I think I made a HUGE mistake!!!

Last week an ex Aqua boy (of 18 months) came back into my life. He text me saying he'd like to hear from me. I text bcak. He went on to tell me that he has not stopped thinking about me and he never should of ended it, was just going through some stuff at the time and nobody else compares. Can I also point out that he is 12 years younger than me. He rang and we chatted, then he dropped by my house. It was like we had never been apart. We chatted all night.

The next day he text how happy he was and how good it was to see me. But the following day, I started to freak. Was worried about getting hurt again. I sent him the following message:

This is really difficult........but I think its best we don't see each other again. When things went how they did with us before, I was gutted. Towards the end I was in such turmoil. I'm not stupid, of course I knew we could never have a relationship as such, the age difference etc etc. But it didn't stop me from having feelings for you. Now your back again and the only way I see it going is the same way it went before.Nothings changed......I'm still older than you. I'm not about to put myself in a postion whereby I will end up feeling like that again. I'm pretty sure you don't want me or yourself to feel like that either. I don't want to end on bad terms with you like before.

You will always have a special place in my heart. I would always think about you alot and probably always will. You understood me in a way nobody else could. We always got on so well when we we were together and it was so good to see you on Tuesday....too good. It terrifies me! Being with you felt so right, but I don't want to end up hurt again. As much as you have perhaps missed me, I don't think you have really thought this through. I believe you that you are sorry for ending it so soon. But its apparent you would of ended it at some point down the line because of my age.

I have no hard feelings towards you at all and wish you nothing but the very best.

He messaged me that he had cried his heart out and that he now knows how he desreves to be treated and nobody has compared since. I messaged him back so I felt the same and how rubbish it all was and that I was going to just get drunk all weekend. He text me: Not a good idea. Just find yourself a new bloke. So I just text him that it was a good idea we don't get in touch with each other again. He said "OK it will be ok just roll with it" So I said leave it now eh.

So why ha

So why did I spend days looking at my phone....kinda hoping he would be in touch? Then 4 days later I went to a friends house and after chatting with her and having one or two drinks I sent him this : S :


Knowing you your probably feeling guilty for ever getting in touch! Just wanted to let you know that I'm ok. I admit it did knock me for six for a while. But having rationalised it all I realised though you may of cared about me, you didn't care about me enough. After all if you did it wouldn't matter if I had two heads lol I don't hold it against you at all. We have all been guilty of not caring about people( for want of a better word) enough! Its par for the course. Though we got on etc. Thats what I want somebody who truly cares. I am glad you got in touch it has meant we can part on good terms.

Don't feel an obligation to reply. Live your life be happy : )

OMG. I felt alright at the time. Now I'm thinking I didn't really even give him a chance. After all why else would he of come back if he didn't really care? But at the same time I'm thinking wouldn't he have said so? Now I'm second guessing myself. Did I do the right thing? I miss him soooo much. I have thought about asking him if he thinks I did the right thing. What do you think? Any advice please. I thought by I didn't want to see him any more that there would be no confusion but if anything its worse. Leave it or say something

Well one, you need to figure out how YOU feel first. The reason his words & sudden expressions of his emotions are confusing you is b/c you are confused within your own emotions. I think you told him right. Sometimes, people are right for you but just not for RIGHT now & It's a good thing that you were thinking logically enough that the age difference between the 2 of you would ultimately cause your downfall. That means that you're thinking long-term & that's a good thing. But be careful not to let your possible current state of loneliness or just hoping "things have changed" hinder you from all the progress you've made.