two cancers one a cancer-leo cusp the other (me) c

well heres the deal, dating this girl off and on for almost 2 months, its been on again off again, we started out great, we clicked right away, we got close for about a week and 3 days, then we had sex, it was great, loved every day of it for almost 5 days straight after work, but then a disagreement over something i said had her all screwed up, it was about something in my past that touched a nerve, i had a son taken from me and adopted out to another family, and she was upset that i didnt do more, that i called my ex wife about it, and she totally ignored what i said and claims that me and my ex wife didnt even talk about the child, but the opposite was true, and then she vented on me, it was like she had these resentments from her family life, her father was incarcerated and her mother left her alone in this city to fend for herself at 13, she was also going nuts because she was fired from her job for a stupid reason, and it screwed up our whole routine, plus that made her insecure and she thought i was supposed to rescue her, that i understand now was her reason to vent, but i missed it and took it personal and began to cuss her out, we argued for a week and a half straight until i grew tired of her acting like a b**ch, i even told her if she wanted something just ask, but she wnt, and when i did give her money before she turned it down, so that was another thing to argue about, i got tired again of the stupidity, so i let her win, it happened one night when i went over and she asked me to leave during a heated argument (we both have huge tempers)she said i didnt have a choice, and i said 'i do have a choice actually, but fine, since you always get what you want anyway, then i will leave' and she wanted to cry, she even said 'no i didnt get what i wanted' (what, sex? a hug? what the f**k?) so i went downstairs and she almost cried, before i could even hug her, she slammed the door, locked it and the slumped to the floor and cried, i left and didnt even knock, i just went home, next time we spoke i apologized, she cheered up almost immediately, then all of the sudden she said we were not together any more, then said the next day we should take it slower this time, these two conflicting ideas in her head go back and forth often, she says she is in love wiwth me, then she hates me,well after about a week of trying to get through, and going to visit her, and even sleeping over and teasing each other with inuendoes and sex jokes and even plenty of opportunity, but when i made a move on her two nights in a row she always squirmed in torture and said to go away, she is obviously hot for me, but afraid to get involved too fast like the last time we had sex, the trouble with that is i like to take her, to dominate her and she loves it, but this weird spot is confusing me all the way, so to make a long story short, i let her take the lead for a while, i agreed to her terms, and even let her set the pace the last two times i went over, we almost had sex again both times, but instead cuddled and kissed, well fast forward a little, and its valentines day, i promised her a gift long before the problems, and i did get it, it was a box of her favorite cereal, a frame for my picture, a heart locket and custom chain, and a cd burned by me, all wrapped up with a card in a gift bag, since i could not give it to her on valentines, and she spent time with her girl cousin at the movies, we agreed to me bringing it over later, so i came over to her house a couple days later and we talked for a while then i gave her the gift, she was awed and excited about all of the gifts, i even gave her some money too, and the result was majical, she asked for a hug, the makeup kind of hug and began kissing me, then we held each other and kissed some more, well she stopped me before it got too far, and then we lay down to listen to the cd i made, she said every song was perfect, and it was sort of an account of our romance so far, she loved it so much we played

oh yeah i forgot to add this was her first valentines day gift, the other a**holes never got her one before, this was a first for her

well i was told to back off and have several times, but her leo side especially will not let me go, she always calls back, and we end up in each others arms time after time, neither of us want to really end it at all, but i am the more sure of us two, she is kind of scared right now about the whole thing, and doesnt want it to interfere with her goal of being employed eventually, or being open to new possibilites, when i said its ok we can slow down and try to build better memories, we did just that, but i know she started seeing other guys prematurely, funny thing is she cant really get involved with them becuase she likes me too much, she spends a lot of nights at home a lone with videos and her toy, and also hangs out with her cousin a lot too so she doesnt have to deal with men all the time, they have been close for a long time too, and her cousin always gave the girl her old clothes, or bought her new ones, and she has yet to find a romantic friend that will buy her stuff just because (until me), most guys just want to have sex with her, so she is spooked by us now, she would rather play it safe and use her toy, but she still lets me visit and we are patching up the differences we had when we argued, now we are really creating good memories together, and i can see she is starting to fall for me again, another scary thing, i understand her better now, but some things confuse me becuase she speaks from both the cancer and leo perspective, when i am doing things right i can tell because she turns to mush, when i am not she gets very bold and bossy, but it is a good thing becuase i always do better with a challenge, i like that about her, she can call me on my BS and i take a look at it and agree and try something new, but when she doesnt give me a clue, or gets so emotional her words come out wrong, and i tell her that i didnt understand, she takes it personally and then i just ended up insulting her intelligence (even though i dont maen to), then her cancer side gets hurt and she sulks, then she gets bossy, sometimes her cancer side takes stuff ot on me that isnt even my fault, but knowing that helps me keep a cool head, im so cool right now i must be boring, bcause no matter what she says i take it and mentally blow it off instead of letting it hurt me, and keep talking objectively, i mean most of the time, there was a time when she attempted to make me jealous, and succeeded, but it was just a little fib to see if i was still into her like that, once she found out, i explained a lot of things to her and most of the time she just remained silent like she didnt know what to say, then she would come back with another excuse of why it wont work, her fear keeps sabotaging my efforts, but that only happens when i am on the phone with her, when we are face to face, its all laughter, happiness, and cuddling, it used to lead to sex, but a couple of nights ago was the first time it almost did in a while, but now she is taking the courtship stance with me, and i have to respect her for that, that is a clue to me that she is willing to try to see where we could eventually go. anyway i know this was a lot, but i had to get it in here,

Whats your sign crazyjay?If its somewhere in your post I didn't catch it,just skimmed again.I think it'd be wise for you to check out the religion board under the whats real or something topic,Im really not disagreeing with the other two on strippers on that topic just saying that it IS the girls doing when she does more than just strip.She probably was/maybe still is hooking especially if she has drug or alcohol issues!

