Dominating Cancer

I have recently had my boyfriend move into my house. He is the perfect boyfriend. He's brilliant, driven, fun, sensual, real, raw,handsome, sweet, and I know that we are soul mates, except there are a few things that are hard for me to ignore. He can be an ass for the sake of being an ass. And last night after we made love for over an hour and I gave myself to him completely, we walked downstairs to get something to drink and our soul connection evaporated instantaneously and went completely negative. He refused to let me have some of his drink (him being in control) I tried to get it and he rough housed with me hurting me beyond the usual physical play. He kept doing it and I kept saying stop and he found it amusing. I started to hit him because I was in so much pain and he slapped me in the face. I started to cry and completely emotionally shut down from him. He wouldn't leave me alone and I kept saying, "Go Away". He wouldn't and so I slapped him back in the face and said, "This is how it feels when you hit me." I don't even know if it hurt him. He's a tough guy. But I am a Sagittarius and I don't like negativity. I am independent and will not put up with a man who "only abuses me 3% of the time". Do you think my cancer boy will stop this? He's black and his parent used to beat him when he was younger. He has talked about all the beatings he has received and how he will spank his kids. I'm white and it's against my philosophy on how to raise children. This could be why he doesn't view violence as a horrible thing. I like being dominated in bed, but once that time and space is over it cannot transfer into our everyday life. I think the lines were still blurred with him when he became violent. What should I do. I want to be with him except for this major flaw. We've only been together for two months now. I am a little sad and confused....I refuse to be an abused woman even if it's rare.

number one we cancers love being in control. even when it doesn't seem like we are we usually still are. number two yes with our emotions and moods we can swing from being complete angels to complete a-holes. i am guilty of this myself. number three i don't think it is right for a man to hit and woman but do agree with corporal punishment if it is done constructively and not just for a beating. with that said i don't think this is just a cancer issue. i think you need to seriously sit him down and set some boundaries. tell him when yall are in bed this is okay but when yall are not certain types of behaviors will not be tolerated. you need to stand firm on this because this is a big deal. open the communication up and let him know what you will accept and won't. with his background this could easily lead down the road to you being a battered woman. remember abusers use excessive amounts of control on their victims. you need to have this talk with him now..

You threw in the fact that he's black. I hope you don't think all black parents beat their children. That is definitely not the case.

But to cut to the chase, no you can't teach him anything. He has abused you. He has shown you he's not the man you thought he was. Let him go and move on. Him being beat as a child is no excuse to hit you. K.I.M. Keep it moving.

"race has nothing to do with abuse"

True statement. You need to talk to him as woman to man (not a white Sag woman to a black Cancer man). Physical, emotional, verbal or mental abuses are not healthy in any relationship regardless of what race/sex the two people are.

It is important that you set these boundaries with him early on. If you say nothing he will think that it is okay and may do it again or worse in the future. Have a candid talk with him about your feelings on what happened. Do not hold back to spare his feelings, because during this conversations feelings must be put to the side.

Your well being should be the most important thing you think about and if he doesn't fit the bill then it is time for him to go.

HIS feelings must be put to the side.

oh my god, i am so sorry you think that way, my boyfriend is black and he wouldnt hurt me not even with a word!!!!sorry i had to clear that up!!!!he is so polite and treats me like a lady both in bed and outside the bed.....
you should not tolerate his behaviour, you must address the matter straight away if you decide to have a family together yhis will have a gtreat negative impact that can destroy it(God forbit!!!)i understand that it all comes from his younger years but like almost everybody else said n here stand your grounds, he must respet that if he loves you!!!i wish you the best of luck and happiness...

in two months he has already exhibited extreme control issues: 1) moving in with you after four weeks together; this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is unusual and coupled with the other things leads me to believe this is another control tactic 2) not sharing the drink may seem like harmless playing, but the way it escalated definately shows a dominating nature and again coupled with other behaviors is a bad sign 3) he hit you, hitting is NEVER sppropriate unless it is something you like to do in bed [then it's your business...] which is usually a habit that abusive people have anyhow, but in this case it would concern me even more because he exhibits this behavior so soon in your relationship; his confidance in his control over you seems to make him feel that he can be candid with you about his views on violence and expect that you will accept that 4) the fact that he was abused as a child tips the scales.... children who are abused generally go one of two directions: they remember what it was like and are set against violence or they become violent abusers themselves.

