Cap man needs help with virgo lady ...

Hi there

I'm been more of a lurker than talker here, but I am impressed with the level of sophistication of emotions and thoughts as well as the astrological basis for this board.

And I need help with my Virgo girlfriend.

Most every minute that we've been together has been fantastic. Great physical affection, great sex, good conversations, easy rapport. The problem: I feel like a part-time boy friend. I'm a busy guy, she's a busy girl, but when I'm in a relationship I make time for the other person. I love the contact, even if it's just a short phone call or a quick lunch. But she doesn't go out of her way to make time for me. She seems content with once-a-week. And as good as the relationship is, I feel like I'm low on her list of priorities, and I don't do well with that. I know, Caps are supposed to be cold and calculating, but I'm not typical. I'm emotional. I'm sensitive to others and have sensitive thoughts. To me a relationship that is held at arm's length is not a relationship.

So what am I to do? I've been told to be patient, and I have been (the relationship is at the six month mark). I've been told the push-pull with a Virgo is a dynamic of the sign. I've been told that he who waits for a Virgo will be rewarded. But if I'm a part-timer now, what does the future hold? I've also been told Virgos, when pressed, will run away.

In simple words: Help!!

Thanks,

ddsk



Sun = Capricorn
Rising = Virgo
Venus = Aquarius (cusp of Cap)
Mars = Aquarius
Saturn = Libra
Mercury = Cap

Hey ddsk,

I know i advised you to be patient based on the information you provided, but if you don't feel the comfortable with the progression of this relationship, then maybe it is time to pull back.

Here is something i have posted in the past, and in my heart, i believe is true:

"It is wrong to think that Love comes from long companionship or persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of a spiritual affinity, and unless that affinity is created IN A MOMENT, it will not be created in years or even generations." - Kahlil Gibran, from "The Broken Wings"

Love is, as Gibran puts it, a "spiritual affinity" - a meeting of two souls on a level that mere senses cannot divine, nor mind can explain. Love is not seen nor heard, and often goes unrecognized. Love is not in looks - it is in hearts and souls!

There will be some attraction in the first moments of meeting, and then a quickly-developing sense of deep friendship, romance, and desire. Only True Love has it all!


Be Confident in your relationship or let it go!!

By the way, although i am against games, it is human nature to want what you can't have, if you know what i mean ... Be independent and not so available and suddenly you may find her making more time for you.

I realize, you hardly see her as it is, but if you are really that important to her, when you start to pull away, she will come for you. If not, then you have your answer.

Wow ... I'm blown away by your sage comments.

Sherob, you were correct before, and are again. I am confident in the relationship in how I feel, it's just the return that vexes me. Example: I called Monday and her first response was "gee, I was going to send you an e-mail saying it felt like we hadn't talked for days." My response, in my head: "OK, if so, why not call ME? Or, why write that in an e-mail rather than call?" I do believe she's sincere and not playing me. But as a somewhat exacting Cap, this can drive me bats. I don't play games, but I have considered going cold turkey if necessary for awhile just to see if she notices.

Ballerina, I have pursued from the beginning and continue to. It's my nature and I like to keep the feelings fresh. I have read Doc Love before and my revisit him.

SB, I'm aware of this Virgo reputation. She isn't very critical.

Sagigoat. One night, my Virgo and I were talking in bed and she was stunned to find out how communicative we are and the exchanges we were having on several levels. She said "what is this?" I said "This would be intimacy." And she was flummoxed, because she said she had never really had this kind of exchange before, and therefore had never been truly intimate (one marriage, one longterm boyfriend is her relationship background as an adult). I think we made a breakthrough, but there's been some backsliding since I don't think she knows how to maintain this intimacy.

Depth Charge, I've had that thought. I'm verbal. When I pressed her on words and feelings, she told me to judge her by her actions. I'm prepared to do the heavy lifting as long as I know where we're going.


You're all great. Thank you. Please continue if you can think of anything else.

ddsk (Bob)

Dejavu

Mr cap. I shall have essays for helping you deal with manipulative virgos.

I assure you we can deal with virgos better than any one else, as we too are manipulative and the earthy chemistry is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooooooood, it does it all!

ddsk, as rediculous as it may sound ... not only should you follow your heart, but be kind to it. Sometimes things just work out for the best.

Sagigoat ... thanks for sharing ... My experience is so unique. When we are together, we are so linked as to be scary. We can talk about anything, have free floating conversations, tease each other mercilessly, and touch touch touch. There's a constant examination of what we have and what makes it work. I'd have to say that your V males (can;t vouch for the make of the species) seem to have the same intimacy issues. They can't sustain the feeling even if they know how good the feeling is. I'm my emotional than my V, but when I catch her in an emotional momemt, she is chagrin to own up to it and admit that she has emotions. She just guards them. I guess I should feel fortunate she's let me in as far as she has.

For example of your reference to controlling direction: The night my V and I decided to become intimate, she wouldn't offer any solutions --- my house? Her house? A hotel? There were kid issues but nothing that couldn't be overcome. So I said "do you want me to make an executive decision?" And she shyly nodded (not a word, just a nod). I think that's an example that a V could be seething with emotions and feelings and someone might not notice, and in fact he/she have difficultly expressing these emotions.

