so am I a statistic

Update on Aqua guy...

Where do I start? My decision was to just leave him alone and not say anything to him! Well since we work together that didn't last very long. He wanted to know if I was mad at him and why? So I told him I wasn't mad and broke it all down to him! He didn't like what I had to say! I told him that there was no way we could just be friends and move backwards! In his eyes since we don't truly know eachother being friends is a step toward that! Though he has feelings for this other girl he doesn't know if he wants to be with her or if he is ready for a relationship! We went out to dinner and had a really long talk about everything! He told me all about her how their relationship started and how it got to today! Part of not wanting to be in a relationship was that he would have to give up his friends! He doesn't want to loose me and so on! He basically just wanted to be friends with me so he could truely get to know me! His idea of a relationship is not something he wants to plan he just want to feel mutual feelings with someone and for everything to feel right! I told him that was not what he was telling me when it was about having feelings for another person! If that was the case it would be different! That night we came back to my house drank wine and just talked till about 12:30 am... We ended up just falling asleep and holding eachother all night! I really just didn't know how to feel about everything but since that night he has been a total different person! Because he could spill all his guts to me and I listened and gave my opinion about everything he is glued to me! Not only does he call more often than before he calls me morning noon and night and wants to spend all this time with me! Its all so weird! Its a totaly different feeling totaly different vibe! Like all of a sudden he is just so comfortable being with me!

Should I let this continue! Should I be mad that I was second best to someone he has known for 5 years? Or should I not even look at it that way?

I want to pull up his chart but don't know how? He finally told me his birthday... February 4th 1970

yes you are stats 😛 jking !

well the answer may all be in the charts or dxp or actually doing what's best for you with the reality of the situation. seems like he's doing what's best for him 🙂
what is the reason 5yrs on another is still stringing along? will that be you in 5 yrs time ? so the drainage comes into play like unusual says ...should the beginning stages of relationships be this ?
so much has been said here alreadi - ball's in your court - good luck

I guess my hang up comes from this...

He is stuck there wondering if they tried it again would it really work... Since they have been friends five years he knows her cares about her and of course loves her! This can be typical in anyones life! He was just being honest about it because he was confused of his feelings! A lot of people don't do that!

I still have the same feelings for someone else but I know I can't be with that person! I chose not to be because I've tried 2 other times in the past and i'm tired of trying to patch up things from the past! I don't trust him! I wish I could but can't and You can't really change a person and people don't really change! They may grow up but they don't change!

I guess I can relate to him and after we both talked about the whole thing it seems to have opened up a new door! Like I can't say that I was fully comfortable with this guy before! And me as a cancer I can say I was pretty in my shell with my feelings because I move slow in relationships! Like I told him I was never ready to put a tag on our relationship! I was still just feeling him out! I guess its like now we are just in tune with eachother...

Zenalchemy - you said it before and you were right I was paying too much attention to his aquaness... Instead of paying attention to him!

might already be too late. it has already been said at an earlier thread that women attach emotions. the frequent calls, spending time together does ought but increase intimate thoughts. it is obvious by how she is now making excuses for him. are you his shrink, mother, sitter ? how hard is it to cut off ties with people ? does he really need your friendship ?

here is a dude with 2 women incapable of putting their foot down 🙂 how about cutting off a tie before moving to the next ? how about when another woman comes in ? has he told the 5 yr lady about you ?
out of sheer coincidence I am close to a 60-odd yr old male who is publicly married to another but also have other emotional interests with other women so is never home, another good friend 40, recently married said to me in the last convo we had, 'I need a mistress', and few more similar stories - all done in a seemingly logical manner. ... these men hold aqua suns 🙂 I've noticed they'll rather quietly slip away and come back when it suits them than face the emotional conversation needed - but this is only the handful I know.


fact is asking if you've become statistics makes it seem you want approval. if you can justify being with this dude to yourself, do you, right ? will you be judged ? of course but as long as you're fulfilling your wishes eh ?

