I don't understand

From everything I've read about cancers, I need some help please. When a cancer man is hurt/upset, they retreat into their shell and don't talk. My cancer guy has broken up with me again and he isn't responding to my texts. I went 4 days without texting/calling. Then last night I sent a very long message to him sincerely apologizing for things I've done. He never replied. I love him more than anything and we were very happy together. We have broken up before but always get back together. My question is, do I try calling him to talk or do I wait? Should I leave him alone? Also, how hard is it to get a cancer man to forgive? A part of me thinks he does this to punish me or get even. it feels like some sort of emotional manipulation/passive aggressive behavior. But I'm not a cancer so I'm not sure if that's something they do. He's just extremely sensitive! I'm a Virgo sun, Gemini rising, Leo moon. He is a cancer sun, Virgo rising, Taurus moon, Venus cancer. Any help, advice, etc would be greatly appreciated!

girl I went through One break up with my now cancer man. You got to leave him alone!! if he loves you hell come crawling back. stand you ground you have morals as well when he does comes crawling back you got to put some ground rules down ......like things have to change you can't keep breaking up all the time thats no fun relationship. BUT please leave him alone let him realise what he has lost with silence!!! don't message straight away when he contacts you. you are a busy girl with you own life to live!!! best advice that got me happy and eventually he came back!

Thanks. I'm trying to leave him alone. It's hard. Especially when I'm missing him so much. I want to just have him back. Being patient with this sort of thing is torture. What makes them come back if you give them space? I know he loved me a lot but he's obviously quite upset. I'm also scared he'll find someone else. Or never actually contact me. 😢 Should I not have sent the apology message? I don't want to mess up any chances of him coming back.

no you've apologised which is good but please leave it at that. yes space is everything with them. And also connection they can't let go which is why he always comes back. all you have to do is leave him alone do you own thing focus on what you want I have been in you position all you want is them back nothing else but you gotta get you self back first!! space is everything .LEt him contact you and don't reply straight away give it a day hardest thing in there world I know but it works 😉

Okay. How long does it usually take them to come out from their shell and want to talk again? Why do they do this and ignore you and act so cold? I'll wait it out but I'm just curious and want to understand my cancer guy as much as I can. I guess it's the Virgo in me

He has cancer sun + cancer venus. So act like cancer woman would act - by these traits.

Actually I have the same guy - cancer sun, cancer venus, capricorn moon. And I am cancer sun girl. Well, not easy, have to admit. But still the sense that we understand each other inner world.

But yeah - be like a cancer girl with him now. This ir what he will can not reject.

p.s. Are you a curvy woman? CanceVenus subjects prefear curves, just red somewhere 🙂

And hell yeah - the ignoring thing... aaaa can frustrate me. It never ends after I just said a not very warm word to him. It never ends, I just can't stand the time without comunication, so I iniciate texting always. And he is answering like there never been silence period before, nothin'happen... yes, it is weird.

So how exactly would a cancer girl act with him right now?
I'm not really curvy. I have the hourglass shape. I'm not fat but I'm kinda petite. :o

Posted by jaxz
girl I went through One break up with my now cancer man. You got to leave him alone!! if he loves you hell come crawling back. stand you ground you have morals as well when he does comes crawling back you got to put some ground rules down ......like things have to change you can't keep breaking up all the time thats no fun relationship. BUT please leave him alone let him realise what he has lost with silence!!! don't message straight away when he contacts you. you are a busy girl with you own life to live!!! best advice that got me happy and eventually he came back!

i agree with leave him alone and if he love u he will back part
but not for the rest ... busy with ur own life when i am thinking to back together again ?
like ur own pride is higher than relationship?
if yes, then better keep broken up

well that depends on the issue, if both side have fault.. then ur advice is ok
but if the cancer is the right ... then above is nope for me

i am june 22 cancer... most birthchart telling me i am gemini rather than cancer, so maybe i am a gem?
but for me, if u do something wrong, apologize to me, and ur big-attention to not do the same things in future
or else i get tired of u, even i love u so much... remember cancerians have good memory, as they will keep remember ur fault

