Cancer Personality

I have a question for all the cancer (both men and women) ... why do cancers allow themselves to be hurt by people repeatedly. In my experience, you all can be the kindiness, generous and most caring people ever ... along with being very aggrassive when angered. However, even when people upset you and treat you like dirt ... you still put up with them ... if you haven't forgiven them. That really confuses me, I believe in forgive and forget in some cases but ...

For me it's the nesting syndrome, you never rid yourself of your chosen "family". You just love 'em and foolishly pray they will wake up and realize the err of their ways, even if it's decades sometimes. I put up with a horrible marriage for over ten yrs and truly believed he would snap out of his awful personality.

I have adopted by necessity to save myself, a strict rule to only allow people in that truly love me and bring good feelings into my world, but let me tell you, it isn't easy. I'm still a bit of a push over, unless I sense someone doesn't care at all for me and is just using me....then it's "Off With Their Head!"

What Stardance said...Plus

We are "Captain Save-A-Hoe"s We love saving someone who is in shambles even if it is detrimental to us.

We always look for the good in people and forgive very easily. Forgetting is a different thing. We don't forget which is why after a while we are like screw you and just leave. Taking the "side door" out!

I'm in no way attracted to repeat offenders.

stardance and cancerlady,

Thank you for your feedback. I just care about my friend and I wonder why he allows people to use him so much ... True he "makes me sick" and he "gets on my nerves", but still he needs to needs to stop being a doormat. It's funny ... I don't use him at all, but I get treated ... well ... you all know 😉 I don't know whether to be there for him or just let everything be. These emotional-roller-coaster-riders are not getting any better. ABCR2, it's a good thing you're not attracted to repeat offenders ... you're not as vunderable as some cancers ...

Well cappysweetie, it's so hard to give you an answer that might help you understand, I can only relate to myself....I will not stand for repeat offenders either, unlesssss.......it is someone I love or have committed to, they fall under a different catagory for me and they are entitled to extra patience from my heart, so I continue to love them and help them if they truly need help. I still bring up the issues and suggest they spend time in self-reflection, but I try not to judge too harshly.

All cancers can be stronger or weaker on these matters, and you cancer guy may indeed allow others to use him. I can understand your frustration if you see it is self-destructive or lacking in self-preservation, but really that is his lesson to learn and there is nothing you can do about it, except decide if you can accept he is that way and if he changes great. But I don't think you should go on expecting him to change because you think he needs to, or thinking that something you do is going to help him change......nope, nope, absolutely without a doubt, that will not work. You will only grow more frustrated and make him feel worse than he already feels.

What you can do is have an unemotional direct but kind approach after you warm up to him, I don't think a confrontation w/ him is the right approach, but you know him better than I could. Let him know your purpose is because you care so much about him and that you want to help if you can....let him tell you how much of your involvement he is comfortable with.

In the best case scenario, he will recognize his weakness and wants to change for the better, and who know maybe he would even want to seek counseling to help him establish health boundaries.

At anyrate, approach this thoughtfully, right or wrong no one wants a relationship where your partner is always nagging you that you need to change the way you are, would you?

stardance,

Thank you so much for the insight 🙂 But, I'm not the one telling him his needs to change, I just observe him ... that's it. If he tells me something that am in mutual agree with, then I give him my support. However, I'm also honest. I will not tell him what he wants to hear and if I feel that the time isn't right to voice my opinion, I usually avoid anything and remain indifferent. lol, what can I say, it's the my aquarius moon and sagitt. cusp ... I cannot tell a lie without feeling uneasy, plus he wants me to be truthful and this I appreciate. He tells me that he doesn't like certain things that he has done and what his life his become and that he SERIOUSLY wants to change. 2006, is SUPPOSE to be a fresh start for him, and he told me he needed my emotional support. However, the way he's been acting ... I really don't know what to do because I'll feel like an idiot if I were to get hurt when he gets into one of his "no communication" moods.

Cappysweetie, thanks for explaining, that makes a lot more sense where your frustration comes from and just like a cap sweetie to be so sensible and caring.

I still think talking frankly and gently w/him would be the best way to ask him how you can help, or you could maybe get some books on setting and standing by solid boundaries. Part of that whole deal is sticking up for your self, so anytime he shows even the slightest gumption to stand strong, even if you don't agree, just encourage the heck out of him and help him to trust his judgement, practice make better when you first learning to speak up and follow through.

It might take a long time for him to learn the skills, granting he really wants to change, so I really do wish you both the best of luck with this. I have been there myself and I have come out of it. I'm still a softy, only now I choose whom deserves it now.

He's lucky to have you sweetie and if you are true to cappies, you will hold strong for him, and just like you to seek advice on how to best help. You are the best!

Hey, I read your profile and you have a libra rising, so do I!!! hahaha, that's pretty cool, but my moon is in aquarius ***** I just thougut I point that out lol.

Thank you so much for you advice and support, I think your cool too. There something with me when comes to cancers 🙂

Anyway, I'll ttyl
Have a happy Easter

CancerBuddy...You are something else!!! But in a good way though....I need to be a little more like you (:

CANCERBUDDY I really like you 😉 I'm like that too, once I'm done, I'm done, after being hurt and taken advantage of (yes cancers do take advantage in their own way my dear ... read my post and message and you will see!) If only my cancer guy had your kind of mindset -- all you want is someone to be real with you, and that's something everybody should want. He and I defininately wouldn't have any problems if he had that mindset, but that's a whole other topic my friend ...

Message posted by: cancerlady on 4/13/2006 5:50:25 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.229 | Report message
What Stardance said...Plus

We are "Captain Save-A-Hoe"s We love saving someone who is in shambles even if it is detrimental to us.

We always look for the good in people and forgive very easily. Forgetting is a different thing. We don't forget which is why after a while we are like screw you and just leave. Taking the "side door" out!


I find this to be very true about myself... I think I always find the good in people and it's not necessarily that I'm looking for it. I except people for who they are with their faults and all. I figured out at this point in my life I can't keep doing that.

I've noticed that even the nicest crabs disappear when they've had enough.

I have no idea. I am a Cancer and for year's being with a leo I was tormented but still put up with it and never complianed and just let it run it's course.....I guess were just reallly, really patient..or something ?