Dreaming of the unborn

Ever since I was young I shuddered at the thought of ever having children of my own. I never was good with them, had low tolerance for the annoying ones/troublemakers unlike other people who had the patience of saints in dealing with them (in my opinion). In the past when I talked with my mom or other female relatives, they always say of how they look forward to when I get married and have children of my own. I had always laughed it off because they had always assumed "when" whereas I always considered it a major "if". Yeah, I had always taken it for granted that I'd get married in the future and everything, and even fantasized like everyone on what type of person my future wife would be, but it was never quite the case on having my own kid; it always seemed things would happen in the far off future, so it never seemed "real" to me.

Recently, my thoughts are strange. I guess the seeds of when this started was just before my dad passed, he had said to me of how he wished he could be alive to see me finish all my schooling, get married, have children and to be around for it all. Those thoughts stayed with me. It's within the last month though that I catch myself thinking of what could be. I dreamed for the first time on having a child, being there when it was born, even changing the diapers. When driving, I decide on what names I'll give, whether I have a boy or girl. I think of what kind of sports I could get them into, what I'd like to pass on to them, how much I'd love them no matter their flaws. How much I already do love them. I catch myself smiling when I think of them playing with my mother, and her telling them bedtime stories like she once told me. I want that because my all my grandparents died when I was at an age too young to remember them by, and I want her to be around to see them grow.

It's so bizarre to me. I'm a young single male, and I feel I have the whole world ahead of me. I know and I feel there are still lots of things I need to do and to experience before I can settle down. I have never thought or felt this way before, but now it's just...on my mind.

Is it so strange to already have such love for something/someone that you've never even met? For those who have children, how did you think like before you had them versus after you had them? And for those who don't have any like me, what your thoughts regarding any possible future children, and what type of parent do you see yourself as being?

Just in a reflective mood 😛