How to help a young crab handle parents separating

Hey Crabbies.

My friend is separating from her BF.
He cheated and does not want the responsibility of having a son, a little cancer who will be 5 in July. The boyfriend who was already absent too much due to work started leaving for days at a time which would cause the son to become really upset and cry every time his father would leave the house and repeatedly ask when he'd be back and why he was always gone. The couple had a long talk and decided to separate at the beginning of the next school year in September. They are trying to become friends throughout the break up and stay friends afterwards. My friend will move out of the house with her son. Leaving the parents break up aside the move alone will be really hard on him since he's such a little homebody and likes familiarity. Do you guys have any tips that could help ease the transition for him as well as any idea of how the couple should explain their separation to him?

wow...that's a difficult situation for this child to be in 😢

from the sound of it, his parents are trying their best to remain civil with eachother and that is of the upmost importance. my kids were a little older when i split with their dad but it was very acrimonious and still is which continued to cause them pain for a while after.

i think the main thing is for this child's parents to be as open as they can with their son and to talk with him together to show that although they are not going to live with one another any more, they are united in their love for him. kids need honesty cos they are expert readers of body language and atmospheres and if they don't get the full story, they can sometimes feel betrayed.

change is hard for everyone especially a child, but as long as they know they are loved by both their parents and as long as the child isn't made to feel responsible for the breakup, they'll get through it 🙂

Thanks Rig for your input.
Definitely the idea of feeling betrayed if things are kept hidden sounds like it would be a huge issue with this child especially.
I guess the parents will have to follow your advice as best as they can.

Posted by virgodreamz
Hey Crabbies.

My friend is separating from her BF.
He cheated and does not want the responsibility of having a son, a little cancer who will be 5 in July. The boyfriend who was already absent too much due to work started leaving for days at a time which would cause the son to become really upset and cry every time his father would leave the house and repeatedly ask when he'd be back and why he was always gone. The couple had a long talk and decided to separate at the beginning of the next school year in September. They are trying to become friends throughout the break up and stay friends afterwards. My friend will move out of the house with her son. Leaving the parents break up aside the move alone will be really hard on him since he's such a little homebody and likes familiarity. Do you guys have any tips that could help ease the transition for him as well as any idea of how the couple should explain their separation to him?

The key to this type situation is reassurance, and keeping things completely civil. Kids this age are still resilient and can adapt to change as long is not constant moving. Stability, consistency and lots of reassurance/love. Cancer or not, if she finds a place to settle, he'll be fine. Tell her to try to set each room up as close as she can to their old home to keep the familiarity. Tell her to also keep the adult stuff to the adults. There's no such thing as trying to stay friends. All they have to do is put their son first..remain civil, and again, if they want to tear each other apart do it outside and away from the child. If they remain friends great. Either way the child is the priority here and there issues need to be separated. He'll be fine and will adjust if they can do all of this.

sorry about typos

"as long is not constant moving" should be as long as it's not constant moving

"there issues" should be their issues 😢

Thanks Aurora & LIB

I think the biggest issue is that the father does not want to spend time with his son. The mom doesn't really know how to explain the constant absence so she usually just
says he's working. The father won't really cooperate as far as giving more of his time. He told the mom he wants to care but he just doesn't and he wants a free life. This is where a
conflict with being honest comes in. No child deserves to hear that their parent has little to no interest in them. It really sucks how people can bring kids into this world and have no problem to turn their backs on them.

Posted by virgodreamz
Thanks Aurora & LIB

I think the biggest issue is that the father does not want to spend time with his son. The mom doesn't really know how to explain the constant absence so she usually just
says he's working. The father won't really cooperate as far as giving more of his time. He told the mom he wants to care but he just doesn't and he wants a free life. This is where a
conflict with being honest comes in. No child deserves to hear that their parent has little to no interest in them. It really sucks how people can bring kids into this world and have no problem to turn their backs on them.

Well, the son will adjust to his father's absence, as he matures. It helps some that the father was always away anyway, and the mother telling her son "he's working" is best for now. The father can answer to the rest when his son is a young man and asks him directly. For now it's the mom's job to keep consistency in this little fella's life and again lots of reassurance and love.

I agree..there's way too many egg donors and sperm donors out there. They have no clue about the damage they do to kids. Makes me sick to my stomach.

@Aurora yes it is a sad topic. At least the son has a really excellent mom. I know some kids have nobody.
@LIB yes you're right. It was probably best the dad wasn't really there all along so the son has less to detach from.

Anyway thanks again Aurora,LIB, and Rig for the feedback 🙂
I know it's not the most pleasant topic to cover.