I'd run as fast as my feet would carry me, if I were you, and never look back. There are so many people in this world who would treat a decent person with dignity and fairness. The crap she carries is her own, not yours. It's hard to carry sometimes, for some people, and they look for people to place the blame of their own insecurities so they can hide behind facing theirselves.

That's all this is. She has baggage, emotional baggage and is, like Antibling said, manipulating you into carrying it for her, so she won't feel bad about herself. However, she is not the only one playing games in this scenerio.

Crazyjay2003 - "she is hot for me", "I want to take her and dominate her", "nobody romanced her until me". In all the testimony you stated above in your long accounts about your relationship (if you want to call it that) - your goal is to take her sexually. Everytime she starts to sweeten up, you move in. Perhaps, you need to look at your own motives. Do you really like her and her emotional drama? Or, does she just seem weak and easy prey (once you break the barrier)? Then, if you can get her to stop the drama and deal with her emotional trauma, she'll see you as her rescuer and submit to you unconditionally.

Perhaps, the same thing can be said to her - she should run away from you as fast as her feet will carry her.

There are two people in every relationship - your intentions seem as shallow as hers. Maybe I'm wrong, have been lots of times in my life. But, reading between the lines, I can see that you just want to dominate and someone who is emotionally damaged is a defenseless and easy victim.

well it started off on the right footing ladies and gentleman, but the sexual attraction is one thing, the spiritual attraction and needs met there all changed suddenly when she lost her job, which means someone is controlling her, as far as dominating, it was not to take her as easy prey, she is far from that, but sometimes i just want it to be like it was, sometimes i am content to just cuddle, or talk, or go out with her, we really did meet on may sides, it just wasnt only sexually motivated, and still isnt, i just cant stand to not know what is going on, and i refuse to be slighted any more, so i left and told her i will not bother her, unless she sends me a huge apology for her treatment, i will be quick to cut the conversation short, but if she does wake up and see that htere was mre to it than what she percieves becuase of circumstances, then maybe there is a chance, i think her heart would say the same if she didnt close it off to herself, but something made her disconnect that part of her, whatever it is, she wont understand anything i said until she takes that out of the way and looks at it all together, i think some people read too much into what i said here, those are thoughts, i am trying to cope, they may not be complete or even coherent, but thats how i am dealing with this

I'm sorry Crazyjay2003. I didn't mean to offend you. It was just a long post and hard to read. You know, which I guess you do, you can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed, or, who doesn't even know they need changing. She's damaged, for whatever reason. That doesn't mean she can't overcome, it just means that she has to do it herself. Nobody can rescue anyone else. People think they can, but, they can't.

You might be able to coax a leaper from the edge, but, that person will just find another ledge once you're gone. That is, until they realize that there is nowhere to jump, except inside theirselves. Only then can change be made.

Again, I was just trying to decipher the meaning between the lines. Sometimes, I say things point blank and could benefit from being indirect. Perhaps, your way of handling it will be worth the efforts. She might realize that you weren't just in it to use her and that could be the catalyst - not just for you, but, mainly for her, so she can grow and expand beyond her emotional injuries.

Peace

i know, p angel, i know, sometimes when i said things to her she would pause to think and the 'oh crap i really screwed up' look would be on her face, but then she would add to it by totally misinterpreting my questions, i asked them to see what she would say, no response and looking away means she was hiding aomething, i asked the questions to narrow down what was going on, and i noticed her reactions to certain things, she semed to appreciate a lot of what i did, but her unwillingness to just have a good time was enough for me to go away, we would have fun, then as soon as the date was over, she went back to the 'get out of my face' attitude, just creating more problems instead of dealing with them, like when we were finished with the movie last sunday, she said i wasnt going back with her, but i left my hat, and i really needed it, it was cold, i think she knew then i was fed up, and she kept looking at me on the subway like she was wondering what i was going to do or say, kinda scared, but i just stared ahead and saved it for her place, i think she didnt expect me to finally stand up for myself and demand respect, i didnt really want to do it with her that day, but i asked her if we could to see her reaction, and it was enough for me to understand that another guy steped in way before there was a visible problem, her loyalty to him was probably why things went south for us, she kept mentioning that 3 weeks of romance was not enough for her to come back, which means she knew the guy for a long time, but if anyone is playing on her vulnerabilities, its him, becuse she keeps getting just enough for her to keep trying for more, i think when he ignored her, she came to me, but now she will not have me, and it will really amplify what is missing with him, and her motivation for it is because she hopes he wil rescue her from her living situation, renting a room in a bad neighborhood, but if he hasnt done it yet, he probably won't, and sooner or later she will see he was really just stringing her on, funny how karma works, then maybe she will realize he has to go, she always keeps mentioning that she cant wait for a job, then she can cut ties, i think she hates that she had to rely on him right now, and that she got sucked into the trap, often she would think out loud and cut it short, but it was enough for me to know he isnt living up to her expectations, especially when he refuses to take her to key interviews, or accidentally runs late a lot, so obviously he doesnt want her to have a job, but this was going on way before me, i think its safe to say that its the photographer guy she used to do business with and they had an arrangement before that resurfaced, thing is he foregot she grew up a little, and soon she will not be able to take it any more