Everything you are seeing in this guy [and in two months no less] indicates you need to get out NOW - not sit him down and have a talk, but get the hell out of that situation.

All cancer BLACK men are not this way. This is an issue from his childhood that he has not dealt with and therefore, it has transferred to his adult life. These behaviors exhibit the cycle of an abuser...Search Yahoo - "The cycle of an abuser" and end the relationship before you are seriously hurt!

holy crap you had to bring in 'The Juice'
nice going Starfish.
Girl, I put up with a lot of crap from guys- but hitting is not one of them.
I have no problem correcting my son with a swat now and then...but when another adult has to resort to hitting another (assuming you are both adults or close to being) uh, ya- that's where the relationship ends, no questions asked. None. A little slap now, could extend to other things that i dont even want to mention, ok, death comes to mind. Control or no Control (I am a cancer too). No amount of lonliness could override staying with a moron that hits a woman.

You need to confront the situation and really figure out if you want to be in the relationship. This has nothing to do with astrology.

virgogotme - control issues are usually part of the abuse.

I didn't go into detail in the cancer opinion thread about my ex libra because I didn't want to make it sound like I was saying all libras were abusive - but the reason I got a restraining order against him was because he pushed me down onto the stairs one night and the next morning I went to the court house. This behavior is not acceptable and the first sign of it you need to get out. I wasn't going to wait to be pushed DOWN the stairs before I got rid of my ex....one slap and it's time to go.

We did have a talk. He is genuinely sorry. He knows he was way out of line. I appreciate all the comments except from the person who thinks I'm racist. This of course couldn't be farther from the truth. Calling people nasty names isn't exactly a respectable quality in a person. You sound like a bigot yourself treating people in such a manner. And we studied this in college, there tends to me a higher percentage of African Americans who feel that spanking your children is acceptable. Not saying that it's good or bad. A little spanking never hurt anyone. I guess it was irrelevant to mention it, especially with getting that reaction. It is a fact, of course, that he's black and I'm white, but it isn't a thought that disturbs us or that we notice. I was just mentioning the facts...not trying to say that because he's black he must be violent. Not sure why you're so sensitive to the issue of skin color— Obviously you haven't moved beyond that stage in your personal evolution. I love all types of people, except nasty, arrogant, demeaning people like yourself.

"he's really sorry...didn't mean it...will never do it again..." blah blah blah....

well this thread turned out to be pointless....

kangelfish, i know how you feel, yesterday a good friend of mine walked into my work place in tears saying that her boyfriend threw her out of the house(second time he is doing it), i saw a broose on her arm, i took half a day off from work, went with her, bought a new mobile as he smashed it during the argument, called my boyfriend from work to ask him to finish early as we need to hep her move in with us straight away, she was crying without stopping, it broke my heart, her boyfriend told her that she destroyed his life and he cannot imagine how he has been putting up with her for the past 8 months, he told her that he hates her and chucked her out of the house like an animal(worse)....well, when all set he sents her a text message(these are the exact words):hello Mary, don't move out, i still love you!!!!and that was it, within 5 minutes she went back home.....i was a bit hush and i said to her "don't come back to me with your wrists sliced"!!!! i know something worse will happen, how can she be so brainwashed—

none of this is registering with her, no she doesn't realize he isn't really sorry, and Kelsey and scorpio978's friend can sit and cry together when they're black and blue and bleeding.........

I hope someone in this girl's life has enough sense to get her professional help.

i was siding with you, now I hope he straight uppercuts yo ass!!! MercinAries....yo ass is crazy...lol

Kelsey,

Some Cancer men can be very abuse and controlling. If I were in the situation (yes I know it is hard) but I would walk away from him now. Two months doesn't give him enough claims to your heart, not unless you give yourself away easily. Don't let the love making for one hour get you hurt and abused. He will say he is sorry but if he did it once, he will do it again because you are allowing it. Don't worry about closure just walk away now.