Cautious Cap guy

Hi everyone,

I know being with capi guys feels like you are being tested and boy do you need a lot of patience which I haven't had much of in the past.
I am beginning to realise that this is key.
We were talking the other day just general really not about future plans etc.
But he let's slip that he is very very cautious in situations.
He's never mentioned this before..
I'm not really sure what to do with the information?
Plus he keeps asking me to initiate the conversation.
I'm not big on small talk - it's beginning to annoy me ugggh
If he wants to talk to me why doesn't he pick a topic n just ask?
On a few of the other threads on here people have said capi's don't like to make the first move.
We've been together along time but I'm having issues on resolving this aspect of our relationship
The communication element...
We've recently been spending a lot more time together he has been initiating date nights at the movies for the last 3-4 weeks.
We go every week now - I let him pick 🙂 as not having a date night was beginning to take its toll on the relationship
Our schedules have been packed n stressfull since Dec so it's a welcomed change and a step in the right direction.
He also mentions particular films he wants to watch - I don't mind what we watch -I love movies 🙂
But the other day he said that I don't have to watch films with just him...I could go with friends too..?
Is there a hidden message here ?

Just feels a little cryptic, there is prob more to it will just have to ask him.
The cautious part was around his work so that part is ok.
The film thing was weird he picked the last 3, n subtly mentions there one he wanted to watch
didn't tell me which one just the time slot but it didn't work for me.. So later he says you can go watch films with ur friends too.
I later checked which film it was (horror is his fav) so figured it must be that one.
I let him know if he wants to watch it with me I can make it during the week after work n he says ok.
I guess that was it he wanted to see it n got disappointed I wouldn't go so turns it around on to me by sayn I don't have to
watch them just with him.

He could have said I'd like to go with u try n work out my schedule to make it?
Doesn't like hearing a rejection?

Thank you for all your responses - defo a hidden message.
I appritiate that you provide your view point and capricorn perspective on my concerns

I think he's shy in conversation. He's wanting to make sure you like being with him because he doesn't think he's any fun. And caps are generally cautious in everything we do. He's not confident. Bottom line. Imo.

Posted by Metoo
You guys need a different kind of date...one that allows you to talk more. He is not sure how to approach conversation with you it sounds like. He needs more information from you. He wont open up if you dont but he is looking for more substance. As a cap, I truly appreciate those who speak up and open up...I want to get people but wont pry nor will I let down walls or show vulnerability first.

I think there IS maybe a hidden message...what he might be saying is...I like my space and time, dont get too comfortable right now or expect a date evvveery weekend at the movies...plan some things on your own. He is on the fence about relationship...this statement hints toward a potential roller coaster segment sometimes typical of cap male relationships.

Call his bluff...Next weekend make movie plans with friends and if he asks you out...say...I followed your advice. I wanted to see XYZ and and am joining my friends. He will appreciate your independence and will miss you. Win Win.

This too ^^^.

Also, maybe HE's bored. —

Posted by Metoo
You guys need a different kind of date...one that allows you to talk more. He is not sure how to approach conversation with you it sounds like. He needs more information from you. He wont open up if you dont but he is looking for more substance. As a cap, I truly appreciate those who speak up and open up...I want to get people but wont pry nor will I let down walls or show vulnerability first.

I think there IS maybe a hidden message...what he might be saying is...I like my space and time, dont get too comfortable right now or expect a date evvveery weekend at the movies...plan some things on your own. He is on the fence about relationship...this statement hints toward a potential roller coaster segment sometimes typical of cap male relationships.

Call his bluff...Next weekend make movie plans with friends and if he asks you out...say...I followed your advice. I wanted to see XYZ and and am joining my friends. He will appreciate your independence and will miss you. Win Win.