I'll wait as long as I need to because he's worth it. I don't want to lose him and I'm genuinely sorry for hurting his feelings. I sent him that long, sincere apology and backed off. I know he loved me but when he gets upset, love is the last thing I feel from him. It's all coldness. But I guess I deserve it. I hope he comes back at some point. BTW, why is it so important to back off when they're in their shell thinking?

i disagree with "let him come/crowl back to you"...i've read some post on here from a woman who said that she took this sort of advice on here years ago only to find out thatyears later that all he expected was a sign from her because he wasn't sure she really cared about him and that was why he distanced...if she had come open, he would have been sure of her feelings for him, etc, etc...

listen, you know him better than anyone on this site...so...you may be confused, but you surely know what to do

how long will shell time last? from one week to months...a year...

what i did in a similar situation? [and still do because things are not clear yet...]...i applied the "no contact rule"...but not that stupid thing "i m dying but i will not contact him"....more like "he needs space and he's ignoring me?! fine...i have more time to spoil myself". i sent him messages when sth happened [e.g. my parrots died]...no need to say that he never replied

at a moment it struck me...i loved him and i didn't want to lose him, i didn't want my life without him...it was my weakness which had dictated my actions....i came to realise this after 4-5 months...and i understood the reason why i hurt him...i put that in a message and sent it to him...and guess what?! he replied...i understand we are not THERE yet...but he slightly opened the door...

i have no idea if we'll got back together, but i know this was a message from ME, not my pride, selfishness, etc..so...i'll have no regrets

so...wait...work on yourself...understand YOU first and then you'll know what to do and you'll feel great about your actions, no matter the outcome...

give him space, but also give it yourself

good luck

oh, god...i am sorry for the mistakes in my post...

Hmm this silent treatment/mirroring i sense is applied to every man who becomes distant. Don't think it should be sign related...

Anyways, im dating a cancer. He went on ignore mode for couple days on me as well. Have a life and do things you always do. I'm too stubborn to chase like a dog. I need space after an argument anyway. He came back after couple days!

Okay so the night before last I wrote a long apology message to him. Telling him all the things I realized I did wrong in the relationship and I sincerely apologized for all of those things. He didn't reply but last night he called me and I didn't answer, mainly because I didn't want to seem too available. Today I went out to one of his favorite places to eat and I got something to go and brought it to his work. He asked me to stay for his break and we talked a little. He told me that he doesn't regret us being together but wished we had just stayed friends because we were happy in the beginning of our relationship. He also kept asking me what was up and why did I bring him food. I told him because I wanted to. I told him I missed him and that I was very sorry for everything. He said he doesn't regret us dating. He also said that the message I sent him hit the nail on the head. Those things I apologized for were exactly what was causing him to not be happy. His voice and expression were slightly mad when he talked about it. I just looked at him and told him how much I regret those things, hurting his feelings, etc. I told him I love him and miss him. He had to get back to work and he hugged me goodbye twice. He said he would call me later. This is eating me up. I just want things to be better between us. I realize most of the problems were my fault and I own up to that. But my question now is, what should I/could I do now? Keep distant? Keep apologizing? Leave him alone? I don't want this to be over, I love him so much and he means everything to me. Anybody, please advice me on what I should do..?

let him be for the moment...where are you rushing?!

it's good you were so open about your feelings...but don't lower that card by using it too much...you apologised, you showed him you cared...it's enough for the time being...

