Did Cancer Man just shut the door completely?

So about 10 months ago, I (31F) told a Cancer guy 37m (after platonically hanging out with him for less than 6 months [*cringe]) I had feelings for him. He said 'we can be friends'. That's fair & understandable, so I started to move on. Started dating some people, not really feeling them - but helped ease my broken heart.

He approaches me a few weeks after I started distancing - I wasn't avoiding him, just definitely not wearing my heart on my sleeve and pining for him like I did before - and he started asking if we could hang out again, I said sure. I made it clear that when I did group activities I would invite him. As opposed to hanging out with him alone (I couldn't really handle that yet).

We had some weird moments, like when he got drunk at the holiday party and followed me around, mocking the name of the guy I was at the party with. But he never actually made a move.

In late December I think I genuinely moved on and was ready to be friends with him again. So I started inviting him to these weekly hangouts I organize with about 16 others friends. He is usually pretty quiet at these hangouts - more of an observer, so I always wonder if he actually enjoys himself? My friends range in age from 22 - 53 and our topics widely vary, but each and every single week he always showed up.

First to come, last to leave. Would always offer me a ride home, but i would Uber. He would then drive my friends home. He added all of my friends on social media, each one from the group. I would text him "Thanks for showing up!" sometimes he would text first "Thank you for inviting me!" but that was about as exciting as it got.

In Feb I became sick with a form of cancer, but keep it on the low/no one knows. When Covid hit in March, we all had to quarantine. So my mind at this point was on me and my health. Out of the blue, he messaged me to ask me if he could make me an embroidered art piece and he wrote some possible examples in the email - but the email itself seemed very "i want to make this for you and I thought a lot about you, but also don't get the wrong idea". And at this point, I am just tired. I don't need someones pity.

I was so emotional with everything going on in my life, that this just bothered me. So I never responded back, he followed up a few days then weeks later asking if i was "okay". I finally gave a breezy response and just let him know "I had personal things going on" and never explained further. He said he didn't mean to add any burden, the offer would always be around and he was there to talk if needed. I didnt respond. A few days later he asks for my address. I end up receiving a small painting hand made by him, with a note in the back explaining that when he is sad - this image is what he looks at. I was very touched.

I sent him a text saying thank you so much, and that I would send him mail in return eventually. That was it.

A few days ago, I organized a group chat and at the beginning of it mentioned I would be going to the coast that weekend and wanted to drag people along. I never brought it up again during the our chat - the Zoom chat went on for 6 hours and it was mainly me and 2 others talking. but he stayed on it the entire time engaged. A few hours after the chat finally wrapped he sent me a text saying "If you want company, I would like to come. I can even drive people if you need. No worries if you are full or plans changed though". I let him know he is always welcome.

I end up going saturday morning with a group of 4 friends, including him, all in one minivan. We are meeting two others at the coast. It's a two hour drive. I was in the front passenger seat and was having a conversation with the group. I tease most of my friends and I think I might have stung him with one joke by accident. But I immediately clarified that think his work is amazing. Nothing unusual. We get there, walk around the coast. We talk as a group, we also talk just the two of us and he asked how i was doing (but im not ready to tell him I'm kinda sick/I think it would frighten him into thinking I need him or something and I am also afraid of getting pity) and I gave a very vague response. It's was all very pleasant though.

We drive back, during the ride we talked about various things and places we can go as a group during quarantine. He mentioned we should go fishing and knew a good place to go but it wasn't until October - we agree it's a plan. I take over for the driver, after he drops himself off - so now it's just me, one friend, and Cancer guy in the car. Cancer guy, I hear him tell the other friend he was going to sit upfront so I dont feel like a chauffeur and joins me in the passenger seat. I didn't know where my other friend lived in relation to his house, but I assumed his was closer so I dropped him off first. We did have kind of an awkward conversation - but I assumed it was mainly because there was another person in the car, since we still talk fairly normal when it's the two of us. I drop him off, and he mentions "see you soon!" that's the last thing we say that night.

