Cancer Man

First let me say that I have been reading this forum for a while and it has helped me out a lot understanding my Cancer man.

I met him online in late February, he lives in North Carolina, I live in New York, we talked online until March when all of a sudden disappeared. He was telling me how he was ready to settle down and start a family and I told him that I didn't think I was ready for all that again (I was married when I was really young and have a son from that relationship) after that we just stopped talking to me. I would send him e-mails and facebook messages telling him to call me but he wouldn't.

Then in early May I saw him online and decided to be brave and send him an IM he responded and we started talking. We made plans to meet later that month, after that he would text me every day and call every once in a while. He would disappear for a day or two but after a while I got use to it.

We finally met in June and he was so sweet and caring. We met up a couple of more times in June and I officially became his girlfriend. We made plans for my son and I to move in with him by the end of the year and for us to get married.

So Here is my problem. I get that Cancer men disappear and then appear like nothings wrong, but I'm a Taurus and I need to know exactly whats going on at all times. He usually texts every other day to at least say good morning. He text me last Wednesday and I text him back, I didn't hear any back from him so on Friday I text him that I missed him, nothing, Saturday and Sunday go by and I still haven't heard from him.

Then on Monday he texts me "hey" I was so angry I wasn't going to answer him back to see how he liked it, but I did. I told him that I was worried about him and how has he been, he answered with " I have an issue, can you talk"

So he calls me and I tell him that I scared about what hes about to say. He starts by telling me that he didn't make it into a training that he was trying out for ( he's in the Army) and he then started speaking a lot of military terms that I didn't understand and finally he said I getting deployed to Afghanistan.

I don't even know how to feel, I sacred and nervous, but on top of that he's telling me that he wouldn't blame me if I found someone else while he was gone and how he doesn't think we'll be able to see each other before he leaves. I feel like he's pushing me away or like he's trying to break up with me before he leaves.

Any advice would be appreciated. BT

***Please, do not take actions based on my post.

Cancers are afraid to hurt somebody and he most likely has a hard time dumping you now! He is trying to make you dump him.
If you say that you are going to wait for him to come from army, he will say OK but will send you a telegram from Afghanistan that he was "injured" and he he is on a wheel-chair now. Even then if you say "Ok honey, i will wait " Soon you will get another telegram saying that he was "killed" 🙂

But seriously, talk to him openly about everything that is bothering you but try not to say about commitment, that will scare him away. Keep a kinda neutral relationship until he realizes that he wants you. He may not know what he wants now

Hi... this is tricky.

What this man is about to experience is going to change him and the way he sees things. This would be true for any man going to war but the impact on a Cancer man is extreme. He's gong to need all his resources to get him through it and knowing you are at home waiting for the 'old' him to return may be too much pressure for him.
This may be the reason he is telling you to find someone else. Things are not going to carry on as you planned when he comes back.

You will be put on the back burner because self-preservation is going to be his main concern. If you tell him you'll wait for him, it would be cruel to both of you.
Stay his friend and support him through it, but don't push for ANY type of commit from him or plans for the future. Very hard, I know because you are filled with your own fear and anxiety.

Try to empathize with his situation and he will never forget you for it.

Sorry 😢

I have to agree with ShellShocker exactly. I believe all this is a huge, life-changing event for him , where he definitely needs all his strength, energy and resources. All his attention will be there, and he cant spare attention for you or your needs. He prefers to cut ties so that he neednt worry about you or your situation. this sounds awfully selfish, but Crabs will tend to their own needs first, no matter what. They are self-centered..and in this extreme situation , he cant afford to be worrying about you.
So I agree, if you love him, to be there, as a friend, but dont expect anything , or you will suffer. Buddha said that our suffering is connected with our desires...we suffer because we want things, or we want things to change..we are always desiring..so center in yourself. Tend to your well being. If it is meant to be, it will.

Ok....I am in the military, dated a Capricorn who was deployed 3 Iraq and Afghan before I joined. I am a cancer and getting deployed in Sept. 2011.

IMO and I say IMO....there is more going on, maybe another. He could be scared of you moving on bc that happens a lot in military, soldier gets deployed, wife cheats.

But the Army is set up where its standard to be married with kids. They sort of brain wash you to be that way. You get a whole lot more money for that. Soldiers want to have a girl when they get deployed, its like standard because there is nothing like coming back from deployment and having someone waiting.

I met my ex over the internet while he was deployed he came back for 2 weeks vacay and thats when we got together, we became official. It was tough and tormenting but those guys need someone to talk to on their "off" time over there knowing someone love them.

So saying he is afraid because of cheating is not exactly true.

Everyone I know in the army has somebody, so I think this guy has someone else. You think being single as a civilian sucks, its even worst in the Army.

After a long hard working day in the military you relish to come home to a partner. Even the young ones want somebody ESPECIALLY while on deployment.

you don't say huh, justSophs?... Cancers are a pain in the ass 😛

I got to get off this forum and get some work done

Just checked the calendar. Full moon coming... sure explains alot!

I say Huaa! (Heard Understood And Acknowledge)

Hi everyone thanks for your advice. I just wanted to give a little more detail and an update.

He's been in the army for 15 years, He's been deployed before, this will be his second time in Afghanistan. I don't know if he has someone else, but he has told me that it sucks to come back and not have anyone. He did tell me that the last time he came back from deployment his girlfriend walked right by him with another guy and acted like she didn't even know him and he was very hurt by this.

He's been telling me not to worry to be positive and to think about when he gets back. He even threw me off guard for a second because he told me he loved me for the first time this week I freaked out and told him I loved him too, even though I'm not really sure I do.

I've never mentioned commitment to him. He's the one that asked me to move in with him on our third date, he's the one that mentions marriage and children, not me.

In the end, I've decided that it's best if we stay friends and see what happens when he gets backs.

Well that certainly is the problem then. His woman cheated on the last deployment and he just doesn't want that again.

Thats like a big deal in the Army, some partners can't stay faithful bc of 15 month deployment. It is one of the hardest things to deal with.

Military relationships are the absolute test of strength and commitment. I have been there and done that, I dunno if I can do it again, but I was very faithful, regardless it wasn't easy.

He just doesn't want to deal with all that again, so you got your answer.

Good luck.