Fact is asking if you've become statistics makes it seem you want approval

I asked because on an earlier thread someone told me to leave him alone and don't become a DXP statistic! And I don't feel like I need anyones approval! I'm as grown as they come!

Don't think 3'm crazy after you read this but

I just might have this little thing inside me that draws me to this relationship because its a challenge! Its not that I even necessarily want to be in a relationship right now myself! I did just get my independence back and still trying to get me back! Its not like I can't have any other guy that I want to either! But thinking about it I noticed this guy way back when I first started working here thought he was too young for me and so on! We were always just casual coworkers we said hi and bye and had conversations in the break room... I just always thought he was too young because he could pas for 22 at the least! And he is 38... I don't like younger guys! So when I found out his age I was even more attracted to him! I think I wanted him at that point and with that being said when I think about it... I did the same thing with my daughters father! I saw him and had to have him and he was mine! I'm starting to realize these things about myself! The last guy I dated I won't even talk to because it didn't work out I pushed him away because I needed time to get over my X and he moved on and now I hate him for it cause I can't win!

I need to start dating around! I don't like dating multiple people it creeps me out! Every guy wants some type of intimacy at some point and how can you be intimate with different people!

As you can see I have some serious hang ups! I have been thinking hard about all these things! I'm confused myself!

I'm just going to take it slow and easy for now! I just really want to have someone who is going to be there when I need them to be ya know! Someone to talk to lean on while i'm putting the pieces of my life back together! Of course I do eventually want to be in a commited loving relationship with a family... But right now is the time to just feel people out and get to know them for who they really are!

If it helps...friends first should've been your route from the beginning. People never really get to know one another these days (oh the joys of sex!). Aquas need it, friendship, for any of our relationships to survive.

I would leave this dude for the birds.

Aqua_Blasphemy is correct about the living in the head bit. Done it several times myself. The reality is never the same unfortunately.

Very real stuff Leo kitten!

^^say it leokitten -- all of the above.

your a statistic because you like others on this board and in the world continue to see extremely emotionally unavailable men as a challenge, thus you give him YOU and he throws you right back because he's incapable of being in intimate anything, he objectifies emotions, objectifies women thus mimicinging emotions so he can feel human, he's incapable of love or loving anyone, he creates OBSTACLES to DISTRACT women and make her yield to his bidding once he has her hooked into the relationship, its to slow everyone DOWN....he always has 2 or more on the fly...

You think this is the FIRST time? Oh no hun this is his life, he has been this guy all his life. He resents women but he can't live without em so he creates this 3D technicolor love triangle that gets everyone HOOKED in but himself and he can sit back and let everyone THINK and OBSESS over him while he goes an find another supply source of women ie emotional victims that can't recognize an emotinoally unavailable assclown when she see's one and doesn't have the sense to leave him alone and these women are EVERYWHERE.

He will begin to STOP, ignore and move away to cause panic and frustration thus eventually forcing you to become the relationship, you say who me, no not me?? But once the connection is strong you will naturally follow in line with doing what it takes to keep him around and its coming and it usually comes once the asking for more time, attention, admiration, dates, conversation which in his eyes sounds like a demand and when you demand more intimacy, more friendship, just more...he will be gone...and you will think or ask...how could he just leave?

Let's be friends is for HIM not you, its him trying to manage YOUR emotions, watering down your expectations which makes it easy for him to ease in without INVESTING in you or the other person, see theres the obstacle still lurking in the background, the get out of jail free card and he will pull it when he either finds another woman to play with, things get too serious-complicated for him to manage or he simply gets bored because he's made you BELIEVE his bullshit

mock my words....the best thing you could do is MANAGE YOU, manage the time you give him, manage the information you give him ie tell him nothing of you and your life and date other men, change all your patterns around him...

when he pulls out which he will because thats what emotionally unavailable men do or he'll force you to leave him by creating more obstacles, frustration and complications...just take care of you FIRST, everything your doing now, stop it, cancel a date, date other men, make him leave your home after a date when you do date him, stop meeting up with him on the fly, anything your doing that shows your predictablility stop it...this will keep him focused on you and not the other way around, you instantly become challenging, not boring and this will make him INVEST more of himself

This isn't an Aqua thing, these men are plentiful, they are everywhere

Tiki...