The next day, a mutual friend sent me a group photo of all of us for me to share with everyone. I send it to him with a "thanks for coming! your company is always great! here is a photo!" he responds back "thanks for having me! I always have a lot of fun with ya'll! like the pic too!"

I realize my feelings for him have started to creep back into the picture again. But the last time I talked about feelings (10 months ago) to him, he said "we should be friends" He said I was amazing, but he also said F-R-I-E-N-D-S. I just feel some sort of way about him, a man nice enough to paint me a touching picture and send me a letter. But he can't even say "I had fun with you" he has to use "ya'll"

Is this part of a game? Is this really just a friendship - where a grown man befriends all my friends, including the 22yr old boys in my friend group, and paints me pictures? Is that really just a friendship. I am just so confused - is he testing me? waiting to see if I make the cut? Definitely not interested?

I seek any advice, please! I've never met anyone like him and I am climbing the walls with confusion at this point.

I would play along.. keep being friends with him he seems to be a caring person and a good friend. Don't confuse his acts of kindness with love.. why? Bec. well if it is not love, it is going to hurt you and you may lose him as a friend and if it is love, he will pursue you and be clear about it, meaning he will TELL YOU.

Don't wait around, enjoy the friendship, cancers are awesome friends, maybe even better than being in a relationship with them lol

whats your sun sign by the way?

oh and really Cancerians are SO caring and sensitive by nature, men and women. So don't be confused by the warm gifts. I know I am not one of them, but I am surrounded by Cancer males and females, they are all very close to me, So this is where my opinion is coming from.

Posted by Yipper

Believe him...You're only friends. He's breadcrumbing you. It's benefits him to have you in his life...Why wouldn't he want a person who is strong, classy and rational in his life...Move on...find a quality relationship which you certainly deserve.

Thank you for being kind and direct.

It hurts because I just feel so strongly about him, but yeah I need to move along.

Posted by TxOgal

I would play along.. keep being friends with him he seems to be a caring person and a good friend. Don't confuse his acts of kindness with love.. why? Bec. well if it is not love, it is going to hurt you and you may lose him as a friend and if it is love, he will pursue you and be clear about it, meaning he will TELL YOU.

Don't wait around, enjoy the friendship, cancers are awesome friends, maybe even better than being in a relationship with them lol

whats your sun sign by the way?

@txOgal I really appreciate your response. It's super insightful, clear, and helpful.

I just keep hoping he is going to make a move (his last relationship ended a few months before he met me and he was absolutely devastated [according to him]- so part of me wants to believe he is hesitant because he is/was hurt) and I am such a scorp that I am tenaciously holding on to the idea that he might be into me.

Yeah his friendship means so much - I'm just so over the moon about him at this point. That it hurts to be around him, but I dont want to end our friendship or make it weirder. I kinda just want to disappear and heal but every time I start to do that he reaches out directly and in such a personal way. It's like he has radar for when I'm moving on :/



I don't know what my sun sign is (I was adopted).

Posted by mooninluv

Posted by TxOgal

I would play along.. keep being friends with him he seems to be a caring person and a good friend. Don't confuse his acts of kindness with love.. why? Bec. well if it is not love, it is going to hurt you and you may lose him as a friend and if it is love, he will pursue you and be clear about it, meaning he will TELL YOU.

Don't wait around, enjoy the friendship, cancers are awesome friends, maybe even better than being in a relationship with them lol

whats your sun sign by the way?

@txOgal I really appreciate your response. It's super insightful, clear, and helpful.

I just keep hoping he is going to make a move (his last relationship ended a few months before he met me and he was absolutely devastated [according to him]- so part of me wants to believe he is hesitant because he is/was hurt) and I am such a scorp that I am tenaciously holding on to the idea that he might be into me.

