Goofy friends??wtf

Hi there!
Haven't been here in a while, but have missed you all. My and my Cap are still doing whatever it is that we are doing. When I pushed him for a definition of what we were doing, he said "I guess we're friends"..So it broke my heart, but decided that while we've been together (no matter what one calls it, dating etc), that he's really become a good friend. So I don't care what we are doing. Whatever it is, we're doing it together, so I'll just "be". It is what it. Just enjoy his company.
Altho, I like him romantically, I'd rather be his friend, then be without him. When we made the "friends" decision, and he said he DOES NOT want to lose me as a friend, I told him that what I need to ask of him, is that if he starts
"digging" or "dating" a girl, to let me know, as it will change our friendship a bit, but I'll always always be his friend, just to a different degree than if he was not dating. He said that request seems fair.

That was a few months ago. We still text all day long. I almost always let him initiate, since there is a time difference, and he works and I don't..He is still the first person I speak to (besides my kids) everyday, and the last before I go to bed. I believe it is the same for him. We all know how Caps are. If it's 11pm, and he's saying he's going to bed and it's a work night, he's going to bed.
Now here comes the part that I want advise on. He had asked me if I had an "in" to get him and his kids into a concert. I said I didn't know, but would see. Turns out I do, but it is me they'll give the tickets to. Leave them at will call. Not for my friend, but for me. So In tell him that, thinking that he'll say "never mind". We've been "friends" since last July, yes, have slept together, but we've never met each others kids. So when I say that I'll have to fly out for the concert and go with them (I know it sounds like a game, but it's the honest truth), he says OK. Shocked me. So I asked again " Are you sure you're OK with me going with you and your kids" and he says (and I'm quoting here) "Currently in this "goofy friend" stage, I don't think its an issue to meet the kids." WTF does that mean?

So at first, I'm rather excited. It's a trip, and I get to meet his kids. But I really started thinking about it, and asked him once more about meeting the kids, said it would be an honor, and he was pretty nonchalant about it. Like no big deal. So I think that maybe I'm making it a big deal, since I never introduce anyone to my kids, and I know he doesn't either, but then I started making the plans, like we should all go in the same car, so we'll be able to find each other etc. and say we can get a limo. He says he needs to leave right after the show, since it's Sunday night, so he'll take his own car. So now I'm really hesitant. I'm a Leo, and whether you're my friend or lover, if you're in my town from across the country, I want to have dinner before the concert etc. He makes no plans like this, so I decide that it's not worth my energy. Still adore him ,no hard feelings, but I'm not flying down and getting a hotel etc, just to escort him to a concert so he can get in, front row or not. So I call my contacts, get him some non front row seats, and tell him I worked it so that I don't have to come. Said I felt bad that he wanted to do something with his kids, and I was butting in. I did feel that way, but in the back of my head, I know Caps like to test their relationships and boundaries. But I couldn't decide if it was a test, or if he was just nonchalant about it. So I didn't go. They went, had a great time. Sent pics from their phones etc.
I was really looking forward to going, but decided I was reading into his actions, and it really meant nothing to him to introduce me to his kids.
I wanted to talk about it, and explain why I didn't come. I know him pretty well, and don't want him thinking that I didn't want to see him,and that it seemed to mean more to me to meet his kids than it was to him. But I didn't.
i just let it lay.
What do you think of the goofy friends stage comment? Did I do right by not going to the concert? It felt like too much work.
He had told me before he doesn't know what the future holds for us, but he wants me in his life. I can't figure if he is being a slow moving Cap, or if I really am his best friend. He still does the weird Cap disappear for hours at a time. Never for more than a few hours. Since last July.
Advise?

Tikigal OMG I was saying to myself nooooooooooo don't overfunction by doing all the work and in the end you did the right thing, allow him to go without you to the concert...Don't read too much into this because he's made it clear, he's unavailable romantically and he doesn't seem to treat you like someone he wants to be with romantically....I hope your spending time getting to know other men, if your not then please consider it, no you will not like and fall in love with every guy you go out with but dating will keep you focused on you, exactly were it's supposed to be focused and not allow you to give a man that doesn't want what you want too much time.

Yes you did the right thing and as for as decoding what he says, no disrespect but who cares, he's not going out of his way to make you a part of his life, he's emotionally unavailable and doesn't seem to care either way what you do as long as he's able to go do his own thing.

