future and the past

is basically where my head is at 90% of the time.

I saw on the pisces board where it was mentioned that we are nostalgic, and I agree. im always clinging to a time in my past, and occassionally have a desire to recreate a feeling, that has less to do with a person, but more the energy of the combination of all things involved. like whatever my fondest memories were, i try to recreate that with my niece in hopes that it will stick to her how it did to me. its usually small things too. back when i was younger we walked a lot with our mother, and would stop at the store and get a little juice box and bag of chips and continue on our journey. i remember that.. i enjoyed it, so i try to walk a lot with my niece. her Cappie grandpa does as well. they walk everywhere together, and he has a garden he gets her to work in on the weekends. hes taught her her how to catch worms, she helps him clean the fish they catch, he pops in his old soul train dvds and they watch those. Her two fav artists are James Brown and Micheal Jackson. She's a 4yr old Cancer btw, so hopefully she has a lot of good memories and we continue to build on them.

if im not missing parts of my past, its simplicity, and how i use to feel, Im thinking ahead. where i want to go, what i want to do/see, the type family i want(when im in that mood), what i have to do tomorrow, what i need to get ready tonight for tomorrow and next week, how/when ill have to pay whats due, what i plan on doing next year, the changes i have to make, etc etc etc.

i was out yesterday, ran into the midst of the sec championship madness. so many people, so much going on. i tried my hardest to stop and take in all that was going on around me.. i had a hard time, but i did manage to stay put and enjoy these guys that were playing music outside of the game, and i barely enjoyed that messing with my phone trying to record them, then wonderin how long theyve been playing, where they came from, how often they practice, if they were in the band back in school etc.

i guess my longwinded point is that its hard for me personally to live in the present. to enjoy it. more recently, the ONLY time ive been able to take whats around me in is when i was walking on Silver Comet trail. I can only enjoy the present if Im out, nearly alone, with nature. thats the only thing that stops my mind from going back and forward and snatches my undivided attention.

do any of you have trouble enjoying the present? what are some things th

Thats what Id try to tell my mom about my niece. She does not care at all about fancy stuff, and all my mother wants to do is spend money on her and take her places. My niece will say 20 minutes of being anywhere "Im ready to go home."

Yes Chance, my mind does race when its overstimulated. Unfortunately, since Im extra sensitive, and live in a bigger city, it happens constantly.

I think about moving all the time. Im from a small town in Tx, and honestly, I always go back in my mind to there and even Houston(where I lived) because the pace was much slower and you could enjoy the moments, not feeling like the days are slipping away. In all honesty, Im not really enjoying myself here.

My thing is, I have no desire to go back. I dont even like the word "back" lol. Although I miss home, think about the past a lot, and try to spin it, actually moving back, or going back is just not something i ever want to do. I think the only place Id want to move thats a bit similar in feeling, pace, AND closer is New Orleans.

Although deep down i might not fully be able to adjust to city living, Im still very attracted to it.

Posted by Gandalf
There is only one moment ........and that is the ETERNAL NOW! everything is just ego's worry , analysis and vomit about worthless butter. If you are not int the NOW then you will always fail.

True, but unfortunately for me its easier said than done.

It sure isnt easy to up and move lol. Once I settle anywhere, or with anything, I get stuck. There are actually areas around the city of Atlanta that I like. My family(also from TX) live about 45min outside of Atlanta and love that area. It really does have a feel of home..the people actually speak and its slow, country, and quiet. Ive also been to Pensacola, Florida and really liked it out there. Id love to live near water.

Ive never been out west, no desire, but my fathers side of the family is from Long Beach. Our family reunion next year will be in Las Vegas, so that'll be my first time travelling west of Texas. Itll be interesting to see what life is like towards that way. Might end up loving it.

I think youd like parts of the South, especially New Orleans. Might even like Atlanta, if youve never been. I hear Charleston is nice.

Houston is my hometown and traffic is the worse...my Cappy talks about living in Savannagh, GA.

He is always thinking and planning the future, while I tend to focus on past. So I guess we both miss the present, what a drag!