Yeah his friendship means so much - I'm just so over the moon about him at this point. That it hurts to be around him, but I dont want to end our friendship or make it weirder. I kinda just want to disappear and heal but every time I start to do that he reaches out directly and in such a personal way. It's like he has radar for when I'm moving on :/



I don't know what my sun sign is (I was adopted).

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I feel you .. Hope you enjoy your friendship, and have enough time to sort out your emotions

Posted by LittleStar_II

Posted by mooninluv

Posted by TxOgal

I would play along.. keep being friends with him he seems to be a caring person and a good friend. Don't confuse his acts of kindness with love.. why? Bec. well if it is not love, it is going to hurt you and you may lose him as a friend and if it is love, he will pursue you and be clear about it, meaning he will TELL YOU.

Don't wait around, enjoy the friendship, cancers are awesome friends, maybe even better than being in a relationship with them lol

whats your sun sign by the way?

@txOgal I really appreciate your response. It's super insightful, clear, and helpful.

I just keep hoping he is going to make a move (his last relationship ended a few months before he met me and he was absolutely devastated [according to him]- so part of me wants to believe he is hesitant because he is/was hurt) and I am such a scorp that I am tenaciously holding on to the idea that he might be into me.

Yeah his friendship means so much - I'm just so over the moon about him at this point. That it hurts to be around him, but I dont want to end our friendship or make it weirder. I kinda just want to disappear and heal but every time I start to do that he reaches out directly and in such a personal way. It's like he has radar for when I'm moving on :/



I don't know what my sun sign is (I was adopted).

What about him are you scared to lose?

click to expand

@ LittleStar_II I haven't really had a deep friendship like his in a long time. I love my friends, but I am often not fully able to express myself or feel understood that often. His letter & painting to me, the way he supports my stupid ideas, the way he checks in on me, just his presence. I am afraid he might be working up the nerve and me moving on would mean I ruin any potential chance for a love like his? Although as I type it out I realize how stupid that sounds. But yeah, I guess my fear is I jump the gun too quick.

Posted by mooninluv

Posted by LittleStar_II

Posted by mooninluv

Posted by TxOgal

I would play along.. keep being friends with him he seems to be a caring person and a good friend. Don't confuse his acts of kindness with love.. why? Bec. well if it is not love, it is going to hurt you and you may lose him as a friend and if it is love, he will pursue you and be clear about it, meaning he will TELL YOU.

Don't wait around, enjoy the friendship, cancers are awesome friends, maybe even better than being in a relationship with them lol

whats your sun sign by the way?

@txOgal I really appreciate your response. It's super insightful, clear, and helpful.

I just keep hoping he is going to make a move (his last relationship ended a few months before he met me and he was absolutely devastated [according to him]- so part of me wants to believe he is hesitant because he is/was hurt) and I am such a scorp that I am tenaciously holding on to the idea that he might be into me.

Yeah his friendship means so much - I'm just so over the moon about him at this point. That it hurts to be around him, but I dont want to end our friendship or make it weirder. I kinda just want to disappear and heal but every time I start to do that he reaches out directly and in such a personal way. It's like he has radar for when I'm moving on :/



I don't know what my sun sign is (I was adopted).

What about him are you scared to lose?

@ LittleStar_II I haven't really had a deep friendship like his in a long time. I love my friends, but I am often not fully able to express myself or feel understood that often. His letter & painting to me, the way he supports my stupid ideas, the way he checks in on me, just his presence. I am afraid he might be working up the nerve and me moving on would mean I ruin any potential chance for a love like his? Although as I type it out I realize how stupid that sounds. But yeah, I guess my fear is I jump the gun too quick.

click to expand

hmm? Look your enjoying what you have with him as it is.You cherish it. If I didnt know any better this second guessing and internal struggle you have going on makes me think virgo.

Why exactly do you want a formal romantic relationship with him besides the way he treats you?

I take it back. This sounded like a 20ish situation. You guys are 30 plus and you are a Virgo lol. If you want him and you believe he regrets just bring friends with you make another pass...a soft one. Straight up asking him he still feels just being friends with you is the best way.