you are a very special person

I'm in an on-off relationship with this cancer man. In nutshell: I ran away from him and hurt him a lot. We did not have any contact for 4 months.
Since my birthday (31/03) it seems we're getting closer again. On Sunday I woke up and sent him a message saying "I don't know if anybody told you this before, but you're a special person". (For me, he really is)

His reply was: "Thank you for your words....you are also a very special person!!! Just in case no one told you...I'M telling you now🙂 You are a very special person!!! 🙂"

What does this mean in cancer's language— I was direct with him, I did not expect any answer.....I only wanted to tell him what he is.

Pls advice!

That wasnt direct if you meant to express your feelings....

Posted by krebbsmann
That wasnt direct if you meant to express your feelings....

It wasn't direct? Hmmmmmm ok. I thought it was.

Posted by agis
On Sunday I woke up and sent him a message saying "I don't know if anybody told you this before, but you're a special person". (For me, he really is)

His reply was: "Thank you for your words....you are also a very special person!!! Just in case no one told you...I'M telling you now🙂 You are a very special person!!! 🙂"

What does this mean in cancer's language— I was direct with him, I did not expect any answer.....I only wanted to tell him what he is.

Pls advice!

you said he is a special person. He responded in the exact words and now you are confused with what he meant by it? What did you mean by your statement?

If you menat what you said as an honest compliment... why are you "confused" by someone returning the same compliment? I'm confused by your confusion

I think you're only confused because you had underlined meaning in what you wrote. And you are trying to gage if he shares your own underlined meaning... when he mirrors your response.

you're just messing with your own head on this one, lol. my head hurts

The way it was worded might have confused him...

just for clarification this is what I would take as a cute version:

"I just wanted you to know that you're special to me."

His response sounds like he thinks you might be making a joke about how he's "special". There are different meanings when calling someone special... 🙂

i think you could have been a bit more direct... we always guage what kinda words girls use with us. atleast i have a principle --you pull i pull..you push away i will push further :p so you be indirect he will respond in the same way...just adding a too to the sentence. just say it girl! i like you and i wanna be with you! simple. sometimes subtelity only makes you wait..how long you never know!

i think you could have been a bit more direct... we always guage what kinda words girls use with us. atleast i have a principle --you pull i pull..you push away i will push further :p so you be indirect he will respond in the same way...just adding a too to the sentence. just say it girl! i like you and i wanna be with you! simple. sometimes subtelity only makes you wait..how long you never know!

None of us are native English. Our common language is English, but to be honest, it's tough to express yourself in a way when it's direct, but not too direct. You are right, I've missed the "to me".

He means a lot to me. I love him by all my heart. But it's something you don't write in a message, right? Especially after such a long time without any contact....and in the last weeks we are talking / corresponding more and more.

For me it's a tough situation. I wanted to be direct, I wanted to be clear. But on the other hand, I don't want to be pushy or too much!

I don't think your answer was very direct, if i was that cancer man i would have tought that message was a way for you to say you are interested. His answer back to you (in my opinion) is that he really cares about you. Very much.

Please excuse my bad grammar.

Posted by Karka
I don't think your answer was very direct, if i was that cancer man i would have tought that message was a way for you to say you are interested. His answer back to you (in my opinion) is that he really cares about you. Very much.

Please excuse my bad grammar.

Honestly, I'm getting tired of this cat and mouse game. He pulls and he pushes all time. I was more relaxed during the time he did not contact me at all. Since we have contact again, it's simple too much for me.
I sent him a kind of cheering email (but very friendly) 2 weeks ago, no respond. He texted several times, but never mentioned the mail. When I replied his message on FB this Monday, I told him that I'd like to spend some time with him and if he thinks the same, we may have to find a weekend when we could meet somewhere in Europe. No response, of course.
Yesterday I called him asking how his business trip goes, how is life treating him etc. We talked for 30 mins but actually no outcome or conclusion nor any comments on my kind of invitation. It was a nice conversation, we laughed a lot, he was really sweet btw.
Yesterday evening I posted a general post saying "people change, I've also changed, things change. We used to talk for hours and now I'm lucky if we talk for a couple of minutes a month. I remember the jokes, laughs and smiles we shared but I doubt you remember any of them. Anyway, people come and people leave. Accept it and move on."
This morning he sent me a message asking if my post was about him because he needs to know.
WTF—?

I love him, I really do. I honestly regret hurting him so bad. But it was 9 months ago...and I did so many things to make him forgiving me. I can feel he cares and he loves me and I know he is afraid of trusting me again. Is there anything else I could do? I have no clue what should I answer, or if i have to answer at all.....

