Capricorn Men and breakups?

I'm a Cancer woman and my Cap and I recently broke up. For almost a year we had a great relationship, were best friends, and were very happy together. But I tend to be very guarded, and we began to fight about it. He felt that he was making all of the effort in our relationship, and that I was very distant and not reciprocating love. I insisted that we keep working through it and he explained that he just wasn't in it anymore, was burnt out, and couldn't keep trying to make it better when he felt it would only get worse. I now agree that we need to be apart for a while, but he doesn't want us to stop talking or seeing each other. He was extremely upset by that idea and said that he still needs me and wants me in his life--and that we'll try be friends after taking some needed space and see where that leads.

I'm very skeptical about this and am not sure if it's something I should let go of entirely or remain hopeful. I love this man, but I'm not sure what to expect of him now that we're no longer together. He's a typical Cap, and can be very stubborn.

"I have about 4 exes as close friends, that I talk to on a regular basis, out of dozens of people I have dated."

Me too! Exes make the BEST male friends - there is no sexual tension whatsoever! Plus, you already know the best and worst about each other, so its easy to relax; as long as there are no hard feelings.

For a cancer, it may be more difficult to transition to the "friends" relationship. We tend to live in the past. You will probably end up hurt.

Why in the hell are you trying to form a relationship with an asshole?

Get rid of him, since he obviously makes you "work" on the relationship.

Here's a hint:

If you have to "work" on a relationship, you need to get the hell out of it.

Companionship comes from real relationships, and companions don't have to "work" to stay together.

@Scorpiofish it wasn't a matter of me working to keep him happy. It was a matter of me opening up and reciprocating the effort and affection he gave to me.


That all makes sense about friends, we still care a lot about each other but need that space. Since we did have a good relationship I was hoping that this would be a good way to start over again and hopefully end up back together. He mentioned it as a possible outcome of being friends, but I'm still skeptical if that's something I should hope for.

@Capgirl yeah he always talks about how he let me see the real him and that he still needs me. But I don't know if I'm willing to be friends so quickly when I'm still hoping it will work out, unless it's a possibility. I've heard once they wipe their hands clean of you, the decision is final.

From a Cap male who knows several other Cap males quite well, I have never known one to try to maintain a friendship with a former significant other. For me, you can be a friend, or a significant other, and you can be promoted to significant other, but amiable demotions are not allowed. If the romantic relationship doesn't work - for whatever reason - friendship is not an option.

@stoicgoat Hmmm that's interesting; that's what I was expecting originally. Our relationship never started as just friends and right now, that's what he says he wants to try and see what happens. When I mentioned complete separation he was strongly against it.

Posted by CanceritaBonita
For a cancer, it may be more difficult to transition to the "friends" relationship. We tend to live in the past. You will probably end up hurt.

It's easy for me. Once I'm done, there are no more romantic feelings. (Cap moon). But I'll admit its hard to get a Cancer to let go. I've had to be mean to one and I don't like being mean.

@metoo I did express how I wanted to let my guard down, actually did it, and he was responsive but he held back at that point. I fought for him during the breakup; we had a two and a half hour conversation about what we were going to do. I wanted to keep working through my issues but he felt that we were making it worse because of all of the fighting that was transpiring so he wanted to take steps back and try out being friends and see what happens. I agreed that we needed a change, however at the time I was fighting for our relationship. Trust me, I don't want to let this guy go.

@cowpuncher He wanted to try being friends to see what happens, whereas I like a clean break and complete separation when I'm officially done and over someone. This guy has treated me better than anyone I have ever known, and even now that we are broken up still goes out of his way to help me/be there for me. So I'm not sure if he's the asshole-drag-you-around type. I'm not sure what you mean about his plan backfiring with the breakup though. I really fought to keep him and figured that if it was what he wanted he would work it out. But he didn't, he stood firm and so I agreed. He really seemed to be exasperated from the whole situation in our relationship but couldn't let go of me necessarily yet.

@cowpunch I definitely understand what you're saying now, you explained it quite well. I think confused is probably the best label to place on him. It could be possible that this was an ultimatum, but he seemed very adamant about it which is why I finally agreed to it. Out of the situations he presented, he said that we could stay together and our fighting/relationship would get worse, be friends and restart, and not talk (which is fought strongly against). Either way it pointed to us being apart so I agreed to the second option.

The only real sign I think I've had of him backpeddling is him insisting on being in my life still. It's like he wants to let go of the problems of our relationship, but not me.