Questions about Aqua men

Hello,
this is my first post on here. So thrilled to see all the posts abaout Aqua men and am getting some greater understanding of them. Each situation is different of course, so I was hoping to get some insight from an Aqua man or from a women who has a lot of experience with Aqua men. I have been sort of dating this Aqua man for about 1 1/2 years. I say sort of because it has not evolved into a relationship or regular dating pattern, as of yet. Through out this time we have seen each other maybe 10 times and have been intimate. Recently he has been in contact more frequently, and I've met some of his family members and most of his close frineds. He's told me he is in love with me, very deeply and does not want to be with out me. I feel the same way, which I known seems strange as we have actually not spent that much time together, but I do. He is a work a holic with his own business and has put everything he has and is into this business, and he says there is a deal that is about to go through that will finally give him the pig pay off he has been working for. With out actully telling me, I've deduced that until this deal goes through he does not feel he can pursue a relationship with me. So after these emotional declarations both physically and verbally, it is back to the occational texts with days sometimes weeks of no conatct and I have no idea when I'm going to see him again. Is is possible that this guy does have a plan? Is he afraid his emotional involvement will distract his work? I know he is not seeing anyone else. Why wouldn't he want me there to go through this with him?

We're independent people.

I assume he's trying to better himself,as men like to do financially, so then he feels as though he can be available to you. But with work and success, always comes more responsibility with the up keep of said success and work so its rather counterproductive if you think about...but it's whats makes us (especially men) feel whole and "manly" so to speak...but I wouldn't proclaim this as solely a male trait because most aquas male and female act this way....I know I am.

Well it seems like there are many issues going on. 1. I agree with Lady M. Aqua men are very independent & they literally don't ever like to even start the trend of doing things to an extent for others that they are not committed to. Men in general like to take all they can get without the commitment anyways, so take that into consideration too. You've given this man all you've got (your energy, time, & body) so this might be a classic case of him just not seeing the need for a further commitment, thus that might be why he convienently starts to back away & become "oh so busy" the minute he's getting hints that you are ready to take things further.

2. You might be dealing with a commitment phobe. The reason I say that is b/c honey, trust me, any man who sees something he wants (especially an Aqua, since they rarely actually find what they want) will snatch that woman up and MAKE TIME for it. Women make excuses all of the time to make themselves feel better, but let's be real. Even the president has time for commitment, so don't let any man ever convince you that you have to "wait" b/c he cannot fit you in. That's not true. Men are groomed to be able to multi-task. He wasn't too busy enough to do all of those other things with you, which by the way is the same as being in a commitment minus the title.

3. You need to pay attention to what he's telling you. He's subconsciously telling you that his career is on his top list of priorities, over relationships & anything else that would take up a lot of his time. Which means that no matter how good a woman you are, unless he changes his priorities & allows some flexiblilty to multi-task different levels of commitment, nothing will change between the two of you. Yes, Aqua men do generally tend to "wait" & hold out before they commit, b/c they fear making the wrong decision b/c of rushing & letting their emotions overpower their logic. But come on now, I'm almost willing to bet you $ 1 million that he made up in his mind a lonnnng time ago which direction he could see the 2 of you going (in terms of the long run). At this point, the ball is in your court. He's telling you that he can't offer you what you want. He thinks you're a good catch, BUT not good enough for him to change around his priorities. So at this point, you've got to make the ultimate decision. Are you going to wait (which might be forever) or let him know that your time is precious & that hell yes, you feel you're entitled for a commitment?

Lady M...I agree. BUT, it's 2009. Life is too short. I can respect a man who wants to make sure that he's got himself together (financially, emotionally, etc.) before he tries to be anything to anyone else. I get that. BUT, the problem I have with men like this is that they have all the time in the world to sleep with you, talk long hours on the phone with you, introduce you to their family/friends, sweet talk your ears off & basically play "house." BUT the minute the conversation of commitment comes up, they are all of the sudden so "career oriented" and need more time. I think that's a load of bull. He can't expect for her to wait around on him forever. I'm assuming she's a good woman & a good catch to not only him, but to other men also, so if he was smart he'd realize that every door of opportunity won't always be available to you. She's starting to doubt things, which means that he's on the brink of possibly losing her for good. If he was smart, he'd realize this & make the necessary moves. After all, she's given him all she's got, she's already proved herself. It'd be selfish for him to continue dangling her on a string if he's not eventually going to make the ultimate commitment.

If he's that busy & too unstable (or whatever) for a commitment, then he needs to take himself out of the dating pool so that he won't have to worry about the possibility of someone asking for something he knows upfront that he can't offer. And too, he's probably assuming that she's starting to catch on to his games, so if he continues to become overly busy all of the sudden when the topic of commitment comes up, then THAT is the true measure of how he really feels about her. All of the things you guys have done together is basically what people in commitments do. They tell eachother they love eachother, spend lots of time together & give their all into the other person. So if anything, he's basically just avoiding something (commitment) that he already has...just without the technical title of "girlfriend/boyfriend." If he's not too busy for playing "house" (which takes alot of time) then why is he all of the sudden to busy for the title? The title is just a word in the dictionary. I think this guy is trying to have his cake & eat it too & he's probably using the fact that most women have no choice but to respect a man whose trying to financially better himself, to his advantage. But it's up to the WOMAN to get hip to this game & do something about it.