It's okay to be friends with this guy but I don't believe this is going to work b/c you want ROMANCE, you want this guy romantically and cap men are very good at picking up cues like this and will act like it's a non-issue as to not mislead a woman and not send out too many cues that will get her hopes up...I just feel your an easy convenience, meaning your 100% available and thus he can have full access to you without doing anything, without putting in any work, your easy, not easy sexually but easy as he can have you and most people don't cherish things and people that come easy to him or her.

Try being less available, go out on dates, just go focus on men that want to be around you and want to make an effort to make you happy, as it stands this guy is completely apathetic and unless you light a fire under his ass your never going to get anything but a half ass friendship...crumbs

Yet if your truly happy with things as they are, if you can really see you being happy with what you got with him not just today but 5 years from today then hey no need to rock the boat, keep doing what your doing and getting very little in return but if you know deep in your heart you cannot see yourself being this guys text message buddy, doing occasional free favors for him, being his buddy then move on, give him less of you and only give men that make an effort a bit more of you, as it stands all your doing is building up buddy points, the favors, the being completely available day and night is doing the opposite of what you hope...it's killing romantic feelings

He would have introduced you to his kids as his buddy, his friend, he most likely wouldn't have showed any romantic feelings and you would have felt awkward around him and his kids due to being introduced as a friend...who needs that

Maybe you should get clear, really clear about what you want not just from this man but men in general and then you can begin to NOT accept the crumbs some of these men try to give you.....It's nothing wrong with wanting love, wanting to experience a close intimate relationship with a man but if you lie about to yourself and force yourself to accept anything you won't ever get what you want and on top of that you will have wasted your precious time and energy begging for love from a man....Yes your begging when you settle, yes your begging when you know deep in your heart you want more and accept less, yes your begging when you give yourself completely to an unavailable man.

Get clear, GET HONEST and let go of any man that isn't measuring up to what you want, need, desire and make no apologies for it, if you need to be with him and for some reason he can't give that to you then accept it and move on.

Do the friend thing later when you know 100% you don't desire to him romantically...as it stands right now your kidding yourself if you think you can be his friend and secretly be in love with him romantically.

Once you get really clear about what you want and what you don't want from a man you won't accept less period, yet many women don't know what she want from a man so she fall for anything, accept anything, she's not clear so she accept whatever she can get when in reality if a woman could just be honest about her needs, her desires, her wants and clear about what she don't want these emotionally unavailable men won't be so desired.

This guy IMO isn't being slow, he's just not that into you ROMANTICALLY....maybe you should explore what keeps you glued into his with him...I would be interested in knowing your reasons b/c the very thing you can get from him long distance you can get with someone else that's in your town and then some...If you put in as much effort, thinking about your love life without this guy, put in as much effort dating, talking, giving to yourself and possibly to men that are interested in you romantically as you do with this guy you would have found a great guy by now.

Lastly you can't pretend....you can't pretend to be cool with friendship when deep down you know your not, that's being fake a man will sense that a mile away, he's not stupid, he know you are deeply in love with him, so pretending not to care won't work...

You just have to decide that although you have these strong feelings for him, it doesn't serve you to be so available to a man that can't match your intimate level of affection and love, shift into deciding that your going to make an effort to be more available to other men no matter how scary, boring, how lazy you may feel about it, your going to force yourself to date and have fun and give less to him until you get what you want which a great relationship be it from him or from someone else, this shift in attitude/energy will instantly send Cap into panic mode on an emotional level, you will suddenly see a change in attitude once he realize you mean business and if he don't get off the pot he's going to lose you not just as a friend but as a lover....He won't miss you to the well runs dry.

Tiki.. I hate to say this, but I HATE you ! 🙂
Sorry... it had to go out.
You are so wise.... and so right. And I HATE to be facing it...
It is too painfull for me to tell my story... but I read everything that you wrote and you are so right... so, so right.
I am now in the process of "forcing myself"... and facing my fears.
I don't know why as a women I put myslef into this... (I have an idea of why I am like that emotionally though).
Anyways...
I am not a good advice giver about the "goofy friend" comment... as you can imagine, I would jump on it and cherish these words and then build up big hopes arround it... and read many many promises in it...
Then end up where I am now: broken hearted and angry at him... but for what? I should be only angry at myself. I am the only one to blame.
I just hope for you, to really find the happiness that you deserve. You seem to be on the right path...
At least you have it all figured out...
I wish you the "dtrength" to keep it up!