I'm not really trying to rush, I just want to fix things or at least be given the chance to do so. I want to show him I'm sorry and that he means everything to me.

if the man is me... then like i said in my previous post
no need to apologies me many times, once just enough
the important is you dont make the same mistake again in the future...
and it will need time to prove it... it means regain my trust to you

how long it will take... well it depends on the person, but it cant be just few weeks and u making the same problem again

BUT it also depends on him, if he decide "done" with you, then even you tried to fix things it wont work .. well i think its not only cancerians, but all people that decide "done" with things will doing same things i guess
but cancer have feeling, you can touch their feeling by ur dedication to us, ur loyality is worth to think over, well at least for me it is

After talking to him last night over the phone for more than two hours, I feel like things are slightly better. We both talked about then issues there were in the relationship. He still wants to see me, be friends, etc. But I think he's wanting me to prove/show that things will be different before we get back together. That's how I felt anyway. I also told him what he means to me and that I love him. Before when I said I love you, he would just reply with an "okay.." Last night he actually said it back which made me happy. I didn't let him finish what he was going to say afterward because I thought it would end up making me feel sad again. To hear him say it again was enough. I feel like it will just take some time and effort before we can officially get back together. I've read everyone's advice and input on here and I will keep distant and let him come back if he chooses to.

Posted by CluelessCancer
What did you do? Depending on what happened, it could be several things.

But yes Crabs can act immature to emotionally manipulate you and make you pay for hurting our feelings.
i do it all the time.

I choose to believe that is so effing true!!! (noticed I used the word choose)

That's how I feel I been treated by a cancer lately... hot and cold for no reason from day to day... it feels like punishment...

and the cool off phase the other person said just when things are not that important (not being hurt so deep)...

Posted by Iwill
In all of this back and forth, contact no contact, I have to ask : does canc er like to be in control of any relationship? I am friend with one, and after 4-5 months, I thought it would be more steady and not this up and down all the time?

Yep wondering the same ^^ I'm keeping an eye on any responses regarding this 😄

Posted by hoolahoopsy

Posted by Iwill
In all of this back and forth, contact no contact, I have to ask : does canc er like to be in control of any relationship? I am friend with one, and after 4-5 months, I thought it would be more steady and not this up and down all the time?

Yep wondering the same ^^ I'm keeping an eye on any responses regarding this 😄

click to expand

Interesting, I'm curious too... I never though about that one... or more likely, I ignored all the signs of this but I guess they do!!!... whats why they crave for someone stronger than them (at least girls)

So this punishment thing someone mentioned earlier, why do it? To get even? Don't they eventually get to the point where they think it's enough punishment/ lesson was learned?

Posted by Iwill

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by hoolahoopsy

Posted by Iwill
In all of this back and forth, contact no contact, I have to ask : does canc er like to be in control of any relationship? I am friend with one, and after 4-5 months, I thought it would be more steady and not this up and down all the time?

Yep wondering the same ^^ I'm keeping an eye on any responses regarding this 😄

Interesting, I'm curious too... I never though about that one... or more likely, I ignored all the signs of this but I guess they do!!!... whats why they crave for someone stronger than them (at least girls)

😄 Thought it might be usefull for others too, good to know😉

I was dating this guy two years ago and felt this push/pull, up/down, forwards/backwards thing ALL the fucking time, and it made me feel extremely insecure!!! Now that we are just friends, I thought it would surely be different as the exspectations and feelings are so different, but I am finding myself still feeling a little insecure. I pursued him as a boyfriend, but I wont pursue as a friend. Not in the same way. But I require a lot of freedom in friendships, so I can surely give the same, but I still have that feeling of being too much (annoying, and god do I know that feeling myself from others!) and not enough at the same time... Like Wth?!? I don't get it. Meh, maybe the friendship is just changing to one of those more random friendships, where you speak much for some months and then not at all, then again, then not at all, you know, a sporadic friendship. I don't know, will see.

Either way in my case there is def. not as much of emotions and control behind it, but all this made me wonder, if cancer just wants to be in control generally speaking?

Interesting notion with the guys then needing stronger women. Good questions here, let's see what happens🙂

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Are you sure you dont want a relationship with this man anymore in future if you'd be given another chance? 😄 fact that youre still insecure could mean there is chemistry floating even tho ur friends and neither of you is doing anything about it because in the b

In the back of your mind you THINK its not gonna work but feel different? Just guessing here! 😄 i think this only happens with one person once in a lifetime a repeated pattern that could go on for years only if you allow it to. Comes down to what you are going to do with it!! 😉

As for punishment maybe its not even 'power' related but unconsciously scared to lose control over oneself thus projecting it on SO. Arent we all a bit like that tho— I dunno once again guessing!