I just messaged him saying I took your advise and meet up with an old friend from uni who was visiting London (her parents) for a week and had a long catch up.
I also said that I'm meeting some forum friends this week on Thurs for coffee.
So he knows I'm not waiting around for him to take us to the movies and that there is other stuff going on in my life.
If he wants to go with me he can ask 🙂
Maybe he is shy or bored or wants space he is welcome to it take as much as u want
But don't then tell me last min u want to meet without so much as a word in between.
How do I have a meaningful convo with him if he's not available much unless it's on his terms.
It was his idea to go movies to relax after the stress we've both been under.
I thought it was going great and was actually looking forward to watching more
I'm not trying to micro manage the relationship or him. But come on if u want a convo with substance he's also got to put the effort it.
Actually he has tried to say in the past he doesn't want to hear a story..(type convo) but wants to have a convo that flows?
What is it I'm not doing right? I told him to pick a topic n we can talk that went down like a lead ballon

He won't ask to join you. He won't want you to say yes out of obligation and he won't want to get in the way of you and your friends. That's how I am, anyway. You should invite him to join you. Just say, we're doing this and you're welcome to join.

I think he is just a poor conversationalist and is tongue tied around you. — Just my guess.

Posted by truecap
I think he's shy in conversation. He's wanting to make sure you like being with him because he doesn't think he's any fun. And caps are generally cautious in everything we do. He's not confident. Bottom line. Imo.

Really ? I never looked at it this way? He looks confident but is cautious.
When I do see him he's all cuddly and affectionate in person. He has been trying to improve on the little things that I've pointed out he's not doing.
But if I question why he hasn't responded I get a "don't moan" response..ugggh how is it moaning to gain clarity on a question..
It's probably my delivery of said question
But is there any nice way of saying y didn't u tell me about x y z?

Posted by truecap
He won't ask to join you. He won't want you to say yes out of obligation and he won't want to get in the way of you and your friends. That's how I am, anyway. You should invite him to join you. Just say, we're doing this and you're welcome to join.

I think he is just a poor conversationalist and is tongue tied around you. — Just my guess.

That's soo true he doesn't want to get in the way when I'm out with friends I have in the past said il be here come over if your free but most of the time he's shy n says no.
Oooh tongue tied around me yay that sound more likely he tells me I look sexy hot when I'm wearn red lippy ( I surprised him once n he loves it on me)
So how do I get around the poor conversationalist part?

I could tell him to meet me after coffee n go watch his film?

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by truecap
I think he's shy in conversation. He's wanting to make sure you like being with him because he doesn't think he's any fun. And caps are generally cautious in everything we do. He's not confident. Bottom line. Imo.

Really ? I never looked at it this way? He looks confident but is cautious.
When I do see him he's all cuddly and affectionate in person. He has been trying to improve on the little things that I've pointed out he's not doing.
But if I question why he hasn't responded I get a "don't moan" response..ugggh how is it moaning to gain clarity on a question..
It's probably my delivery of said question
But is there any nice way of saying y didn't u tell me about x y z?

click to expand

See! He's trying.

As far as conversation, when he warms up, it will be easier.
As far as you didn't tell me, just say, oh, I didn't know that about xyz, if you told me it must have not registered with me. — We all have that problem with men! lol!
Try to pose your questions in an open way that we won't be able to take offense to.

Patience, baby, patience is all you need.

Posted by truecap

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by truecap
I think he's shy in conversation. He's wanting to make sure you like being with him because he doesn't think he's any fun. And caps are generally cautious in everything we do. He's not confident. Bottom line. Imo.

Really ? I never looked at it this way? He looks confident but is cautious.
When I do see him he's all cuddly and affectionate in person. He has been trying to improve on the little things that I've pointed out he's not doing.
But if I question why he hasn't responded I get a "don't moan" response..ugggh how is it moaning to gain clarity on a question..
It's probably my delivery of said question
But is there any nice way of saying y didn't u tell me about x y z?

See! He's trying.

As far as conversation, when he warms up, it will be easier.
As far as you didn't tell me, just say, oh, I didn't know that about xyz, if you told me it must have not registered with me. — We all have that problem with men! lol!
Try to pose your questions in an open way that we won't be able to take offense to.

click to expand

Truecap - thank u !! That's helped more then u know maybe I might just win him over after all 😉

You're welcome. Hope it works out!

One friend I met on DXP suggested a question of the day. Take turns asking a question. You can both answer but it can lead to getting to know you conversation. Questions can go from "what is your favorite ___" to more thought provoking like "regardless of opportunity, money or talent what would your dream job be" to "what is your dream vacation"? That can start a convo.

Caplove's game is fun too! Makes for humorous conversation. The sillier the better. Caps need to have fun. Bring out his fun side and he will be yours. (hopefully).