I like your posts...
I wish to be as strong emotionally and as wise with men someday...
NOt easy, but working on it...
And like I said (in my imagination) to my Cap: I may not fit the "perfect friend (or whatever)" description in your manifest... but friendship (or whatever) should be unconditional !
I am done appologizing for everything I do WRONG ! or just for being me ...
Feelings hurt... even if Capys are too rational to understand it.
So I need to back off... and heal my wounds.
I trully don't think he can understand me at all... they are too "brainy" for that 😢((

Good luck !

tiki pretty much nailed it. the only thing i can really add to this is, when it comes to his "goofy friend" comment, to not read into it. i think women tend to fall into this trap of assuming men speak the way we do. we tend to speak in code, say one thing that has a hidden meaning to it and expect them to understand. then expecting that they do the same thing. you find your self analyzing the crap out of it to no avail. you end up frustrated and confused or worse, left with a false perception of his emotions.

like tiki said, you're not going to get what you want from him. just think of it this way, if you're just friends then just be just friends. don't give more than you receive because it'll only cause you to be unhappy. don't do him a favor by remaining friends with him to make him happy if that means it makes you unhappy.

Taurus_Lily baby steps, little baby steps....It's scary, I'm not going to pretend that it's not scary emotionally to let go of someone that doesn't want what you want but you have to ask yourself what's more important to me, him or me, his happiness or my happiness and whose responsible for my happiness him or me?? Whose responsible for me? Him or me? You will to see a pattern of putting yourself last and much power you give a man over your happiness, over your love life, over your being when you ask the right questions and be honest....It takes a level of honesty about ones self FIRST before change can come.

It's really not the unavailable men that's the problem, it's US, its the women that are made to feel as though she doesn't deserve love from a man, we are bombarded with messages that if we have this or that, too many kids, too much weight, no self esteem we don't deserve love and it's a damn lie okay, A LIE....

Don't settle, no dating isn't the most fun thing on the planet for a woman that is stuck on a man but it's a good start to get unstuck, and most likely some of these men won't measure up to the guy you love but if you keep at it you will find that you feel more in control of your own destiny and you don't have to be stuck being a guys friend for the rest of your life, you can actually have what you want if you make yourself available to have it.

I'm not different than anyone here, I had to learn how to love ME first before a man could love me, I love my flaws, I love my weirdness, I love me flaws and all, I did the emotional work to get unstuck off of men that don't want me romantically, a man can't love a woman if she can't love herself enough to say NO to something she doesn't want to experience with him, he can't trust her with his heart if she can't trust herself to do what's right for herself....

If you can't say NO, then you will yes to anything with a man....

I'm not against long distance love but what I do have a problem with is when a man back pedals back into friendship b/c he's scared to make an effort, to make an investment in a woman....It's sad to see so many women living in uncertainty when she really doesn't have to do that...

I encourage a woman to get back into the most important part of her life...HERSELF, if she can't love herself enough to say NO I DON'T WANT THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP with this one particular guy and yes I love this guy, yes I'm deeply attracted to this guy but none if it serves me to tie up my life to an unavailable man, I won't be happy and my happiness means everything to me, once a woman shifts into knowing exactly what she wants and doesn't want everything will change, it's like a light comes on....The unavailable guy suddenly becomes more available or he moves on to someone else that's willing to stall with him and she can move on to someone that loves to make her happy, a real man that has just as many emotional issues as the next guy but is still willing to be available because he's so deeply attracted to her his fears don't much matter, not enough to lose a good woman.

Gosh, you are all so right! I keep telling myself that I'm ok with how this relationship is, but really, I'm not. It sounds rather mean, but I don't really need him as a friend. I have lots of friends, male and female. Cap takes up most of my time. Texts while I'm at lunch with the ladies. It had TOTALLY crossed my mind that I'm just a convenience for him.He enjoys my company, and doesn't want to be alone, and I fit the bill perfectly. After reading your posts, he has texted me with just BS, like "people are in a good mood today at work"..I didn't respond. I won't ignore him, but that really has no response necessary anyway.
Do you think I should actually talk to him about it, or should I just become less available to him? My problem is I'm a talker who analyzes everything. I even do it to my psychiatrist. I ask questions of his questions..
I even considered asking Caps ex questions to see if that's how he is, or if that's how he is with me..That's when I knew to just stop. So I did
You're right about not wanting to hurt him, I don't but he has hurt me, hasn't he? It's my fault, because I let myself get hurt, and put myself in this position.
I bet he won't even miss me. And that really hurts too.