Posted by agis

Posted by Karka
I don't think your answer was very direct, if i was that cancer man i would have tought that message was a way for you to say you are interested. His answer back to you (in my opinion) is that he really cares about you. Very much.

Please excuse my bad grammar.

Honestly, I'm getting tired of this cat and mouse game. He pulls and he pushes all time. I was more relaxed during the time he did not contact me at all. Since we have contact again, it's simple too much for me.
I sent him a kind of cheering email (but very friendly) 2 weeks ago, no respond. He texted several times, but never mentioned the mail. When I replied his message on FB this Monday, I told him that I'd like to spend some time with him and if he thinks the same, we may have to find a weekend when we could meet somewhere in Europe. No response, of course.
Yesterday I called him asking how his business trip goes, how is life treating him etc. We talked for 30 mins but actually no outcome or conclusion nor any comments on my kind of invitation. It was a nice conversation, we laughed a lot, he was really sweet btw.
Yesterday evening I posted a general post saying "people change, I've also changed, things change. We used to talk for hours and now I'm lucky if we talk for a couple of minutes a month. I remember the jokes, laughs and smiles we shared but I doubt you remember any of them. Anyway, people come and people leave. Accept it and move on."
This morning he sent me a message asking if my post was about him because he needs to know.
WTF—?

I love him, I really do. I honestly regret hurting him so bad. But it was 9 months ago...and I did so many things to make him forgiving me. I can feel he cares and he loves me and I know he is afraid of trusting me again. Is there anything else I could do? I have no clue what should I answer, or if i have to answer at all.....

click to expand

give him a "lead me or let me go " ultimatum...if he still ignores then he is not into you anymore emotionally...which is everything for us. take it on the chin and move on. better things to do in life then wait....

give him a "lead me or let me go " ultimatum...if he still ignores then he is not into you anymore emotionally...which is everything for us. take it on the chin and move on. better things to do in life then wait....

This is exactly what I did. I answered with a long message saying "I know I hurt you, but this is already the past. He has to decide whether he can move on and build something new together with me or he still do feels like hanging on his hurt feelings and fears." It's up to him.

It's better to know he is not that into me and move on.

Posted by agis

Posted by Karka
I don't think your answer was very direct, if i was that cancer man i would have tought that message was a way for you to say you are interested. His answer back to you (in my opinion) is that he really cares about you. Very much.

Please excuse my bad grammar.

Honestly, I'm getting tired of this cat and mouse game. He pulls and he pushes all time. I was more relaxed during the time he did not contact me at all. Since we have contact again, it's simple too much for me.
I sent him a kind of cheering email (but very friendly) 2 weeks ago, no respond. He texted several times, but never mentioned the mail. When I replied his message on FB this Monday, I told him that I'd like to spend some time with him and if he thinks the same, we may have to find a weekend when we could meet somewhere in Europe. No response, of course.
Yesterday I called him asking how his business trip goes, how is life treating him etc. We talked for 30 mins but actually no outcome or conclusion nor any comments on my kind of invitation. It was a nice conversation, we laughed a lot, he was really sweet btw.
Yesterday evening I posted a general post saying "people change, I've also changed, things change. We used to talk for hours and now I'm lucky if we talk for a couple of minutes a month. I remember the jokes, laughs and smiles we shared but I doubt you remember any of them. Anyway, people come and people leave. Accept it and move on."
This morning he sent me a message asking if my post was about him because he needs to know.
WTF—?

I love him, I really do. I honestly regret hurting him so bad. But it was 9 months ago...and I did so many things to make him forgiving me. I can feel he cares and he loves me and I know he is afraid of trusting me again. Is there anything else I could do? I have no clue what should I answer, or if i have to answer at all.....

click to expand

Ask him "Who do you belive it was about?". I hate to admit it but one of the best ways for someone to get me to answer a question i really don't want to answer is to pin me down. But there is a risk i will pinch/snap. But try it on him, maybe it will work out.

I sent him a quite long answer saying all the things I already wanted to tell for a while.

He sent me a text yesterday "I'll call you, like I did last time as well"


Haha, wondering.

Posted by agis
I sent him a quite long answer saying all the things I already wanted to tell for a while.

He sent me a text yesterday "I'll call you, like I did last time as well"


Haha, wondering.

Wow. Just ignore him. Make him feel like you are drifting away.

Direct to me it, "I want you, I think we have something special, let's spend more time together."
This leaves me with NO room to wonder what he could have meant. I can't promise my response would be direct.

Well, I wrote him that I would like to know if he still wants to hang on his hurt feelings or he is able to move on and build something new together.
No answer yet. He just texted me -after he heard from a common friend that there was a surgery again in my family- that he hopes my brother does better and i can call him always. I replied "btw you have my number and you can call if you want". And he replied "I'll call you as Id did last time and thank you".