Im seeing a cancer for couple months, not official near exclusive i suppose, great guy! times i feel like walking on eggshells tho one day its opinion A next it isnt but slightly different saying he's ok when in fact he isnt at all. pls let me figure you out but wth? Lol. Im good tho tiptoeing its a positive challenge!

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen
So this punishment thing someone mentioned earlier, why do it? To get even? Don't they eventually get to the point where they think it's enough punishment/ lesson was learned?

I've mentioned, I have a theory but I can be wrong... CC can correct me if I am...

I believe that some cancers when hurt by someone they care too much about, (maybe out emotional immaturity too) don't know how to deal with their pain and emotions... They became so stubborn and tent to choose to see thing the way they choose to... so they do this to make you pay for hurt them, but more like so you feel the same pain they feel... so you learn not to be so clumsy to hurt them again... but in reality they don't believe they are causing pain because in they are in pain, they simply think that other person don't care about them to feel hurt by their actions... in some cases that is so true, but in others don't...

Is not out revenge... IMO, not all cancers do this.

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen
So this punishment thing someone mentioned earlier, why do it? To get even? Don't they eventually get to the point where they think it's enough punishment/ lesson was learned?

I've mentioned, I have a theory but I can be wrong... CC can correct me if I am...

I believe that some cancers when hurt by someone they care too much about, (maybe out emotional immaturity too) don't know how to deal with their pain and emotions... They became so stubborn and tent to choose to see thing the way they choose to... so they do this to make you pay for hurt them, but more like so you feel the same pain they feel... so you learn not to be so clumsy to hurt them again... but in reality they don't believe they are causing pain because in they are in pain, they simply think that other person don't care about them to feel hurt by their actions... in some cases that is so true, but in others don't...

Is not out revenge... IMO, not all cancers do this.

click to expand

It seems accurate. It feels like a you hurt me and I'll hurt you worse type of move. Vindictive. Sounds like a Scorpio but I guess it's a cancer thing too. For immature ones anyway.

Posted by Iwill

Posted by hoolahoopsy
In the back of your mind you THINK its not gonna work but feel different? Just guessing here! 😄 i think this only happens with one person once in a lifetime a repeated pattern that could go on for years only if you allow it to. Comes down to what you are going to do with it!! 😉

As for punishment maybe its not even 'power' related but unconsciously scared to lose control over oneself thus projecting it on SO. Arent we all a bit like that tho— I dunno once again guessing!

Im seeing a cancer for couple months, not official near exclusive i suppose, great guy! times i feel like walking on eggshells tho one day its opinion A next it isnt but slightly different saying he's ok when in fact he isnt at all. pls let me figure you out but wth? Lol. Im good tho tiptoeing its a positive challenge!

😄 😄 "seeing a cancer for couple months, not official near exclusive" = ME! I am sag sun too!!!! It's probably the same guy🙂 Hope you can handle him/it better than I could.

I can tell you??re in the analysis more deep than I am - understandebly. I don't wanna go that deep anymore, I??ve tried for so long. Like I told him a couple of weeks ago, I still have some feelings towards him, but I know, he doesn't feel the same way about me. We??re still physically attracted to each other, but he sees too many flaws in me. There's really no guessing about us ever getting back together anymore, I know how he feels, and I need not to second guess myself and him all the time. But now this friendship is having the exact same effect on me as when we dated😄 😄 Not to the same extent ofcours😄 😄 Stupid!

Good luck with your guy🙂 🙂 I hope the cancers here will bring you some answers. I??ve posted too much here I think😄 😄 But when looking at the bigger picture with my ehem... Love—?-life, I only fall for guys, that can control me with their manipulative emotional ways. But that doesn't mean, that it's intentional, at all!