Why is it about hurt? Why can't it be simply that you love him or you want more from him romantically and that's not an option and because it's not an option your settling for friendship and friendship is NOT what you want longterm....Maybe it's fine and convenient right now but if you know deep down in your heart on some level this is not what you want 2 years from now why are you even in this with him....It's you hurting yourself not him....He wouldn't be hurt if you decided to be true to yourself but you will be hurt because you don't know how to be true to yourself, true to what you want and need. He's being true to himself, he's keeping you at a comfortable distance on an emotional level, this is his terms and you decided to accept his terms but what about your terms, what you want need and want....Discussing it with him is fine but you can't make it about blame, you have to be honest, I don't want to be a friend with a man, just like you said here to us, I feel romantic feelings for you, I want more but I don't want to feel like i'm waiting for more and I need a break.

This really isn't about him, it's about you. You can't force a man to feel something he doesn't feel by hanging around and being a good friend, many women do that, we sit there in the gray zone hoping for change, growing anxious, angry, resentful, confused but it's not him that's keeping you there it's you keeping you there.

If you sat down and truly figured out what you want not just with this man but with men in general you would never sit in the gray zone of uncertainty with a man for too long if ever, it's not knowing what you don't want, what's unacceptable that keeps you stuck....It's not that I don't believe women can't have the man she wants, I believe a woman just doesn't understand how accepting less turns a man off in every way, it's her lack of confidence and her inability to love herself that makes a man keep his distance romantically.

Only say this if you mean it, you can't pretend to be moving on, you can't pretend about any of it...You have to figure out what's best for you and move in that direction. Let him decide if he can give more on his own.

If you know your stalling with him and your happy with that, you really are more scared to lose him so you are willing to stay in the gray friend zone, then that's a good start, your honesty will help you make the right decisions. Just know why your doing what your doing so you can feel a level of control over your

so you can feel a level of control over your life/love life.

If you know what he wants (friendship) and your completely accepting and okay with it then I don't see a problem, it's important to understand our partners needs, wants and desires before pushing our desires and needs off on our partners without first taking into consideration what the other persons comfort zone is on a romantic intimate level but if you know deep down friendship truly doesn't work for you but you pretend it's okay and it does well who can trust that kind of woman, you can't build strong intimacy with a man by being dishonest, you have to be honest without being attached to the end, unattached to the ultimate outcome of the relationship, he most likely will go away but as time goes on become deeply attracted to your level of honesty and come back and give more on his own.

Tiki,
You are so freakin wise, its scary.. Anyway, I know that most of my problem in this relationship, is actually of my doing. When I asked him what we were doing and he said "I guess we're friends" I said to him "I'm sorry, but that's not enough for me"..that's when I was heartbroken. I thought we had broken up..But the next morning, there he is texting like nothing happened. Only difference is he stopped calling me sweetpea. which kinda pissed me off, because it felt like he was faking it when he called me that, because the second I pressed him for a definition, he snatched my name away..On a different note, I found out that that's what he called his other ex girlfriend too, so that irked me too.I only found that out by snooping..Don't judge me Tiki..I'm only human..and particularly nosy..

It sounds stupid, but for a while, I really thought that if I could compare notes with his other ex, I would see if he is just aloof, or just not into me..It seemed logical to me..I never did it though..

No judging...Your going to be fine...he should be showing you he's into you not you snooping to try and figure it all out...see how much work your putting into a friend? Does that really make sense to you?

Jamaica,

I am going to break all the ties to him. I really can't do it any other way. I'm the type of girl that will call you "honey" or "sweetie" in regular conversation. You can feel his uncomfort thru a text on the phone from him when I do. I'ts just ridiculous. I can't even just be myself, out of fear that I'm crossing his invisible line, and making him uncomfortable.I like the way you spoke to me. I totally got what your point is.
And Tiki is right too. I don't treat myself respectfully, and so he follows suit. Whatever the outcome is, from what I say to him, I'm willing to accept it.He's become a habit. In all honesty,I really have other friends and family, that can take the place of "buddy". I've ignored them for too long to put him first.
This is going to be emotionally draining for me. Maybe it'll be a relief for him.

