I just told this cap man off.

A while ago, I posted about a cap male that I was "seeing" for about five months, but during that time, there were numerous moments where he disappeared than would come back, which is infamous among most caps. At some point during out time together, I found out that he was seeing another girl while with me, and while we weren't really dating, it pissed me off. He didn't know I knew, and I knew the girl he was with didn't know about me either. At one point, the cap eventually just stopped speaking to me, and when I tried to get in touch with him again, it seemed like he blew me off. So, I got over him and moved on completely.

Tonight, the cap texted me, and started the text off like he always did. I only answered to see what he had to say. About the third text in, he asked me, "have you lost your virginity yet?" I was completely floored that he had the audacity to ask that. When I told him no and that the question caught me off guard, he asked me if I wanted to. Again, my face was priceless. I told him that I hadn't spoken to him in forever, and he told me he had been busy. I wanted to call bullshit on this one, but I asked him what he had been doing. He told me he was busy with school and work and that he had gotten a new job (at Ikea, which I knew he had wanted since he hated his other job). I congratulated him and told him I hoped that this new one worked out. Then, he asked me if I wanted to come up and see him. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said hang out. It was at this point that I told him that I didn't know, and that when he disappeared, he hurt me. I said that I had been busy too, but he just completely stopped speaking to me. The cap tried to turn it on me and said that it went both ways. I told him that it does, but it seemed that he didn't want to speak to me anymore, and that when I tried to reach out to him, it felt like he blew me off, also that if I hurt him, he could have said something. He apologized, it it seemed half assed. I told him that I was sorry too if he had been upset, bt that I can't read his mind and that since I felt like he wanted to stop speaking to me, I did too. The cap finally texted back that he understood. He hasn't texted back since that one.

I feel like such a huge weight has been lifted. He was lucky I was as nice as I was, because of my scorp moon (I'm a virgo), I wanted to say so much more. I'm surprised he texted me, only because I know that the girl he's been seeing is still very into him.

I'm sure the only reason he texted me is because, obviously, he just wanted to have sex. And that is appalling to me seeing that it's all he wanted, but then again, I'm sure that's all he wanted from me when we were seeing each other. I almost told him that if he really wanted to prove he wanted to speak to me again, then he needs to do some serious work, but at the same time, if he really wanted to, he already would have tried.

I wouldn't exactly say you told him off....Fuck off or telling him he's a disrespectful assclown or a good verbal ass whooping tongue lashing is telling him off...You were pretty soft with this guy.

Well yeah. Told him off wasn't the right wording, but I got a lot of my chest. Trust me, I wanted to, but I didn't have the energy for it. I've honestly haven't had many chances to seek closure with guys I've dealt with so I just decided to remain calm. But I did get a good laugh out of it.

Let your inner bitch drama Queen come out, there is a time to use her and that was the time LOL

HAHAHA. I think my inner bitch is held firm by my sun, but all the same, I don't regret what I said even though I lacked the venom I wanted to have. He kept coming back because I allowed him too, but this time I won't. And if he still tries, that's when I'll really just tell him to fuck off. He had every chance to send me a simple hi, and he didn't. So I really have no time for him. I'm honestly still laughing over it because somewhere down the line, he picked up a pair of balls and decided to use them. I'm like still trying to wrap my mind around how he thought that was going to work.

good for you, cadeh... He will try again in several months... try remembering this day and do not fall under the wrong impression that he thinks any more highly about you then, than he did before... same old.. same old!

I think these new generation internet guys... who seem to have discovered the tools to find girls easily.. . need a good slap of reality.

Is it true that they only really come back when nothing else is working out? I mean, I really see no reason why he needs to. He has another girl that really likes him (and I feel quite bad for her).

it is NOT because their relationship is not working out, or they feel alone... it is like a race for them. They want to cheat your ass before you cheat theirs.

Let's say, CAP man doesn't want to get hung up on you (emotionally), so he tries best in his power to make sure... before YOU leave HIM, he already has another one he can turn to. He has hooked up a girl while with you.


Bit neurotic habit... insecurity on their part. Even if they love you, they will never admit until they lose you. In the meantime, he has decided that you cannot return because you left him. Even if you try making things work again, in his head, he already has moved on. He will look for excuses not to trust you again.

Catch 22!


I think I had enough of CAP guys. It might be that it is the less developed guys. This one I'm talking about is 48 yrs old. This time I felt different with him... I felt he was ready to commit. I still believe he was. Anyway, long story.


Keep in mind, honey, if it doesn't work out the first time around, it probably won't on the next one's either...

*TRUST* is big issue with these guys. TRUST is already Scorpio's big issue. I don't know with Cancers. Perhaps he is more hooked up in his girl he dates now, than he is into you. You are the willing, available girl on the side in this scenario.



