Cancer guy stole my virgo heart

Hi,

I've been reading a lot of your posts the past couple of days and I find them particularly entertaining and insightful.

Here's my story.

I've met this Cancer guy on a dating site a couple of months ago and we clicked instantly. We exchanged messages for a few weeks before deciding to meet for coffee. It was a good first date and I felt really comfortable around him.

I wasn't sure how I felt about him (I wasn't physically attracted to him at first) and wanted to keep him as a friend until our third date. That's when he decided to make a move.
Now the thing is, my cancer guy has this very strange power over me. He only needs to touch me and I melt in his arms.

After a couple more dates, I spent the night with him. It was amazing and he was probably the most gentle and giving lover I've ever had. He complimented me, treated me like a queen and seemed like he cared about me a lot.

Then, a few days later, he withdrew a bit and I thought he was just being a typical jerk, bailing out on me after getting what he wanted.
A week later, he broke up with me, saying he wasn't ready for a relationship right now. I told him I was disappointed and hurt, but that I would survive. I also told him that I was starting to fall for him and wished he had told me this before. He apologized and said he liked me a lot. We decided to stay friends because I do enjoy his company and we have so much in common.

He started texting me more after this, asking me how I was and how my day went like nothing happened.

A few days later, he texted me and told me he had a present for me. We met up for coffee so he could give me the present and it felt nice for the most part (except saying goodbye with just a hug didn't feel natural). It turned out to be a portrait of me (a very flattering one at that), which confused the hell out of me because I felt it was a very personal gift to give someone you don't have feelings for.

During the holidays, we were apart but kept in touch through email. On boxing day, I missed him so much that I sent him a message telling him just that (how I missed his touch and kisses; I know, I'm lame). His reply came the next day. He said he enjoyed every minute he spent with me and wanted to see me more if I have the time.

Now, I'm even more confused. Are we only friends? I don't know if my Cancer guy is going to do another pull/push on me and if this relationship has any chance to move forward.

Help me figure him out, my dear crab

Hi Mary,

Well your story sounds a lot like many I hear with cancers, and scorpios. Same happened with my scorp too. after 3 weeks of daily contact, falling for each other, he gets cold feet and says not ready for relationship, but can we be friends?
(Both scorp and cancer are water signs = very emotional, very insecure, very fearful of rejection and broken heart).

Ive read on forum after forum that both signs do this in/out, push/pull stuff. there will be others who come along to give you better advice than I, but my experience says you need to be vocal about what your needs are and consistent so that you dont send the wrong signal or allow him to emotionally jerk you around.

Maybe you can ask questions to clarify things like "By spend more time with me, do you mean as a friend, or as in dating..Id like things to be clear?:. And..."Ok, so we are just friends, then we can each date others with no problem?" You will prob see him react to that. Bottom line is he wants YOU without the commitment...commitment = fear. I prefer openness and clarity. Just dont rush or pressue him. Go slow and good luck.

Well isn't that just perfect for him. Keep you dragging onwards and be there when he wants to be. But no relationship just a nice time 😉.


He my dear is a player. He is manipulating you and your feelings. And water can melt the earth into a nice pile of mud which you can walk into and walk out and then let it dry out. DO not let him walk though you and turn you into a crackling mudpie. I just imagine natural evolution of earth and water,

Honestly he is a jerk for A. Leading you on. B. Giving you that painting which screams I WANT YOU NOT TO BE OVER ME SO HERE IS SOMETHING TAHT YOU CAN NEVER FORGET! C. Bedding you and dropping out. IF he was a real man he would tell you that he wants you, he does not want a relationship at the present, and ask if you were ok with that. Of If you two did share that night together which is totally fine he should not lead you on as he is doing now.

I know exactly what he is doing and thinking I think because A Im a Cancer and B I have dated enough cancer men to see what they will do before they even know. And more often than not date 1 and 2 they are proper date 3 they get all hands and try to woo you and seduce you into bed. My last Cancer ex tried to do that. Except he did not get any goods and flew off the scene. He did try and keep contact at first, daily. When they get the hint you closed off they move on.

I suggest you move on. Unless you want to see if he will come around, and his desire for no commitment really turns into something. Just don't hop into bed with him.

