on/off again w/ aqua man

Hi. I need some advice regarding an on/off 'relationship' I've been having w/ an aqua man for about 8 months now. He's expressed deep interest in me from the beginning (even saying he thought he would marry me the first time he saw me!! - or that it would be so easy for him to fall in love w/ me), but he's never made a commitment to me (he knows I want one) and we go through these cycles where he avoids me and won't answer my calls for days-weeks at a time. He always ends up coming back to me with some excuse over something I supposedly did that weirded him out - but that's NOT really the way it happens. I have tried really hard not to be clingy - I don't call him but let him call me, because I've found if he WANTS to talk to me he'll do the calling. He's said that it bothers him before that I hardly ever call, but when I do he doesn't ever answer or call me back!!!

Anyway, I am in love with him at this point but I am tired of waiting, and tired of getting my feelings hurt. We'll hang out and have a GREAT time, then he pulls the dissppearing act, my feelings get hurt, and then I pull away from him. He tells me he has commitment issues (duh) but won't close the door on me completely. Am i kidding myslef into thinking it could ever be anything more after 8 months with no commitment? The reason i hang on is i KNOW that he feels something for me - he says he thinks about me all the time, but if that's true why doesn't he call or want to see me more often? I want to believe what he's telling me but I'm afraid he's just playing me or somehting. I don't want to give him an ultimatum because i think he'll run, but it's killing me feeling like I am stuck in limbo waiting on something that may never happen. Help!

Couples who promise each other nothing stay together the longest. 😉

"I want to believe what he's telling me but I'm afraid he's just playing me or somehting. I don't want to give him an ultimatum because i think he'll run, but it's killing me"

You just said the answer to your OWN question. Honey, you've got to get some balls. The reason this guy is stringing you along is b/c you are too afraid to stand up for yourself & for what you want & what you deserve. Trust me, he caught on to that (b/c don't ever believe that an Aqua would be caught yearning for someone that's not being clear enough that the love is the other way around) & may be slowly losing respect for you. If you want him, stand up for yourself & for what you want. Don't step on egg shells to keep any man around & especially not an Aqua. And here's why: Aqua men loooooove strong women & love women that command respect & the love they deserve. ONLY a man who doesn't really want to give love will have a problem with the women that request & demand it. If you think being yourself & standing up to him (which could possibly result in you losing him) is the best way to keep him, then you're wrong.

He heard you the FIRST time when you expressed to him that commitment meant alot to you. But one thing about Aquas is that they don't just disappear or not commit to someone unless they have a very good reason. He doesn't just ignore your calls "just because." Oh there's a reason! And the hard part is finding out that reason. He might've seen something in you (something you said or did) that might've turned him off & is preventing him from really going to the next step with you. And not to mention, Aquas are very good at manipulation & will keep the person they can walk all over, around for as long as they can. He might keep you around b/c he knows that you'll still be available when he finally DOES call you back, but just know that each time you show him that you won't stand up for what you want & that you're willing to "wait" (even though we Aquas wait for no one) the more he's going to find more reasons not to commit to you. It sounds like this guy likes you enough to keep you around, but not enough to take it to the next level & in a way, you should be glad he didn't commit to you and THEN tell you he wasn't interested or start pulling those "distant" acts b/c then you're feelings would REALLY be hurt.

You need to look in the mirror & evaluate what you might be doing wrong. And I say that b/c if he honestly thought that you were a nut case & an "absolutely NOT" then he would've cut off all communication with you period. Aquas aren't so desperate that they have to keep uninteresting people around them at all times, just for the sake of having company. Remember that. Are you giving him too many benefits? Sex? Always running to him when he calls or wants to see you? Always available? Are you an open book, that leaves him no reason to be excited about "what's next" with you? Are you being too passive during the times when he's testing to see how strong you are? Are you pretending not to be clingy or jealous, when in fact, he could care less if you are, he's just testing to see how honest you are about how you really are? There are a million things that could be causing him to say "not yet" with you, in terms of commitment.