IMO your decision to take a break is needed. To continue to invest in a man and give this girlfriend experience without actually being his girlfriend is not in your best interest. He has issues with commitment, he has issues with being close, it's not your fault and you can't help him think differently about you by being super available, super understanding, that's being a bit of a doormat and to neglect family and friends over this guy...That's a huge no no, burning bridges to put this man first whom by the way only deems you as a friend is not healthy for your life...

His feelings are fine, he'll be fine, he's not invested in you on a romantic level so he will just move on with his life, he will come back to you for the convenience of friendship which isn't a bad thing actually it's just that your feelings are way beyond friendship and that needs to be balanced out first before you can resume that friendship with him, as of now your in love with him and to pretend to be okay as friends isn't in your best interest ....distance will resolve a lot of these issues your having with him, once you can feel like you can be emotionally distant from him, you have really put in the work to change your dating habits and change your life then you may be able to really be his friend without all the hard heavy stuff going on inside of you later on but right now distance is needed, may not be something you want to do but it's most likely the best thing to do for yourself.

I haven't been keeping up with your postings but Capricon men hold grudges for a long time. If you did something to make him upset they try to not show you emotions but deep down they will be hurt. They are vindictive and will hurt you in so many ways. Trust me I been thru this. They pay attention to everything so sometimes when they start acting real mean you could have hurt their feelings and really and not even know it.

I hurt my Capricorn feelings before real bad and I didn't anticipate he could be that cold and distant. I had to beg, tell him I love him, I'm sorry, I even wrote him a sorry poem. After he started back seeing me he was holding back sexually from me. It's was still good but he wasn't making love to me and he was holding back oral sex and wasn't kissing me like he would normally do. He seems like a different person.

After 2 sexually outings the sex got back normal and he started calling me a lot but he put a lot of restraints on the relationships that wasn't present before. I think he bought me the friendship ring because he was treating me so bad and felt sorry for me.

Posted by tiki33
Tikigal OMG I was saying to myself nooooooooooo don't overfunction by doing all the work and in the end you did the right thing, allow him to go without you to the concert...Don't read too much into this because he's made it clear, he's unavailable romantically and he doesn't seem to treat you like someone he wants to be with romantically....I hope your spending time getting to know other men, if your not then please consider it, no you will not like and fall in love with every guy you go out with but dating will keep you focused on you, exactly were it's supposed to be focused and not allow you to give a man that doesn't want what you want too much time.

Yes you did the right thing and as for as decoding what he says, no disrespect but who cares, he's not going out of his way to make you a part of his life, he's emotionally unavailable and doesn't seem to care either way what you do as long as he's able to go do his own thing.

It's okay to be friends with this guy but I don't believe this is going to work b/c you want ROMANCE, you want this guy romantically and cap men are very good at picking up cues like this and will act like it's a non-issue as to not mislead a woman and not send out too many cues that will get her hopes up...I just feel your an easy convenience, meaning your 100% available and thus he can have full access to you without doing anything, without putting in any work, your easy, not easy sexually but easy as he can have you and most people don't cherish things and people that come easy to him or her.

Try being less available, go out on dates, just go focus on men that want to be around you and want to make an effort to make you happy, as it stands this guy is completely apathetic and unless you light a fire under his ass your never going to get anything but a half ass friendship...crumbs

Oh you have connections? Cappy men like woman that are sucessful or have a promising future. That's a turn on for these men. I don't think you meeting him going to the show would have been that bad for him because he could have cover that up quickly with his kids. Plus that would have been a sacifice he needed to make in order 4 his kids to have great seats. You guys riding in a limo however would have been more alarming to the kids and harder for him to clear up. Tell me the age difference between you 2. I bet your older than he is bec

Faith,
I am two years older than him. I know it is a turn on for him that I'm from a well known family and have connections.He has said that it's difficult and uncomfortable for him that I have "money". I just can't figure out whether to believe him or not. I don't trust what men say to women, especially him, because he tries so hard not to hurt my feelings.When I pressed him as to what our status is and he said "friends", because of distance and circumstances, and I asked him when he decided that, he said a while ago, but didn't want to hurt my feelings. He said he wasn't in the right place or mature enough to have a real relationship. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him, and he said he can't ask me to do that. That really hurt. I thought that was the end of our friendship, but he was still there, first thing in the morning, texting me.