Is this from your latest novel 😉

I was waiting for you to reply!

I knew exactly what you would say! And there you have it! It all sounds so tiring! A game!?

tiki, still waiting for that royalty 🙂 please don't forget those that cheered you to the top !!! just 0.1% is all I'm asking...

IMO I think exercising something because someone said so, is living according to someone else set standards on you based on their experience and may or may not work. What do you think is the best course of action for YOU and those around you e.g. if you have kids? What do you want from the get go? Only sex or more? It is not written in stone?but act according to what will lead success in what you want --- all that switching up, changing minds, not being true to yourself, does nothing but drive people away, no matter the sign?

There was a time when there was an indoctrination to believe you cannot have a successful relationship if you have sex, or you will be judged, etc? divorce was introduced because the relationships were not great, women's right fought for women not to be defamed and vilified, etc?and now we want to turn back the clocks to traditional standards? The fact remains, we still are not able to make informed decisions by ourselves --- no matter the advice or era?Oh well?life is what is is... but when are we actually going to start thinking of what is best for US?

The thing is if a person gets attached after sex, then doesn't it follow that even with just spending time with the said Aqua or guy, the attachment is built anyway, so even when they find it is not compatible, they still won't be able to let go?I've seen this on DXP too!

No matter how long or how much we think we're friends or spent with someone, ARE YOU ON THE SAME PAGE? Or are you living it all in your little world or someone else's world because you heard if you do this or that, you have them?

I have also seen threads or websites that say ?friendship' is the quickest route to an Aqua's heart time and time again ? it may or may not be, depends on each individual case?because if you like them as more than friends to begin with and bid your time till they become your friends and think a perfect romantic relationship will come out of it?it's a joke --- Aqua or the person may have seen where you fit in from drawing a future path so may be good to get to know them first I guess to know this info but from personal experience someone may also say the right things to fit you into that path of their ideal. (Women underestimate men's logical planning competence I've also noticed)

😕 how did I double post ?!

The most successful Aqua relationships I have seen have enabled them to let go of their ideals and past hurts, and use a clean slate, just like other successful fixed sign relations (similarly Taurus and Scorpio - Leo's just cheerful all the time 🙂 ).

I know Aqua that have one night stand turn into a relationship, get married to someone they slept with on the 2nd date, etc? as well as other signs that have done similar?there are no rules imo (this is a matter of opinion it seems).

I have also had an Aqua dude become my ?friend' but actually wanted me to be his mistress, the 'friend' tag was used while he was investigating me to make sure I was suitable...so ?friend' means a lot of different things depending on who you ask, right?

I think ?friend first' is code for get to know a person first if you do not know yourself no matter the sign ESPECIALLY if you cannot be detached after sex or if someone talks sweet nothings to you?

So even if you want to go the friend first route, are you really being a friend or just thinking that would get you a relationship or just waiting to have sex? Be honest about your relationship ideas before you even go down the friend route is what I am trying to say here?as it has been said here, women attach emotionally so be it friendship, sex, marriage, relationship, come on be honest with what you want with yourself...

We all hold a lot of personal or idealistic standards, ensure you know what the REALITY is and don't buy into hype of others' standards or whatever terms are used

