I'm new and I need some cancer advice. =/

Hello everyone!!!!!!!

I'm LeOxBeLLa and I have to admit that I am inlove with my cancer very much. He is so confusing though. We've been together for 2 years now but I have a feeling that we're drifting apart. I guess you could say since the beginning of our relationship we've encountered problems just a couple of months of us getting to know each other, we're not even at the relationship stage yet, as his father have passed away. The sad thing was it was the night I was leaving for a family reunion in Virginia for 5 days. I was literally about to leave when his father had a heartattack. We've spoke on the phoone every night and I was thinking about him and his situation the whole time while I was away and it was the hardest thing that I couldn't be there for him. I really liked him at that time and I was even crying at night that I couldn't be there with him. When I came back I was with him all the time. After a couple of weeks, he first told me that he loved me and he's happy that I'm there for him and that I'm with him, we became a couple since then. But tell me why.. just a few weeks he told me that he loved me, I had discovered that he had given me something I didn't know he had(i'm not going to mention it here) and I got very sick, I was soo devastated and couldn't tell him because he had a lot of problems to deal with so I kept it to myself although I was in pain. Then, eventually I told him as I didn't know what to do, he was there for me but then he became very distant since then and we fought a lot, I knew he felt bad for me and I know that he blames himself but it wasn't his fault.

Afterawhile into our relationship. he's distant and I keep asking him why he's changed? I mean we have our good times here and there and he's loving but it just wasn't the same and we have a lot of misunderstandings. We've fought a lot but make up all the time. now 2 years in our relationship.. just last night, he told me that "i wasn't supportive of him when his father passed away.. that I was never there for him and I fought with him a lot just weeks after his father passed away" I've asked him "what?" I was sooo shocked as at that time he even told me that he loved me and that he's happy that I was there for him. I'm sooo confused...What is going on with him? Why now? that is not fair that the reason he wasn't the same because he felt that I wasn't there for him? I was there for him as much as I can.. but he even mention that I left his side? I am so confuse

What I am confused about is why you mentioned that he "gave you something" but would not discuss that further - first of all it doesn't seem to really have anything to do with your story except that maybe you are mad at him for "giving" it to you now that he is pulling away. Second - you say you didn't know he had it; I think it obvious that you are talking about an STD - so why didn't he tell you he had it? either he knew and was a complete ass for not telling you....in which case why are you surprised? or he didn't know and you basically let him know he had somethng he knew nothing about.... could be it's getting to him and he somehow balmes you for it because a] you're the one who tolsd him so he's takling it out on you or b] maybe he thinkss you didn't get it from him, that he got it from you.

Either this "sickness" that he gave you has nothing to do with things or it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Your story is too vague to even try to help.

I have to agree with Xangel, your story is very vague. But what I do "sense" from you is that you may have some self esteem issues. The reason I say this, is this man gave you something and you're more concerned with his feelings?? I do get that with his father passing that it wasn't a "good" time but you're definitely entitled to some explanations. The main one being, did he know he had it when he gave it to you. If he didn't, ok but if he did, that's unexcuseable. Doesn't seem like this issue was really addressed which may be the problem. What if he thinks you're the one who gave it to him and now he feels tied to you. Keep in mind I'm playing devils advocate and not by any means trying to insult you. But having this unresolved issue hanging over your heads is definitely enough to cause a drift. Since Cancer's don't like confrontations you're going to have to bring it up. When you do, be calm and direct, if you seem angry he will tense up and you will not get your answers

It's also possible that the std issue has little to do with it. You will just need to have a heart to heart with him. If the guy I dated is like yours, he will try to avoid any issues. However, avoiding issues only inflates them. Find out what the "real" issue is and proceed from there. Hopefully, it will be something you guys can work through.

LeOxBeLLa, it seems that you have a communication problem, which it can be in the way of your happiness.a healthy relationship is based on communication and trust, i think it will help you a lot if you bring things up, i learnt that the hard way...i am sure you'll work things out!

Yes, I was mad at him for giving me something and we have discussed about it before and everything's have been good between us about that issue BUT what I didn't understand was... He told me JUST the other night that I wasn't supportive of him when his father passed away? He mentioned that just weeks of his father passing away.. I left his side. Then, he said that if that was to happen to me, he would never have left my side. I wanted to know where all those feelings coming from— I was so confused but he didn't want to discuss further because he doesn't even want to talk about it anymore. So to me, It wasn't fair that he felt that way when for one, he knew why I became distant at around that time because of what happened and we have discussed it and it's like he forgot about that part of the story. I'm just so confused.

LeOxBeLLa, i guess he needed you really badly back then, and he couldn't understand that you couldn't be there with him because of the strong impact of the pain!!!!you shouldn't be confused, it is understandable, try and put yourself in his shoes...cancers are extremely sensitive, sometimes they rely upon the loved one too much for moral support, and trust me your presence would have made a great difference(a phone call helps but maybe it wasn't enough from his point of view, maybe he expected more from you, maybe he wanted you too make a great effort that would help him ease the pain)!!!don't be upset with him, i don't think it is such a bad thing that he told you what he feels, all you can do is be there for him and i guess he needs to rebuild that trust that had before when he felt that he can rely on you for anything!!!!don't look that much into it, he will come around, and most importantly don't pressure him.....

Thanks scorpio978, but how do I make him understand? I'm just torn that he had kept everything this long and to tell me something like this now that he felt that way.

you're most welcome...i'm afraid you cannot make him understand for now, he is not able to see things from your point of view. To be honest it is a good thing that he told you, i think now he is looking for more compasion than anything.
are you a leo?(if you don't mind me asking?you shouldn't feel torn, you should just let it rest and give him time, everything will sort itself out.you shouldn't stress about it as he can sense you and he will be more distant without even realising it.

