Confused by this Cappy/ Aquarius Man!

The Cappy/ Aqua Cusp guy and I were texting regularly for about 2 months before we actually hung out in person. We re-connected on facebook and have known of each other for like 12+ years with a lot of common friends. Growing up he was a bad boy so I steared clear but for some reason he liked a post of mine so my attention went to his FB page and I was like, WHOA! He is HOT now! LOL. For some reason I decided I would IM him and say hello (which is not me normally at all) well he responded quickly and he took over from there.....he was funny and quickly wanted me to know all that he has accomplished since we were kids and even though I already knew he told me up front that he had a teenage daughter and VP of Sales for this bog company in our home town so he had really come a long way from the guy he was growing up. I was enjoying the texting conversation and for the next few months it seemed as though we had at least a friendship. Well I was moving closer to home (45 minutes away) from where he lives now which he said was a good thing and he was excited to hang out with me. So when the time arrived it was great! He picked me up and actually met my family and hung out at my family BBQ for a little bit. We then left to meet his friends that are married and their wives for our "date" but before meeting them felt the need to drop by his house....which was beautiful and decorated as if I, myself put the place together....which freaked me out a little that our taste was so in sync (he has an obsession with Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn like me). Well fast forward and he is walking next to me with his hand on my belt loop...then grabs my hand for the rest of the night, telling me how pleasantly surprised he is by me, tells me how classy I am and how nice I look, h0e opens doors, dances with me, makes me laugh and all 6 of us have a blast! It was the best night ever! We all go back to his house to chat more while he makes us all food and more drinks (because that's just the entertainer in him). So when the two couple leave I tried to restrain myself and him....but he pounced on me and when I kicked him off me he started talking about how he could tell by the way I walk and talk that I d o not sleep around and that he has thought about me and how we have potential to turn into something down the road and that we just need to spend time together...but he also said that neither of us have proven anything to each other so we should just enjoy each other and that

is when he put his hands around my face and kissed me and I was done after that...Well the next day went as planned and we watched football, had pizza, ice cream and enjoyed each others company. He dropped me off at my car that night and after 4 days I received a text from him asking me how I was..I was so relieved he initiated contact and even brought up that our next date should be bowling which I loved! Then he initiated again on Sunday and although the conversation was a bit weird I still felt good about it so I sent hima text on Monday. His mood had changed a bit and he was upset at his Dad I guess and had an all around tough day which I tried to be supportive of him though so when he didn't text me "Night" which he usually did I didn't see any harm in it. Well that was the last text exchange we had and that was 3.5 weeks ago. I found out on FB a day later that he was planning a big trip to Vegas for Halloween which was not shocking but I was waiting for a text from him.....so when a week went by and nothing I started to get hurt but kept quiet but went about my business having fun and living my life which I had ALWAYS done. Well I couldn't tell if I was playing a game and I wanted to be real with him but NOT needy so I sent him a text just saying, " Happy Halloween! I hope you are having fun in Vegas?". I didn't get anything back but everyone on FB got a handful of cute Happy Halloween ecards and messages...SO I waited another week and NOTHING! Finally 2 days after he got back I decided I was going to send him a text that was "Light and fluffy" Since those always seemed to work in getting his attention and when I did NOTHING is all I got so I wated 35-40 minutes and sent him a calm and logical text trying to simply explain to him that "he has confused me a little with his behavior and that I was under the impression we both had a good time and that his disappearance had hurt my feeling but that I understood and it was all good. " I was hoping my brutal honesty would hit a nerve.....hit something.....but still nothing. He had even liked my status updates and my updated picture profile on FB the day before which confused me even more and he is still on my FB now that it has been a week later since my message but not a response. What do I do? Do I give up or is he in deep thinking stage with me? Wouldn't he just tell me point blank if he was over it?

Well you've already reached out several times including an explanation about how his behavior is hurting your feelings with no reaction/response from him and sending anymore text will eventually reek of desperation so now you have to either wait for him to come back around or decide you're done with it all and move on.

Here's the thing though he dropped out of your life so easily so he really isn't going to be someone you can depend on.

His unavailability is your answer. His behavior says it all. He's done. Yes it would be great to talk about it but a lot of men will avoid the drama by moving on and hope you get that his absence means he's no longer interested in forming any type of connection with you.

From what you describe you didn't do anything wrong to cause this behavior so the best thing you can do now is chalk it up as his problem not yours and continue on with creating a great life for yourself.

If he was interested, he would make contact. Don't wait around for if or when he might call. Screw that, there are more where he came from.

This is going to sound harsh and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, because I don't think you did anything wrong. But I do feel that it might help understand. Of course, I could be wrong so take it with a grain of salt.