I have other relationships that involve sex, but I still want to talk to him at the end of the night, no matter who else I've been with. Regardless of his sign, I am just flabbergasted at how anyone could not just go after what they want. I know some people here, would say it's because he doesn't want me, and that may be true, but given how much he seeks me out everyday, and takes time to share his daily life with me, he must enjoy my company imo..

Before we had even met or slept together, I had to ask him if he was romantically/sexually attracted to me. He was shocked that I had to ask. I guess he really doesn't operate like most men that I know.From what he tells me, emotional distance is exactly why his wife cheated and left, and why his last girlfriend left him. I guess my point is he is the least sexual person I've ever met, which confuses me. Or did anyway. Now I just consider him a friend, don't go out of my way for him unless he asks me for a favor. I don't answer his texts right away, and don't expect anything form him. Not the way I want it to be, but what is my option? Fly to his house? That's too stalker for me. But I KNOW if he was in front of me, I could change his mind. I can tell by the way he looks at me. You know?

tikigal i'm not trying to hurt your feelings either but he's not that into you...not romantically, he seems to like the fact that there is DISTANCE BETWEEN you both which equals to safe, your a safe bet, available, desperate on a certain level b/c if you weren't desperate for him you wouldn't be allowing this to happen...the reality is he's wasting your time and your allowing him to do it...your hoping he will change his mind, on some level you hope that being available listening to HIS problems, HIS life, HIS issues and struggles will somehow CONVINCE him to believe otherwise...He's already made a decision about you, put you in that category and THAT'S IT....There is no changing of the mind as it stands right now....You have to take some responsibility for allowing a man that only feels friendship to have so much of you on an a mental emotional level...You continue to INVEST in a dead end no win situation, he's reaping all of the benefits of NOT having a relationship with you...Now tell me does that sound or seem like a man that will change his mind...I mean think about it, what incentive does he actually have to gain by changing how he feels about you when he's already GOT YOU....

Your not a challange, your just another woman so desperate for his love that she refuses to see the truth and he gets to benefit from your desperation, your hopes, your wishes and he gets to keep you as a friend while you pine for more....When will you accept that talking to him at night, creating this strong bond DOES NOTHING for you but bring you more expectations, more hope, more wishes and yet you remain a friend.

Capricorn men are usually right on when they feel and know a woman isn't the one...He's made it clear, your not the one, your a friend with benefits and that's it...If that's acceptable for you then so be it but you deserve better....

The only thing that MAY turn this around is for you to treat you him like a friend, cut off his access to you at night, give him like you do your other friends a certain amount of you and keep it moving...He may just miss having you that he's willing to stop being so selfish with himself but as it stands what you got is what your always going to get...Nothing

He is not AVAILABLE...He lost his wife and his last girlfriend due to his unavailability and I'm sure other things played into it as well, do you really think these women were any different from yourself...They too thought the EXACT same thing and guess what these women are GONE b/c he's a stone cold hardcore unavailable man, you could be standing in front of him and you still won't have him...Don't you think the last women in his life thought the exact same way...It's not like you don't understand or know that he's unavailable, were you fall short is on some level you expect him to change if you love him more. do favors, give more, be super understanding, be his psychiatrist, his therapist, his nurse and on some occasions if he allow it his lover...

You will never feel the kind of love with this man that you would with an available man but what you will experience is frustration and confusion all the time due to his mixed messages that keep you hooked and hoping...He will never give, never love a woman due to his unavailability, whatever issues he's having about that is his issues....you either completely accept that he will never be what you need, want, desire for him to be and give him your love, time, energy anyway or move on...He's not even a friend, he's just a guy that's so scared of life, so insecure, so unavailable that he would literally hang around any woman that put up with his unavailability...he keeps coming back not b/c he like you so much or love you so much...You put up with it, you ENABLE his unavailability by BEING THERE for him....stop being there and watch how quickly he moves on to another target, it's hard to FIND an easy woman that will sit there and pine for years...It takes work to keep that kind of woman HOOKED, once she's hooked he know he can always come back no matter time or distance...She will be there waiting and still hoping.