Posted by truecap
One friend I met on DXP suggested a question of the day. Take turns asking a question. You can both answer but it can lead to getting to know you conversation. Questions can go from "what is your favorite ___" to more thought provoking like "regardless of opportunity, money or talent what would your dream job be" to "what is your dream vacation"? That can start a convo.

He tried this with me the other day.. At first I was a bit confused as to y he'd ask me if we've know each other for ages.
I felt like this type of convo was what you would do at the beginning when u first meet someone.
Maybe I was wrong to think that n it's just a fun type convo to try out

Posted by Caplove

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by truecap
He won't ask to join you. He won't want you to say yes out of obligation and he won't want to get in the way of you and your friends. That's how I am, anyway. You should invite him to join you. Just say, we're doing this and you're welcome to join.

I think he is just a poor conversationalist and is tongue tied around you. — Just my guess.

That's soo true he doesn't want to get in the way when I'm out with friends I have in the past said il be here come over if your free but most of the time he's shy n says no.
Oooh tongue tied around me yay that sound more likely he tells me I look sexy hot when I'm wearn red lippy ( I surprised him once n he loves it on me)
So how do I get around the poor conversationalist part?

I could tell him to meet me after coffee n go watch his film?

How about you go on a picnic to the park or something? Take some playing cards so you won't get bored and just sit and enjoy the atmosphere and chat with each other. You can people watch, that's always fun! I used to sit and watch people and make a game out of it and make up a story about each person and what they did for a living. It's kind of fun when you have someone there to tell stories with.

click to expand

caplove - thanks for the suggestion, I did try this a long time ago (picnic) but he hated the idea and doesn't like sitting in the park much I have taken him a few times n he complains it brings up his hay fever.
I also suffer but I try to take meds before hand so it doesn't affect me much.
I suggested he do the same n he said he's tried a few and they don't work well.
Has soo many excuses lol the last time we were out in the car it was sunny and he got watery eyes so I closed his window and opened mine n he said that helped him lots.

Posted by Metoo
Bring up current topics, start there like his thoughts on Boston, or what does he like about his job, or what is his dream vacation. Go from there. He wants to test you ie get information about you to make his decision about going further, thats their way. Seeing movies...ask him to go for coffee after and talk about your views. Also keep positive and optimistic about things. Could be this isnt a love match. Its ok if it isnt too. Consider that option, if right now its a constant struggle and he doesnt make more effort...screw him then! hahahhah!!! Just kidding, I wanna see it work but he seems a lot of maintenence!

Metoo - defo lots of maintanence lol trust me I do feel like saying screw him sometimes but it usually goes away after a few hours.
I used to ask about his job all the time before but I guess he was going through a lot of stress n it was the last thing he wanted to talk about.
He has however been more forthcoming n told me about work without asking.
His dream vacation changes every time I ask lol.
For his birthday one year I found out all the places he'd like to go, where he was born n the name of the road where he used to live. Plus added some bits about me n got it put on a Monopoly board.
It was the most original gift he'd ever received.
I haven't really been as imaginative since then

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by Caplove

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by truecap
He won't ask to join you. He won't want you to say yes out of obligation and he won't want to get in the way of you and your friends. That's how I am, anyway. You should invite him to join you. Just say, we're doing this and you're welcome to join.

I think he is just a poor conversationalist and is tongue tied around you. — Just my guess.

That's soo true he doesn't want to get in the way when I'm out with friends I have in the past said il be here come over if your free but most of the time he's shy n says no.
Oooh tongue tied around me yay that sound more likely he tells me I look sexy hot when I'm wearn red lippy ( I surprised him once n he loves it on me)
So how do I get around the poor conversationalist part?

I could tell him to meet me after coffee n go watch his film?

