Its Over for me

Posted by coldwater
I guess he didnt want my help,


He wont listen for shit.

Telling a man what to do... is not help. It is you trying to tell him what is best for him. What his priorities should be. Pouting and trying to instigate jealousy by showing off the hot clothes you were going to wear out one night. It was all a play on his emotions... because you didn't end up going out.

Most guys, Cancer or not.. don't want to hear a woman trying to tell him what he should be doing. guilt tripping and nagging.

Many people told you should of backed-off and tried supporting him.. so he might be inclined to take time off to be with a sweet, supportive woman...who trusts her man's judgements about himself. And doesn't try to put herself and her need for attention first... then pretend that it's about his health. It was all about you.

Who would want to hang out with someone who guilts them? and nags? Hmmm.. not such a tough question when you break it down like that.

I'd rather go to work, too...

((((((((Coldwater|))))))))

I'm so sorry 😢 I didn't even notice any threads before this one about problems (Ive been on and off, mostly off lately)

I'm here if you need to vent, lord knows I've done it.

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by coldwater
I guess he didnt want my help,


He wont listen for shit.

Telling a man what to do... is not help. It is you trying to tell him what is best for him. What his priorities should be. Pouting and trying to instigate jealousy by showing off the hot clothes you were going to wear out one night. It was all a play on his emotions... because you didn't end up going out.

Most guys, Cancer or not.. don't want to hear a woman trying to tell him what he should be doing. guilt tripping and nagging.

Many people told you should of backed-off and tried supporting him.. so he might be inclined to take time off to be with a sweet, supportive woman...who trusts her man's judgements about himself. And doesn't try to put herself and her need for attention first... then pretend that it's about his health. It was all about you.

Who would want to hang out with someone who guilts them? and nags? Hmmm.. not such a tough question when you break it down like that.

I'd rather go to work, too...

click to expand

Same. 😢

It would wrack my nerves and i would cry all the time. Your man sounds very strong. You were a VERY LUCKY LADY.

Posted by coldwater
I know its easy to look and say I wasnt supportive, but if i gotten more supportive id have lost myself. I went to the fire with this man. He lost his job, home, car, money and best friend while we were dating. Everyone turned thier back on him. Ive never seen a grown man break down before. We were dating for six weeks and his life totally changed...was destroyed. I told him "I got you". He moved in with me and I stood beside him every step of the way. I shared what i had food wise, my car, my savings, everything. He had whatever he needed. That shit was not fucking easy. He had multiple failed job attempts. But i backed him with each one. I just told him hey, they dont deserve you. I made sure his spirits stayed up, and I made sure, as much as I could, to never make him feel less than a man.

I was there when he had nothing. WHen his mom died...I was there for his as well. He wanted to give up. I said never let me hear you say that. You have so much to live for. He keep trying and then he got a great job. An awesome job.
He said he wanted to grow old with this compnay. I was so happy for him. We celebrated.

All I wanted for him to do was moderate himself. Take your time. Rest on the weekends. Take time for friends, himself or me. He wanted to kill himself getting back to where he was. I told him hed get sick and he didnt have to do it alone anymore. He had a partner and Id help him.

Thats where the differences came. I didnt need all his time,I just wanted him to moderate himself. Not get burned out. He wanted to work work work work.

On the other side: your intentions are very good. 🙂

You just cared alot for him and don't want to see him kill himself.

Posted by coldwater
No... He was a lucky man. But thanks guys. thanks for helping.

oh i don't know...he was your man. 🙂

and good luck, coldwater.

LOL....it was over for you before it began. You were just haranguing a man from for working, if he wasn't you would have kicked out his lazy ass. You just couldn't keep it together one way or another.

If it was a choice between working and you, I woulda dropped you too...in a heartbeat...

