick around & try to put the pieces together. B/c if you stick around & try to play the same games he's playing, you'll just end up getting FURTHER hurt in the process. And it'll turn into a cycle of just 2 people who are trying to OUT-DO eachother in the "playing games" department. And once the only enjoyment you get out of a relationship/friendship with someone is hurting them or proving them wrong then hell, the relationship was over a long time ago anyways.

If you really love this guy & want him to respect you then you've got to show him that when he betrays you he can't just walk back into your life. Playing games with him will show FURTHER make him turn up the notch on the games he was already playing with you. And if it gets to that point, any chance of him getting his act together & wanting you for the long-haul will have went straight out of the window. Make your life about YOU. Don't worry about what makes him tick b/c honey he might not even know why he's a liar or what makes himself tick. This is where alot of women mess up & end up creating more heartbreak for themselves. You've already seen his true colors so if you don't walk away & gain some self-respect now then that means that any future heartbreak is on YOU. It'll be your fault b/c at that point you can no longer say that you didn't know. This isn't about how much you love him. After someone hurts you your main focus should be about how much you love YOU. And what separates the women from the girls is that women know that men will get their act together FASTER for a woman that knows how to love herself. Yes, it sucks & it seems kind of backwards but try it, it works