How to cheer Him up ?

I told my cancer bf that I was a bit bored with our sex routine and that we should do some role playing, or watch porn, and also , I tried showing him how it turns me on if he could touch me or talk to me (dirty talk) in certain ways.. I also told him that I love him(1000 times) and this is just to try some new things..

I just want him to take charge more(he does initiate but just by kissing me or groping me) and act a bit more self confident and I want to create a more naughty atmosphere.

I tried telling him similiar stuff months ago, he just doesn't like it or even try (he does try but doesn't /can't give himself 100% ) but then when he tries to initiate and I say I'm not turned on he gets sad.

how can I make him feel more (much more) confident ? maybe it's because we treat each other like little babies all the time and now the sexual nature of our relationship is suffering 😢

Oh dang. Well. I'm just curious. He is mildly open to kinky sex because this is his nature or has he been emasculated? In other words, has he always performed this way, since the first time y'all had sex? I can see him not stepping up to the plate because you (with good reason to) reject his sex and therefore him and he loses confidence which makes him even less sexier and sexually stimulating? Even though you laid it out nicely for him an wrapped it in a nice shiny red bow, he's still going to get emotionally tripped up in the part about you not enjoying his sex. I don't think he would be able to help a negative thought pattern from surfacing.

Posted by Infinite8
You never had a naughty moment with him?

I would suggest you stop telling him you are not turned on because he is just taking it in too sensitively. Perhaps, instead of taking about it... You just surprise him with an "ambiance" of YOUR preference. I'm sure he will just follow.

Are you a Scorp? I'm a Scorp and my husband is a cancer.

Yes, Crabs love surprises...

Oh but I didn't even answer your question, sorry. To cheer him up, don't give him too much space (that will cause him to think you're seeking someone else's sex out or act that fills a sexual void of yours) and respond to his fondling and kisses. Give him that confidence you took back. And then build on that confidence. Prove to him that he does in fact possess the ability to be your very own porn star or whatever. This will raise him to your desired level of confidence and hopefully his kinky side will naturally evolve. And if he can't get to this level, start seeing the pool boy (kidding).

Posted by Infinite8
You never had a naughty moment with him?

I would suggest you stop telling him you are not turned on because he is just taking it in too sensitively. Perhaps, instead of taking about it... You just surprise him with an "ambiance" of YOUR preference. I'm sure he will just follow.

Are you a Scorp? I'm a Scorp and my husband is a cancer.

I'm a scorp too 🙂

Actually things were great, we even did some role playing but I feel like it's always ME who introduces new things.

I don't want to compare him to my exes or cheat on him, but there are times I miss some of my exes because they were better at turning me on by the way they would approach me.

Posted by StarMooney
Oh dang. Well. I'm just curious. He is mildly open to kinky sex because this is his nature or has he been emasculated? In other words, has he always performed this way, since the first time y'all had sex? I can see him not stepping up to the plate because you (with good reason to) reject his sex and therefore him and he loses confidence which makes him even less sexier and sexually stimulating? Even though you laid it out nicely for him an wrapped it in a nice shiny red bow, he's still going to get emotionally tripped up in the part about you not enjoying his sex. I don't think he would be able to help a negative thought pattern from surfacing.

I know, but I had to speak up.

How do you keep sex exciting in a long-term relationship ?

we are very compatible in every other aspect.

Posted by StarMooney
Oh but I didn't even answer your question, sorry. To cheer him up, don't give him too much space (that will cause him to think you're seeking someone else's sex out or act that fills a sexual void of yours) and respond to his fondling and kisses. Give him that confidence you took back. And then build on that confidence. Prove to him that he does in fact possess the ability to be your very own porn star or whatever. This will raise him to your desired level of confidence and hopefully his kinky side will naturally evolve. And if he can't get to this level, start seeing the pool boy (kidding).

ok this sounds reasonable 😄

No, it's good to speak up, you should always speak up (even if you have to hurt feelings). I don't think you'll be able to get around hurting the cancers feelings, no matter how you present it. Now you know I'm curious right. So how is everything else in the relationship ok but not the sex? Because I would imagine great connections lead to great sex. What would you say is the biggest thing(s) lacking in y'all's sexual relationship? Passion? Expertise? Creativity? Precision?

thanks infinite8 🙂

you're right, if the direct approach isn't working I should probably try more creative ways to loosen him up.

Ok well we have this lovely connection, we hug each other all the time, we always have to touch each other and make sure the other is feeling good. He always makes me a priority no matter what and it has always been this way, always tries to make me laugh. We share the same interests and we want to get married.

It's the kind of unconditional love everyone dreams of.

What is lacking is probably creativity and expertise. We are so tuned in to each others needs that we don't have to talk about it or try a different approach to satisfy each other.. It's like telling your mother that she is not doing it right when she shows affection 😛

I love the idea of unconditional love but I need more complexity in sex. I want him to take charge, and do more erotic stuff , act a bit more macho..

Aquavita is on POINT! OP, I totally understand where you are coming from and think you did the best thing you could do which was to be honest and direct about your feelings with your cancer. But I'm piggy-backing from aquavitas post and using this as a good time to mention something to all if the cancer chasers that run in circles and get nowhere with their cancer or water sign.

