My Aqua Ex NEVER trusted me. WTF?

I've been having uncomfortable conversations lately. The last was with my Aqua ex who I was with for years. I'm a bit of a flirt in the sense I will talk to almost anyone but it's never sexual or over the top. If the person I was talking with or friends with put out any sexual vibes I'd cut it off because it made me very uncomfortable. He'd say... "You're not friends with so and so anymore because he likes you." And I'd say... "Ya, you're right."
I never even thought about cheating on him, kissing anyone else or even holding hands with another.
I'm loyal to the core.
I was always very open with him about what I was doing and where I was going and he knew all my guy friends. Hell, all my friends became his over the course of our relationship and he still sees many of them more than I do.

Imagine my absolute shock when he expressed to me, 2 years after we've broken up and by me digging at him... that he was insanely jealous of almost every guy AND girl that I hung out with. He knows I never cheated on him but is surprised I didn't. WTF? This man is so ALOOF, it's crazy. He always acted like nothing phased him.

It was a confusing relationship because I pursued him. He was amazingly emotionally detached and I thought I could melt him with my love. When we did get together, he didn't become anymore loving and affectionate so I pretty much matched him. How much affection can one give without it being reciprocated? I knew he loved me but always doubted if he was 'in love' with me, you know? A Cancer insecure in love can grow very cold.

We were both pretty insecure I guess and our communication always sucked.... even if we had talked about it without accusations, we were probably doomed from the start.
How can you be in love and really connect with someone if you can't trust them?

He's a good guy and great friend, but we both know the love is gone. I can't stop shaking my head, tho.

I never thought Aquas were jealous...

We aqua's ARE pretty jelous,well I am at least,but I never show it. So I guess that he hid away his jelousy among with his feelings for you.

Look,all the "aqua's are cold and aloof" is what every astrology site says.But nope,it's just that we never SHOW it. We always are really emotional on the inside,and you may never know what we write in our dairy's and what are our thoughts,or if we cry at night for a lost love.We always show a strong and cold/unemotional face to the world,cause we don't like the world to see us down,cause when we are down to the ground we retreat in our own world.(we also do our disappearing act when we feel like it or need space) . So..an aqua usually has a hard time showing his feelings cause we wait for our partner to do the first step cause we are afraid of being rejected.And we love it when people tell us something straight in the face,so tell us that "hey,don't get me wrong,I like you but I would feel better if you would also show me a lil love yo teddy bear

Aquas aren't known to be jealous ONLY b/c this is a trait most of us actually HIDE from others. Just b/c we HIDE that we're jealous (or any other trait) doesn't mean that it doesn't coexist within us. Aquas are very good at saving face.

Just b/c a person doesn't show their jealous side doesn't mean that their jealous side doesn't exist. If anything, Aquas are prone to jealousy just like any & everyone else. It's just that we don't necessarily express/display our jealous nature.

The same goes for our emotions. Just b/c we may not cry in FRONT of you doesn't mean that we don't have tear ducts. Oh we DO have them, it's just that we CHOOSE not to use them until we're alone & by ourselves. BUT, make no mistake about it...they were there all along!

Plus, it's almost a GOOD thing that this guy didn't always reveal his jealousy to you. It's probably in part b/c he knew that doing so would: 1. Cause you to always be in the state of defending yourself/your friendships, thus to only lead you to be turned off and/or detach from the relationship b/c of it. He knew that his jealousy was as a result of his OWN insecurities, thus something only HE can fix. So him pouring out his jealousy to you wouldn't help anything or make you guys trust eachother any more than normal.

We can't control when we are/feel jealous BUT we CAN control how much of it we spew onto others. And even though jealousy is something Aquas feel naturally just like ALL humans, we ALSO know that sometimes our jealousy is formed from irrational/insecure places within US, therefore it'd be almost cruel to punish someone for something only WE can control. He probably never showed you his jealous side b/c he knew that things would be damned if you did/damned if you didn't.

He's jealous by nature, thus it would've have mattered whether you had all male friends or no friends at all. He knew this, thus that's why he kept his jealousy a secret. Him keeping this from you was HIS way of sub-consciously ADMITTING that you've done NOTHING to warrant any of his jealousy. BUT since he can't control his jealousy, he'd rather just go crazy behind closed doors & when you're NOT around

Even though it understandably sucks that you weren't aware of his true jealous nature until AFTER the fact, you should be grateful that he didn't reveal his jealous nature to you during the relationship. Had he done so, it would've def. ruined things and/or it would've always left you in the state of trying to change your life/friendships around all to please him. And if you technically DIDN'T do anything to warrant/cause that jealousy, then technically it would've been DEAD WRONG of him to spring his jealousy onto you, thus to only make you assume that YOU were the one in the wrong when he knew in his heart that it was really just HIM that was trippin'.

So him not showing you his jealousy was a good thing. We ALL experience jealousy at some point. And it's always a GOOD thing when someone knows how to admit to themselves that they're jealous as result of their OWN insecurities vs. convincing themselves that it's their partner's fault all b/c they can't face the reality that it was really THEMSELVES all along.

This guy not showing you his jealous nature all this time was him NOT being selfish. He knew that HE was the reason he was jealous. Had YOU done certain things to cause him to be jealous, he probably wouldn't have had any shame showing you his jealousy. BUT b/c he knew that HIS own insecurities were the cause of his jealousy, it only made sense for him to express/deal with those irrational emotions by himself INSTEAD of pouring them onto you & taking the risk of losing you by doing so.

I agree... I think it was very unselfish of him to keep it to himself instead of projecting it onto me.
That's a heavy load to carry.

Another level of appreciation reached for you Aquas, that's for sure 🙂