And honey don't feel bad about getting to the point of finally realizing that you deserve a commitment. After all, the whole point of growing a connection with someone else is to eventually be able to take that connection to another level if earned & need be. No one wants to grow feelings for and/or fall in love w/ someone they know up front they'll never have. She got to know him & allowed herself to emotionally be available to him b/c naturally, she was assuming that going to the next step (commitment) would be the obvious next thing to do. So I can understand why you're so confused b/c it seems as if this guy is basically telling you (without literally telling you) that he hasn't yet found a good enough reason to take that leap of faith & commit to you. If he's really in love with you, then he's already gotten past the hardest part of this thing called love. So technically, just making something official shouldnt' even be a problem.

Life is short & it's not YOUR problem that he can't seem to make enough time for the commitment that you deserve. He can be the greatest guy in the world BUT what good is he if he inevitably can't give/offer you what you want/deserve. Without that title there, he is technically not obligated to do or be a thing for you & alot of men know this, & take this to their advantage. And it doesn't help when they know that the woman is aware of this, but yet lets him keep getting away with this. So yes, it's natural for a man to try to "stick things out" for as long as he can. It's YOUR responsibility as a woman though to make it known & clear what you want & that you don't have the rest of your life to "wait" around. It's not like you're asking him to change himself or anything. You're simply asking him to put that extra "security" there. Don't just sit & make excuses for him b/c if you do, you'll be looking back 2 years from now, still sitting in the same circumstances with him: All these feelings, wants & wishes, but NO title. If that's the case, you were better off finding & falling in love with someone else.

Thank you all for your input, and believe me I have thought about all these options as I'm not one to wait around on a commitment phobe. I've tried to keep a light hearted but curious attitude about him. In most cases I would have walked away, assuming he's just not into me, but he is very emotional when we are together and I feel he truely beleives he's is in love with me. The fact that he doesn't act on it, baffles me. What would make a man not act on his love? Is this an Aquarian thing?
For a little history, In his mind, he had fallen in love at first sight, but waited 2 years, giving him lots of time to gather information about me through mutal friends, and then attempted to pursue me. Shortly after we got together he told me he loved me and that I'm the girl he wants to marry. We are both 41, now. Major stuff happened with his business, after that, causing him to think he was going to lose it all. It's been 1 1/2 later since we've first went out. Our dates have been spread out with several months in between and with out regular or consistent contact. I have gone about my life and have dated other people, but he's the one I want to be with and spend more time with to explore the possibilites of a relationship. Recently we've had a little more contact and when I asked him why we are not dating, he looks me deep in the eyes and says" are you kidding me, I'm in love with you". Still didn't answer the question but relvealed later that a deal he has been working on for 7 years is close to completion and will give him the peace of mind and financial security that he doesn't feel he has now so all of his time and energy is directed towards the close of this deal.

Either way, he can be a good person all day long, BUT that's besides the point at this point. 20 years from now, do you want to be stuck knowing he's a good man & only sticking around for that reason alone? That's not good enough. Yes, men get so involved with their careers to the point where they feel that even slightly focusing on anything else as much could potentially mess something up. BUT you've also got needs & it's not your job to wait around for him to finally see you as someone worth adding into his multi-tasking life. 6 months after the friendship/fling started, it'd be okay to understand his need to only focus mainly on his career, but we're talking about years later & you're still emotionally involved with someone who has not been fair in offering you the ultimate commitment. Don't make excuses for him. Not all commitment-phobes are bad men. Alot of them are actually very good men. One interesting thing you said was that he only SAYS that he loves you but that his ACTIONS do not reflect that. Well, there's the 1st problem! It doesn't matter how "emotional" he appears to get when he's with you. The truth of the matter is, regardless of his sign, it's all about what he does. Women fool themselves into believing that men will not snatch up a good one when he sees one. That is NOT true. And part of the reason he may not have snatched you up yet is b/c you continue to hang around, keep all of your heart within his confines (no other men besides him) & just like with anybody else in this world, most people would rob a bank if they knew they wouldn't get caught too! It's time to really look in the mirror & make the decision as to if you're going to be content being his side priority. He might have to see what it's like knowing that b/c you're needs aren't being met that you'll leave. Maybe then, he'll stop being so selfish & realize that the "work" excuse is all bull. Hell, the president (the busiest man in the world) has time for his family! So what's your guy's excuse?