This is a cap man who has worked really hard and built something for himself. He's very proud of what he accomplished obviously. He wanted to work hard for you and you gave it up so easily on the first night. There's really nothing wrong with that, so don't think I'm putting you down. I understand what it's like to be in the moment and I know times have changed. But, capricorns like to earn what they get. If we work for it, it means a lot more to us. Yes, we're going to take what comes easy, but we won't appreciate it and treasure it as we would something that we have worked for. Making him wait would have peaked his interest and curiosity and would have shown him that you're different and have more worth than the other girls.

I know what's done is done and I don't want you to kick yourself. From what I understand on these boards cap men are hard to resist (I've never dated one, so I don't know). You didn't do anything wrong, but I just wanted to toss that in there as a possible reason for his sudden disappearance and loss of interest.

Could be too that he's still the player, though he has accomplished a lot and thinks he's changed, there is the possibility that he is still the same old player he always was.

Yeah, it would be nice if he would just tell you, but some caps don't like confrontation and would rather slip away than have to come right out and express themselves. We don't like hurting people and he must be a little on the cowardly side.

I'm sorry, but I think he is done and hopefully you can find someone better. Don't let it hurt you or get to you. He's just not the right one for you. He has no integrity or follow through, so you wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway would you? Weed him out and I bet you can find someone better suited for you. You sound really nice and I bet you'll find someone else in no time!

To the Cap Men -

Yes, I'm encouraging women to make you wait for it. Get over it!! 😛

Yeah....I knew it was a mistake and I know that he fought me tooth and nail to get it but he still got it...so. I just saved myself any further confusion and Facebook Liking from his end and deleted him from FB altogether. It is what it is....licking wounds and moving my Lioness ass forward :-)

Ok whoa! Him disappearing for damn near a month is not him in the "Deep thinking stage."

Yes Capricorns can be quite cautious & may not move as fast as some would like, BUT he's still a man & honey, men don't disappear for a month w/o a reason or explanation if they're truly into you. So leave the zodiac out of this

Clearly it wouldn't have mattered had you sent those same "Is everything ok?" texts from the beginning when you 1st noticed the distance b/c if he isn't responding now, he probably wouldn't have responded then.

HOWEVER, you do yourself a huge disservice when you care so much about not being perceived as needy/clingy/desperate that you forget to prioritize YOUR feelings & YOUR right to speak how you feel if you start feeling like a man may be wasting your time. Yes, check your tone & keep it light & fluffy, BUT nonetheless, speak your mind.

When a man is doing something to you that he wouldn't appreciate being done to himself, there is no reason for you to apologize for or feel bad when it's time to speak out.

No, don't jump to conclusions, be accusatory or cuss the guy out necessarily lol but speak out!

Remember, clingy women are perceived as clingy b/c of the over-exaggerating, loud tone and/or tantrums they have when they're speaking their mind. Simply speaking your mind does not make you clingy. It's not what you say that can send a man running for the hills, it's HOW you say it. So next time, be true to yourself & say what you gotta say. Had you spoken up a month ago, you would've known THEN that he was ignoring you. But you waited, so now you've just added another month of confusion & rejection that you would've endured already had you been true to yourself the 1st time!

It could be that this guy was dating someone at the time or just recently found someone. It could be that he just said/did everything he felt he had to to try getting into your pants. He brought up an excellent point: Neither of you have proven yourselves to each other yet & when he said that, that was his way of making it clear that you shouldn't put him on a pedestal or have these high expectations until HE communicates to you that he wants more than friendship with you and/or until he earns that. And he hasn't.

Just let it go for now. Maybe you're so disgusted by his lack of consideration & the respect to at least tell you what's going on, whether it's loss of interest or someone else, that you wouldn't want him back even if he came back w

...Just let it go for now. Maybe you're so disgusted by his lack of consideration & the respect to at least tell you what's going on, whether it's loss of interest or someone else, that you wouldn't want him back even if he came back with a million roses. If him ignoring you is a deal breaker, then try to let it go, stop trying to make sense out of nonsense, & let it go.

If you know deep down that you're NOT really done & that you'd go back running if he were to come back, then stop all the over-analyzing now b/c you're just gonna drain yourself until his return. If you're gonna wait on him to come back, then just wait until he tells you the real reasons why he disappeared. All the guessing in the world until he comes back is no substitute for the truth in his OWN words!

You asked if he would just tell you if he was over it?

Some men do. Some men don't.

When a woman hasn't technically done anything wrong, a part of him doesn't wanna dog her, & tell her the cold-hearted truth b/c he fears that doing so may hurt your feelings. And although he may not be interested in you anymore, that doesn't mean that he feels you deserve to have your feelings hurt.

I get it, I get it. The hurtful truth is always better than a soothing lie or a cold-distance, but unfortunately some men don't understand this & would rather cowar than face the disappointment and/or "verbal lashing" that he might face if he tells a woman the 100% truth.

Although it's 100% wrong for a person to resort to ignoring you as a means of getting the "hint" across, the reality though is that people resort to this "method" all the time. It'll never make sense to the person dealing with the disappearance though. So again, don't try making sense out of non-sense.

