Need help understanding Aqua reactions

Hello everyone,
I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm hoping to find some answers from Aquariuses about my current situation.

We have been friend for 5 years, very close friends. At one time Aqua was going through a suicidal rough patch but according to him, I saved him. It made our bond stronger and we've been close since. Even sexually sometimes.
We've always been the kind to solve our problems by talking. Always very smart and deep conversation.
Our friendship was always a good healthy, him missing me, me missing him kind. Very good honest friendship.

We got in a fight last week. He was under a lot of stress because of an upcoming trip and he was very sensitive. Accused me that everything I was saying to him was meant to make him feel guilty (It wasn't) accused me of being a bad friend and even questioned our friendship.
It was really out of the blue and I still don't understand what happened. I emailed him last night to talk.
Long story short, I learned a very bad news about my health and I have been more emotional lately. I wanted to talk, because he is my best friend and he always had good advices for me but he was very detached. Didn't seem to care. I got upset and I asked him about it. He snapped at me. Told me that he's sick of the same old song, that he's sick of feeling like he's not a good friend to me and ended our friendship.
Told me that it's best I don't respond to him and that if I do, he's not going to answer me.
I've been trying to talk to him since. I still didn't tell him about my possible cancer. I just snapped. I do feel bad but his email was just so cold.

I told him he doesn't care about our friendship, asked him why it's so easy for him to close the door like it never mattered to him and asked him to tell me he did care.
I've send 5 emails, asking him to talk to me like we used to.
No respond from him.
He even deleted me from Facebook AFTER I send the emails.

At this point, he's like a completely different man.

Can you Aquariuses tell me what I should do?

I greatly appreciate it.

Two choices:

You can either do the "I understand you're struggling right now and although I want to be there for you, I have some serious news of my own. Can I share it with you, I need to know you're there for me also". This will pique his interest and appeal to his sense of caring, or it'll piss him off enough to never hear from him again - but you're not hearing from him already so it won't make a lot of difference.

Or

You can do this "Look, you're being a selfish asshole. I just found out I may have cancer, so when you're done being a rude obnoxious prick, ring me and if you're lucky, I might talk to you again". This will kick him in the pants and may make him sit up, get off his pity pot and be the friend he should be, given your support of him.

(Or you can ignore him right back because we like our space - but we HATE to be ignored and eventually he'll try and reconnect).

Dear Aqua from NZ,
Thank you for your answer.

Can you tell me if it's typical for an Aqua to turn a situation around or not acknowledge his fault just to feel better or for another reason?
Also what would explain his action in this current situation?

What happened is:
A couple months ago, Aqua and I were talking and he mentioned a coworker of his and told me how he thought she had feelings for him. We both came up with a plan to know the truth. Me and him flirting heavily in front of her to see her reaction.

After work one night, he invited all his coworkers (her included) at a bar near by for an after shift drink. He texted me and I went as well. He introduced me to everyone as Aly his close friend and we sat down to talk. I exchanged maybe 10 words with her, something friendly and I never talked to her afterward.
Me and Aqua got flirty, touchy/feely and he was laughing and enjoying everything the whole time. We talked about it the next day and how funny it was.

As time passed, Aqua and said coworker became friends outside of work. They work in the video gaming industry and they started playing games together. He mentioned her as a friend, not his best best, not close. Just friends and for Aqua friends labels are very important to him.

Then, Aqua and I talked about going to an art convention together but no official plans were made, as I wasn't sure if I could take off work but we did however mentioned going together.
Then, Julie the coworker/friend got a ticket for the same art convention.
(I should add here that me and Aqua are both 25, and that Julie is 17)
Julie's parents then asked Aqua to go with her, as she should need supervision. Julie's parents trusts Aqua a lot.
They made plans together and Aqua excluded me of the plans because Julie's parents doesn't know me. Sad but I was fine with it, as we could meet there anyways.

Then, last week, Aqua told me about Julie and how she doesn't like me at all. When asked about it, Aqua mentioned that time I flirted with him at the bar, Julie thought I was the rudest person alive and didn't wanna meet up at the art convention. And because of Aqua needing to go with her, me and him meeting was a no go.
He then told me that I was indeed rude that night, that I didn't show him respect by flirting heavily with him. (WHAT—)

We got in a fight, he kept repeating that I'm rude and that he's questioning our five years long friendship.

Sorry 2 butt in alyzabeth but, I would kick that bitches ass!!! I'm not saying u should lol. I think this little bitch is trying to rip u 2 apart! And she's only 17—? He needs 2 stay the fuck away from her & this lil bitch needs 2 find friends her own age! Ugh I would leave his ass alone!

Well some people in general take their anger/stress out on others during really stressful times. If anything, since we all often fear others seeing our "wrath" when we're in 1 of those "Funks," it makes more sense to some people to put some distance there so that those we really care deeply for won't end up suffering or noticing our "Dark side," coming out.