He may very well mean every word when he says he loves you but the KEY is, does he love you ENOUGH to offer you the complete commitment that you deserve. It seems that this whole situation is 1 sided. It's all about YOU taking into consideration his life. You making sure his dreams come true. Making sure he's satisfied. But what about you? Any man who truly loved a woman deep down in his soul would not be okay with her being single & commitingly without him, UNLESS she's the kind of woman that gives him all he needs WITHOUT the commitment. You have to take some personal responsibility. Alot of men blaim their jobs for why they can't commit, but the truth is, you two are already acting as boyfriend & girlfriend, thus the only thing missing is the actual title which is just a word. I think you should look in the mirror & start thinking about you. He can be a good person who loves you all day BUT love isn't enough if he's not willing to take that next step with you. When a man takes that next step with you, regardless of the circumstances in his life, it shows that he feels you worthy enough. It's his way of thanking her for proving herself. It's his proof that he knows how to "go get" & snatch up what he wants when he sees it. When a man doesn't do that, that's an indication that something is wrong! Let's fast forward..let's say he finally does ask you to be his girlfriend/wife..what will happen when the pace in his job picks back up again? What, is he gonna put you in the backseat again? What if his job is ALWAYS hectic? It's good that he has goals BUT, at some point in time, he's going to have to prove to you that you can mean more to him OR just as much to him as his career. People never stop having goals. Life's hectic circumstances never stop coming, regardless of whether you are single or not. Since we all know this, we spend our entire lives trying to put other people & other ambitions on that same plate, hoping that it will all balance itself out. Well, this man can't do that & that's a problem. I'm sure 2 years ago, you never thought you'd have given up so much w/o any commitment to show for it. Well, do you want to be in this place 1-10 years from now? Still saying he's a good man but yet still being confused about why it's just oh so hard for him to SHOW you the proof that he's in love with you. Words are just words. He has time to have sex with you, talk to you, hang out with you & discuss his career all day

It'd be no different if this guy did NOT have a job. Sure, he can be the most loving & "emotional" guy in the world BUT, love doesn't pay the bills. And even though relationships shouldn't be built based on how financially stable each person is, we also CANNOT deny that a person's finances plays a big role in the success of a relationship just like to usually has a big role in why a relationship ends (Money is the #1 cause of divorce, for example). So it's not to say that you can't love someone just b/c they don't have a job, BUT love itself does not keep the relationship running, thus you have to take multiple things into consideration when it comes to potentially picking someone to settle down with. It sucks but that's the reality. Once the honeymoon stages are over, reality kicks in. Are you absolutely sure that you want to settle down with this guy? I mean, you have to take into consideration that this guy didn't all of the sudden become this interested & dedicated to his career? Is it honorable that he is? Of course, considering so many men aren't. BUT, is it also interfering with you being able to have the ultimate commitment that you desire & deserve? YES. And that's all that matters. This man will not stop being 100% commited & only focused on his career even if he were to settle down. He didn't just become this way over night. This is who he is & if you can't deal with it now (even the most naive person still knows that her needs deserve to be met), imagine how much you won't be able to deal with it when and IF you 2 ever get together. Be careful what you wish for. This isn't about him & how emotional or good of a man he is. This is about YOU. What do you want? What do YOU deserve? You may not want to hear this, but you are LITERALLY waiting around for him to add you to his plate & that's unfair of him & also costly for you, considering a man using the "career" excuse often flies for a longggggg time until the woman finally realizes she's wasted her time & finally moves on. At this point, you know you're not completely satisfied or else we wouldn't be having this conversation. Realize that you are better than "waiting" & move on. OR tell him you'll be there when he learns how to put you 1st for once

I agree. Aquarian men may be more difficult to understand than other men, BUT they are still men & the game applies to most men. So many women don't seem to understand that when a man really wants something & sees something worth fit for himself, he will jump on it immediately. Sure, he may do it the "Aquarian" way by being cautious & detached in doing so, BUT he WILL make sure that he gets it. People have to understand that all men aren't dumb creatures who don't know a good thing when they see it. Alot of men simply won't make that next step b/c they simply don't want to. Often times, the woman assumes that just b/c she gave it her all & gave him all the good in her, that he'd be an idiot if he didn't snatch her up. Well, when it comes to Aquarian men, they do appreciate all the love BUT anytime they don't take advantage of a good thing, it's probably b/c it's not as GOOD to him, as it may be to the other person. Alot of men have families, careers & other priorities, but since when has that ever stopped the average man from snatching up a good woman? It normally doesn't. Women have to understand that men do what they want to do AND don't do what they don't want to do. If a man, in the beginning is not ready to add more to his plate it's b/c he doesn't see the other options worthy ENOUGH to add on to his life. He may see it worthy, may even like it alot. BUT the key is that he has to see it worthy ENOUGH. And there's a huge difference. It's like the difference b/w like & love. HUGE difference. So after long periods of time (years) when a woman notices that a man still hasn't made her a big enough priority, it's HER responsibility to move on & find someone else that can give her what she wants. But he, will NOT change. Hell, why should he? One, there's always the possiblity that like most human nature, he's going to take everything he can get w/o an investment. & 2. There's always the possiblity that a man just might not be THAT into you. He can SAY whatever he wants to say, BUt the creed that "actions speak louder than words" applies to Aquarian men too. He won't put you on the priority list b/c he doesn't yet see you worth a priority. Women just like to assume that the man must be dumb or unnappreciate just b/c he won't commit & that's not always true. He's only doing what you're allowing him to do. If you want things to change, you have to do your part & change things b/c you're the only person you can control