bad news

well, finally spoke to him today. he told me he lost his mum at the weekend, and couldnt face talking to anyone, not even his mates yet knew. he had been carrying on with work as usual, he said he didnt want to let everything he'd been working so hard for go. he said he wanted to see me but didnt trust his emotions right now. the whole time he was completely calm and told me all of this as if it could have been a conversation about the weather. he said he would have told me if he hadnt wanted to be with me anymore and he was very sorry for disappearing. i am in so much shock i totally didnt expect news that bad, really worried about him

My heart goes out to you both. He feels the need for some control in his life, so work can give him that. If mom was sick for awhile, it's likely he has felt an extreme loss of control during all that time, and especially this past weekend. Having lost my mom too, I remember not wanting anyone to see my pain. I was afraid one look into my eyes, and any other person would see it, and that would cause them pain as well.. Maybe that is messed up, but when someone is still in shock, and going through the stages of grieving,not much makes sense and everything is different. His loss is a permanent loss,and that is the toughest part of it. Loss of appetite too. So my suggestion is to send him a really good book on grieving, or the loss of a parent.

The other thing is men and women handle grief differently. So,if you could find something written for men, or if the book covers the differences betweem how men/women grieve, all the better. As a Cap, we appreciate a good book (guide) to help us understand tough times. We are never taught anything to prepare us for the ultimate loss: death of a loved one; we tend to avoid everything to do with it. One more thought: Pray for those who have passed, and all who knew and loved them. Oh something else.. If there will be people coming in for a service, you can offer to put some people up in your home,pick up folks coming in from the airport.. Hope some of this helps. Patience and love to you'all during this very sad time.

"If there will be people coming in for a service, you can offer to put some people up in your home,pick up folks coming in from the airport.. "

Oh taur04girl-I am so sorry for u and the cap guy. Please be very helpful to him and try your best to do anything that can help him. Like tripod has given some suggestions , I also would advice u to be like a rock for him. Try your best to do small things tha can ease his pain at this time. You dont have to meet him or force him to talk;just do things that can help in any manner. He wont be able to show his sadness but its there.

Losing a mother is a loss that's unbearable. Most of all do pray.

I don't know what to say in these kind of situations apart from sorry for both of you.

I was in shock for 11 years after losing my sister. To this day, people say you never once shed a tear. I just couldn't despite loving her very dearly.