Posted by coldwater
I know its easy to look and say I wasnt supportive, but if i gotten more supportive id have lost myself. I went to the fire with this man. He lost his job, home, car, money and best friend while we were dating. Everyone turned thier back on him. Ive never seen a grown man break down before. We were dating for six weeks and his life totally changed...was destroyed. I told him "I got you". He moved in with me and I stood beside him every step of the way. I shared what i had food wise, my car, my savings, everything. He had whatever he needed. That shit was not fucking easy. He had multiple failed job attempts. But i backed him with each one. I just told him hey, they dont deserve you. I made sure his spirits stayed up, and I made sure, as much as I could, to never make him feel less than a man.

I was there when he had nothing. WHen his mom died...I was there for his as well. He wanted to give up. I said never let me hear you say that. You have so much to live for. He keep trying and then he got a great job. An awesome job.

He said he wanted to grow old with this compnay. I was so happy for him. We celebrated.


All I wanted for him to do was moderate himself. Take your time. Rest on the weekends. Take time for friends, himself or me. He wanted to kill himself getting back to where he was. I told him hed get sick and he didnt have to do it alone anymore. He had a partner and Id help him.

Thats where the differences came. I didnt need all his time,I just wanted him to moderate himself. Not get burned out. He wanted to work work work work.

Yeah, he wanted to work hard to make sure it didn't happen again to him. Obviously you didn't want to understand that. It's crippling for someone to lose everything and need to rely on someone else for survival . But hells yeah, he was wrong for not wanting that to happen again.

Posted by coldwater
I guess maybe he saw it some of you guys way. Thats fine, we are different people. Its not like i wanted all his time. All I asked was for 24 hours. I guess Im a bitch because I wanted to spend 24 hours with my bf.

But guess what....even if I had been the understanding gf that some claim I wasnt he still was gonna leave. He didnt want to be responsible for someone elses happiness. He said it wasnt fair to me. It bothered him knowing that he couldnt be what I deserved.

This relationship is tooo hard to get started.


Thats why he lost everything. Thats why I say hes bullheaded and wont listen and impulsive.

You made good points there. Move on and find something that suits you. This is not about his sign and chart, this is a man who is fundamentally trying to secure himself. He will never stabilize with a woman until he has all the money he needs to feel secure. I don't disagree with his views or yours.

Posted by coldwater
Then he started shutting down. I found out now he mourned the loss of his space. He mourned the loss of his old life. He just changed. We would have never moved in so quickly, but yet circumstances at it was...that was what happened. He had no family down here, no one.

I am ok because everything I did I did from my heart. I never asked for anything back. When I gave I gave.

I'm sure all your single gfs are giving you the support you need. Telling you how he lost out big time, that you are better off, all the things you did for him etc. (while they secretly smile because you are now back on their level. single. or maybe they are in a bad relationship and they can feel better about themselves... haha)

thank GOD for dxp and the occasional glimpses of truth!!! You do seem very generous, tho. Most Aquas are but...

When you *do* for a man, like all the things you say you did for him... then try to use those deeds as leverage you are going to get a reaction. He never changed... he just didn't like you trying to mold him. save him. it is trying to "whip" a man and you know it because you started a post about it. your generosity was "conditional" in the fact that now he should put certain things first... like you. I mean, you put him first, right? (don't get too flattered my memory is just that good)

How long were you two together anyway? He lost his job, his house AND his mother in 6 weeks? Are you telling me... he lost his job, went and found a new one... has to start at the bottom and work his ass off to prove himself in the hopes of establishing a secure position... and you complained about "moderation" and wanting more time" All while he was dealing with the loss of his mother and a sever blow to his manhood?

Different priorities, I guess. I don't disagree with your point of view. You just weren't right for each other is all...

Posted by coldwater
I think it makes him feel better if we are friends. Also, its a way to stay in contact.

Might just stay in this week. Monday its on.

Thanks blackindian. I am ok really. Just getting my life adjusted. I feel very well. I hope people dont think im depressed and woe is me and all that crap. I was caught off guard yes, but I feel very good about myself.

Actually I think Ill go play Acrabs anthem.

