Conflicted.

I feel incredibly lost right now. As you know I am a cancer and feel very deeply. The gift and the curse. I was married, but am now divorced and hopelessly in love with someone who at this point has become unreachable therefore somewhat nonexistent. I have grown spiritually very much in the last couple of years and can't help but follow my heart. Me and my ex have two beautiful daughters and she has custody. I stay with them at their house every weekend, due to a work obligation I have in the area, so I see her quite often. My ex is a beautiful woman with a great body and I know that I could have it again if I wanted too, but my heart is no longer involved, (She was unfaithful and broke that sacred bond) therefore intamacy isn't an option. I just can't do it, although I fantasize about it sometimes. I'm still in love with this woman who doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me at the moment.. It sucks because it feels like a soul connection and I need that in a sexual relationship now due to (what I believe is) my soul growth . It sucks because I want to love somebody ( like really love somebody) deeply. I'm looking for answers. I pray about it and usually discover something new or learn something, which is why I think Im going through this, but in the meantime it can get quite lonely. Thoughts?

I have turned the love inward. Trust me. I've grown a lot. I'm in love with the new woman. Not my ex.

I agree. I am very spiritual and once again I've grown a lot in that sense. I don't really expect too much in return, but when everybody I meet doesn't do it for me, because of this gripping feeling in my being....I question that. This experience has not only caused me to learn more about myself, but it has also led me to understanding God, the universe, existence etc. more as well. That's what's frustrating. I believe that love is the reason for existence and the answer to all things and what ultimately leads to an understanding with God as far as strenghtening that relationship. I actually learned something today due to my constant search of understanding this passion and love I have for this woman. So I know there's a reason, but it seems like all else (in the matter of intimacy/ a relationship with meaning) becomes non exist ant due to my current dillema or learning experience. I may as well become a monk or someshyt. Lol.

Yea. So u get it impulsv. U know how it makes u grow and learn. Thanks for your input as well. :-)

Thanks again for the your insite impulsv.

@clueless Do u even read shyt or just skim through them? Like...foreal.

Goddamn.....u grumpy foreal.

@Clueless-Do u even know what a soul mate is? Anybody can be a soul mate. Doesn't have to be a sexual relationship or something of that nature. As I stated in my past statements, I feel this is something more spiritual because it has caused me to research things and therefore grow closer to God. Maybe you haven't experienced God or love on this level yet therefore making u totally ignorant to my experience which is fine, but its not always necessary to say what's on your mind or pass judgement when u can't relate or simply don't understand. With that being said, I wish you the best clueless. No hard feelings.

@aqua-Thats beautiful. Thank you.