What's this cancer guys deal?

So I met this cancer guy online a few weeks ago. I'm usually not one to meet up with someone right away but he asked if I could come over to his place and watch fball since he just got his wisdom teeth removed and couldn't leave the house. I went. I could tell he wasn't as nervous as I but he was definitely excited to see that I looked like (better) my pics. He was gorgeous. There was something about his presence that made me relax and feel safe around him. It had already been established that nothing would happen. We sat on different couches and just clinged to each other's every word. It sounds so cheesy to say but I felt like it was love at first sight. He told me he had just got a job promotion and he be leaving for training for 8wks. He also told how he bought a ring for an ex he was going to ask to marry. He said it ended pretty Nasty between them. He was pretty forthcoming with info that I hadn't asked about. He said he just felt comfortable around me. We talked for hours until I finally had to leave. He was such a gentlemen. It was something about him that made me want more.
We text the next day (Monday)about how things went and how we felt the sexual tension in the room but neither one acted on it. We agreed to meet up again for a movie night before he left. I would text him throughout the week here and there and I would get 1 word responses so I stopped after the 3rd day because I was getting a bit offended. That next week I messaged him about the movie night and he apologized about how busy he was and surprisingly he said he was happy and couldn't wait to see me. I was so confused but I went with it. Leading up to the movie night he didn't respond to any texts until the night we set up for the movie at his place. I arrived at his place and he was his the same guy I fell for the first night we met. He cooked an Asian tofu dish that I was hesitant to try but I did and it was AMAZING!!!! We had a good time. I made the first move and kissed him on the cheek and he took it over from there. It was a lot of touchy feely action but no sex happened. After everything was said and done he walked me out to my car and asked me if I was going to text him while he's away because he'a going to be bored and not know anyone. I'm thinking "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!??" But I said "duh, of course I will".

The next day he continues with the ignoring of my texts. I don't know what to so or think.

Fuck that shit.

The fact he brought up his ex so soon is also a red flag.

Nevermind the flaky ass behavior when you're not in his line of vision. You're dealing with an emo case that needs to go work on his promotion and not string girls along for his emotional needs while he gets his shit together.

I'm a capricorn so I tend to be realistic and I wasn't hoping for a relationship and he made it clear that he wasn't ready for one either. I'm not used to having to make the effort to initiate communication between us. I wonder if it makes me look desperate to him or too needy? Neither of which I am.

Posted by Cappyccino
I'm a capricorn so I tend to be realistic and I wasn't hoping for a relationship and he made it clear that he wasn't ready for one either. I'm not used to having to make the effort to initiate communication between us. I wonder if it makes me look desperate to him or too needy? Neither of which I am.

I'm going to differ with the two Aries posters.
You say he made it clear he isn't ready for a relationship. I have a feeling his story about the ex...he might have been hurt by her and is gun shy.
You say you weren't hoping for a relationship either. It sounds like you've changed your mind.
Without knowing the dynamic, I think the guy is feeling you out, and not playing mind games.
Play it cool with him while he's in training. Occasionally text something funny or light.

That said, don't let yourself get too emotionally invested at this point.
If you enjoy his company, no harm. If the same pattern continues for a few weeks after he gets back, and you're looking for something more, gently broach the subject and let him answer.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by Cappyccino
I'm a capricorn so I tend to be realistic and I wasn't hoping for a relationship and he made it clear that he wasn't ready for one either. I'm not used to having to make the effort to initiate communication between us. I wonder if it makes me look desperate to him or too needy? Neither of which I am.

I'm going to differ with the two Aries posters.
You say he made it clear he isn't ready for a relationship. I have a feeling his story about the ex...he might have been hurt by her and is gun shy.
You say you weren't hoping for a relationship either. It sounds like you've changed your mind.
Without knowing the dynamic, I think the guy is feeling you out, and not playing mind games.
Play it cool with him while he's in training. Occasionally text something funny or light.

That said, don't let yourself get too emotionally invested at this point.
If you enjoy his company, no harm. If the same pattern continues for a few weeks after he gets back, and you're looking for something more, gently broach the subject and let him answer.

click to expand

Agreed!

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by Cappyccino
I'm a capricorn so I tend to be realistic and I wasn't hoping for a relationship and he made it clear that he wasn't ready for one either. I'm not used to having to make the effort to initiate communication between us. I wonder if it makes me look desperate to him or too needy? Neither of which I am.

I'm going to differ with the two Aries posters.
You say he made it clear he isn't ready for a relationship. I have a feeling his story about the ex...he might have been hurt by her and is gun shy.
You say you weren't hoping for a relationship either. It sounds like you've changed your mind.
Without knowing the dynamic, I think the guy is feeling you out, and not playing mind games.
Play it cool with him while he's in training. Occasionally text something funny or light.

That said, don't let yourself get too emotionally invested at this point.
If you enjoy his company, no harm. If the same pattern continues for a few weeks after he gets back, and you're looking for something more, gently broach the subject and let him answer.

click to expand

You're right. We'll see how this goes.

I'll say...he's not into you (at least not in this phase). He's dealing with a breakup and it looks like he's wanting the ex. You seem to be playing the role of the rebound or placeholder (to get him through his lonely moments). I don't think he's intentionally playing mind games, I think his hurt or whatever is going on with him is clouding his dating etiquette (this is a natural response to dealing with a rebound while still desiring the ex, I don't think you should be offended). And this is neither a bad or good thing as you've just met him and no commitments have been made. And this is not to say that he won't ever catch feelings for you or take you seriously in the future. Just take it slow and don't do anything you'll regret if he poofs and disappears out of your life, but just kick back and have fun at the same time.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp

Posted by Cappyccino
I'm a capricorn so I tend to be realistic and I wasn't hoping for a relationship and he made it clear that he wasn't ready for one either. I'm not used to having to make the effort to initiate communication between us. I wonder if it makes me look desperate to him or too needy? Neither of which I am.

I'm going to differ with the two Aries posters.
You say he made it clear he isn't ready for a relationship. I have a feeling his story about the ex...he might have been hurt by her and is gun shy.
You say you weren't hoping for a relationship either. It sounds like you've changed your mind.
Without knowing the dynamic, I think the guy is feeling you out, and not playing mind games.
Play it cool with him while he's in training. Occasionally text something funny or light.

That said, don't let yourself get too emotionally invested at this point.
If you enjoy his company, no harm. If the same pattern continues for a few weeks after he gets back, and you're looking for something more, gently broach the subject and let him answer.

click to expand

Yep.

My response was mostly in regard to how she's turning all relationshippy about it all. Dude clearly isn't relationship material atm. He's even stated that.

Posted by StarMooney
I'll say...he's not into you (at least not in this phase). He's dealing with a breakup and it looks like he's wanting the ex. You seem to be playing the role of the rebound or placeholder (to get him through his lonely moments). I don't think he's intentionally playing mind games, I think his hurt or whatever is going on with him is clouding his dating etiquette (this is a natural response to dealing with a rebound while still desiring the ex, I don't think you should be offended). And this is neither a bad or good thing as you've just met him and no commitments have been made. And this is not to say that he won't ever catch feelings for you or take you seriously in the future. Just take it slow and don't do anything you'll regret if he poofs and disappears out of your life, but just kick back and have fun at the same time.

It kinda feels good to know I was overreacting. It's weird to say this, but I see it wasn't him it was me and I can fix that. I'll just take a seat and fall back in line. I need to find something to quench my thirst because it's clear to me now that this cancer guy has got me acting super thirsty.

This was helpful. Thanks guys