How about you go on a picnic to the park or something? Take some playing cards so you won't get bored and just sit and enjoy the atmosphere and chat with each other. You can people watch, that's always fun! I used to sit and watch people and make a game out of it and make up a story about each person and what they did for a living. It's kind of fun when you have someone there to tell stories with.

caplove - thanks for the suggestion, I did try this a long time ago (picnic) but he hated the idea and doesn't like sitting in the park much I have taken him a few times n he complains it brings up his hay fever.
I also suffer but I try to take meds before hand so it doesn't affect me much.
I suggested he do the same n he said he's tried a few and they don't work well.
Has soo many excuses lol the last time we were out in the car it was sunny and he got watery eyes so I closed his window and opened mine n he said that helped him lots.

click to expand

Well, try the mall. There's LOTS of people to watch there. You can make up stories about what they are buying and why. My old roommate in college and I used to play the "what if" game. What if they're buying this for that? What if that was really for something else? And go on and on and get sillier and sillier until

until we would fall out laughing. If not the mall, the racetrack, the bowling alley, an athletic event, the grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc - you get the point. Just because she said picnic, it doesn't have to be a picnic ya know.

Posted by truecap
until we would fall out laughing. If not the mall, the racetrack, the bowling alley, an athletic event, the grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc - you get the point. Just because she said picnic, it doesn't have to be a picnic ya know.

I will try 🙂
So I suggested meeting up tonight n he says I'm working late all week..
I havent replied as there's been an awful lot of "working late"
Either he is there or he wants his space
I'm reading between the lines n thinkn that he wants his space

Awe. That's okay. If he wants space, just give it to him. You could text him back something funny and say, "The spaceship is taking off in T minus 10 seconds." LOL.. And just let him wonder about that... 😛





This is actually something I'd say....hahaha...sometimes my sense of humor is random and a little strange.

Posted by Caplove

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by truecap
until we would fall out laughing. If not the mall, the racetrack, the bowling alley, an athletic event, the grocery store, Wal-Mart, etc - you get the point. Just because she said picnic, it doesn't have to be a picnic ya know.

I will try 🙂
So I suggested meeting up tonight n he says I'm working late all week..
I havent replied as there's been an awful lot of "working late"
Either he is there or he wants his space
I'm reading between the lines n thinkn that he wants his space

Awe. That's okay. If he wants space, just give it to him. You could text him back something funny and say, "The spaceship is taking off in T minus 10 seconds." LOL.. And just let him wonder about that... 😛

click to expand

Omg I'm soo ditzy! I only just understood the joke! Lol it's quite witty too x
I kept thinkn urmm if I send that will he think I'm weird tryn to txt random stuff white he's at wrk

Posted by Caplove
I'm feeling like a weirdo today, just ignore me. LOL...

I did get annoyed at him thou for working late again I kinda questioned him why- wasn't a happy bunny after that
I made a quick recovery thou using a tip from here earlier about sayn I misunderstood I thought all the late working had ended 2weeks ago.
He replied yeh u did..

He'll b ok won't stay mad at me forever while the spaceship is around lol

Posted by Caplove

Posted by astro123

Awe. That's okay. If he wants space, just give it to him. You could text him back something funny and say, "The spaceship is taking off in T minus 10 seconds." LOL.. And just let him wonder about that... 😛



This is actually something I'd say....hahaha...sometimes my sense of humor is random and a little strange.

Lol! Yeah, I can be a little loony, I'm glad I'm not the only one! 😉 He he. 😛

@Sam, Don't worry about it. He sounds like he'll come around eventually once he's done working.

My spaceship awaits, now I'm off to Mars!! 😛

click to expand

@caplove come back soon! I just sent the spaceship MSG lol ur too funny love it!

Posted by Caplove

Posted by SamCancerGirl

Posted by Caplove

Posted by astro123

Awe. That's okay. If he wants space, just give it to him. You could text him back something funny and say, "The spaceship is taking off in T minus 10 seconds." LOL.. And just let him wonder about that... 😛



This is actually something I'd say....hahaha...sometimes my sense of humor is random and a little strange.

Lol! Yeah, I can be a little loony, I'm glad I'm not the only one! 😉 He he. 😛

@Sam, Don't worry about it. He sounds like he'll come around eventually once he's done working.

My spaceship awaits, now I'm off to Mars!! 😛

@caplove come back soon! I just sent the spaceship MSG lol ur too funny love it!

Oh, ha ha!!! I'm glad. Keep us posted! 😉

click to expand

I've given him space and sent him in to orbit on his special spaceship.
Let's hope it runs out of fuel soon n he comes crashing back to me lol
I may message him later to see if he wants to meet tomrw since he's been busy with work he might need some cancer loving TLC