P.S. This may last with Cancer men till they hit 30 then they get some sense in their heads. Not saying that all Cancer men are like that but a lot of them are like yours.

Thanks for the input, girls.

Big Girl Panties= I think I might have to clarify things with my cancer guy the next time I see him. I'd rather do this face to face so he has to give me a straight answer.
I'll take it slow though and see where it goes. I don't want him to go back into his shell.

Moonie= He is actually in his thirties now. Hopefully, he'll get some sense into his head soon. :/
I've dated players before and this cancer guy did not seem like one at all. I can usually smell them a mile away.
I agree that he has led me on (he actually apologized for that when he broke up) and that is definitey not okay but I do want to give him a second chance and see if he comes around.
Damn him and his power of seduction! This time, he won't get the goods! 😉

Both BPG and Moon are very accurate, especially when Moon said "A. Leading you on. B. Giving you that painting which screams I WANT YOU NOT TO BE OVER ME SO HERE IS SOMETHING TAHT YOU CAN NEVER FORGET! C. Bedding you and dropping out."

Unfortunately he's relegated you into the FWB box and you won't be getting out of that box once your there. If that's not what you want then you should reconsider how you're behaving with this man.

You had it right when you said he bailed on you because in all reality he actually did bail on you when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship which is the equivalent of saying I like you but not enough, I'm just not that into you, you get the gist of it but in typical fashion he'll send mixed messages to keep the sex flowing or whatever it is he wants to get out of it without a commitment.

When he says "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" he's saying to you "I don't want to get serious with you" For a man, sex and love can be (unlike most of us women) completely separate. When he tells you he doesn't want to get serious, for whatever reason, it DOESN??T mean he wants to stop seeing you, or sleeping with you, or having fun with you (as long as he thinks you??re fun). He's telling you not to get your hopes up. But he's instinctively doing it in a way that keeps you hoping. So he gets exactly what he wants. He gets YOU, with no strings attached!

This guy may or may not be a player but he definitely is attempting to have his cake and eat it too, if you get too serious and apply too much pressure he'll revert back to his original statement "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" and if you CONTINUE ON after knowing this about him then you are effectively AGREEING with HIS TERMS and giving him an out when things get too heavy emotionally on your part he'll always be able to use that OUT CLAUSE "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" and I TOLD YOU that already so if you keep seeing him AFTER THE FACT then you are agreeing to his terms. Understand?

Oh wow Moon eyes —
I was wondering where you went. Nice to see you 🙂

Oh and also Mary V I think you got good advice here.
It's up to you to give him a 2nd chance or not but even though he apologized for leading you on he is doing it again. Everyone here is right. Don't do anything with him that would make you feel regret if he were to cut you off again.

Yeah. This is all very good advice.
I don't know if FWB is what I want with him so I better make sure he understands that. I'll be patient but I won't let him lead me on again.
I would move on (my brain is telling me to) but he makes it a bit difficult for me with his paintings and his tender words. Maybe staying friends was a bad call.

Staying friends is a bad call if you feel MORE than friendship like romantic feelings for example, you'll end up leading yourself on and he'll lead yo on too when he's doing all those nice gestures but still claiming friendship.

It's my opinion, she is at RISK of falling in love if she pretends to be his friend all the while falling in love with all the nice guy friendly gestures/mixed messages she'll be receiving, she'll constantly ask why is he doing this, saying that or doing that if he only wants to be friends, seriously who needs that.

In the end she'll be stuck feeling POWERLESS and out of control emotionally, stuck on some guy that just wants friendship, in retrospect all the power shifts over to him, IMO love should be a win win situation, she doesn't have to stop seeing him altogether but it's important that she doesn't allow him to play that friend card with her and continue sleeping with him unless she's truly okay being his FWB and per my understanding she's not okay with that, friends don't sleep together at least not in my world they don't. If she can handle being friends and having sex and not grow attached then go for it but if she can't do that without feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated, confused well cut him off sexually, be friendly and keep it moving.

It's just so many men out in the world that want MORE, they want more than just friendship, they want more than sex, they want something fulfilling that can lead into even MORE and so why waste so much energy and time on someone who doesn't want the same things.