Water sign people are sensory people with very very keen observation, psychic and intuitive skills. I here a lot of stories involving cancer people where people usually say things like this cancer is stubborn and won't commit, this cancer gives me the cold shoulder way too often, cancer is impossible to deal with and creating a relationship with one of them shouldn't be this hard or is a hassle or not worth it. Cancers can sense when you are not being authentic with them OR yourself and if you continue to have issues with authenticity, the cancer will throw the mirror up and shell on you(to force you to face yourself and change), throw the mirror up and play mind games with you (sadly, to toy with you for toying with them), will continue to be stubborn and do what they want to do, or just continually have emotional fits and periods in the shell. Sometimes, if a cancer is not committing to you and is being selfish, self absorbed, seemingly lacking of self awareness, liars, disloyal, rude and a bunch of other nasty things, it's because they either intuitively know you are not fully faithful or loyal to them (and by faithful I don't only mean physically, I mean emotionally too), you aren't completely theirs (or you have blatant or sheer interest in others), you aren't satisfied with them (and it seems like nothing will please you), no matter what you will always see them as a negative force or person, your heart is not 100% theirs, you lie and cheat, you are nasty to them usually or you show signs of not being decent relationship material. The biggest turn on for a cancer is your heart and if your heart is not in the right place and your intentions are off, cancer will be off until cancer makes the decision to stop dealing with you or take a break and give you time to sort yourself out. Oh! And cancers can be verrryyyyy very stealthy and as you all know, damn good at keeping a secret. So times when you have lied, stolen, cheated or something negative to cancer, TRUST ME, cancer is 100% well aware of this and most likely, will never tell you they know about it unless they are about

So times when you have lied, stolen, cheated or something negative to cancer, TRUST ME, cancer is 100% well aware of this and most likely, will never tell you they know about it unless they are about to give you that blunt cancer cut or some extreme situation. I don't think most people are even aware of this. They won't do shallow things like go through your belongings or stalk you, but they are very smart and know how to do their homework and most of the time, that information is easily given to them in their dreams or brains (once they've been given the vision, they follow up on it and find the truth). They are very resourceful. So most of the time, they know what's going on in the background, they just want to see if you'll be honest about it. They will also use it to study you and observe your behavior when you're lying,have fluctuations in your emotions, if you'll show remorse, if you'll lie even further if you've been caught. Sometimes they'll even tell you secrets of theirs in bits just to see if you'll go and share their business with other people (a huge cancer sin). This is part of their way of feeling you out, with cancers it gets intense. They give their complete ALL in relationships and want to know if you can fill the shoes. But good thing for you, they aren't too judgmental and are forgiving (depending on the severity of the damage and your overall goodness). Not taking a cancer seriously is a mistake on several accounts. And if cancer asks you how you feel about them or if you're interested in them, don't lie!!! Spill your guts! Because even if they know you're lying, their intuitive feelings won't help them believe you and it will take A LOT of time to get them back to wanting you. They are sensitive and if you reject them in any way, it's hard to come back from that.

And if a cancer is not being assertive with you, they're either not really that into you or you have done or said something that caused them to guard themselves.

A blow to his ego. What man likes to be told that he can't handle his business in bed? This is why he is sad. Wow.

Shit, I had a man that lasted three minutes when we had sex. I told him it was good 😐 Imagine how he would feel if I called him premature. I made him feel like it was the best three minutes of my life. The sad part is that he rotates women out like he changes his drawers. He thinks it's because most woman can't handle him. 😐

Me?

No one said that they are perfect. That was an explanation to why they wouldn't be assertive. There is a difference. And not only that, but I jus finished mentioning like a million negative traits they can have in this thread alone. (—)

Okay

@starmooney could you please hide those two long posts? you told entirely too much of our business. not everybody needs to know all of that!!!

Lol, I'm sorry but I think they need to know!! It will help cancers too!

Posted by beggarsblanket
I told my cancer bf that I was a bit bored with our sex routine and that we should do some role playing, or watch porn, and also , I tried showing him how it turns me on if he could touch me or talk to me (dirty talk) in certain ways.. I also told him that I love him(1000 times) and this is just to try some new things..

I just want him to take charge more(he does initiate but just by kissing me or groping me) and act a bit more self confident and I want to create a more naughty atmosphere.

I tried telling him similiar stuff months ago, he just doesn't like it or even try (he does try but doesn't /can't give himself 100% ) but then when he tries to initiate and I say I'm not turned on he gets sad.

how can I make him feel more (much more) confident ? maybe it's because we treat each other like little babies all the time and now the sexual nature of our relationship is suffering 😢

Moonman had a pretty good cover on this.
Especially in getting him to initiate.
Another tack you could take (without exposing the secret Crab handbook) is when you two are in the "routine", is to hint with a whisper you would "like him to this or that". And for Pete's sake, don't make it into switch from missionary into one of the more exotic Kama Sutra positions or something really radical. Edge him into it.
And even if it might not be executed well that first time if he does it, follow up with positive encouragement.
That's all I'm gonna say 🙂

Posted by caster721

Posted by StarMooney
Lol, I'm sorry but I think they need to know!! It will help cancers too!

What u wrote up there is to point..... but not everyone will see or understand us the way you do...... And Koniucha is an example of the few to come 😏

click to expand

I have heavy cancer influence and most of the important people in my life are all friggin cancers, so I was forced to understand. Once you understand them/y'all, life is great. What's crazy is most of these cancers issues can easily be avoided or sometimes fixed.


But all of you are making some great points!

Posted by StarMooney

Posted by caster721

Posted by StarMooney
Lol, I'm sorry but I think they need to know!! It will help cancers too!

What u wrote up there is to point..... but not everyone will see or understand us the way you do...... And Koniucha is an example of the few to come 😏

I have heavy cancer influence and most of the important people in my life are all friggin cancers, so I was forced to understand.

click to expand

Welcome to the club....your decoder ring is in the mail, but it sounds like you built your own 🙂

Sex? Are u there?Is true there are times we kinda be a lil slow on the uptake but believe me we do initiate. The thought of you thinkin of your exes is a no no. Maybe in ur mind while u fuckin but never EVEERR think of cheatin. Have a drink , loosen up be a freak. Then when you're sober and try again. The tongue is the key. The Scorch has spoken!