I don't care. I am really exhausted because of this game.

I asked him direct question. He avoids answering and gives only excuses why he can't. (meet me e.g) And at the end he always told me he is so sorry.

Agis,

Here is a quote that stay on my desktop non stop:

Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.

Go away , and take care of yourself. Why you beggin for his love ?
It's not humiliating for you to remain in front of the man that reject you ?

Posted by Arki
Agis,

Here is a quote that stay on my desktop non stop:

Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.

Go away , and take care of yourself. Why you beggin for his love ?
It's not humiliating for you to remain in front of the man that reject you ?

Actually I was not begging or forcing. The only thing I did was I sent a mail saying everything what happened to me after our break up and what changed, and ofc what did not change at all. He called me today saying, he is appreciating that I told him everything and he doesn't know what's on his mind. We agreed on spending a weekend together in the beginning in July. We'll see what it brings. He loves me- and he admitted it a months ago or so- and he cares as well. After how I treated him I'm not wondering at all that he is hurt, I just wonder how long he can be upset with me.

Actually I was not begging or forcing.

Ok, in this case, my mistake.. Maybe I don't understand the relationship dinamics.
Because I have cancer moon, I understand him. He stays with you but already he looking around ( I think that is somebody near and old friend...usually)

He is looking for someone new with who don't have a past of fear, rejection and other similar pain.
This is my opinion and when I say to walk away , was for you benefit. He will leave you in the end..
Not now ,because you "force" him to talk to you, with email and because in this moment it is melted with your infatuation with him, your attention, your need of him, etc. But because the cancer live in the past , if in the past with you , he sees rejection, disloyalty and much pain...he will go.

This is the film that I think you w'll see in the future. I'm blunt, but I was on this road, his road ...

Maybe he is living in the past, but what I see and experience right now, that he is continuously sending me messages (he recently sent his confirmation for the booking of the planned trip) and he is excited and he is planning -at least a weekend - and he is super cute.

I did not reject him, I did not cheat on him, I simple ran away from him.

Ok, my mistake.
Enjoy the plan , live the moment, be happy and don't run away from him, because this is what you want 🙂

It's been two month I have opened this topic, and I returned to say thank you to all of you for oyur support and advices.
Everybody who were for moving were right. This was the best to do - after we had that amazing weekend, he told me he doesn't trust me and he doesn't want to have a long distance relationship so he took kind of advantage on me but since we met I cut off all contact and there is no chance at all to meet again.
Obviously he is about to move to Spain, so the distance will increase what I don't mind.

So one more time tatnk you all for all your efforts.

sad... hope you find what you are looking for. aries women are fun! :p

Posted by krebbsmann
sad... hope you find what you are looking for. aries women are fun! :p

Thank you, actually it's not sad. This is how is meant to be. I was sad, but nowadays I feel much better.
I won't stop loving him, because I can't but I let him go.

🙂

I wish him all the best🙂

@Agis

Gonna share my experience with the My Cancer(I like a lot). Gonna try to make it short. Emotionally I made it to easy; I was acting so starlkerish that it freaked him out(not saying you are). My crazy pushing made him pull away. 7 months ago I didn't understand the space Cancers need to recharge or just reflect. I'm not use to that so I didn't understand; took it very personal. He pushed back and told me told, "I like you a lot and as nice as I can say it I need tons of SPACE" with the caps.
I still not understanding pushed. My thing was emotional intensity that I was feeling; I had no outlet so I thought I could express it to him.
Okay; my craziness(being honest) made him really ignore me even more. I started to tell myself okay Whats meant to be will be. So I started to distance myself; which I had not done ever. I literay feel off the grid; even blocked him on twitter I did because I'm impulsive and that's the only way I could control myself. I was silent for two months. I reserved commenting on something he said. As soon as I did he started following me. I wasn't following him. But I did and right now his sudden tenacity has caught me by surprise. He's the aggressive one. He wanted me to go to NYC to see me. I can't; and asked why he can't wait till December. I told him Thats the best I can do and he was going to have to wait.
His answer, "I hate waiting. When I want something I want it and will stop at nothing to get it."
Now he's in Georgia and he's asking to see me in my home town. He's pressing a lot.
So I think the distance thing works. It feels like a game; which I have to admit I have no problem playing. We are both chasers to a certain degree. I also believe that he; side from his busy schedule; likes to strengthen the intensity by pulling back when he returns it's full throttle.
He has a really laid back sense of humor. From my past experience I've learned a lot of what he likes.
Keeping it new; and fresh I've noticed does him a lot of good.
So distance is what your Cancer probably needs so he can get a wake up call. Cause mine just popped up out of no where and now he continues walking forward. Very unique indeed I must say. I like it, I don't know might sound weird; but I do.
The space I no longer take it personal cause I know it's not about me; it's something he needs and I respect it. His space last no more then 2 days. After that it's on again. If he has a problem he is now more inclined to speak on it; I'm stra