Hi scorpio978,
Yes, I'm a leo and he is a cancer we have like 5 yr difference, him being 5 yrs older. HOw are cancers.. if say - I want some distance to think things through. We have been arguing a lot lately. I don't want him to think that I don't care about him because that's not the case, i just want maybe a little space cuz I have no idea what to do. It's like he ask too much of me that I can only give soo much. I mean i have no problem with him because he is very loving towards me but he's just so hard to deal with at times like right now. He can also be very selfish and it's always ME ME ME.. like cmon? It's not always about you, you know. I'm not sure if i'm making sense but umm that's whats going down right now between us. Well thanks for listening and giving advice. I really appreciate it soo much. I'm glad I came across this page. thanks =) and if you don't mind me asking.... do you have a cancer boyfriend too that you know cancers well?

Hello leokitten,
SO when he piss me off, just leave him alone? I usually like to talk things out but he never seem to like to talk when it comes to problems like he avoids it.

LeOxBeLLa i am very glad that i can help with my advice. Yes, my ex was a cancer but he had venus in gemini which i find it very bad for a relationship but my present boyfriend is also a cancer with venus in leo.....he has never pissed me off,lol, we get on great, we don't argue at all, he is the one that likes to talk about the things and it is really helping our relationship grow stronger and stronger.Cancers are extermely demanding and can be selfish sometimes, they want to be in control all the time and they are quite possessive and i try and suggest that he "should go and see his mum/dad", but he doesn't want to go without me, he wants me there with him 24/7(me being a scorpio with moon in cancer and venus in scorpio, i love it).stop arguing with him, be understanding, and telling him that you are understanding, he also needs to be reassured of your feelings now more than ever, tell him how you feel about him and don't argue, if he doesn't talk for now let him assess the matter in his head, give him time to do that as they tend to twist things from every ange till they find a sollution and then he'll come out of his shell and be happy again.

Scorpio978 that is so true that they are controlling, possesive and demanding sometimes but he has his moments when he let me have my way although not as much as I want. hehe as for your bf wanting you to be with him 24/7, that is just like him too. I don't like arguing either but he pisses me off once in awhile lol but I will try my hardest not too argue too much =P

well how can you figure out the moon sign. I'm not even sure of mine either all I know is my sun sign but i believe my venus in virgo and his is venus in cancer.

Leokitten,
that is a smart thing to do.lol I need to start learning do that, my fault is when we fight I like to talk and solve it at that moment and he doesn't - he likes his space and i'm going to admit my fault that.. most than not, i liketo discuss the problem at that moment because I can't sleep at night knowing were mad at eaach other..lol but we just end up getting more mad at each other so yea, i have more to learn. =P

dear LeOxBeLLa, it is good to "be pissed off", in this situation it is like a learning curve, and you are getting to know each other, it is not necessarily a bad thing!!!another thing with cancers is that it is impossible for them to deal with the matter there and then, it is not that they do not want to, but they just do not know how because they have to give their best shot and thatis why they like to retreat and think of one million possibilities, only when they have assese the matter properly they will come back and make things clear, not everybody works like this but that is how they are!!!don't forget that they are extremely sensitive(even if they do not want to admit it), they are one of the most sensitive signs......and one of the most loving too!!!
to see your moon sign and the rest of the planets check out www.cafeastrology.com, quite interesting what you can find out on there!sorry about the delay in my response!

leokitten,
He is the same when he is mad he likes to pre-occupy himself. lol either that or for example, just the other night, everything started as a simple argument and it escalade because he is stubborn and hard-headed(he knows that too) SO anyways.. we were sitting right next to each other and then when we started arguing he just sat all the way in the other end of the couch and just look at me like-whatever and like pouting. Like a real big baby, drives me up the wall. lol Usually when he is mad i would bother him and would like to talk about it and try to get it out of his system and he'd usually resist and tell me to leave him alone but that night I didn't say a word to him and let him have his space.. and he came around and he was the one who started to talk and explained why he got upset and we just started talking.. so thanks =) lol

Thanks scorpio978 but what if they try to always avoid issues and just wants me to forget about it which is sometimes it is impossible because you want to resolve the issue but like I said with what he told me from my first post he doesn't want to discuss further about "me not being supportive why he felt that way" and he wants me to just drop it and act like everythings fine. I mean I guess he is still not ready to explain why he said that to me or he really doesn't have any explaination and it was just his mood. I mean I'm learning not to get caught up to his emotions too much like ? if I'm having a great day.. only HE can make my mood change so quick. I don't understand myself sometimes but as much as I don't want to.. I end up getting moody when he's all moody. Sometimes it's frustrating. Oh and I have no idea about his birth time so I couldn't do the signs.. sucks =P

LeOxBeLLa, all i can say is that you should just relax and listen to him, i know you need closure but let it be for now, just forget about it, he is not ready to explain, maybe he will never be able to(i would be devastated if i was in his shoes, so please try and understand, now it is the time when it is about him, your turn will come).
and yes, you can do the planets, just do not insert any birth time!!!!you're still a bit too young, you'll see that in a relationship when one of you doesn't want to let go the other one needs to back off and the other way around, that creates a balance, imagine what happens if both of you stick to your guns!!!!

First of all why do u still want 2 be without someone who gave u an STD? Sounds wierd to me.