Problem is...the way he went about putting some distance there was all wrong. His initial intention was probably to isolate himself from everybody so that when he finally does allow the stress to consume him, those closest to him won't feel his "wrath." Welp, seems like he made you feel the complete OPPOSITE of his original goal. The minute he got distant, this confused you. And since he never communicated to you WHY he was so distant, of course it's no wonder that you took this personal.

1st off, stop contacting him. Even when we're in the wrong, there is nothing WORSE than someone who keeps demanding our attention when we're not ready to give it yet. Aquas hate being put on the spot or being needed when they really just need alone time. And they people who try to force them to open up at a time when they just want to sulk on their own, usually end up getting the cold shoulder & told off! He knows he's being an azs BUT each time you call him, you're annoying him even more, thus you'd be better off just leaving him be for right now or else he'll actually start to find reasons to point/knock you.

Wait until he's done with his tantrum. That'll be the ONLY way for you to effectively communicate your feelings & unappreciation for how he's acting towards you. You've gotta wait until he's got a clear head again b/c if you don't, he'll continue to put HIS needs 1st, while blocking out/shrugging everything you're saying. Yes it's incredibly selfish, BUT hey that's how some Aquas are.

Most importantly, don't take it personal. It's NOT you. I doubt there's anything taht you've said/done that can justify him acting this cold towards you.

He's acting cold b/c it's HIS way of dealing with severe/extreme stress. He figures that if he pushes everyone away at a time when he's feeling so low, that it'll spare him from having to face those who are concerned about him. Sometimes people just want to sulk, pout & let the stress consume them & run it's course. And when someone isn't in the mood for positive talk, they can sometimes get very mean to those who are really only trying to help & lend a shoulder to cry on. Welp, remember that Aquas prefer to deal with their innermost problems in the dark & since you seem to be so in his face right now, it's annoying him even more. And it's annoying him b/c he KNOWS how much he's turning you off & trust me, he doesn't like it BUT he also can't help it.

You might've known him very well up to this point, BUT maybe this time he's going through something that consumes him emotionally more than ever before. And when Aquas start experiencing emotional turmoil, they sort of isolate themselves & just HOPE that those who love them will be there waiting with patient & understanding arms when it's all over. Of course it never happens that way though. The other person is often left confused & angry.

Stop contacting him. He'll come back around. If you continually try to force him to communicate when he's already SHOWN you that he doesn't want to/isn't ready yet, you're only stalling his chances of finally coming out of his deep "funk." So just leave him alone. Let him come back to you ESPECIALLY since your conscious is clear/you didn't do anything wrong.

He might be this way until the stressful situation(s) he's in subside. HIS way of dealing with severe emotional conflict/stress is to isolate himself & even though he knows this irritates & confuses others, he still can't help but to handle his emotions in the best way he knows how. So don't take it so personal. He'll be back. Trust me

Give him time...all we aquarius need is time ..time to prove us that others are good. 5 years and you stll question it...that pisses me off. LOL as if one little action of not showing he cares over the other things he has done in those 5 years would even make me question why bother being a friend if im not appreciated and accepted. yes it may seem selfish.but you rejected your responsibility as a friend. Endowing him the trust he deserves. EVEN reading your entry, you know he is great...you just cannot understand why he can suddenly cut you off. IT IS the very fact that over the course of the 5 years you had to keep implying that you need him to care more etc...Which means that you never really understood him which means this friendship meant nothing. SO cuttin gyou off can be done. I say all is not lost..but you gotta just tell him and email him about your potential cancer thats crucial...(even if he dosent respond)

it will play a big role in realizing how a ass he was...give him time for aquarius men will always still be ok to be friends or more again after a certain amount of time has pass.....

good luck!

I tell you what it sounds like with the Aqua and this 17 year old - it sounds like he was using YOU to get a jealous reaction from her, has her firmly in his grasp, possibly as more than a friend, and can't be honest about it. His way of excluding you is wrong and he's putting the blame on a 17 year old who may, or may not, have said a word about you anyway.

He's being a rude prick and clutching at straws by making you feel like shit enough to go off and pursue this girl. Why? Who knows, maybe he's embarrassed that she's only 17 or maybe he feels you'll get jealous, I don't know. Either way i don't buy the parents/guide to this girl story at all.

I think he's being an ass. I also think you know this and aren't buying his story either.

Well, I think someone or something might have ruined everything.
I wrote to Aqua about my health issue and everything else. How I'm in a dark place right now and how I need him like he needed me at his worst. Told him that I'm sorry for everything mean I said, explained to him that bad news after bad news made me react like this.
I didn't hear from him and I was hoping, following everyones advice on the no contact thing and gave him time and space.

