if mean cappy all of sudden becomes nice?

does this mean they want something? being secretive and pretending to be nice?
how do you explain a horrible cap turning into an angel?

it means he's hiding his douche bag self to lure you back in....go back to him and see for yourself, he will be really really nice, give you some real good sex, speak nice to you and you can bet around 6 weeks or less he will go right back into his real self, once your back, you have attached yourself to him again he will dole out the shitty treatment again and again until you leave again...focus on healing and taking care of yourself moreso than trying so hard to figure this undercover assclown out.

If he's not getting some kind of help, like group therapy or one on one counseling that deals specifically with men that abuse he's not going to change just like that if ever.

Wait, last post..


Is this typical for Caps to start to act like victims?

That's typical for any abuser, there is a great book I read some time ago when I was on my journey from shitty assclown type men...it's called Why Does He do that by Lundy Bancroft, yep he's a man and he's pretty much an expert when dealing with abusers since he has an actual program specifically for controlling abusive men....very common for abusers to play the victim but never completely admitting faults of abuse are common abusive angry behavior patterns. Go ahead just bring up something he said or the last time he punched you or spit at you or embarrassed you in public, watch him squirm and project it back on you or just avoid it altogether and say it was in the past, abusers have to take accountability and responsibility or they are just blowing smoke up your ass, he won't change, matter fact worst case scenerio he will be nice just enough to lure you back in and then the abuse will be worse, he will punish you (in his warped mind) for abandoning him, he can't quite grasp that your not leaving him, your leaving the abuse.

Take a look at the reviews...If your smart and desperate for answers you will buy the book.

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

he's missing sex

or wants his cooking, washing cleaning done....

TIKI, he did all of the things you said. He said .. but I'm sorry, its in the past. Then he tried blaming me for calling the cops on him when he beat me. Calling cops is like a big sin and disrespect to him.

Just placed hold on the book, tiki.

I'm not surprised at all Golden, his response is a typical response, abusers resist accepting total responsibility and they tend to have an excuse that happens to place blame on the person that is defending themselves by calling the police or fighting back, you are supposed to protect yourself from violence but 99% of people that abuse have a ton of defense mechanisms, they use rage, anger, passive aggressive, gaslighting as defense mechanisms, another mechanism is blame (I hit you but you made me do it or if only you were thinner, stop asking me questions, cook more, do more this or that), projecting is another way they control and abuse, I have never understood how a person can hurt someone and turn around and blame the victim for saying ouch. He's not going to say I was totally wrong without using an excuse, he's not going to say I should not have hit you without shifting part of the blame onto you, you will know when he's changed because he will stop the excuse making and accept total responsibility for his abusive ways and how it's effected everyone in his life, until then it's best to stay away, stay safe and focus on taking care of yourself and your family.

Also you can get the book at Barnes and Nobles the store and/or it's website if you can't get it online at Amazon....www.barnesandnobles.com.

Thank you tiki.
You are right. I admit being weak, and not being able to leave. Now things are good, he is saying .. 'I am being nice now, and you're bringing old things...'


I said what was my fault in getting beat by you? He said ' you were disrespectful to me, but I shouldn't have done that (hit you)' .


I don't want him to be upset, ugh, I hate hurting people, but I know in future he will be the same. 😢



I'm broke tiki, but I'm first in like on hold, so should get it by monday.

Oh and he asked me to promise him to keep things between me and him, because last time I told my parents that he beat me and they got so mad. So he said.. husband and wife have fight, keep it between us, see now, we are okay. No need to tell police or family.


BULL!

One day at a time Golden, do the best you can and for the most part don't hide the abuse, document it, let someone you trust know what's going on, don't ever enable a man to abuse and beat you. Be careful okay....I sense you may be of a different culture by your responses here and possibly this is one of the many reasons why he's hurting you but just know you don't deserve to be hit and beat, find a battered womans shelter if your still living with him, they will help you get on your feet and start your life over if you need to (if your still living with him then you need to have a safe exit plan) if your not living with him use this time to focus on yourself, to get stronger. He will blame you for the reasons he choose to abuse and as long as he's blaming you the abuse won't stop.

tiki, you are right, he is not from the states, but i lived in the states almost my whole life, so im from THIS culture 😉. we live apart now, so my life is not in danger. i am waiting for that book, can't wait to read it.

tiki, you are right, he is not from the states, but i lived in the states almost my whole life, so im from THIS culture 😉. we live apart now, so my life is not in danger. i am waiting for that book, can't wait to read it.

tiki, you are right, he is not from the states, but i lived in the states almost my whole life, so im from THIS culture 😉. we live apart now, so my life is not in danger. i am waiting for that book, can't wait to read it.

tiki, you are right, he is not from the states, but i lived in the states almost my whole life, so im from THIS culture 😉. we live apart now, so my life is not in danger. i am waiting for that book, can't wait to read it.