Men like him seek women like you for a reason...Your easy...Your easy to have, easy to please, easy easy easy, he doesn't have to DO ANYTHING b/c your so easy and most women are easy because she's THE ONLY ONE IN LOVE in the relationship so it's easy for him to be around a woman that loves him so much she would rip her own leg off to be in his life, to have crumbs of his attention....Nothing is expected of him so it's easy for him to be around you, that's why he continues to come back around...most women would not put up with it but when they find a woman that will he just falls back to her b/c it's easy, easier than finding a new woman, it takes energy and effort to find another target to latch his hooks into...Why do that when he has you?

This is part of the deep darkside of unavailable men...It's not pretty is it

easy doesn't create the attraction that makes a man crave, need and want to give more of himself to you, to women...She's just safe and that prevents him from having to EXERT his energy into forming/creating a bond with a woman, he must GIVE to fall in love, to FEEL love...if he's not exerting any energy to give back, to do for you then he's not investing, if he's not invested then he's not attracted nor is he attached...you get nothing

—What do you think of the goofy friends stage comment? Did I do right by not going to the concert— —He had told me before he doesn't know what the future holds for us, but he wants me in his life. I can't figure if he is being a slow moving Cap, or if I really am his best friend.??

I'm sorry to say this but you are just a friend in his eyes and this is why he wouldn't mind you meeting his children. What meant something to you would have meant very little to him and I promise you, had you gone to the concert you would have just been the lady who got us the tickets. There would have been nothing romantic about it, I assure you.

—I bet he won't even miss me. And that really hurts too.?? He will miss you, but he will miss you on a different way that you will miss him. He will miss your friendship and the routine of contacting you. You will miss the possibility of what you two could have had.

"I guess we're friends" I said to him "I'm sorry, but that's not enough for me"..that's when I was heartbroken. I thought we had broken up..But the next morning, there he is texting like nothing happened.?? He will continue to contact you for as long as you let him because we value our friendships and more importantly because he can because you allow him to. He is actually being pretty selfish because he KNOWS you want more than he is willing to give but continues to act as if nothing is wrong. WHY because nothing is wrong (see below).

—When I pressed him as to what our status is and he said "friends", because of distance and circumstances, and I asked him when he decided that, he said a while ago, but didn't want to hurt my feelings. He said he wasn't in the right place or mature enough to have a real relationship. I asked him if he wanted me to wait for him, and he said he can't ask me to do that. That really hurt. I thought that was the end of our friendship, but he was still there, first thing in the morning, texting me.??

This comment right here is why he will never stop contacting you and why he won't feel the least bit hurt about hurting you. First off you can't —break up?? with someone you??re not with, so of course he texted you like nothing happened. He isn't lying to you or avoiding the topic, he is telling you exactly how he feels and I know caps really well for the most part. If he is a typical cap he's saying to himself —well, if she sticks around then its on her, I TOLD her to go and she stays so what I?

its on her, I TOLD her to go and she stays so what I'm doing isn't really all that bad.??

—Regardless of his sign, I am just flabbergasted at how anyone could not just go after what they want. I know some people here, would say it's because he doesn't want me, and that may be true, but given how much he seeks me out everyday, and takes time to share his daily life with me, he must enjoy my company imo..??

Truthfully, he DOES like you HOWEVER he's keeping himself available for someone else. He's just not that into you. I had a guy, we saw each other about 5 days a week, spent every weekend together, talked several times a day, spent holidays, birthdays, together, ect. We were a —couple?? in terms of action, but I wouldn't give him a title or say we were in a relationship even though I didn't see anyone else nor he. He patiently waited for me for almost a year, because he thought I needed time given my Capricorn personality. When he began to push a —relationship,?? I started to distance myself.. and left him alone completely. My now relationship was established a month and a half after the day we met (and we are incredibly happy). My point is slow moving or not (and I am definitely a slow moving cappy) when we like someone romantically, once we are sure of their interest in us we make our interest known. He sees you as a friend sweety, I'm not sure why but something is lacking for him and keeping him from making you his lady. I know this hurts but if you stay with him you will end up like my broken hearted friend (he isn't an ex because to me we were never together). More importantly, by hanging onto him you are keeping yourself away from a satisfying relationship with someone who wants you as much as you want them.

I think you need to go completely no contact with this guy. Good luck.