Then, a friend I recently introduced (before our fight) to the online photography club we're both members went on the forums and started asking questions about us. Our fight etc and asked other members about personal questions. Friend's of Aqua saw that, and Aqua being a mod there, learned about it. Aqua then confronted me about it, blamed me for the new member actions. Despite explaining everything to him, he still asked me to make it stop, as if I had controls on what other peoples are doing.
At first I thought to myself how he went from not wanting to talk to me to, talking to me again, at least about that and I thought things between us were kind of fine.
We talked about the issue, he was mad as was I and things were fine and civilized. Then, he made it clear that our friendship was indeed over and that he wouldn't work on new photography projects with me. Ever.
I asked him if he read my mail, he said yes and that it doesn't matter, that nothing is gonna change. Then, he talked to his friends (people I don't know, they don't know me, don't know Aqua and I history) and they also told me they wouldn't work on projects either, insulted me, attacked me, taking Aqua's side etc. (But again, they're also young so, no surprise there)

I told Aqua I would leave him alone but that I would hangout with people we both know. That I won't stop being friends with our friends. He got mad and left, blocked me.

All our friends knows about the fight, they don't know anything. They all think it's weird of him to act this way, that it's not "him", think he might be lying.

Now our friends are thinking about confronting him about the fight to know the truth.

:/

so he now knows about your ill health and is still acting like a prick?

At this point we could all lie to you, sugar coat the truth & give you faulty advice. We could all promise you that this guy is probably just going through a "funk" or "phase," but sadly, I can't do that. I can't speak for others, but I can't do that. Sure, there's always the chance that this guy is just spewing anger at you only temporarily, BUT there's also a chance that he's NOT kidding. And I think it's fine that you keep hoping for the best, BUT what you need to start doing now is preparing for the worst. Unless you prepare for the worst (the idea that he really MIGHT be serious, no matter how irrational he's being), you'll continually stay in this place of confusion, resentment & hurt.

You should've left him alone. If this guy expects for you to think/write for other people, he's crazy. That's not your responsibility nor is it your job to go seal anyone's mouth other than your OWN. He knows that you can't "fix" the issue. Trust me, he knows. Him blaiming you was just ANOTHER way for him to justify to HIMSELF why he should've cut you off. And most of the time when someone is NOT content with their decision to end something with someone, they'll often try to FIND reasons to further get mad at them, even if those reasons are small, petty, irrational or technically things he wouldn't have faulted you for had you 2 still been friends. And him trying to find reasons is exactly what he's doing.

Just let it go. Don't expect for him to come to the rescue & play the hero for you right now. It seems like you are completely unwilling to accept how this guy is in a BAD way. Hunny, if you believed what you saw when things were good, believe what you're seeing now that things are bad. You keep holding on to who this guy WAS, & you doing that means you're completely IGNORING the side of himself that he's showing you now. This is who he REALLY is OR atleast this is how he handles things in extreme cases of stress. Are you SURE he's someone you want to continue a friendship with? After all, now you know THIS is what you'll have to expect AND accept every time he gets upset. And from the sound of things, this is NOT ok with you.

So pick yourself up. Screw him. I know it's easier said than done, but honey you've gotta quit trying to make sense outta nonsense. You've said your peace, given your apologies & did YOUR part. Your conscious should be clean/clear now. The point of you doing that wasn't supposed to be for HIM. No it was supposed to be for YOU

Oh trust me, now that a few days has passed, and I talked to his close friends, they agreed with me that he's an jerk, they also said something about the coworker-friend and how he might be lying to everyone about her, and pushed me away because of her since I was his "#1 close friend before" and he replaced me with her or maybe how she has him wrapped around his finger like his ex did.
I'm not gonna stop hanging out with our mutual friends, and I certainly not gonna stop having fun because of him. He knows I'm a strong woman and I will keep doing what I do best. Being independent.
A few of my friends talked about vengeance or start a photography contest on the board where we go called "My close friend lied to me about his coworker" or something. I personally think it's funny but I don't know how he would react. I would do it only for him to realize what he did but again, will it work? And, like you said, maybe he already knows and don't care.
They also recommend I do what his ex did to him.
They dated for 5 years, and when they broke up (it was mutual), she told him every single thing that was wrong with him. He told me it made him open his eyes and be a better person, and I thought about doing something like that to kick him.

But I'm a Capricorn, I'm the typical too nice naive girl who only see the good in people and I did for too long now. But then again as I'm writing this I think to myself: "He's not a bad person he's just..." making excuses about his action but hey! it's who I am.

I really wanna thank every single one of you who took the time to answer me and gave me such a great way to open my eyes. Without you I would still be sad wondering what happened but, it truly helped me 🙂

Wow! He sounds like a real wanker!

Sorry, i know you probably don't want to hear it buy for an outsider reading that it sounds like he's been a real arseclown.

Sorry to hear he's been so spiteful, honey - and he has, I promise you not all Aquas are that damn mean.

Grieve how you need for the loss of your friendship and know that no matter what, you have other people in your life that will be there for you at every turn, even if he has chosen (for whatever reason) not to be one of them xx