BUT...since you can't control him, you can atleast control YOU. If this guy is not up to your speed then do 1 of 2 things:
1. Give him the ultimatum that life is too short & that you feel that you've already proven yourself worthy of his love. Ask him why he keeps holding back & if he gives you an answer that you can deal with/change or adapt to then try doing what he says you're lacking & see if his behaviors change. If he doesn't give you an answer at all or keeps pretending like you've got all day to wait around for him Then...

2. Leave him the hell alone. Show him that you are not one to be weak, vulnerable or so lonely that you risk your own time, energy or conversation for anyone. And trust me, he will respect you for this b/c he, himself is the very same way. Cut all communication off. Stop playing "cat & mouse" with him & SHOW him better than you can tell him that you are a queen & that if he doesn't see your value now, then his time is up. How he responds to you standing up for yourself will tell you more than enough. The key is,you've got to conjur up enough strengh to make that moment happen. If you lose out on him, that's a good thing b/c if he leaves b/c you stand up for yourself, it was only a matter of time before he completely left for other less important reasons. And if he stays & feels you worthy enough of letting go of whatever is stopping him, THEN start over with him.

Sure even pimps have good times with their prostitutes & even guys who just want women for sex will occasionally say a sweet thing or 2 in that woman's ears. But honey, you want commitment! Which means that he's got to step it up & offer you more & show you better than he can tell you why he's supposedly so hot & such a good man that you should wait around for him to scoop you up. YOU have alot more power in this thing than you realize. Don't for one minute think that this Aqua hasn't picked up on the fact that you are irritable with how things are going between you 2, but yet are still staying around. And trust me, REAL men respect women who have standards & don't have all day to sit & wait for something that's still not even guaranteed at the end of the day.

Okay Okay I get it. He's sweet, nice & gives you the attention you want when the times are going good. But those good times alone won't keep a commitment (which is what you truly want) flowing nicely. And plus, you might have to face the reality that this guy might be emotionally unavailable. And when Aqua men are in this phase, they'll find new prospects & do enough to keep that prospect around, but then again b/c they are still emotionally unavailable, they won't ever fully be able to commit to that new person or give it their all. Sure, they can call you all the time & do all the superficial things that makes a woman like a man in the first place. But the minute the 'commitment' topic comes up, they always fall short b/c they feel they are doing you a favor by not commiting to you & breaking your heart later on. And b/c it's NOT HIS job to make sure you're strong, he'll just sit around & wait on you to get some balls. And even in that case, there's still no guarantee that he'll commit to you b/c for all you know, he could've already made up his mind a longggg time ago that anything more than just "dating" is out of the question. Are you sure you want someone like that? It's YOUR job to not only be sexy & do all the great things women do to impress men on the outside, but it's also your job to show him that you are stable, strong & confident on the inside. And b/c Aquas judge a person more on the inside, you simply not giving him the ultimatium could be costing you big time & you not even really know it.

Thanks for the insights. We have had the conversation about why he won't commit many times. He either says he doesn't know, he's got 'commitment issues' and is working on himself to 'get there' - or that I remind him of his ex and it scares him. He's said many times he's 'almost there' (whatever) - but that it scares him when i 'wig out' - which means show any form of emotion, especially irritation or anger at him when he lets me down. He can't STAND emotional confrontation or me getting upset, and so he avoids me when i'm upset - I think this may be the reason that he's scared to get involved with me, because being an Aries I am a very passionate and emotional person. Maybe he just can't/doesn't want to deal with it.

Either way - I know I deserve to have a commitment, but I guess I am just not ready to walk away from him yet, and if I'm going to give him an ultimatum, then I need to be sure I am ready to do that. I've tried it before, but then I end up missing him so much that I let him come back. It's really hard when you love someone and there isn't anyone else around that compares to them in your eyes! And since he always leaves an option of commitment as a possibility in the future, there is part of me that doesn't want to let go of that chance and that wants to give him the time he needs if he is being 100% honest about his feelings. I don't want to lose someone by pressuring them into something they aren't totally ready for. I guess I'm just being an idiot. He obviously doesn't want that with me, and even if he agreed to it he would end up dissappointing me anyway. I asked him if we could just be friends, but then when we hang out he always jumps all over me. BTW, we aren't sleeping together.