Clarify...If he wanted friendship he wouldn't have crossed frienship boundaries day one, if he was slow and took his time and never crossed certain boundaries then you know he means what he says but if he's going through relationshp motions then that is your QUE, your WARNING to step back and clarify things with him and with yourself, once hooked you are hooked and it will take all your strength not to idealize and value a man that is incapable of giving more of himself, letting go will be very hard and painful and HE KNOW IT because this is his second job in life, hooking and discarding women

its GAME when a guy treats you as if he's wanting more than friendship day one, he's intimate with you in ways that say something other than friendship, this is the HOOK, he treats you as if he wants what you want, he wants a relationshp then he slaps the I want to just be friends crap and the excuses are plentiful, the ex-factor is #1, once he's experienced closeness he's ready to back out because he's emotionally unavailabel and he knew this walking into it, he just wanted to get his FIX of intimacy, he didn't wanna buy the whole pig just taste it but the woman is TRAPPED, she's been hooked, she's still searching for her prince, her romeo, the good beautiful, charming man that used to pursue her as if she was the most important woman on the planet but now he's back pedal'd and that guy NEVER existed, he was a fake, a phoney and a facade and now its time to REVEAL the true him and the real him SUCKS, he's a jerk, he's a user, he's a liar, he's unpredictable and he got you on this bi-polar roller coaster ride...honey either manage him or get managed

It's a man thing not a sign thing, its a group of men out there that qualify and quantify bullshit, the scary emotional assclowns that live in this confusing state of being and drag unsuspecting women in with them, the women aren't victims but they victimize themselves by staying with these kind of men and have no clue how to love herself around him because he will make it hard to love anyone but him

The best advice I can give, BE TRUE TO THY SELF, don't sell your dream for a piece of crumb man-relationshp, don't say yes when you really wanna say no, let your no be no and your yes be yes, don't allow your wishful thinking to speak for you when hard decisions need to be made

I remember way back way back when
I said i never wanna see your face again
Cause you were loving yes you're loving somebody else
And I knew oh yes I knew I couldn't control myself
And now they bring you back into my life again
And so I put on a face just like your friend's
But I think you know oh yes you know whats going on
Cause the feelings in me oh yes in me are burning strong

Chorus

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

Verse 2
You used to call me up from time to time
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
The words of love layed on my lips just like a curse
And i knew oh yes i knew they'd only make it worse
And now you have the nerve to play along
Just like the maestro beats in a song
You got your kicks you get your kicks from playing me
And the less you give the more i want so foolishly

Chorus
But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own...

No I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

Never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

Artist: Duffy

How did this turn into it being about sex? It is not about the sex we don't have sex everytime we hang out or where together! The majority of the time we don't! And the sex isn't that great to me! So where did it turn into this being about sex?

LOL !
but every one loves sex ! jking !
just an opinion board -pinch of salt and pepper and thyme with curry 😉

Of course its an opinion board I got lost somewhere amongst the opinions! Lol

cat dude ! everyone was joking 😛

Does anyone here want to have sex with their parents? Siblings? Pets? Everyone at work? All their friends? wow - hmmm --- hmmm --- now then ---- hmmm --- wow --- hmmm



sorry was just thinking out loud *hangs head in shame*

ps: it's all about SEX SEX SEX !

MMMMM.....mmmmmm.....well well well....mmmm, we can carry on? yippeee 😛

omg dude, that was partly true - one of the directors at work is so HAWT an insists on having so many regular meeting 😭
if he knew what that silly grin always slapped on my face was ! i'll be jobless -lol *hanging head*

Indeed - my chart's all animal no man - just such a beast and predator you know - why oh why, the horror 😭

oooh, a penny

tiki33: you are sooooo right!! I am so relived there's someone ou there, some place in the world, thinking the same I think! exactly in the details!! Love to meet you, if I werent' in Italy!we'll definitely become friends, I'm positive about it! hope you appear more often on the boards. ciao!

Hi ladymacbeth, thanks for the sweet comment d:

I would say more but I have to keep my ego in check and keep it humble

tiki: no, please! say more, and keep your ego flamboyant and outgoing!
fallstar: thank you!

oh, I forgot. honey girl, please, please, MOVE OOON! run. run like hell from a man who is doing nothing else than talking to YOu about ANOTHER WOMAN! he is using you. take back your majesty, girl! men shouldn't even MENTION another woman to a one they are out with, on a date, on a dinner, on whatever. no way. dont' allow him or anyone else. tell him to go being mothered by her, go out and buy yourself a ticket for a funnier and more interesting show. MOVE ON!!