I admire this so much

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by coldwater
Then he started shutting down. I found out now he mourned the loss of his space. He mourned the loss of his old life. He just changed. We would have never moved in so quickly, but yet circumstances at it was...that was what happened. He had no family down here, no one.
I am ok because everything I did I did from my heart. I never asked for anything back. When I gave I gave.

I'm sure all your single gfs are giving you the support you need. Telling you how he lost out big time, that you are better off, all the things you did for him etc. (while they secretly smile because you are now back on their level. single. or maybe they are in a bad relationship and they can feel better about themselves... haha)

thank GOD for dxp and the occasional glimpses of truth!!! You do seem very generous, tho. Most Aquas are but...
When you *do* for a man, like all the things you say you did for him... then try to use those deeds as leverage you are going to get a reaction. He never changed... he just didn't like you trying to mold him. save him. it is trying to "whip" a man and you know it because you started a post about it. your generosity was "conditional" in the fact that now he should put certain things first... like you. I mean, you put him first, right? (don't get too flattered my memory is just that good)

How long were you two together anyway? He lost his job, his house AND his mother in 6 weeks? Are you telling me... he lost his job, went and found a new one... has to start at the bottom and work his ass off to prove himself in the hopes of establishing a secure position... and you complained about "moderation" and wanting more time" All while he was dealing with the loss of his mother and a sever blow to his manhood?
Different priorities, I guess. I don't disagree with your point of view. You just weren't right for each other is all...

click to expand

just wanted to note:
you are one of the wisest people. you can see things for what they are and actually write it out eloquently. props!

@lisaberthur8... thanks 🙂

Oh please. Dont flatter yourself.

Your the last person who should be using God in any sentence.

By the way its spelled with a capital G.

Thanks the ultra..

I posted my story to really help others who have or were going thru the same thing. I just wanted to show that u can do your best and things not workout. Im ok because i did the best i could.

We actually been commumicating....more screaming than talkjng though. He called and apologized and i did too. I said the way things ended was ridiculous and he agreed. I told him i never knew u were so unhappy. I was so in love with you i was on a cloud. You just made me so happy. He said he wasnt unhappy he was just getting lazy. He said that as long as he knew he had me to fall back on he wasnt pushing himself. I said you said yourself u were tired and tjats why i suggested to rest. Hes like i know but i need to push myself. Basically being around me distracted him. He said he still loves me. I told him i knew. I can see the way u look at me. He said when he gets on his feet we can try again.
....i cant wait for him though.

We are suppossed to sit tuesday. This is so crazy.
If he is sure this is what he wants then ill keep walking. Weve communicated almost everday and hes telling me personal things. I cant do this.

Posted by shellshocker
@lisaberthur8... thanks 🙂

you're welcome! 🙂

everyone here needs a crab hug day! 😛

roughness is sometimes necessary! 🙂

Tiki should come in and give advise 🙂 😛

*hears the cracking of the whip**

**runs!✨*

Anyways i dont have time to moderate grown people. This might be entertainment for some but its real life for me. If anyone wants to PM me that needs uplifting i dont mind helping to the best of my ability. This issue is very small as compared to so many things in the news these days. I am very blessed.

And for those that enjoy human suffering and just want their drama fix...ill rexommend a good book about a man who was whipped...thorned and even nailed. He was left out to die but still came out on top. Dont be dismayed though because theres a happy ending.

Posted by coldwater
Anyways i dont have time to moderate grown people. This might be entertainment for some but its real life for me. If anyone wants to PM me that needs uplifting i dont mind helping to the best of my ability. This issue is very small as compared to so many things in the news these days. I am very blessed.

And for those that enjoy human suffering and just want their drama fix...ill rexommend a good book about a man who was whipped...thorned and even nailed. He was left out to die but still came out on top. Dont be dismayed though because theres a happy ending.

what others have been trying to say in plain words are....

try not to "CONTROL" people. Dont control their thoughts, their way of life, their way of loving....don't "CONTROL" how they want to earn a living, how they should eat, who they should LOVE.
People do that all the time, it's normal, they want to CONTROL others, who they should pair with, who they should love...
Even astrologers do it, and they still fail.