My point is, the phase of COURTSHIP, when each party is still at their best behaviour... doesn't seem to go beyond the phase when you start showing your true self. That's how you develop a relationship by learning, compromising and accepting each other's differences. Internet has provided a vast playground for MEN. It's encrypted in their code, unless their hormones reach low at their old age, they are programmed to spread their seed. More and more females are talking about why their relationships doesn't seem to pass a point when the Guy commits to her. Even for married couples, this has become an issue.

All I can suggest is not to contribute to such guy's behaviour. Be patient and hopeful that the Man who wants You, will do his best to get you...

LOL... without the girl getting overboared of course like in the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days".

"You are the willing, available girl on the side in this scenario."


sorry. I meant to HIM (in his head) you are a girl, who is already available.... -- he got you once before.. he thinks he can make you again because he knows you...

Posted by FUMRedFairy_tales
*TRUST* is big issue with these guys. TRUST is already Scorpio's big issue. I don't know with Cancers. Perhaps he is more hooked up in his girl he dates now, than he is into you. You are the willing, available girl on the side in this scenario.



My point is, the phase of COURTSHIP, when each party is still at their best behaviour... doesn't seem to go beyond the phase when you start showing your true self. That's how you develop a relationship by learning, compromising and accepting each other's differences. Internet has provided a vast playground for MEN. It's encrypted in their code, unless their hormones reach low at their old age, they are programmed to spread their seed. More and more females are talking about why their relationships doesn't seem to pass a point when the Guy commits to her. Even for married couples, this has become an issue.

All I can suggest is not to contribute to such guy's behaviour. Be patient and hopeful that the Man who wants You, will do his best to get you...

LOL... without the girl getting overboared of course like in the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days".

I mean, I always figured that if he was more into this girl, then that's fine by me. What really pissed me off about it is that he couldn't be honest (although, I didn't really question him -- I had no right too, really) about it. And he kept seeing me while seeing her, I'm sure. The last time we were together was on valentine's day, and by that time, I figured he was taken. Even if he likes her a lot, I still think it's quite sad for her because she's falling for him fast. And she has no idea. I wouldn't be surprised if he came back again, but at the same time, I was perfectly fine with him not speaking to me either. Our whole time together exhausted me, and I had to deal with it the hard way.

I think I'm done with caps for a bit too; especially the un-evovled, insecure ones.

candeh...

sometimes people do things without knowing why they are acting the way they do...

I don't think your Cap guy is a bad person... I just happen to believe he acts without knowing why.

we always wish the man we care for, but who has let us down, would tell us the reason.... I think women make more thoughts about these things than men do. He doesn't know himself, ... he doesn't even know he is doing anything wrong and how to explain this to you... therefore, he is misleading.

You know what you want for yourself... and the best way to show to a guy who doesn't or doesn't want to make thoughts about relationships... at least he knows where he STANDS with YOU!


I have a male friend in his mid 40s who truly adores this one woman ... much much younger than him. But he acts like an A*hole towards her. Once he got all jealous and left her in the middle of the night in an area that is not safe... asked her to eff off out of the car... ... Then he was truly upset not to have her in his life anymore... I told him he was head on wrong for leaving a woman at that hour in an unsafe area... no matter what... for God's sake.. -- am not going to be sympathetic to a guy, just because he is my friend... told him, if he wanted her back... he better work hard. He did after... he just didn't know what to do at the time...

The girl loves him back... I am happy he experiences great romance with her right now.

Even if I had not said anything, candeh... he still would have contacted her.. and asked her back. Guys don't speak the same language we speak... they say silly things .. sounds like insult more ... when in fact, they want you ...

not easy for women to steer the guy into the right direction. Requires balance for both.. .like dancing.. you know when you are in tune or not. If he goes totally off... becomes mean... doesn't call/contact you back, let him go.. and move on.

Candeh let's keep it real, he asked for SEX, that has nothing to do with love, like with another woman, nothing to do with his love for another woman, he just wanted to screw and throw you back into the pile until he wanted to screw again...Your still somewhat of a baby compared to many of the women here on DXP.....Some men have no shame, they just don't make apologies for there stupid behavior....They also know how to fish for sex, hoping someone will bite and sometimes we women do bite, you didn't bite so he most likely went straight to the next chick....He had his chance, he blew it, you telling him to take his weird emotionally exhausting ass on would have been justified.

Posted by FUMRedFairy_tales


not easy for women to steer the guy into the right direction. Requires balance for both.. .like dancing.. you know when you are in tune or not. If he goes totally off... becomes mean... doesn't call/contact you back, let him go.. and move on.

I never really wanted him back after we stopped speaking. It had finally occurred to me that we wanted to do things most likely and I was tired of his crap. I never expected him to contact me again, and when he did, I got things off my chest finally, and I can finally put him behind me.

Tiki - I know I'm still young and learning things (sometimes the hard way). If there is one thing this taught me, it's to listen to my gut a little more and to speak up.