How do you get a Cancer out of his/her shell?

I really wanted to rekindle a relationship with a semi-distant family member. We had been close once upon a time, but then because of distance, we hadn't really kept in touch. Then I visited him recently over Thanksgiving and we bonded again. Whenever we get together we automatically connect no matter what. Scorpio/Cancer!

I have tried my best to keep as much in touch with him since than as I possibly can. I really want to tell him how much it meant to me that he was always kind and loving to me before, and how much I miss that.

BUT THERE'S A PROBLEM. The Problem is this. He keeps all of his feelings bottled up inside, but using my Scorpio intuition(I can always tell how he is feeling). He's not happy. He is extremely busy though. I am afraid if I tell him how I feel that he will go deeper into his shell than he already is, and that will scare him away. All his life he was taught to bottle up your emotions rather than expressing how you feel, and that is why he doesn't let anybody in. He is wonderful and loving to everyone else, but he won't open up. Yet we still bond amazingly.

So while trying to keep in touch with him, I have just come off as more and more shallow and superficial. But it's not that I am superficial. I want to make it so that he will feel comfortable keeping in touch with me, and I am willing to act superficial if that's what it takes.

But now that I have acted so weird and shallow, he has gone into his shell with disappointment. He doesn't like superficial, yet he doesn't want to express his feelings.

I desparately want to keep a relationship with him, but now he has gone into his shell, disappointed at me because I have come across as a completel jackass, not even trying to.


What do I do please help. He's the best but I can't tell him that because it will weird him out. Or can I? HELP!!!!

Just whatever you do please dont tell me it's a lost cause! Because I refuse to accept that. He was there for me when I needed someone and there has got to be a way that I can get through to him. I have got to get him out of that damn shell.

Hi Virginia,
My name is Mel and I'm a female-cancer.
Your Cancerian friend is probably having a self-pity party which may stem from being hurt in a relationship (opposite sex or family members) most likely. Cancers love attention so don't give up. Alienating him will make him more of a hermit. If you're sure he shares your same interest, ask him little questions like what was his favorite game as a child, favorite music, how was his childhood, etc. If you are really interested in his past you should see him open up a little. Take the time to let him talk when he's ready. He'll notice your attention, and that should get his! Good Luck!

Yes! I agree!

Perseverence, honesty, and attention! It will seem that he suddenly notices that you care!

Star

Mel thank you for your help. I want to tell him how I feel, I really do, but I am so afraid that I will wind up pushing him away that way too..He I agree that alienating him won't help him confide in me either.

Should I just wait for him to give me a call? Or should I push even harder as he pulls away even more with each passing day? I'm about ready to give up. I am really crushed that now it appears like he doesnt even want to talk to me at all anymore. That makes me sad that he helped me and I can't even help him. I want to so badly.

Thank you for your response too Star. How can I be persistant when he won't even respond to me? It's hard to explain, because I know a part of him wants to tell me everything, because he is so restrained that it's eating him up alive! He's almost like a Virgo in that aspect.

If I am persistent with him, how do I get him to want me to keep contacting him?

How do you remain in contact? I mean, do you see him regularly at work or some other means? Do you speak to each other on the phone?

Whatever, the method...call him, ask him to lunch...anything to let him know you are interested...
You may have to be the assertive one, initially, anyway...

What are his interests? Whatever they are...offer to go to (a play, museum, art gallery, skiing) with him...if it is bowling, fishing, hunting...read or find out more about it somehow...unless you are into it already...

I think I won my Crab's heart those years ago by helping him seine for bait and getting all muddy in the muck and the mire...but, we had fun and laughed a lot!

Ask him straight out what he likes to do on a day off...unless you already know! If you already know, suggest you do this activity together...

I also joined a couples bowling league with him when I was pregnant...not a pretty picture! Fished in the rain in Arkansas with him...fished at night with him (a few times...you don't have to do it all the time!) Cooked his favorite dishes...

We are still friends...
Once he was a father...he didn't know how to be one...I didn't know how to teach him and we fell apart...we were young!

Over time, I think he has grown into his fatherhood role..although I still don't think he could take it on a daily basis...but, I know he loves our daughter dearly! It is very evident to me...but, not always to her...

Well, I hope I helped some...
I hope it all works out for you!
Star

I saw some of my cousins recently at my Grandma's 90th birthday party that I have seen but not really felt I KNEW since we were kids! I made the first move and started joking around with one of them and pretty soon 3 or 4 of us were joking and having a good time...we now e-mail each other and plan on getting together regularly...

You know, I don't even know there Sun Signs! Shame on me! I will have to find out!

Star

I just give up altogether. He will not come out of his shell.

Sorry I wasn't able to help, Virginia. You think there is no hope?

Star, you have been a help. A wonderful help actually. So have you BeeSweet.

I practically begged for advice and help and both of you really came through for me. I can't thank you enough.


The problem is him. He just refuses to let anybody into his life no matter how hard I try. I know he knows I care for him but it does not matter if he won't let me in his life at all. I told him how I feel and I was royaly rejected.


At this point, I feel like I would rather be there for somebody who wants me to be there for him. I'm thinking about doing some serious volunteer work or maybe helping the less fortunate.