Just thought it weird the same confusion in a friendship.. I mean: really—? 😄

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Constant analyzing is exhausting, good to hear someone else's point of view :p when you feel lost! I wonder if it's even possible to maintain a friendship when there's attraction involved or feelings when you have a past!!! Also would you

really want to 'suffer' when things are one sided? And just when things are better back at square one he's running once again through your mind, and big thanks! 😄 Give yourself some slack Saggie you deserve it 🙂) !!

Mine is cancer/leo cusp tho!!

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen
After talking to him last night over the phone for more than two hours, I feel like things are slightly better. We both talked about then issues there were in the relationship. He still wants to see me, be friends, etc. But I think he's wanting me to prove/show that things will be different before we get back together. That's how I felt anyway. I also told him what he means to me and that I love him. Before when I said I love you, he would just reply with an "okay.." Last night he actually said it back which made me happy. I didn't let him finish what he was going to say afterward because I thought it would end up making me feel sad again. To hear him say it again was enough. I feel like it will just take some time and effort before we can officially get back together. I've read everyone's advice and input on here and I will keep distant and let him come back if he chooses to.

Actions speak louder then words. You better stop with all these words and look in the mirror and see how your actions are undermining the relationship, that is if you really care about him.

otherwise words really don't mean much. Also if you already exchanged "sweet words" why in the hell would you be distant? I'm not saying blow up his phone or anything, but act like you care, Crabs aren't going to chase if we think we've been wronged.

basically you better start chasing especially if he gave you positive feedback and by chasing i don't mean BLOWING up his phone or writing poetry or spouting off how much you love him, but chasing him through ACTION....

being REAL with yourself, otherwise you guys get back together, then what? You make the same mistakes?

Urfff Aye Curumba

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Okay I understand what you're saying, I think, but what exactly should I be doing to chase him with actions showing I care? I was under the impression from people that they want to be left alone when they're still upset. Which he still seems to be..

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by SomnambulistWolfen
So this punishment thing someone mentioned earlier, why do it? To get even? Don't they eventually get to the point where they think it's enough punishment/ lesson was learned?

I've mentioned, I have a theory but I can be wrong... CC can correct me if I am...

I believe that some cancers when hurt by someone they care too much about, (maybe out emotional immaturity too) don't know how to deal with their pain and emotions... They became so stubborn and tent to choose to see thing the way they choose to... so they do this to make you pay for hurt them, but more like so you feel the same pain they feel... so you learn not to be so clumsy to hurt them again... but in reality they don't believe they are causing pain because in they are in pain, they simply think that other person don't care about them to feel hurt by their actions... in some cases that is so true, but in others don't...

Is not out revenge... IMO, not all cancers do this.

crabs have long memories, even our emotions have memories, so if you hurt us at one time or another, taken us for granted, well atleast for ME, it will come back tenfold somewhere down the line, you won't understand why, you'll think everything is fine, and when i Hurt you, it feels good. It really does.

Removing myself from your presence is the most effective way, why because i'm always there, consistent, helpful, loving, then i take that all away even for a moment, you will feel it. I might not think that you care about me to be hurt by my actions, but i do realize that you care about having me in your life enough to be hurt by it. So maybe you don't give a damn about me and that's the conclusion i've come too, but i serve some purpose for you....get it.

but that's just me.

click to expand

Wow. Crabs definitely know how to deliver payback.😢 So let me ask, what makes you feel better after you've been hurt by that person? Besides punishing them. How long do you keep this up for when you've been hurt by someone?

Poor cancer has to put up with you bc they don't know how to shake you off. That's the way I see it. Ooppps

You don't have to understand.
All cancer have hide agenda. Sorry , but all. They have because of that insecure soul. You, like partner of their need to prove , prove, prove that are consistent and constant.

In this way , cancer take slow from secure in insecure and than again in secure mode. This may take o long time. Cancer people are very open in the begininng of relantions. After, they may close the soul if you make just a little gesture of betray. They help you , stay near but never make a future with you in there mind .. this is when cancer cheat. They like the beginning of relantionships where they are free without doubts and where they are in secure mode.
This is my opinion about cancer .. i have cancer moon and south node in cancer 🙂