Cap turned a 180 on me...

Of course he's not hearing yo, especially not since you said the calls would stop after his birthday.

What does it mattere what he's saying or wants to do? You are not romantically attracted to him anymore, and you should have just said that instead of using your wanting to get married again as a reason for the breakup. Either way, just continue to do what you were going to.

Please forgive me, but I'm still a bit confused.

You said that you did some soul searching, and the love you had for your Cap is platonic now. Then you said that the qualities you told him you wanted in a man, was not him at all...

Now you are saying your open to the possibility of him being serious about marriage. Is it in hopes that your platonic feelings will turn back to love? and the qualities that you want in a man, which he doesn't have, will mysteriously appear?

Are you being completely honest with what you are feeling?

What you initially wrote screams that you realized he's not the man for you. If this is really true, do what you was going to do, and cut him loose.

I don't know why he said "Ill marry you" but it really doesn't matter at this point, and trying to figure it out will do you no good.

Posted by lnana04

What you initially wrote screams that you realized he's not the man for you. If this is really true, do what you was going to do, and cut him loose.

This is true.

I think I can understand where muse is coming from.

@muse -- You don't want to hurt him because you have found out that what you thought you wanted, you don't anymore. I think you tried to convince yourself that you were or could be in love with your guy, but eventually realized it just wasn't going to happen and you don't want to settle. It's too bad that he believed you when you said you loved him and talked about marriage in conversations with him. A guy will think if you say I love you and also bring marriage into the convo that you are thinking of them in that role. Wouldn't you?

He deserves the truth, muse. He told you the truth. You were a little wishy-washy with him during this relationship because you didn't really know what you wanted, and that's ok. But now, to make it right, you must admit that. You say you don't want any drama and want to end in a civil way. Swallow your pride and tell the man the truth. He may be hurt and he will never trust you again, but at least he will have closure. If you are as righteous as you say you are, then do the right thing.

Well I posted to see if this had happened to anyone in their experience with a cap...the answer is clearly "no". I'll make the best decision for me, recognizing that life is gray not black and white.

I obviously have more details about our relationship then I would ever post on these boards. There are limitations to posting on these things and that is obvious. Sorry to have caused so much confusion. Be well!

Posted by CapGal
Is life really grey? Or do we make it that way with our constant flip flippi ng indecisiveness?

I think she was saying it's gray for her.

I honestly think, as a Cap, some of my decisions and actions are black and white, but my emotions are gray.

I don't think that has anything to do with whats been posted here though.

there is no final step. marriage opens a whole new journey...
muse you know the situation better than any of us. just follow your intuition about where his intentions lie. i bet you already know the answer, but you haven't realized it yet.

it would help if there were more cap men on this board! us being women makes all of these analysises so biased. 🙂

Posted by Museigal
Well I posted to see if this had happened to anyone in their experience with a cap...the answer is clearly "no". I'll make the best decision for me, recognizing that life is gray not black and white.

I obviously have more details about our relationship then I would ever post on these boards. There are limitations to posting on these things and that is obvious. Sorry to have caused so much confusion. Be well!

Muse, take care.

no need to get snippy... i agree. Initially u painted a picture of the final step being like the person has everything figured out in their lives and can finally reach the end and get married.
our lives are a constant state of meticulous evolution is what i'm trying to say.

some people do live in grey. I always admired how cappys usually see in black and white. I always felt that if I always lived in black and white, then perhaps I may compromise something that I overlooked so blindly.

I love this article... the Dual-emma:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Becks-Problem-Solving-Strategies-Decision-Making-Advice/2