How to find balance in relationships?

Ok, first, it's probably very simply for a lot of people, but i have very hard time in balancing my relationships. I respect my parents and don't like to talk bad about them, but probably they give me not the best patterns, and model when it comes to relationsips. It is a fact and i'd like to change it.

Where do you end and the other begin? How much privacy one can have in a relationship? How can i focus on myself and on the other at the same time?

Sometimes i feel obsessive passion (definitely not related to happiness) and i am with a person because i feel he can fill my emptyness and loneliness. This relationship is not happy at all, and i know it's not healthy, it doesn't even feel good, but when i am in it in every minute i feel very intense emotions. I want to please the person, and i submit myself totally. And at the same time i know with my mind that it doesn't make me happy. Still i can feel emotions.


In other cases i put myself first. I am the first, and my needs comes first. When i don't want to meet i just don't meet, or talk. I am going on my own way. We have good time, i am basically happy, i don't have obsessive ideas, and we can talk in a very friendly way. But the emotions what i feel are none. Because if i put myself first, and balance a healthy relationship, somehow my heart don't feel intense passion. It's more like a quiet and warm "like" feeling.

So questios:
When you are with somebody, are you the first? Your life path, and you are together because you decided that you can live in harmony and in piece, helping each other and making a family?

Or is it right to put the other persons needs and wants first? Where is the right balance?
Or if you see any fault (probably yes) in my way of thinking can you help me point it out, so i can look out of my own head and see further?

Thank you.

OMG! Please, sorry for my typos and grammar. I forgot to check before hitting the post button!

For me balance comes with experience,maturity and not forgetting that there other fun staff beside the one human you devote yourself into.
Pretty much love in moderation😄

Yes, i need to learn the "moderation" part. I hope i will get better with years.
Thank you! 🙂

Oh, but "love in moderation", if you are doing this don't you miss the passion? Or it can be done together at the same time?

Thank you for your answer. I went to your profile to see your Sun sign. YOu are a Libra, right? I have Libra Moon. You made sense, don't worry. 🙂

I am doing something similar as you, and now started to focus more on myself. When i feel i lose myself (or pleasing the other too much, forgetting myself in the process), i think i will step back to think and only act after that. If i can do that. I don't know, sometimes it's very hard. Because very deep inside i am between two things, and everything is a bit black and white. If i can lose myself in the relationship i feel the togetherness, that i belong to somewhere. When i give the same focus to myself, as to the other, than it means i can only depend on myself, and even if the other is with me, for me there is a kind of lonley feeling inside.

It's very uncool to say, but when i think of myself as a mature person, i know others can only walk next to me in my road. Somehow this gives me an empty feeling. Like i am always alone.

Many times i can only relate to myself through another person. But i don't nkow if it is right or very wrong. I don't know what solution should i find, where should i look to fill this emptyness and find balance.

Oh, i'd like to ask, how much privacy you need in a relationship? And how much privacy can you take from the other? This is something what i can't handle really well.

Tooseriouslol:

Trust comes very hard, and with some other people very easily for me. In past relationship i knew my ex-partner passwords, but i never entered his emails. I just felt that's inappropriate. But i know several couple who actually use the same address. I am not sure if i would tell another person my passwords, but i guess if that will happen it will only after i married him.

I'd like a boyfriend, husband who trust me and tell me his things without me asking them. That would be ideal. I hope it's real too.

TG:

Pushing people away. I did that so many times. I think it's a Capricorn woman speciality. Nowdays i fight that, and got better at it. 🙂

CappyyLuv30:

Must be the Libra Moon! I can relate to your every word.
May i ask what was your husband sign and what signs you usually date?
And how to stay emotionally stable? Sometimes - just as you wrote - the feelings are so intense. What is you method to handle them? Is there a way to stay stable?

I am now trying the "love without losing yourself" thing. When other thoughts come i try my best to focus on myself and my goals. And at the same time i feel very apart from the others.

I really like to experience togetherness in a balanced, happy and loving way. And with the passion too.

Ok, without typos:

CappyyLuv30:

Thank you for sharing your experiences!

I also had a Pisces boyfriend. He was very kind and caring, but we were just too young, and i somehow wanted a bit stronger boyfriend. Pisces always helped me, but at the same time i've never felt very safe with him, i couldn't share my deepest fears/emotions with him. I only have good memories though. We are still in contact without hard feelings.

I tend to understand how Capricorn+Capricorn couples work. I know a family where everybody is Capricorn. I don't think they ever argue, they are warm, loving, and are helping each other toward their goals. I can imagine myself with a Capricorn boyfriend, but only if he is not very strict or cold. I don't like the "know-it-all" Capris. (No offense to anybody!) There is no problem with that, but sometimes it means that my opinion can never count, because the know it better.

My best relationships are also with Fire signs, and Air signs. My best friends all have Fire Moon. They are just warming my heart, and my inner Libra. Also when i am with Fire, i forget the depressive side of Cappy, and enjoy the moment. I was not good in this, but with time i am getting better. I learnt a lot from them. 8Just as they can learn discipline from Cappies.)

I have a very close friend with Cappy Moon, and my mother has Cappy Moon. They are very stable and organised, but sometimes are not open to emotional display. Still there is a basic balance between us, trust and support each other.

"As far as emotional stability, let me clarify what I mean here. I'm not talking about angry feelings or sad feelings, I was referring to just love. How not to get so suckered in that you are blind to everything else in the world."

Same here. We are talking about the same thing! 😉 This is the Libra Moon what sometimes can overpower my Cappy Sun.

But doing Math?!!!!! Haha! Will try that! Me and math will be a funny experience! 😄

I tend to struggle with balance myself. If I put myself first then that is an automatic indicator of my dominance and potential to trample over the other person is possible, which is never good. Obsession is the other extreme, unfortunately, but its inevitable if I really like someone. The over-analyzing and need to control overwhelms me, and that can run a person away. To be completely honest, if I analyze my feelings and behavior none of it seems to be love. *sigh*

CappyyLuv30:

Stability and safety is very important for me too. I haven't encountered Earth Moon boyfriends but who know what happen in the future. You made me start to think about them. 😄

Thank you do much for sharing your experiences! Wish you the best for the next year!

Inana04:

I don't think i can every be really dominating. Sometimes i can be stubborn, but nothing more than that.
I also do overanalyse things. I try to stop myself about it these past month, and when i would do that i start to do other activities. Because many times i realised that my thinking was not realistic at all. I imagined too much or other things behind actions, and when later i cleared the situation it became clear that what i thought is a fact was actually a misunderstanding or my insecurities.

I like to be very open with my partners. This past months i do less thinking and if something bothers me i ask it straight away. First i felt embarrassment because of it, but it's a fast way to clear things, and at least the other see that if something bothers him he can do the same with me.

Yes, sometimes when i see my feelings why i love a person, it happens with me too, that i find superficial reasons to the attraction. I don't have solution to that. I like to think that for beginning this is enough, and when with time we get to know each other is when possible more deep feelings can born. That's why for me is important to spend time, before deiciding or understand what i feel, so i will get to know the other.
Otherwise my inner self like to fall in or out of attraction very fast.