Question for Fiddlesticks and other cancer guys -

Per my post "Cancer men clingy and whiney" Another reason I broke up with the one cancer I was with "STALKER"!!!

hm. honestly, i'm not sure. it could be that he wants to know exactly what you're doing, and he's acting out of jealousy that you're seeing someone else? have you guys spoken about you seeing others, or anything in that vein?

the thing with us is that we're very, very nosey. i try to curb this in myself, but i still get the reflexive desire to ALWAYS want to know what's going on in peoples' lives. i suspect cancers are a huge portion of the voyeur and peeping tom crowd. if we feel like something is being hidden from us, we'll try to get to the bottom of it by almost any means necessary. remember when i mentioned that it may get much worse before it gets better? this can be included in that.

however, if he can walk away like you said (i.e., you haven't heard from him since wednesday), then it's probably nothing to be scared about, unless you've encountered other psychological problems with him in the past. but i don't know him personally so if you're feeling uncomfortable about anything, you probably know better than me if you should take steps to address this. offhand, i suspect his invasion of your privacy is probably more a mark of immaturity than anything else...

clearly, he hasn't let go of your relationship together. this kind of behavior i think is kind of like his way of testing your loyalty to him. we're very suspicious people and since he put his trust in you, he's not yet accustomed to the idea that the things between you two are over. it may take a bit of time for him to get there.

so my thoughts on his invasion of your privacy are this: he's probably immature, hasn't let go of his feelings for you, is acting out on jealousy or suspicion of disloyalty, or just plain weird. i probably wouldn't jump into the "creeped out" or "scared" zones yet, but PLEASE: you know better than me in this case.

now then, as far as fulfilling an insecurity: looks like he still loves you very much, but is also somewhat ashamed of his behavior and is shy about re-approaching you, thus you've hardly heard from him on wednesday. he'll probably break down and start calling you again, soon. he probably is hoping you'll call him, so he won't feel so bad about contacting you all the time--he'll take this as verification that you still care and want to be with him, as he probably took your invitation to him to come back to your house as verification.

remember, we're daydreaming people, so he probably wants your relationship to be as it used to be. he remembers the great times and is blinded to the bad things he's doing now in an attempt to retain those good memories. he'll eventually get over it.

now, was he validating some guilt he had over the breakup? i don't think so, but i'm not sure what you mean by that phrase. reassuring himself that you still cared? probably... but i doubt it the sense of "oh she still cares, ok i'll leave her alone now, since i've gotten my fix." i think he probably wants to reconcile

as far as putting you off to the last minute,

well, he could just be scared and a procrastinator when it comes to things like this. or maybe he thought it'd be more romantic to pop up on you? i dunno, we can be very inconsiderate, but i don't think it's intentional. we're just kind of scatterbrained sometimes. or at least i am.

we also hate being ignored, and that's probably what set him off on the voicemails wanting confirmation that you were at least somewhat paying attention to him.

oh i'm sure he is insecure and needy. he probably doesn't even realize what he's doing, since we're such idiots when it comes to stepping outside of ourselves and evaluating our actions.

i really don't know why he does all that if he doesn't want to reconcile... but you're right, he does seem like an addict. he may feel guilty for acting out like that... kind of like a binge drinker or bulemic person... let it build up, go on a binge for a little bit, let it subside, ignore the cravings and then build up again...

or he may want you to make a move and call him? if i'm feeling very insecure if a woman wants to see me again, sometimes i'll just avoid or procrastinate contacting her altogether, even after we've had a great time.

yep, this is a major drawback of being a cancer: we're soooooo insecure with ourselves and yet have HUGE egos at the same time, which probably explains some of the anti-cancer male bashing we get on here over the cheaters and mind gamers.

Or that he THINKS is better for the time being...but something isnt right with the "new" one if he is still thinking about you in the back of his head,,,

i won't pretend to tell you what to do, i'm just trying to shed some light on what i think his actions mean... essentially i don't think there's any easy way to get him to stop doing what he's doing till he's ready to do so...

but if you want him to stop, i think you'll need to cut off all contact completely. think of it as dealing with a child: if a child is screaming for a toy in a toy store, and you don't want to buy it for him, then keep your ground. if you do cave in after he starts screaming, then he'll get the idea that if he screams enough he'll get what he wants and continue to do so, through success and failure.