Update

Tell me what you think about this. I talked to my cancer friend and it was more amazing then I thought it would be. We put everything on the table and talked about everything I've been wanting to get answers for. She gave me nothing but to the point answers. Btw I found out one of the dudes she used to talk to has been badly snooping in every part of her life-her job her place even her friends. One of her ex coworkers used to public ally talk on Facebook but they were never real friends. This woman is psychotic fat and ugly and my friend had a suspicion she was jealous of her and just like she gossips and makes lies for everyone else my friend figured she'd do the same. Once she had me be open to her a low and behold she tried to gossip lies to me about my cancer and since awhile back my cancer just been fucking with her telling her shit that isn't true at all just because she knew she was sneaking around talking to dude she used to mess with. Turns out she has been feeding her lies knowing that she will feed dude the same lies. Dude is fucking psycho. He even has gone through her stuff when he thought she wasn't paying attention. He even tried to make her jealous by telling other people to pretend to come on to him. I didn't know dude was that fucked up in the head and now I don't feel so bad about that loser. Now on to the next. New dude. This is the one she met at a race. She told me all about him and her and she let me meet him last night. For the first time I can say that I am happy that she is happy. The guy is really a good guy and I can't even hate on him. He looks like he came straight out of a GQ magazine he's a financial analyst making bank he travels often he's much closer to her age he is a artist like her he is cultured and has a good sense of humor kinda like hers. I have to admit they have really good chemistry. So good that wherever they go people stare at the two of them. He doesn't hold back anything from her and she doesn't from him. I have never ever ever ever seen her like this. But I saw why. I noticed a flock of women kept checking him out geekin and he kept staring. I thought he wanted them but felt he couldn't say so in front of my friend. Then randomly he grabbed my friends face and kisses her right in front of me and everyone else. Everyone was shocked. Even people who were pretending like they weren't watching them from a distance. Then he held her hand and told me that it was late and she needed to be to bed early because of

A 5k she had to do in the morning and asked me to waits at the bar and he escorted her to her uber ride. Then he sat down with me and we talked. That never happened to me before. Dude just took her away from me and didn't let me meddle in their life. Funny thing she didn't even reject that idea she just kept it moving and told me de would catch me soon and that I promised her I wouldn't keep her out too late and talked for a few mins. She wasn't even nervous bout dude talking to me. Like she completely trusted dude. He told me they were just friends and they decided they wanted to be friends first then commit ton each other then have a full blast romantic relationship. He told me they haven't had sex and they both want to wait. He said he knows all about me and my cancer an if I want to stay around and be her friend I need to learn to be her friend only and stop chasing her. He said he really wants her and maybe even lives her and that she will never be with me because her heart isn't in it. But then he said he wants me around because I'm important to her and me and him need to learn to get along. I didn't know what to say because this has never happened so I went with it. We stayed at the bar and talked and laughed it was the weirdest shit ever but still good in a way. I kinda felt relieved they didn't have sex yet and tht dude is really good for her. I told him a love er too and I want what I want. He didn't even get pissed. He gave me a look and was like I can see why you say that but I hold true to my words. Them we kept chillin. What is this? I talked to her after her race and she said she had her hands full so she would call me tomorrow when she can talk with no disruptions. What questions should I ask? Dude threw me off and now I'm confused.

Well yeah, this guy is smart as hell. He does not have her yet. He probably will, because he acts like he already does. He has stepped into that spot. He has admitted that you are important to her. So, that answers that question for you. You never lost her friendship. In fact, it is important to him to gain your support because he knows without it he has little chance with you. I did this once. My friendship with an ex of mine was super important. When I met the man I eventually married he supported the friendship. If he had not, we probably never would have had a relationship. He made a good move. He is showing he trusts her. He is showing he is not possessive. And what can you do? He is a good guy. You like him too, don't you?

What questions should you ask? You should ask whatever you want to know. She may not answer them all, but this guy just confirmed you are an important part of her life. She probably told him how upset she was over what happened. He knows he can't kick you out. I doubt there are many things that she would not be understanding of you asking.

Thanks Lostbull you make so much sense. This guy is really smart. And he said when the timing is right he needs to approach her ex. I couldn't believe he was so forward. I'm not used to her dates being that forward. I'm usually the one who is forward with them. And he told me fighting for her and her knowing will only stress her out and make her sad so if we want to settle this let it be between me and him and leave her out. By then he said she was a free woman and could do what she wants to do so if I really think that she wants me romantically go and try. We do have a deep friendship and I guess I was so insecure I couldn't see that. We've been friends for years and gone through thick and thin. But I really don't know what to say. My mind is just blank. That caught me off guard. Plus I didn't know he'll be so much of a good person and be such a good fit for her. I bet she loves that he us so forward with her without all the games people play in the beginning. I played games in the beginning and that ruined a lot for me. I really wish I could change the past. Sadly I think he is right. I'm thinking if it's even worth it to try. I don't think I should try but I do want her in my life and if friendship means that I'll take it. At least I know he won't try to cut me out if her life and we can all chill together or she wouldn't have to feel like she has to get rid of one to be with the other. Thought about it and that's exactly it. She doesn't like throwing people away that mean something to her-except when they asked her to leave. Now I get it. I'll just take it easy and see where it goes while I make my decision on the next move. I'll talk to her today and get a feel for where she is.