Maybe that's one of the few lessons in Saturn in Scorpio, one of the themes, is to LOSE control. Let go of CONTROL.

this will maybe help:

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of-control-how-to-learn-the-art-of-surrender/<BR>
"As a recovering control freak, there are three things I know for sure about trying to control things:

1. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don't.

In other words, control is rooted in fear.

2. Control is also a result of being attached to a specific outcome—an outcome we??re sure is best for us, as if we always know what's best.

When we trust that we??re okay no matter what circumstances come our way, we don't need to micro-manage the universe. We let go. And we open ourselves to all sorts of wonderful possibilities that aren't there when we??re attached to one —right?? path.

3. The energy of surrender accomplishes much more than the energy of control.

Posted by Theultra79


I agree that roughness is sometimes necessary. I don't see the point of it when someone is already feeling down and heartbroken. They don't need to be brought down a peg, it's already been done. They are already feeling rejected and dejected. They are already questioning their actions. The ego is already battered. What's the point in this case? I just don't get it.

And here you are trying to "CONTROL" how people should be giving advice/comments on this thread. Nobody is telling you what to say and how to say it... why do you feel the NEED to monitor comments that you don't agree with?

If you don't like what people have to say... you're free to go away.. Just as coldwater is free to leave this forum. BUT she keeps returning to high five all her supporters and throw God at those who don't. Isn't she doing a bit of religious judgement now? That doesn't sit well with me but... she is free to do it. Her true colors keep shining, brighter and brighter

Your stereotypical assessment that Cancers should be caring, nurturing and understanding (even to people who are stubborn and manipulative) has been noted. thanks

NEXT!

Not sure what part of anything i shared spelled i was trying to control him. He made his own choices and i supported him to the best of my ability. Even now he says this is what he wants...yet we still communicating..we still talking.... once again...im gonna give him what he says he wants and walk away.

Thanks ultra. I think cold turkey is the best way too. Im stopping reaching out. Im not doing half in and half out. He still has stuff at my house..etc. when he comes tuesday imma give him his things and then im gonna got out and see "the hobbit".

Posted by coldwater
Thanks the ultra..

I posted my story to really help others who have or were going thru the same thing. I just wanted to show that u can do your best and things not workout. Im ok because i did the best i could.

coldwater... if your intent for this thread is to help others... why have you hidden your story?

You could have deleted the topic OR you could stand by YOUR OWN WORDS and leave it as a guide for others.

But no... you didn't get the "outcome" you wanted from this thread. You didn't get the ego stroking.. so you delete the story but keep all the post that support you.

Hmmm?

Posted by Theultra79

Posted by coldwater
Oh please. Dont flatter yourself.

Your the last person who should be using God in any sentence.

By the way its spelled with a capital G.

Interesting it happens here on this board more than any other on dxp from my observations. Home of the most caring and nurturing people on earth. Yea right.

You also wrote this over on the Astrology board...

Posted by Theultra79


As far as cancers go, I think they are the most misrepresented sign in the zodiac. In everything you read, they're all nurturing, caring, and sensitive. It leaves out the part about them sometimes being extremely self-centered and mean-spirited.

click to expand

As I said, your opinion is noted...

Oh wow. Just wow

I think anyone that can read can see whats going on here. I chose to post in my own thread and im the crazy one. If i dont bow down to some internet bullyies by leaving then im the crazy one. If you dont like my thread then why post here? And if someone comes to actually help and provide non judgemental insight they are stoned too. Cant even give constructive advice without cuss words or tearing people down. Obviously i was talking to people here whi i felt were honestly trying to give me feedback. But im high fiving huh? Thanks ultra and anyone else who gave constructive feedback. Even if its something i might not agree with...the manner u say it speaks volumes.

