first fight

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AiryBri
@AiryBri
15 YearsAries

Comments: 1 · Posts: 230 · Topics: 35
I went out of town for two weeks and it drove me and my cancer crazy. When I came back (I had no way to communicate with anyone during the trip at all) I found out my mom got a job in Washington and is moving in two months. I told her there is no way I'm moving with her because of my cancer and school/friends/etc.

So then we went on a mad hunt for jobs so we can move out together in two months. We found these really amazing jobs at the military base where we'll get to work together and with one of our friends all day, and we will have more then enough money to live together.

Basically, everything was going really well. Then last night I started talking about my dream to become a warrant officer in the army so I can become a helicopter pilot, and how if we do really good at this job it will really help my chances at getting selected. He got quiet and said "I don't want to think about you going away for that long." He doesn't want me joining the military because I'd have to be a way for years at a time (it's probably even harder to think about because I was just gone for two weeks).

I couldn't tell him I won't join the program if I get the opportunity. It's my biggest dream. But he was in a bad mood all night so I left him alone and then today he was still in a bad mood so I left him alone again. He got bored and annoyed so he asked if he could leave me at his house while he went to hang out with his friend.

I think he's mostly upset that I left him alone because I only got back 5 days ago and I should still want to spend a lot of time with him or whatever... he drove 14 hours to pick me up (and earned all the gas money to drive that far) and took care of my lizard while I was gone, so I feel really really bad about giving him space if he didn't want it.

This the first time we've had a real disagreement. But I don't think I should have given him so much space. I want to apologize but I'm not sure what I should do or say when he comes back.
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AiryBri
@AiryBri
15 YearsAries

Comments: 1 · Posts: 230 · Topics: 35
I'm an aries.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
If your joining the army and he doesn't want you to and you won't change your dream, shouldn't you just dump him/go your separate ways ?



My dream isn't to join the Army, it's to become a helicopter pilot through the Army which means I would have to join for 6-8 years. I want to become a helicopter pilot so I can work in the Arctic collaring polar bears and eventually do something like fighting forest fires, but you can't get training let alone work experience unless you are rich or you join the military.

He's my first serious boyfriend, I've had other boyfriends but we always split up after a few weeks... He's the best guy I've ever met. I'm just being selfish because I want him and my dream. I don't know if he expects to get me to give up on my dream or is willing to cope.

But us breaking up over it is his choice not mine. Plus, I have to get accepted into the program which there isn't a very big chance of that happening in the first place.

We made up last night and everything is back to normal, but we didn't talk about in anymore.
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AiryBri
@AiryBri
15 YearsAries

Comments: 1 · Posts: 230 · Topics: 35
Posted by ScorpioFish
Posted by AiryBri
I'm an aries.





Meh, Aries and Cancer is a really hard act to pull off.

Some (NOTE I DID NOT SAY ALL) Cancers have a maturity problem until they get into their 30s.

If he is just a kid, then he will most likely not take this decision lightly.
click to expand




Well this is the only fight we've ever had, and we've been dating for three months. Considering the fight is over spending less time together our "match-up" can't be that bad 😉

and I think he's more mature then me lol

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AiryBri
@AiryBri
15 YearsAries

Comments: 1 · Posts: 230 · Topics: 35
Posted by wineaux
omg ab! i have held off commenting because I was hoping you'd share more so i could get a better handle on your situation.

a. what an amazing dream you have! you are the type to fight your way to exactly what you want and your tenacity and drive will get you there.
b. i was with my first love at 18. I went away to college and followed my dream and he stayed. he was like yours, reluctant to let you go and selfish as all hell. thinking back on it all, i would have resented him for not letting me go and follow my dreams and career. i don't ever want you to feel that way.
c. *in a non-patronizing voice* you have the world in front of you to explore and take in. envelop all it has to offer.
d. he should support you every step of the way. sure, he'll miss you but just knowing his first love is following her dreams along his side should make him beam!
e. if I lived with that man ^^ at your age, i would have also resented him because our financial approaches were polar opposite to one another. please please please have separate accounts and decide how you are going to split things. cancers especially approach spending on a diff level.
f. i wish you the best in your endeavors.

wineaux



Thanks for the advice, it's really good. I don't want to quit my dream for him and resent him for it. If I ever get into the program that's one thing I'll definitely tell him. I also told him before our relationship even started that my dreams is one big reason I've never gotten serious with anyone before and while he will always be a priority, they still come first.

We're going to have separate cards/money in the same account. Basically, his money will be separate to mine, and mine will be separate to his, and we can't access each others without permission; but we will be able to manage and budget our money as if it's one account.

He told me I could be in charge of budgeting our money. But I already know that will be a toughy too because I'm the kind to really think out, plan, and save; I avoid debt at all costs, and he's the kind to go out and buy a new car that we'll have to pay for, for 20 year >_> lol. But we've talked about it a lot and he understands why I want to pay for things in life the way I do.

We are also going to work together and live together, so I don't really see how he would sneak off and do that sort of thing without really thinking about it