He's back to check up on me..

About a week ago I wrote about a cancer male who ended up chosing with another girl. Since then I have been really down and thinking about all of the "what if's" of the relationship. To recap, I only knew him for about a month. He lives in another country, and I met him while he was on vacation in the city that I now live in. I realized that I couldn't really be mad at him for moving on with a new girl, due to the distance and the many circumstances. I can't be selfish, because I am now starting a new chapter in my life, and although he wanted me to go to his country I had to think logically and remember that moving here and doing what I am doing has been a long time dream of mine.

After he told me he had met another girl, he told me that it was up to me to decide if I want to remain friends. I am a Scorpio, and even if this was a quick relationship, I cannot remain friends with him and see picutres of him. I have to give myself space to forget him and move on with my life if that is what's meant to be. I told him this and he understood.

The past week has been really rough for me. I keep thinking of the past and how much I miss him, and what if this and what if that. I have done some mourning, but I realize its what needs to be done. I still wondered what he is thinking or how his life is going or what will happen in the future.

I wrote him a message last week after I said my goodbye, to let him know that I am crushed and have been really sad about the situation to which he wrote back pretty much telling me that everything will work out and that I sould stay calm, and that he cares about me alot. I never wrote him back as I had already said my goodbye and I know I just need to move on.

So now he's back to check up on me. He asked me how things are going for me with my new job, life.. he said that he wants to know.

I am unsure if I should write him back or what I should say. What is his reasoning for writing me? Does he really want to know how things are going, or does he want to keep me open as an option? Does he want to know if I will move on? I honestly think he really cares about me, but a part of me thinks he misses me. I don't know how I feel about this. Just when I start to feel like I am moving forward he shows up. I am actually happy he messaged me...but I don't want him to think it's ok, and I want him to know I am still sad about the whole thing. What should I do—

@Scorpsag
Thanks for sharing that. You are so right, and pretty much validated some of what I've been thinking "If a good person comes along who genuinly cares for you why would you pass that up? "...this is very true and what makes it so hard as well. I truly believe that he came into my life for a reason, and even if it was for a short time, I have been able to reflect on the person I am and where I am going, which I know I would not have thought of had I not met him. As two sensitive water signs we understand each other on another level, and its hard to find people who can relate to you on many levels with no ego involved. The thing is that it's all so soon. I wanted to give myself time to forget him as a love interest. I am scared that if I write him back so soon, the conversation will continue, he will still be with another girl, and I will be falling for him more instead of getting over him. At the same time, I do want to write him back and be real....but I don't want to sound like a sad mess.

@wineaux
I know it may sound a little strange from your point of view, but I didn't really explain all of the details. While we were "talking" I believe I gave him the vibe that sooner or later our relationship would not work out due to the distance and our different life style s. I honestly do not know how fast he met this girl, or when in the last month he met her. Hell, part of my instinct tells me it is a girl from the past who may have "reappeared". I didn't ask him the details because I don't want to think of that. Knowing what I do about cancer's, I know that they tend to reappear or go back to old flings who may have disappeared if the opportunity and strong feelings present themselves. I also know that they need attention, and since we were not able to see each other, (and he was jealous/thought I would find someone else), he may have received attention from this other girl and said goodbye to me.

Just this week I actually thought about the situation and got angry. Like he just said goodbye last week, and now he's asking how I am doing. He even started the message using my nickname instead of my whole name, which I think means something. I am trying to figure out what his intention is..and I think there may be more than one intention. I do agree with Scorpsag that he does care, but I just don't want things to be complicated....and most of all I don't want to end up in more pain than I am already in.

Thank you, I think it's best I sleep on it for a few days. I think I'm ok to write back...and I DO want to write back, but I don't want to make a mistake.

I am with Wineaux.

If the Cancer dude is with another woman, then you need to chop him out of your life.

He has made his decision, and you need to get going to the next chapter.

Allowing him to date a girl and "check on you" is basically allowing him to keep you on the backburner as his "second girl" to call on.

Since you are a sensible human being with thoughts and feelings, move on!

He will manipulate the fabric of your emotions if you allow him to do so.

I wouldn't allow that, and would get out of there if I were you.

@Scuba
I believe that was part of his intention, to keep me as an option. I caved in and wrote him back, although I kept it real. I told him about how I've been feeling and kept it short on how my life is going right now. I also told him that he needs to understand that I cannot have a friendship with him right now because it is too difficult for me. I ended the message on a positive note because I didn't want to seem as if he is consuming all of my life. I also did not ask about him and how things are going on his end as I want him to know that I am not comfortable with back and forth messaging. I have a feeling he probably did not like my message, or maybe it wasn't what he was expecting. He is usually good with responding, and he hasn't. He probably got the point, and he is probably doing is cancer thing. *shrug* I'm not going to dance with this cancer, but hopefully one day we can be friends.

Scorsag..I hope you aren't hiding something good 😉

Update:
You guys were right, but I guess I wouldn't have known had I not written back.
It pretty much took him 4 days to resond to my message. I didn't think he would respond, but he sure did. First, I think I made the mistake of sounding too down instead of being happy about the good things coming into my life. I wanted to make it a point to him that I am still sad over the circumstances. He probably wanted me to give him a very good update and tell him that all is well with smiles and exclamation points.

I just wanted to be real. He in turn decided to give me a little pep talk as to why I should be happy and this and that. He totally missed the point and thinks I'm sad about everything else in my life. After reading his message I ended up feeling foolish and angry. I immediately wrote back to explain that I am sad about losing HIM and that the situation between us is causing me pain and making my life a little difficult. I flat out told him that its easy for him to tell me he feels some kind of excitement in his life becuase he has another girl, and its easy for him to move on. I told him I felt he was being cold and to put himslef in my shoes.

You guys were right. Things were getting better and now I feel like I'm back in a place I don't want to be. I don't want this to affect me anymore than it has and I'm done. I don't think we can be friends...at least not anytime soon. I don't know if he's offended by my message, but frankly I don't care. He may not have meant any harm, but he knows damn well what he's doing. He may or may not respond or "check up on me" again, but I will not give him anymore time.

Just needed to vent!! :-/

Update:
You guys were right, but I guess I wouldn't have known had I not written back.
It pretty much took him 4 days to resond to my message. I didn't think he would respond, but he sure did. First, I think I made the mistake of sounding too down instead of being happy about the good things coming into my life. I wanted to make it a point to him that I am still sad over the circumstances. He probably wanted me to give him a very good update and tell him that all is well with smiles and exclamation points.

I just wanted to be real. He in turn decided to give me a little pep talk as to why I should be happy and this and that. He totally missed the point and thinks I'm sad about everything else in my life. After reading his message I ended up feeling foolish and angry. I immediately wrote back to explain that I am sad about losing HIM and that the situation between us is causing me pain and making my life a little difficult. I flat out told him that its easy for him to tell me he feels some kind of excitement in his life becuase he has another girl, and its easy for him to move on. I told him I felt he was being cold and to put himslef in my shoes.

You guys were right. Things were getting better and now I feel like I'm back in a place I don't want to be. I don't want this to affect me anymore than it has and I'm done. I don't think we can be friends...at least not anytime soon. I don't know if he's offended by my message, but frankly I don't care. He may not have meant any harm, but he knows damn well what he's doing. He may or may not respond or "check up on me" again, but I will not give him anymore time.

Just needed to vent!! :-/