I was trying to help someone else going thru something similiar but this thread is just riddled with coldness. Im done here. Now feel free to talk about how u ran me off.

Posted by Theultra79

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by Theultra79

Posted by coldwater
Oh please. Dont flatter yourself.
Your the last person who should be using God in any sentence.
By the way its spelled with a capital G.

Interesting it happens here on this board more than any other on dxp from my observations. Home of the most caring and nurturing people on earth. Yea right.

You also wrote this over on the Astrology board...

Posted by Theultra79

As far as cancers go, I think they are the most misrepresented sign in the zodiac. In everything you read, they're all nurturing, caring, and sensitive. It leaves out the part about them sometimes being extremely self-centered and mean-spirited.

As I said, your opinion is noted...

Yeah. My opinion is that all cancers are not all nurturing and sweet, the way books and articles proclaim them to be. That is their stereotype. Not mine. I'm not arguing with you over that. We agree that that is my opinion. I'm confused as to why you felt the need to go to another thread to prove something that is written right here on this thread. And I'm not trying to hide that it's my opinion.
Note away. Even though I've already written in plain English for everyone to see. So what's your point?

click to expand

That's true, Ultra. Not everyone is the same. BUT! if you say something out of "SNIDENESS" for example..."ohhhh look at them all acting so mean and astro says they are so sweet and nurturing, it's so not true, look at them, har har har"..it does kind of sound horrible doesn't it? If that situation were TURNED around to you, for example, "libras are supposed to be FAIR and kind, and sweet but ohhhh looook! she/he is acting like a very unfair person by pointing out how mean they are, being all jealous cause the love is not to them." Tbh, I dont know why you brought 'signs' in here though. It's irrelevent to coldwater's case. She just has a case of "control" and it's normal for a lot of people in this world.
No wonder there are people who don't like certain "signs" ....and then push them into a generalizat

*push them into a generalization.

anyway, coldwater just isn't good for the guy and vice versa, as most people have noted. You can't "control" people, and if you do in a relationship, you may lose them forever. It doesn't matter what sign or what bday or who they are. If the situation were reversed that coldwater was being CONTROLLED, i dont think she'd like it either.

Control comes from a place of "fear."

http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=680<BR>
To transcend fear though, we must move somewhere else emotionally; we must move into love.

Happiness, anxiety, joy, resentment -- we have many words for the many emotions we experience in our lifetimes. But deep down, at our cores, there are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt.

It's true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it's more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They're opposites. If we're in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we're in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear. Can you think of a time when you've been in both love and fear? It's impossible.

Posted by coldwater
Oh wow. Just wow

I think anyone that can read can see whats going on here. I chose to post in my own thread and im the crazy one. If i dont bow down to some internet bullyies by leaving then im the crazy one. If you dont like my thread then why post here? And if someone comes to actually help and provide non judgemental insight they are stoned too. Cant even give constructive advice without cuss words or tearing people down. Obviously i was talking to people here whi i felt were honestly trying to give me feedback. But im high fiving huh? Thanks ultra and anyone else who gave constructive feedback. Even if its something i might not agree with...the manner u say it speaks volumes.

I was trying to help someone else going thru something similiar but this thread is just riddled with coldness. Im done here. Now feel free to talk about how u ran me off.

oh come on now... that's a bit dramatic, isn't it? how are you being bullied? Who called you crazy? no one... in fact, MOST people have said that they don't disagree with the way you see things.. but it may just different than how a man might see it.

But now you are making stuff up, like you are being bullied and crazy, and anyone that supports you is stoned? really? And you have said it yourself... "the thread is riddled with coldness" AKA. "I'm not getting the response that I want so I'm going to leave in a huff!"

whatever

aw that's good, 😄 keep on trucking...you have a cancer Bf, so you should know. 🙂

Cancers, are cuddly wuddly (so are others i'm sure in other bdays)