That sounds like the perfect plan. This guy is never going to take the risk of telling her to get rid of you. You are secure in the friendship. I would not make a romantic move either. If she did not have interest in this guy she would not have left him alone with you. Even if they are not officially an item she is showing him that respect. The only reason to take the risk romantically, in my opinion, is if you feel you can't except friendship alone. I do not think that is your situation at all. I think you rather have the friendship than nothing.

If you have no questions for her, why don't you just thank her for standing by you through this and continuing to be such a great friend.

My fault I'm so late tough day at work. I talked to her yesterday and we ha a good chat. She said she really is attracted to the guy and could see a bright future with him but she's not ready for a commitment and is still getting to know him. She said she wants to take it slow without skipping the important steps and both of them are working on their careers and both of them are not in any rush. It was a big shock to me but she said she still had feelings for that other dude but she did mention it is fading and she's finally moving to someone who can reciprocate ad something more healthy. She won't commit until she doesn't have feelings for anyone but the new dude. She also said she likes being single and sometimes she likes being alone. But new dude is teaching her how to be open all over again. She told me she hasn't had feelings for me since 8-9 years ago and can guarantee she never would but that she adores me as a friend and doesn't want to lose this relationship. I told her I love her ad probably always will but I can be her friend and get with the program. She told me a really messed up some possible great relationships with other guys and she thinks I'm so jealous possessive and insecure that I feel the urge to ruin them. She said if I ever try that again she will have to x me out of her life permanently because I cause a lot of shit in her life. I asked about the sag ex and she said they've been over years ago but have a child and a good friendship and that's all. And she said they both have grown a hole lot since the violence started and he's been helping more with their kid and stuff she needs extra hands for. So I'm happy about that. She said for the first time in years her mind is clear and she doesn't want to jump into a relationship so soon and wants to focus on writing traveling art and her kid. She also told me one of her med school college/after college friend wants something more too. He'll be done with med school soon and he might come back to DC. He also wants to build a private practice with her. She doesn't want to choose anyone and doesn't want to move too fast or too slow. So I guess that's it for me so I will be her friend and respect that and I'm really happy to have her in my life. I am going to take this last chance seriously and be a true friend to her. She even told me she'll help my mom out around her studio. I miss us and as long as I get to have the old her back that's all I want. I'll end up settling for someone else and

We can double date or sketching. She is such a amazing person and I want her in my life. As so long as she is treated right like she deserves I don't mind taking the L. I really haven't seen her like this since before her sag ex and I am really truly happy for her. So many times I would see her get dogged out by the last 2 dudes and I would just look at her and get pissed that she of all people let dudes that were below her standards treat her like shit. But when I hear stories about her daughter or see pictures and see how happy she is and how well she is doing I cool off because she made the right decision by letting him be her father and even when it looked like she was lost or confused or making the wrong decision she was making the absolute right decision and she finally found true love. So I will just accept it and thing is she made me feel so loved even when rejecting us as a couple and I'm ok with that. Because she shows me how much she cares. She has always been there for me and I'm happy with that affection. And in happy new dude isn't trying to push me away it makes me want to fight less. So that's that. And should I be worried about her still having feelings for old dude even though she said their fading? In don't get it. But I told her she needs to lose all feeling if she wants a real relationship with someone who she has no bad history with someone who treats her with respect and someone who isn't scared of commitment. I told her she can be detached and that loser made her that way. I hope she listens or else I'll be pissed. I know I can't do anything about it but she deserves so much more. Anyway there you have it

Sounds like she was very direct and honest. That is very respectable. Certainly that was not your dream scenario, but at least you can know how much you mean to her as a friend. You also now know exactly what her boundaries are and will be able to know exactly what you need to do to keep her in your life. It is pretty nice that you have meant enough to her that she was willing to keep you in her life even though it meant losing possible relationships.

Thanks Lostbull. Yea I feel the same way. But it was a good go to dream about it. Now I have to force myself to stop looking at her that way and see her just as a friend. You're right about boundaries I can only respect that from here on out. But I feel bad now. Thinking back on it I did ruin some of her flings before it even turned into a real relationship. And one was probably the dude she still has feelings for. If she still has feelings for him after all the shit they been through then she must hate me. And she must really love him. I hate to admit it. What does she even see in dude. Thinking back on it I fucked up whatever they had years ago. Damn.

I can see where he is coming from, he's making his claim and being straight forward however, you should still continue to be her friend don't just stop because of what happened with the dude. As for the questions, you can honestly ask whatever you think you need to know. The dude seemed like he already planned what he wanted to say to you so therefore you should think about what you really want to know since she's kind of got her eyes set on him because you deserve to know if you're going to stick around and be in her life considering that you guys have history together

I dont really have any questions. I think I'm ok with being a friend. I just want her to be happy. And I want to be able to still her to talk to her and chill. Sex isn't mandatory. Even tho I would jump at the first chance I got. I can still be friends. The more history I have with someone the more valuable thy are to me. We go way back and she really is amazing. I'm not trying to ruin anymore of her relationships or make her unhappy-even if it means forfeiting her into the mans hands who makes her happy. I can't do anything about it she's always going to end up living the one who has heart no matter what.