If this guy is as handsome & successful as you say he is, he's probably got lots of women vying for his attention. And sometimes even though there's technically wrong with you, other women still win that battle

I agree this one sounds like he's done. If they're interested, they make contact. As long as you didn't yell, I don't think you did anything wrong in contacting him. After he doesn't answer, I'd let it go. Either he comes back or you meet someone better. It's out of your hands. Maybe this one's just a player.

TrueCap? When do you sleep with men? After marriage? It's just so...it sounds like you're blaming her for sleeping with him EVER.

Random: I don't know if I could trust a guy that was into Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn like a girl.

...it just strikes me as an odd detail.

Anyway, it sounds like he wanted to be friendly in public that's why he was liking your fb but avoiding any private relationship contact.

Men do have a tendency to appreciate what they have to work for, and it might hurt less if you hadn't slept with him.

I like what krysrenee said. Sometimes, women will wait. That's a personal choice. I agree you shouldn't make yourself miserable if you decide to wait, but stay calm

Posted by CapriLady
...it just strikes me as an odd detail.

Ha! I thought I was the only one who noticed that!!!

Yeah, that struck me as a little odd, but hey, whatever floats his boat lol

Posted by CapriLady
ITrueCap? When do you sleep with men? After marriage? It's just so...it sounds like you're blaming her for sleeping with him EVER.

I wasn't blaming her. Just stating a possible explanation as to why he might have disappeared.

I'm not a prude, by the way. I just think you wait a little while until a real relationship is formed. Every relationship is different so three dates might be okay with one, where six months might be better with another. Give time for feelings to develop and time to know whether he's into you and he's going to stick around. Sex too soon confuses things.

If things don't work out, then it doesn't bother you as much if you've not slept with them. Having sex too soon makes a woman attach more than she would otherwise and could cause her more insecurity than she would otherewise feel.

And men might wonder if you give it up that fast for everyone. Men normally don't want to be with someone who's done it with half the town. Men statistically want a nice girl they can be proud of and bring home to momma. A man who has to wait and work for it statistically will be more interested and treasure it when he does get it. Now not every man is this way. I know that.

Also, you won't have to worry where you stand as much if you wait.

Why give out the goodies when they haven't done anything to deserve it? Your employer doesn't give you benefits until you've proven you'll be a good employee, why should a man be any different?

I will say this. In situations where I didn't wait at least a little bit, the relationships did NOT work out. The times where I waited at least a month or so ended up as long term relationships. I may be much older than yall and have old school viewpoints, but I do have life experience I'm basing this on. With age comes experience and I'm just trying to share my life lessons so someone else doesn't have to learn the hard way like I did.

I agree with TrueCap

If you can afford to give your body away & come out of it w/o a commitment & without an excuse for his disappearance, then hey, more power to you! But this isn't usually the case for a lot of women & especially not for the poster!

TrueCap is right. Let's not forget that sleeping with a man too soon can AND will have bad results. Sure, for some men it wouldn't make a bit of difference, BUT for some men it would! That's a reality that's been around since the beginning of time & thinking that it's unfair or having "hopeful thinking" won't change that!

He would've probably still disappeared even had she not slept with him, BUT at least she would've came out of it with her panties in tact! Had she not slept with him, the most she wouldn't get back in this situation is her time. But she did sleep with him so she's now added 2 things on the list of things she'll never get back (Her time AND her panties).

Don't give something to someone that you can't emotionally, psychologically or physically afford to NOT get back!

TrueCap is a very opinionated Capricorn who apparently didn't sleep with her Aqua until she secured a commitment...lol

Then we get into definitions of "commitment." But thank you for the honest personal statements.

It's unfortunate. I do read this scenario the same way as well.

Stoic's highlights seem positive to me. All the best to the OP

LOL@Random: I don't know if I could trust a guy that was into Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn like a girl.

I had the same gut reaction. I don't know one straight man who would admit to MM and Audrey Hepburn, not saying it's impossible but definitely not the norm.

It's okay to have sex, sex is great but there are obvious downsides to being sexually impulsive one of those downsides is if he's only after sex he's going to disappear sooner rather than later.

TrueCap has some really great insights about waiting, I'm the rule, I'm not the exception to the rule, been there done that.

What I've noticed is women (a lot of them) mistake intensity for mutual attraction, love etc and it's just not true.

A man can pursue a woman with overwhelming intensity, so overwhelming she let's her guard down only to get dropped after.

Be suspicious of a man who creates an instant relationship in a matter of hours/days after meeting.

Be suspicious of a man that begs, pushes for an instant connection, overwhelms with intense feelings of love, desire, need because it's most likely not real, feels real but it's not real.

LeoLeo you did the right thing, delete and move on. You'll get over it. Leo's never stay down long. Good luck

Yes, she's a very nice, sweet girl and I bet it won't be long until she finds her prince!