Cap man keeping options open or just selfish?

My cap man has never posted pics of his girlfriends. He says he will once he is married. We've already been together for a year, but it really bothers me. He talks seriously about marrying me, but then he doesnt talk about me to many people or anything. I just wanna see him treat me how he would if we were married so i can decide if its worth it. I wont be with someone who wants to hide me for the rest of his life. He also has a lot of girl friends that he texts (and sometimes answers their calls) when we are on dates and sometimes even more than he talks to me. I doubt that half of them even know i exist in his life. I've tried to understand it or just ask him to respect our time when we find time together, but he just gets super defensive. Do you think he is hiding me to keep his options open? Thats what it feels like. It makes me wanna do all these things to him, but i know the result would be terrible so i dont. I know he's a private person, but there's private and then there's straight up ridiculous. I'm really starting to lose my patients with him...

Posted by tiziani
I don't think anything can be inferred from that, other than the 'super defensive' part which depends on how you both approach the topic when you talk with one another.

Lol i have spent months trying to figure out how to talk to him about things. There's never a good way...unless you have any suggestions..? I have tried logic, ive completely lost it, ive been completely serious, ive tried being calm, ive tried talking about things when he brings something up, and many other ways. I just know that no matter what i do he will get defensive and tell me that i complain too much or its not important or that im trying to control him. He will say any hypoctitical thing to try and make me feel guilty so he wont have to listen.

If you can't communicate with the guy, why do you want to marry him? Sounds horrible to me.

Posted by Candicorn
I would leave him alone personally. Just my 2 cents though

Love the new username Capri. It's my favorite candy

Posted by Candicorn
I would leave him alone personally. Just my 2 cents though

Well, i havent complained to him about not posting pics for a while...maybe a few months. But what do you mean by leave him alone? Like break up with him? Pretend things he does are okay when they're not? Or let him keep interrupting our dates to talk with other girls? They dont even call him for any particular reason. Just to talk, and he never tells them he is busy and will call back. Not even 1 time. But if im on the phone with him and he is with people he tells me he is busy and will talk to me later. Explain that to me...

Posted by Ssuperman
If you can't communicate with the guy, why do you want to marry him? Sounds horrible to me.

Thats the thing, he used to communicate with me in the beginning. But he changed. He doesnt even try to listen anymore. I used to want to marry him. Now im not sure, but i still love him and wanna work it out. Just cant figure out how.

Posted by Candicorn

Posted by scorpio24356

Posted by Candicorn
I would leave him alone personally. Just my 2 cents though

Well, i havent complained to him about not posting pics for a while...maybe a few months. But what do you mean by leave him alone? Like break up with him? Pretend things he does are okay when they're not? Or let him keep interrupting our dates to talk with other girls? They dont even call him for any particular reason. Just to talk, and he never tells them he is busy and will call back. Not even 1 time. But if im on the phone with him and he is with people he tells me he is busy and will talk to me later. Explain that to me...

That one, yes.

The social media thing isn't what concerns me. It's the conversations while you're out.

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So you're saying just let him keep doing it?

Posted by scorpio24356

Posted by Ssuperman
If you can't communicate with the guy, why do you want to marry him? Sounds horrible to me.

Thats the thing, he used to communicate with me in the beginning. But he changed. He doesnt even try to listen anymore. I used to want to marry him. Now im not sure, but i still love him and wanna work it out. Just cant figure out how.

click to expand

Be VERY direct and firm.

Posted by scorpio24356
My cap man has never posted pics of his girlfriends. He says he will once he is married. We've already been together for a year, but it really bothers me. He talks seriously about marrying me, but then he doesnt talk about me to many people or anything. I just wanna see him treat me how he would if we were married so i can decide if its worth it. I wont be with someone who wants to hide me for the rest of his life. He also has a lot of girl friends that he texts (and sometimes answers their calls) when we are on dates and sometimes even more than he talks to me. I doubt that half of them even know i exist in his life. I've tried to understand it or just ask him to respect our time when we find time together, but he just gets super defensive. Do you think he is hiding me to keep his options open? Thats what it feels like. It makes me wanna do all these things to him, but i know the result would be terrible so i dont. I know he's a private person, but there's private and then there's straight up ridiculous. I'm really starting to lose my patients with him...

I don't post photos of the people I'm dating, I was with someone for five years and maybe only had a coupe of photos of them on my ig. Stuff like that shouldn't matter, it's petty. I'm spending my time with you aren't I? That's the most valuable thing we have to offer! If I'm going out with you, treating you to things, giving you my attention and affection, but you're unhappy because you want me to post photos of you? THATS what's important? We are private people, I'm not into PDA, I'm not even one to hold hands. I am female cap and have lots of male friends, gender isn't something I worry about and if you are dating me I expect you to be mature enough to understand that gender isn't important in friendships unless you make it so. Also I still communicate (non romantically) with one of my exs I don't abandon people so don't expect him to because you are insecure. Remember YOURE the one hes spending his time with, also it's good that he's answering the calls in front of you clearly he has nothing to hide. I don't think he's getting defensive he may just be getting annoyed or frustrated, I would be. Also you're not married so why would you expect him to treat you as if you were? That's silly, we aren't here for your make pretend, we have feelings too and if you're unsure of them then you need to communicate that. One year isn't very long for cap, and we discuss it early on because we are planners and very serious about our futures and want to make sure we're on the same page as our potential partners. Remember he has his own life too, it doesn't revolve around you. If you want someone to worship you a Cap just isn't that person. We are loving, and caring, and loyal, but we enjoy our independence and personal space. Also this maybe the most cap response here ?