Decided* to comment on something he tweeted(sorry for typo)

Got cut off;

I'm straight forward; he likes it says it's a really good quality and he appreciates is. Now he's doing the same. Which I'm happy about.
So distance can work; mine was 7 months silent cause of my craziness(being honest) not ex crazy but crazy nonetheless. Now we understand each other more. I've also noticed and don't know if all Cancers males are like this but he likes competitiveness and a challenge the bigger the better. And he likes that I'm sassy, cause I am. He likes that I'm assertive if it's required. He needs constant stimulation whether flirting; intellectually; creatively he needs it.
Hope this helps.
Oh one more thing. I don't know if he lives in the past, or maybe I really haven't hurt him as far deceit or hurting his feeling where I'm critical. So he really has no negative with me in that department. But our past falling out; he has not brought it up. Don't know why; if he doesn't bring it up I'm not either. If he does then ill speak on it. Don't know if that has to do with him looking at this as a fresh start. Have any other Cancer males done this avoid bringing up the past to not spoil the current flow of things?

Posted by Sagittarius2315
Got cut off;

I'm straight forward; he likes it says it's a really good quality and he appreciates is. Now he's doing the same. Which I'm happy about.
So distance can work; mine was 7 months silent cause of my craziness(being honest) not ex crazy but crazy nonetheless. Now we understand each other more. I've also noticed and don't know if all Cancers males are like this but he likes competitiveness and a challenge the bigger the better. And he likes that I'm sassy, cause I am. He likes that I'm assertive if it's required. He needs constant stimulation whether flirting; intellectually; creatively he needs it.
Hope this helps.
Oh one more thing. I don't know if he lives in the past, or maybe I really haven't hurt him as far deceit or hurting his feeling where I'm critical. So he really has no negative with me in that department. But our past falling out; he has not brought it up. Don't know why; if he doesn't bring it up I'm not either. If he does then ill speak on it. Don't know if that has to do with him looking at this as a fresh start. Have any other Cancer males done this avoid bringing up the past to not spoil the current flow of things?

Actually - after the weekend we spent totgether in the beg in july he said we should cut the cord off. So we did. And he organised the stag weekend for his best friend in the town I'm living. What a coincidence!🙂 And he texted me on the last day of the bachelor weekend and we met. He got his birthday gift -what I've already bought just forgot to give it to him on that weekend. So he was lovely cutie like a teenager in love.
I took him to the airport - ofc he was holding my hand in the taxi, gave me tender kisses all the time. And we were talking about random stuff like when I go visit my friends (he lives there as well lol) so i mentioned to him that I'll be around for alomst 2 weeks. - he immediatel said "see you in october" - i needed some help so i mailed him 3 weeks ago if he could support me in some favours. And when we talked over the phone he was shouting at me "you think too much and you plan too much stop thinking stop planning". well. for me it was more than enough. I needed help - a straigh answer should have been enough - no. When I asked him why is he arguing he told me I don't understand him and we were talking about this for a while and why do I not understand and he also said he wont

be in the town when I'll be around. So hang up the phone and decided not to contact him anymore. I am tired and fed up with his egoistic jerkness and I don't feel like being his toy anymore.
When he contacts me and wants to meet me its ok, but if I 'd like to met him is always too much. (I told him 2 times this YEAR that I'd like to meet him)
It's been 3 weeks almost and I do feel like revealed. I don't want to know about him anymore.

Don't always too available with cancers ( men or women )Be busy, have life ... real life., Have Identity not pretending. Ironic because when you over do the busy thing you'll gonna lose him/her too. But If you have no life , He will become less interested also. And I think its a human thing. Ya its a human thing. But no doubt it really applies with cancerian.

Posted by crabberries
Don't always too available with cancers ( men or women )Be busy, have life ... real life., Have Identity not pretending. Ironic because when you over do the busy thing you'll gonna lose him/her too. But If you have no life , He will become less interested also. And I think its a human thing. Ya its a human thing. But no doubt it really applies with cancerian.

LOL I think this works with all men in general.

Posted by agis

Posted by crabberries
Don't always too available with cancers ( men or women )Be busy, have life ... real life., Have Identity not pretending. Ironic because when you over do the busy thing you'll gonna lose him/her too. But If you have no life , He will become less interested also. And I think its a human thing. Ya its a human thing. But no doubt it really applies with cancerian.

LOL I think this works with all men in general.

click to expand

yeah. thats life mah friend