Sherob, thank you again for a tender thought. I am kind to my heart nowadays after years of opening it wide enough for people to drive a stake through it. I'm a happier person since I've done that and still manage to let whatever sunshine exists come through. I just don't allow myself to bleed over something that's not there.

You are special sherob ... of course, being Canadian, we all knew that 🙂

ddsk

ddsk, you have me somewhat speechless ... :-)

I will say though, that you appear to be very intuitive, wise and kind and your Virgo is a very lucky girl! I believe she knows this and as you said, she is just not sure how to respond to what she feels in her heart. Possibly she lets her mind dictate too much the path to take. I hope she can find her way ...

ddsk,

How about going little slow in emotional department? I see from your posts that you are deeply involved and that's good. I know how deeply we caps FEEL. These virgos do not feel as much as we do and it may just be my insecurities that I think, if she does not reciprocate the same due to her lack of self understanding, you will be hurt - badly.

Just need to involve little less of yourself in emotional area!!!

Thank you thank you thank you ...

DC: The funny thing about "intuition" is that my V Lady says she's always used her intuition to make good decisions, yet she admits it hasn't helped her much in the love/romance department. She is a blank slate in a lot of ways emotionally, and the way she gets so embarrassed when an emotional moment leaks out is sort of awe-inspiring. It's a true emotion and she doesn't know how to handle. Yet she's smart as hell. I used the phrase "You are often right" when talking to her, because she is about most things -- but not all.

Sagi: I can certainly relate. I was born old in terms of maturity but emotionally verklempt, and I had a hard time expressing my emotions. Too clumsy, too quickly, wrong words. Once I opened up emotionally I became a much happier person. Life's too short to be mis-judged or mis-understood, so I speak my mind and let my emotions show. It's better to let them show even knowing they can get trampled on than burying them inside.

Sherob/capgirl: You're both right. I have to be patience waiting for her, and I have to slow down a bit and give her time to reciprocate on her terms. It's just sooooo hard at times.

Those people who find Caps cold have no idea how hot the fire burns within when the right person comes along.

ddsk

but, since we're talking about love and nobody uses their head, i doubt you will give up that easily.

****************
FUNNY... BUT TRUE...

Are supposed to use HEAD or HEART?
CONFUSED—?

And oh who said LOVE is a FEELING!!! That would be a crime if you mention to any virgo.
LOVE == State of Mind 😉 for ROMOTS == VIRGOS. I wonder God must be having second thoughts thinking he shoud have made virgos STONE instead!

Mr. Cap , I sincerely hope it works, ELSE as we caps fall way to deeeeeeeeeeeep, it will hurt so much. So BE AWARE of virgos and keep the defence system fully operative!
I am not saying do not love her, just trade EXACTLY in proportion. He she does not show emotions so do you, atleast once in a while to "open her eyes".!!!

MEANT

ROBOTS == VIRGOS

Meant
IF she does not show emotions so do you, atleast ....

caprigirl ...

Where are my essays? I need the info (and the laughs that will go with them, to be sure).

I copied the Virgo resolution and plan to give it to my V soon ... when she's in the appropriate mood 8-)

ddsk

Great thread ... who started it? Oh yeah, me and my Virgo foibles.

An update for you kind people. My V and I had a fantastic Saturday in which we went to a museum, had a picnic, drove to Malibu and then went to dinner on the beach. Great time, much affection and talk and yada yada. Then at dinner, I made a reference to where we're going and she turtled again, backing up a bit. So things got quiet, but not angry, and we were driving to my place. She became very affectionate and touchy in the car, and a few miles after we passed her off-ramp, she asked what I had been thinking.

"About what, and when?"
"When we passed my exit?"
"Meaning ..."
"Well, I thought since we were arguing that you might drop me off."

She is shy. She has a lot to learn about intimacy and relationships. She thought she had said something to hurt my feelings, and I would respond by taking her home. I reminded her that I wasn't 14 and do not sulk (at least not for too long), and that people in relationships are bound to have mis-steps. Upshot was, we had a great night to follow the great day, and we grew a bit closer, and I learned some more about her, and she learned more about me.

If the chorus of voices here hadn't reminded me to be patient, the day might not have gone as well as it did. So thank you again.

ddsk

Sagi goat ...

I've had a constant issue all my life with being "understood" by people, and while I've had success with that in my career, it's been elusive in relationships. Some people just aren't capable of listening and understanding a person on their terms.

The things you didn't say to your V need to be said, just so you can heard the words come from your mouth and give yourself the satisfaction of getting them said to the person that needs to hear them. Just don't expect the desired reaction. Chances are they'll drift past him again like so many other examples you've given. But you would get some closure. And if he should wake up and go "Oh, I didn't know," who knows what might happen?

Caps do embrace "pure love," sometimes at personal cost. But it is what we are at heart, and acting otherwise seems phoney and doesn't work. So embrace who you are.

ddsk

ddsk, i am very excited for you. Your date with your Virgo sounds absolutely beautiful.

Btw, I don't think he is going through some intense emotions he is just trying to work on his new career with undivided attention
******************
OK SG,

How do you know that? He may not be going thru some intense emotions!

How many times, do we - caps, hide our emitions inside that the world will misunderstand us for "Business as usual"! MAY be he is going thru the same phase!